Unshakeable: Redefining Success on Your Own Terms

In the pursuit of success, many individuals find themselves chasing external markers—such as wealth, recognition, or status—believing that these achievements will bring them happiness and fulfillment. However, as discussed in the podcast episode, true success, or "elegant success," is fundamentally about creating a life that aligns with your personal values and brings genuine satisfaction.

Host Tonya Leigh explores the concept of elegant success—success that is rooted in personal values, alignment, and ease, rather than societal pressures to do more and be more. Tonya shares her reflections on the importance of creating a fulfilling life that feels good on the inside, as well as the challenges many are facing in today's uncertain world. Drawing from her personal experiences, including navigating her own emotional landscape during difficult times, she emphasizes the significance of managing one's nervous system and internal world to cultivate resilience and peace. 

Tune in for insights that challenge traditional definitions of success and encourage listeners to redefine what it means to thrive.

Talking Points:

00:33 - Rethinking Success

01:15 - Uncertainty and the Nervous System

03:02 - Leading Through Uncertainty

05:44 - Elegant Success: What No One Tells You

07:08 - The Messiness of Success

10:07 - Life and Business Changes

13:10 - Trusting Your Gut

16:21 - Releasing with Grace

18:05 - Feeling Lost Before Clarity

20:15 - Shedding Old Identities

23:04 - The Emptiness of Misaligned Success

25:01 - Reconnecting with Your Essence

26:05 - Navigating Back to Your North Star

Quotes: "What if the real flex is creating a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside?"

"Elegant success is creating the life you desire without abandoning yourself in the process."

"I've encountered so much peace by just accepting that it's going to feel elegant and then it's going to feel messy again."

"You cannot evolve and expect everyone to come with you."

"The doubt that you may be feeling, well, it's not failure, it's just feedback."

"I started to trade my truth for someone else's checklist, and I was shaping my life around approval instead of alignment."

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Three Moments That Almost Broke Me—and Made Me Stronger

Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, and it is often during our most challenging moments that we discover our true strength. In the latest episode of the School of Self-Image, Tonya Leigh shares her personal experiences of facing adversity and how these moments ultimately shaped her into a stronger, more resilient version of herself.

Tonya opens up about her own transformative life moments that felt overwhelmingly challenging. She shares her vulnerability in recording this episode, revealing the resistance she faced and the importance of showing the raw, real version of ourselves. Tonya discusses the concept of wabi-sabi, an ancient Japanese philosophy that appreciates beauty in imperfection and incompleteness, contrasting it with our perfection-obsessed culture.

Join her as she explores how the toughest experiences can ultimately shape and strengthen our character. Tune in for an inspiring conversation on embracing our flaws and the growth that comes from life's challenges.

Talking Points:

00:33 - The Challenge of Vulnerability 01:38 - Embracing Imperfection: The Wabi-Sabi Philosophy 02:31 - Life's Breaking Points 04:06 - Moment 1: Divorce and Single Motherhood 07:04 - Moment 2: Battling an Eating Disorder 13:17 - Moment 3: Daughter's Illness and Personal Sacrifice 22:42 - Reflections and Lessons Learned 25:19 - Encouragement for Those Struggling 26:03 - Embracing the Journey

Quotes:

"It wasn't breaking me. It was making me unbreakable."

"It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to be supported. It's okay to not know how to do this on your own."

"No matter how down you think you are, don't give up on yourself because remember, those moments, they're what's making you stronger."

"I think the biggest gift that came out of this was... she appreciates and takes care of herself in such a way that I don't think she would have had this not happened."

"You don't give up on the dream, but you may have to adjust your goals."

"You are not falling apart. You're actually falling into yourself."

"It doesn't mean that you're weak. It means that you're human."

Useful  Resources:

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The Lightning Strike: A Wake-Up Call to Live Fully

In our fast-paced lives, it's easy to let moments slip by unnoticed, overshadowed by distractions and the constant hum of to-do lists. However, as Tonya Leigh emphasizes in this episode, life doesn't need to be grand to feel fulfilling; it simply needs to be fully lived. The key to unlocking joy, clarity, and confidence lies in maximizing our moments.

Tonya shares a deeply personal story inspired by a frightening experience during a flight from Charlotte to Boston. While 15,000 to 20,000 feet in the air, an unexpected flash of light shook the plane, sending passengers into a panic. Tonya recounts her reaction of stillness amidst chaos, highlighting the importance of maximizing moments in life. She emphasizes that life doesn't need to be bigger to feel better; rather, it requires a fuller experience.

Join Tonya as she explores how to unlock more joy, clarity, and confidence in your everyday moments. Grab your tea or coffee and prepare for an enlightening discussion on living fully.

Talking Points:

00:43 - Tonya's Scary Flight Experience 03:23 - Realization of Life's Value 05:09 - What Really Matters 07:16 - How We Minimize Moments 09:53 - Deep Presence and Awareness 13:23 - Focusing on Lack vs. Appreciation 18:10 - Wealth and Maximizing Resources 22:28 - Investing in Inspiration 24:46 - Living in Gratitude

Quotes:

"It woke me up to what really, really matters."

