Securely Attached

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• What "scaffolding" and "accommodations" actually mean, where they differ, and where they overlap.

• Why the exact same parenting move can either build your child's confidence or unintentionally undermine your intentions, and the simple trick to figure out which one you're doing!

• How your child's discomfort plays a role in how you respond to them, and the important information that can reveal to us as parents.

• A real-life example of the difference between scaffolding versus over-accommodating when you have a child with social anxiety - a helpful framework for what to do and what to try to avoid doing.

• How scaffolding is specifically tied to skill-building, both emotionally and practically.

• Why your own bandwidth matters and how to balance consistency with realistic expectations.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉🏻 Are you parenting a child with anxiety or OCD and looking for tools to support them? CLICK HERE to learn more about Upshur Bren Psychology Group's SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) program or SCHEDULE A FREE CALL to see if it's the right fit for your family.

ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about supporting kids through fears with Jennie Monness

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about separation anxiety

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about SPACE with the creator of this modality Dr. Eli Lebowitz of the Yale Child Study Center

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Clinical neuropsychologist and co-author of The Self-Driven Child, Dr. William Stixrud joins me for a powerful conversation about how we can raise confident, resilient kids by helping them feel a greater sense of control, without giving up our role as parents.

Together we explore:

• Why a low sense of control is one of the most stressful experiences a child (or adult) can have, and how we can support our kids in feeling more agentful in their lives.

• How secure attachment and autonomy are deeply connected—and why attachment must come first.

• What SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) is and how parents can use techniques from this modality whether your child has anxiety or not.

• Why Dr. Stixrud started saying "I love you too much to fight with you about homework" and how you can use this too to defuse power struggles and build internal motivation.

• Tips for how parents can more successfully respond to children's behaviors that they can't control, like tantrums, hitting, or screaming.

• Why stepping in too often can interrupt neurological processes that help kids learn, adapt, and build resilience.

• How to support self-driven learning, encourage safe risk-taking, and build a foundation of mutual respect in your family.

If you're looking to reduce conflict and build more trust in your parent-child relationship, this conversation is filled with evidence-based insight and practical tools you won't want to miss!

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

👉🏻 https://stixrud.com/

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

📚 The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives

📚 What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home

📚 The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook

🎧 The Self-Driven Child Podcast

👉🏻 Learned Helplessness at Fifty: Insights from Neuroscience

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 72. Supportive parenting for anxious childhood emotions space how a new treatment for childhood anxiety and OCD is revolutionizing care with Dr. Eli Lebowitz

🎧 244. Understanding parental dysregulation: How to identify and manage your triggers with Dr. Amber Thornton

🎧 146. The hidden dangers of an achievement centric approach with Jennifer Breheny Wallace

🎧 206. Picky eating, ARFID, and SPACE: How a new anxiety treatment can help your child be more flexible around food with Dr. Yaara Shimshoni

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• What is the difference between attachment bonds and parental preferences?

• If your child shows you their most dysregulated behaviors, doesn't listen to you, or is their messiest self with you, what these behaviors may reveal. (Spoiler: It's a good sign!)

• If your child does have an insecure attachment to you, practical strategies and interventions you can use to start repairing your relationship.

• The difference between independent play and child led play, and how only one of these is used to help you improve your connection.

• Dr. Sarah's 6-basics that all kids need before you can start developing a deeper bond with your child.

• How you can tap into your child's attachment security in other relationships to help you deepen your own bond to each other.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

🤳 Go to drsarahbren.com/secure to download my free guide, The Four Pillars of Fostering Secure Attachment, helping you parent with a focus on attunement and trust.

👉🏻 Click here to lean more about support options at Upshur Bren Psychology Group and to schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to learn more about the available resources for your unique needs.

ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about children favoring one parent

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about attachment security in our early relationships with Dr. Alan Sroufe

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about breaking an insecure attachment cycle with Dr. Miriam Steele

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what to do if your child loses it more with you than anyone else

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the benefits of using an authoritative approach to parenting

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Melinda Wenner Moyer, author of the new book Hello, Cruel World! joins me to break down the most essential skills kids need to thrive in today's complicated times.

Together we explore:

• The three powerful themes Melinda saw again and again in her research and how you can tap into these to help you be more effective in your parenting.

• Practical and realistic ways to help kids feel truly seen and heard.

• How slowing down, staying curious, and fostering a growth mindset isn't just for kids, but for parents too.

• The surprising power of guiding children to discover answers on their own—and how this can actually build critical neural circuitry in their brains

• A simple, impactful question you can ask your child to help them reflect and learn to trust their own judgment.

• The critical yet often overlooked role of self-compassion in mental health, and the three key components of self-compassion every parent should know.

• What it really means when kids say things like "I hate myself" or "I shouldn't be part of this family," and how to respond with empathy.

