We’re back and firing with hot takes and questionable facts. Mario and Peach are not dating (awkies), Elon’s Tesla Diner is falling apart and apparently being bilingual makes you richer, smarter and hotter. We also found out millennials are officially the drunkest generation (cheers to that), Gen Z are sipping soda, and yes, there’s a real fish called an Assfish.

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Elon Musk’s brand-new Tesla diner is barely a week old and already making headlines—for all the wrong reasons. A woman copped a sunshade to the head while munching on her robot-delivered burger, and now she’s suing. No blood, but plenty of legal drama.

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It’s official: after nearly 40 years of rumours, Nintendo has confirmed that Mario and Princess Peach are not an item. Just mates. And honestly? With Mario still living upstairs at his parents’ house in a shared room with Luigi, who can blame her? We deep into fictional crushes—from Mufasa’s BDE to Miss Piggy’s chaotic charm—and the horny hotline does not disappoint. One caller is hot for Mickey Mouse. Another? The fox from Zootopia. We’re not here to judge… but wow.

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Ricki is fired up, betch—and it’s all because of the Triple J Hottest 100. Let’s just say, she’s not handing out any "oh that’s gorgeous" stickers for that countdown. We unpack the wild story of a teacher booted for making students Macarena mid-class, check in on Destiny’s Child’s onstage reunion, and gasp as a podcaster tries KFC for the very first time. Ricki also gives a chef’s kiss to what she says is a 10/10 movie with no notes (hint: Happy Gilmore gets a sequel). Plus, we deep dive into the world’s hottest priests. Say it with us now: oh that’s gorgeous.

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A UK teacher has been banned from ever teaching again after showing up to class completely sloshed. Students say she was drinking from a bottle, smelled like a pub floor, called them “little sh*ts,” and—because why not—made them dance the Macarena. Health class? More like drunk aerobics.

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In today's Glossys, Destiny’s Child is back, baby! Beyoncé blew the roof off her final Cowboy Carter Tour show in Vegas by reuniting with Kelly and Michelle on stage. They mashed up Energy, Lose My Breath, Bootylicious and Break My Soul, while Jay Z and Shaboozey also made surprise appearances. Meanwhile, Oprah, Gayle and Kris Jenner were spotted losing it in the crowd—and Matty Healy’s mum is low-key thrilled not to be Taylor Swift’s mother-in-law. Oh, and G Flip and Chrishell just threw a medieval wedding. Lord Flipo, your princess awaits

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We reveal the weird stuff our partners are obsessed with (looking at you, Rich). A bold nutritionist says ditch the fries and get two burgers instead… excuse me?! In Glossys, the White House takes aim at South Park, Harry Styles drops a sex toy line, and Tesla launches a diner. Plus, a bogan YouTuber goes rogue in Emirates First Class, and it’s pure comedy gold.

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A nutritionist has shaken the drive-thru to its core—claiming it’s healthier to order two burgers instead of a burger and fries. Apparently, you double your protein and ditch the carbs. Ricki-Lee, Tim and Joel weren’t having it. “Three burgers, no fries?” “Extra protein?” “No thank you!” The team concluded the only healthy option is pretending this advice doesn’t exist.

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We asked our partners what their favourite things are about us, and the answers ranged from deeply heartfelt (Lizzie legit made the team cry) to shockingly insightful (Jack is now our emotional support therapist). Oh, and yes, there were plenty of responses that cannot be aired. Ever.

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From toenail clippings in pinboards to tuna nuked in office microwaves, we dive into the filthiest things people have witnessed at work—brace yourself, it’s truly feral. Labubu collectors are now officially walking red flags and we’re unpacking why (sorry to your shelf of creepy dolls). We’ve also got Australia’s most un-roadworthy car, complete with a garden chair for a seat—because why not? In the Glossys: Billy Joel rolls up on a pedicab, Kathy Hilton reveals her hall pass, and Travis Kelce compares himself to Julia Roberts. Plus, the sleepy English village turned sex festival hub and… Grant Denyer crashes in for Quick Draw and brings absolute chaos.

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