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Stress is difficult to handle before getting sober.  We used to drink to handle how we felt about stress.  When alcohol is removed, we have to find another way of dealing with stress so it does not overwhelm us and cause us to shut down.

A friend reached out to Matt, venting and for advice on how to handle stress.  It helped Matt to hear his friend's issue and made him think too.  What causes us stress and what is a healthy way of dealing with it?

On this edition of the Sober Friends Podcast, we address Coping with Stress in Sobriety.

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Chris from the UK sponsored this episode and bought us 3 coffees at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberfriendspod.  By purchasing 3 coffees, Chris is ensuring the show will be available for the new guy and anyone needing to hear the message the recovery is possible.

Lisa Gray is the founder of A Promise to Jordan.  Lisa lost her son Jordan Arakelian on June 30, 2018, at the age of 24.  As Lisa held Jordan for the last time, she made a promise to him to fight against the disease of opioid addition.  Less than two months later, the first meeting of A Promise to Jordan happened.

In this episode, Lisa tells us about her family and the void Jordan left.  She discusses taking to people at Jordan's funeral about the organization she was planning and how the community of Simsbury, CT came to her aid.  Lisa talks about the hardship that COVID brought in 2020 and how the organization overcame funding uncertainty to thrive.

Also on this episode:

• Lisa discusses medical aids to sobriety
• Her focus on getting Narcan in as many places as possible
• Creating fun sober events in the community so there are safe places for people in recovery and those considering sobriety.

We know many of you listening live outside of Connecticut.  We highly recommend supporting Lisa's cause by donating generously to A Promise to Jordan.  If you are like us, you know too many lives that ended far too early from the opioid crisis.

Cantina Blues - Take the Lead by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100407

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The show is brought to you by Sally, who bought us 3 cups of coffee at Buymeacoffee.com/Soberfriendspod.  If you, like Sally think it's important to get the message that sobriety is possible for the new guy, consider a donation to Buymeacoffee.com/Soberfriendspod.

When we first get sober, we are flying on a pink cloud.  Everything is new, your method of sobriety is exciting and you are willing to put in every effort.  Then life gets better and we have the tools to get through life without a drink.  We start to think, "Damn, I got this!"  This begins a phase of complacency and it's a dangerous place for us alcoholics.

John, Steve and Matt talk Complacency in recovery.

• What defines complacency?
• How complacency can trip us up
• The battle against getting complacent
• What we do to hold ourselves accountable

We'd love to hear your feedback?  How do you guard against complacency?

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Alcoholic behavior, obviously shows up when you are drinking.  Just because you get sober and don't drink, doesn't mean your alcoholic behavior goes away.  If you don't work on your recovery, this behavior can come back right, quick!  

We can behave alcoholically when the following happens:

• Not going to meetings
• Calling other alcoholics
• Practicing the principals of 12 step programs

You ever get told by your significant other, "Hey, you going to a meeting tonight?"  Those around us know when our behaviors slip.

What is your view of behaving alcoholically?  Join the conversation!  Email the show at [email protected].  Connect on Instagram @soberfriendspod.

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Sober people are on platform at all times.  One slip up and it's easy for those around to point out why you are not walking the walk.  John kicked things off talking about a new sponsee who was going to a sober retreat.  John didn't want to go, but an oldtimer reminded him, that the sponsee can't go to these without the guidance of his sponsor.  There are so many ways sober people have a responsibility to be the change they want the world to be:

• Acting with kindness and being available to new comers at meetings
• Not acting like a jerk on social media to those not in a 12 step program
• Not blowing up on your neighbors and when you do, making amends

Want to help a newcomer stay sober?  Show them that if they want what you have, then they should do what you've done and it's on the level.

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Oh boy.  I bet we get everyone upset with this episode.  People who go to AA.  People who don't go to AA.  We go through it all with what we feel are very realistic views on why some people don't go to AA and how 12 step programs are not perfect and how there can be some things that legit turn people off.

Credit where credit is due.  This episode was inspired by Episode 36 of the Sober Powered Podcast, "Your Sober Pal Tells us What AA is Like."

In the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous," Bill W. states that AA does not have a monopoly on sobriety.  Matt, John and Steve got sober in the the 12 step tradition, but we wholeheartedly agree.  There are many paths to get sober.

It's scary to go to the first AA meeting.  Matt's therapist said it would stop being scary after the first nine times.  There are perceptions that keep people away:

• I have to be part of a religion
• I have to say I'm an alcoholic
• It's a bunch of elderly men in a basement
• They will tell me I'm doing it wrong

If you don't go to AA, I think you'll identify with what we discuss.  If you are, I think you've seen some of the behaviors those AA shy are turned off from.

Give us some feedback on this!  What is your story?  Are you a member of AA?  Do you get sober via other means?  We'd love to hear your story too!  

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This week's guest is Matt, who started drinking at 13.  Matt was a high achiever, doing well in college and Grad school.  He had a family and a great job.  And he was an alcoholic.  

A lot of you will see yourself in Matt.  He was socially awkward until he found alcohol.  He had to be careful in public drinking.  Drinking at home, was another story.  He drank like he did in college, even during his 30's.  

He tried AA, had a sponsor and had a relapse.  Driving home with his wife and in laws in the car, drunk, had the wheel taken from him and told to get the hell out when he got home.

This was Matt's bottom and was the impetus to get sober.

There is so much I know you'll identify with in Matt's story.

Cantina Blues - Take the Lead by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100407

Artist: http://incompetech.com/

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One of the Sober Instagram accounts we find the most inspiring is @jenmovesforward.  Jen joins us this week to talk about her story, overcoming relapse, making recovery her career and how fitness is part of how she stays sober.

In this Sober Friends Episode Jen tells us:

• How she started using in her teens
• Knowing in her 20's that she had a problem
• Losing relationships over drugs and alcohol
• Almost losing her current husband
• Overcoming relapse and finding a career in the recovery world
• The place fitness plays in her journey
• Her love of archery

This was one of those podcasts we had to stop talking before the tape was rolling because it was so good.  I know you'll love Jen's story.

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The root of our alcoholism and our alcoholic thinking is our character defects.  The 12 Steps are instrumental in getting through our character defects, especially with Steps 4 and 5.  Many of our character defects are associated with fear and ego.  Character defects have a root in selfishness and doing for others is a way to bust them.  Here are ways to work on a character defect:

• Acknowledgement of the defect
• Prayer
• Talk to another alcoholic

Join Steve and Matt as we talk about Character Defects, how they impact us and how we address them to live a happy sober life.

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Matt was inspired by Gill Tietz's Sober Powered episode, Staying Sober During the Holidays.  The episode is much less staying sober during the holidays, and more staying sober at events where booze is available.  Practicable advice for those in recovery for anytime.

• BBQs
• Work parties
• Concerts
• Ect

John, Matt and Steve talked about their experience being on guard for the unguarded moment.  In this episode we talk about:

• Keeping your drink in your hand.  If you put it down, get another
• Tell a bartender you are not drinking and stick with that person (thanks Gill)
• Our thoughts on non-alcoholic versions of an alcoholic drink
• How people put booze in food and to watch out.

This is great advice for anyone looking at sobriety, new or old.

Support the show

📫 Get more honest conversations about sobriety delivered to your inbox! Subscribe to The Sober Friends Dispatch, our weekly newsletter where we go beyond the podcast to share real strategies for alcohol-free living. Join our community by clicking here.