If you've ever felt overwhelmed by the pressures of modern parenting or worried about helping your child manage their feelings and decisions, this episode offers research-backed, actionable wisdom you won't want to miss.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

✨ https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/

READ HER BOOKS:

📚 Hello, Cruel World!: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times

📚 How to Raise Kids Who Aren't A**holes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting--from Tots to Teens

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 252. Secure attachment and growth mindset: The science behind raising well-adjusted kids with Melinda Wenner Moyer

🎧 14. Motherhood as a millennial: Tuning out the noise and learning to find trust in ourselves with Marcella Kelson

🎧 268. A deep dive on parental burnout: What it is, why it happens, and how to overcome it

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...

• Why potty training blends both physiological and psychological factors and how parents can wrap their head around both to best support your child.
• How parents can understand the biological-psychological feedback loop and how this can affect your child's body and mind.
• How to get on the same page when there are multiple caregivers and providers who spend time with your child.
• Exactly what to be tracking to help you get to the root of the problem and how to determine if your responses are inadvertently perpetuating the challenges and anxiety your child may be experiencing.
• Taking a pause if you notice a regression can be helpful - but only for some kids and in some situations. How to know when a reset is appropriate and when you might not want to use this approach with your child.
• What parents can do to help a child become less fearful and more relaxed in the bathroom.
• What is interoceptive sensory input, and how can this be helpful to focus on and build for your child outside of the bathroom?

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉🏻 Go to upshurbren.com to lean more about parenting coaching, therapy, and support options at Upshur Bren Psychology Group. Or, click here to schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to learn more about the available resources for your unique needs.

ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to successfully potty train

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about potty training, constipation, bed-wetting, and pelvic health with Quiara Smith

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) with Dr. Eli Lebowitz

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Sharon Itkoff Nacache is joining me to break down the myths and truths about art therapy—what it is, what it isn't, and why creativity can be such a powerful tool for healing, integration, and resilience.

Together we explore:

• The common questions people have about art therapy, and how integrating creative arts into therapy can support emotional processing, integration, and healing.

• The difference between open studio models, art therapy, and art psychotherapy and how each can serve different therapeutic goals.

• How art can help us (and our kids) process overwhelming experiences that might feel too big or complex to articulate with words alone.

• Why the materials matter: How Sharon intentionally uses tools like dry or wet media to support different emotional states and how you can use these same principles in your own creative exploration.

• Why creative expression goes far beyond painting or drawing—how journaling, movement, or even doodling can become powerful tools to ground yourself in moments of stress or burnout.

• A simple yet powerful exercise Dr. Sarah uses with her clients to identify and reconnect with unmet needs that you can do too.

• What it means to build "creative resilience" and how it can help you access more joy, safe risk-taking, and a sense of internal flow.

• Sharon's best strategies for those who feel creatively blocked or don't consider themselves "artistic" and why you don't need to be an artist to benefit from creative self-expression.

Whether you've been curious about art therapy or are simply looking for accessible ways to reconnect with yourself and find a sense of emotional grounding, this conversation is full of both inspiration and tangible takeaways.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Co-Create Art Therapy

GET HER BOOK:

📚 The Days Before I Met You: A Creative Space Honoring the Birth of a Parent

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

📚 Your Brain on Art

📚 Art Therapy and Childbearing Issues

📚Art is a Way of Knowing

📚Therapeutic Arts in Pregnancy, Birth, and New Parenthood

👉🏻 Whitney Museum and NYC Health + Hospitals Arts in Medicine department

👉🏻 Postpartum Support International

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 33. How parents can use music as an emotion regulator with music therapist Vered

🎧 47. What we hold in our bodies: Unlocking emotions through dance and movement therapy with dr. Lori Baudino

🎧 240. Processing birth trauma: How to make sense of, heal, and move forward after a difficult birthing experience with Dr. Sterling

🎧 282. Beyond the 6-week checkup: A realistic look at postpartum and early parenthood with Dr. Jessica Vernon

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...

• There is no correlation between a baby who self-weans and the development of a secure attachment.

• You're going to piss off your kids a lot… that's totally normal and doesn't mean that they won't form a strong and healthy attachment to you.

• It makes sense your child wants what feels good to them, but that doesn't necessarily mean that what they want is also what they need.

• Helpful Hint: When your child stops breastfeeding, there is often a period of time where they will eat less - and this can lead to more anxiety, especially if you are doing this because of concerns over their nutrition.

• Clothing choices, accessible snacks, and meal planning: Some practical tips for moms who are ready to stop breastfeeding.

• How to build your child's distress tolerance and help them prepare for this big transition.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

📚 Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense, Revised and Updated Edition by Ellyn Satter

ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions with Dr. Eli Lebowitz

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about raising healthy eaters with Amelia Sherry

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about picky eating and ARFID with Dr. Yaara Shimshoni

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

In this episode, I'm joined by cognitive psychologist and ADHD expert Eliza Barach to explore the brain-based differences that drive many of the challenges (and strengths!) that come with ADHD.