"As long as I have my life, I have possibility."

"When you are present, you'll realize you're okay in this moment without all of the mental drama."

 "The practice of appreciation will change your life."

 "Focusing on what you already have and maximizing it will lead to discoveries and results that will expand your life."

"The best way to do that is to make here so full that you outgrow it."

"You don't need more time. You just need more aliveness in the time you already have."

Useful  Resources:

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The Art of Joyfully Hustling: Balancing Ambition and Ease

The Drama Triangle Explained: How to Reclaim Your Power

The Drama Triangle, a concept developed by psychologist Stephen Karpman, illustrates how individuals can become entangled in a cycle of emotional exhaustion and conflict through three distinct roles: the victim, the rescuer, and the villain. Each role plays a significant part in perpetuating drama in our lives, often without our conscious awareness.

Host Tonya Leigh explores the concept of the Drama Triangle, a framework that reveals the subconscious patterns we create in our lives. The discussion highlights how many people gravitate towards drama, whether for a sense of identity, adrenaline, or connection, often without realizing it. Tonya emphasizes that while some drama may serve a purpose, much of it keeps us trapped in familiar, chaotic states, preventing us from experiencing peace and ease in our lives. 

Tune in as we break down the three roles in the Drama Triangle—victim, villain, and hero—and how to recognize and escape these patterns to achieve a more elegant and fulfilling life.

00:47 - The Allure of Drama: Why We Create It

01:03 - Craving Peace and Elegance

02:09 - Role 1: The Victim

04:16 - The Victim's Self-Image

07:10 - Role 2: The Rescuer

09:50 - Examples of the Rescuer Role

11:07 - The Rescuer's Self-Image

16:00 - Role 3: The Villain

19:30 - Examples of the Villain Role

22:26 - The Villain's Self-Image

23:32 - Stepping Out of the Drama Triangle

24:03 - Becoming the Main Character

Quotes:

"What we crave is a sense of ease, a sense of peace, a sense of elegance in our lives, which means that we're going to have to give up some of the drama."

"You're not the problem, but you are the solution."

"If you want to grow your impact, if you want to have more ease in your life, you must be willing to let other people fail."

"I'm only valuable when I'm needed."

"The control, the criticism, and the blame comes from a fear of losing control, of not being enough, of being exposed."

"You're the main character, but more importantly, you're also the writer and the director."

Useful  Resources:

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Clearing the Clutter: Transforming Your Self-Image for a New Season

Spring is often associated with renewal and fresh beginnings, and this concept can be applied to our self-image as well. Just as we clean out our closets or declutter our homes, we can also take the time to refresh how we see ourselves and how we show up in the world. 

Host Tonya Leigh explores the concept of spring cleaning your self-image, much like we do with our homes. As nature begins to awaken from winter, it's the perfect time to reflect on how we perceive ourselves and make necessary changes for personal growth. The host invites listeners to embrace this season of renewal by clearing out old beliefs and habits that no longer serve them and to welcome in new, positive energy that aligns with the woman they're becoming.

Join us as we discuss practical steps to refresh your self-image, create an environment that supports your evolution, and ignite your journey toward self-reinvention. Get ready to dive deep and transform your perspective this spring!

Talking Points:

00:47 - A Time for Reinvention 02:02 - Identify the Area to Spring Clean 04:00 - Paint the Vision for Your After Story 07:10 - Clear the Clutter of Limiting Beliefs 12:21 - Bring in Fresh Energy and New Beliefs 20:02 - Protect the Space with Boundaries and Systems 27:52 - Elevate and Upgrade Your Environment

Quotes:

"Within each of us, we always have a new after story that's just waiting to be revealed, waiting to be experienced, waiting to be created, but you have to paint it first."

"Identity is built in tiny decisions."

"If you continue to do what you're doing for the next 10 years, are you going to like the result?"

"My workouts go in my calendar like a meeting with my most important client because honestly, I am."

"If you love this podcast, if it brings a spark of joy to your life, if it's helped you to navigate some challenging times."

Useful  Resources:

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Cultivating Quiet Confidence as a Woman

In today's fast-paced world, power is often associated with loudness, dominance, and aggressive behavior. However, Tonya Leigh highlights a different perspective: quiet power, which is rooted in presence, certainty, and self-trust. This form of power is not about making noise or asserting oneself over others; rather, it embodies a calm and confident energy that naturally commands respect.

The concept of "quiet power" and what it truly means to be a strong, influential woman without conforming to traditional expectations of dominance. Tonya reflects on her personal journey and how her quietness and feminine energy have often been misinterpreted as weaknesses. She shares insights on the importance of authenticity and self-trust, emphasizing that true power lies in being aligned with one’s true self rather than succumbing to external pressures.

Join Tonya as she uncovers how to embrace your presence, influence without force, and become undeniably powerful in your own unique way.