Together we cover:

• The neuroscience of an ADHD brain and why having this basic knowledge can be so impactful for your parenting!

• How understanding the roles of dopamine and norepinephrine are important aspects of understanding your child (or yourself!) with ADHD.

• Why people with ADHD are more vulnerable to all forms of addictions. And while our culture rewards some addictive behaviors (like workaholism) while condemning others, both can have negative impacts on your mental health.

• How to make transitions easier for your child with ADHD. (Want to learn more about this topic? Check out episode 295. How can I get my child with ADHD go from one activity to the next without a fight?)

• Specific and real-life strategies parents can implement to add more stimulation to boring tasks that will decrease the amount of fights and power struggles between you and your child.

• Why kids with ADHD are so prone to meltdowns and how pointing out the logic to your child in these hot moments can help lay the foundation for more self-regulation in the future. (But, only if you do so in the "right" way.)

• Activating your child's Task Positive Network can be regulating for the nervous system—what parents can do to get this part of your child's brain to turn on.

• The failing of the system for diagnosis of ADHD, especially in girls and marginalized communities, and why getting a diagnosis is so vital for allowing proper support for a person's unique strengths and challenges.

• If you've ever wondered whether your child might have ADHD, felt unsure how to support them without constant conflict, or simply wanted to better understand their needs, this episode is packed with clarity, compassion, and expert insights you can put into practice right away.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

https://www.neural-revolution.com/

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

👉🏻 How ADHD can impact driving

👉🏻 Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Women and Girls: Uncovering This Hidden Diagnosis

👉🏻 Interested in learning more about Upshur Bren Psychology Group's Parenting Your Child with ADHD 8-week virtual workshop series to empower parents of children, adolescents, and young adults with ADHD? Go to upshurbren.com/group-adhd or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to learn more.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 250. How to make mindfulness more "user-friendly" for parents with ADHD with Dr. Lidia Zylowska

🎧 235. BTS: How can I prepare for an IEP or 504 meeting after my child receives an ADHD diagnosis?

🎧 178. ADHD and attachment security: How to connect with and support your neurodiverse child with Dr. Norrine Russell

🎧 131. Q&A: How do I help my child with ADHD utilize school support systems without feeling embarrassed or self-conscious

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...

• How do you know when to encourage your child to stick with an activity versus when it's okay to let them step away?
• Does your approach change if the activity is a team sport versus an individual activity?
• What are effective ways to talk to your partner about these concerns without triggering defensiveness or shutting down the conversation?
• How sibling dynamics along with parental expectations can influence a child's interests and shape their developing identity.
• A helpful phrase you can use that may reduce some of the pressure and urgency, leading to lessened friction and tension between your partner and child.

ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the hidden dangers of an achievement centric approach with Jennifer Breheny Wallace

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about temperament and personality development with Dr. Koraly Pérez-Edgar

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about whether or not it's okay to let your child quit an activity

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about navigating conflict in your relationship with Dr. Marina Rosenthal

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Dr. Wendy Rote is joining me to unpack some surprising and even counterintuitive findings about kids, smartphones, and social media. She and her team are in the middle of a groundbreaking longitudinal study following tweens over time, giving us rare insight into how technology is shaping the mental health and identity development of Generation Alpha.

Together we explore:

• Why the question "Is social media making kids depressed?" might be the wrong one to ask and what we should be asking instead.

• A finding that might shock you: Kids with smartphones actually show better physical and mental health outcomes in some key areas.

• What kind of social media behaviors are linked to more depressive symptoms and why it's not as simple as "time spent online."

• How compulsive checking could be a major mental health red flag that parents often miss.

• New, not-yet-published finding on the real impact school cell phone bans have been shown to have on kids.

• Why do some kids without phones actually report more cyberbullying and what that might reveal about exclusion and social dynamics?

• The one tech rule that makes the biggest difference in kids' well-being that has a greater impact that time limits and parental control setting.

If you've ever worried about screen time, debated a phone ban, or felt unsure how to support your child's relationship with tech, this conversation will give you fresh perspective, surprising data, and tangible guidance rooted in real research.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

👉🏻 Learn more about Dr. Wendy Rote's research on ResearchGate and Google Scholar

REVIEW THE STUDY:

📚 Life In Media Survey

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

📚 The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt

🎧 Regulation, reward systems, and rest: Rewiring the way our kids interact with screens with Alé Duarte

MORE PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 264. The hidden dangers of EdTech: How technology in schools impacts learning, child development, and mental health with Andy Liddell

🎧 242. Have phones displaced our ability to play and have fun? How to be intentional with your tech use with Catherine Price

🎧 103. Secure attachment vs. social media: Navigating their effects on body image from early childhood to teen years with Dr. Miriam Steele