Talking Points:

01:42 - Misalignment and Loss of Power 04:25 - True Power and Insecurity 06:33 - Knowing Your Worth 11:04 - Acting Out of Character 14:49 - Rosa Parks' Quiet Defiance 18:24 - Unshakable Boundaries 22:07 - Importance of Emotional Management 26:04 - Dressing and Moving with Intentionality 28:29 - Embodying Quiet Power 30:22 - Taking Action Without Announcing

Quotes:

"If you are trying to be something that your soul is not in alignment with, if you are trying to be powerful in a way that doesn't feel true to you, there is going to be misalignment."

"I am that quiet power. I have no interest in dominating you. I want us all to win together."

"Her strength lay in her unshakable presence, her certainty, and her quiet refusal to be moved, literally and figuratively."

"There's something magnetic about a woman who's in that energy that's just so in who she is, who's so present, who has nothing to prove and everything to give."

"How would you dress, walk, and speak if you fully believed in your power?"

"A woman with quiet power doesn't waste time talking about what she's going to do. She just does it."

Useful  Resources:

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How to Stop Feeling Stuck in Self-Help

Transforming Your Self-Image: The Key to Attracting Effortless Love

Your love story begins with self-love and an understanding of your own worth before seeking love from others. This foundational concept is beautifully illustrated in Tonya Leigh's podcast episode, where she shares her personal journey of transformation and the shifts in self-image that led her to a fulfilling relationship.

Tonya Leigh shares her personal love story and the pivotal self-image shifts that led to her engagement. She explores the connection between self-worth and the quality of relationships, emphasizing that our experiences in love often reflect how we see ourselves. Tonya invites listeners to consider the lessons learned from past relationships and how they can apply these insights to foster more fulfilling connections. With a light-hearted tone, she encourages self-reflection and growth, reminding us that relationships are powerful mirrors of our inner world.

Tune in for an inspiring discussion on attracting the love you deserve!

Talking Points:

01:02 - Tonya's Love Story: Self-Image Shifts 03:08 - Part One: The Attraction Stage 05:07 - Embracing Alone Time: Self-Discovery 07:47 - Dating Mindset: Enjoying the Process 10:24 - Online Dating: Authentic Profiles 14:44 - Authenticity: Sharing Fears 17:34 - Part Two: The Partnership Stage 20:04 - Redefining Love: Beyond Hollywood Rom-Coms 23:10 - Enjoying the Journey: No Rush to Marry 25:07 - The Beginning of Love: Self-Love First 26:02 - Embodying Love

Quotes:

"I just allowed myself to cry and to grieve and to feel all of the feelings because I knew that if I didn't deal with that, I was just going to keep attracting more of the same."

"I was open, but not attached. There was no rush, no timeline, no pressure."

"I'm not going to abandon me to get someone else's approval."

"I wasn't out there searching for love; I was fully immersed in a life that felt joyful and fulfilling."

"His love is steady, strong, and unwavering. His love is a beautiful, masculine love. Strong yet soft."

"Your love story doesn't begin when someone else enters into your life. It begins the moment you decide to love yourself deeply, unapologetically, and completely."

Useful  Resources:

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The Power of Setting Boundaries and Trusting Yourself

Managing other people's emotions is a common behavior that many individuals engage in, often with the intention of maintaining harmony and avoiding conflict. However, this habit can lead to significant negative consequences, including emotional exhaustion, resentment, and stifled personal growth for both yourself and those around you.

Tonya Leigh explores the detrimental habit of managing other people's emotions and how it impacts our own happiness and growth. She discusses the importance of breaking free from the need to control how others feel, emphasizing that this behavior stifles both personal and collective development. Tonya shares her recent experience with guided visualization walks, which she refers to as immersion walks, and how they have positively shifted her energy and focus on vibrant well-being. By incorporating practices like Pilates, meditation, and self-care, she reveals how she is reclaiming her health and happiness.

Join Tonya as she dives into strategies for cultivating emotional independence and nurturing your own well-being.

Talking Points:

00:49 - Tonya's Self-Care Routine 02:15 - The Cost of Controlling Emotions 06:10 - Fear of Being the Bad Guy 09:02 - Loss of Self-Trust 12:27 - Self-Image and Managing Emotions 14:54 - Creating Your Own Safety 17:55 - Types of Emotional Management 23:28 - How to Stop Managing Emotions 25:17 - Setting Boundaries Without Guilt 25:50 - Building Emotional Resilience

Quotes:

"I want to challenge you to stop managing other people's emotions."

"True belonging doesn't come from keeping everyone happy. It comes from being unapologetically yourself and trusting that the right people will love and accept you."

"Recognizing it and having the courage to be true to yourself is where you begin to turn your life around."

"I speak my truth with confidence and I let other people have their emotions and their opinions about it."

"So you might as well be the version of you that you love."

"Managing other people's emotions is not your job. Being the fullest, most authentic version of you, that is your job."

Useful  Resources:

Click HERE to join the Membership 

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Connect with Self-Image Coach Tonya Leigh:

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