Your partner is not your child, so if you're doing everything for them (when they could do these things for themselves), you are overfunctioning. If you grew up with trauma, you may have been “programmed” to pick up all the slack, which might work for a little bit, but eventually it breeds resentment and breakdown of the relationship. Overfunctioning doesn't change by itself when the relationship ends though. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman with CPTSD who left her underfunctioning partner, and will do almost anything NOT to play that role when she dates someone new.

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Unfortunately, it can be very easy to take advantage of people who were traumatized as kids, and make them think that some uncomfortable or painful or exploitative situation will lead to being loved. When you haven’t been loved properly, almost everyone becomes vulnerable to manipulation, because love and being included is something we all want so much. We need it! And one way that manipulative people can take what they want from vulnerable people is by giving you spiritual or ideological reasons why you should go against common sense, even when red flags are flashing, accepting bad treatment, and in many cases consent to continued exploitation.

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One sign that childhood trauma is still affecting you is that you probably have at least one of these common triggers -- things that set off dysregulation in your nervous system, and make it hard for you to function at your best. These include hurrying, socializing, abandonment and feeling left out. Do you have these? In this 4-video compilation I share some of my most popular videos about these four major triggers. I'll teach you how to notice them, and what to do to calm triggers before they cause you to get dysregulated.

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It’s every traumatized kids’ dream, that one day, your parents will finally see how much their abusive behavior hurt you, and they’ll change, and say they’re sorry – even if you had to cut them out of your life for a long time – and do everything that’s needed to set things right. But really, what COULD set things right? And even if they really had changed, would you be able to handle picking up that relationship again without falling back down into a place you know TOO well, where you’re depressed and dysregulated and your life gets stuck? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is weighing whether to let her abusive parents back into her life. 

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In life, there are people who are going to try to treat you badly. Your gut is going to tell you that what they’re doing is NOT OK, and your gut KNOWS you need to get out of there. But if you were abused or neglected as a kid? There’s something a lot stronger than what you know to be true, and that’s the fear of leaving someone you’ve formed an attachment with. It will make you doubt what you see and hear with your own eyes, and you’ll talk yourself into putting up with something that two hours ago you KNEW was a deal breaker. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who realizes she is hurting herself with self-deception.

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The most powerful thing you can do to have meaningful connection with people is to make them feel like you hear them. People love this, and doing it is an art. But very few people get trained how to do this, especially those of us who grew up in dysfunctional families. In this video, I'll teach you how to overcome ten common conversation stoppers that push people away, and how to make people feel heard and appreciated instead.

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Growing up abused and neglected has an almost universal effect of draining people of their innate POWER. You lose the sense that you have agency to make anything good happen. It takes will, resilience and luck to recover enough to remember who you are, to stay connected to your potential, and to know it's worth trying to become MORE than you are right now. In this 4-video compilation I teach about ways people with trauma from childhood become disempowered, and how to heal the patterns and free your life at last.

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Being avoidant in relationships isn’t just the obvious stuff – they won’t commit, they blow hot and cold, they ghost you when you try to talk about commitment. You might not realize this, but if you have a PATTERN of falling for people like this, YOU are avoiding intimacy just as much, but in your own way. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is navigating a relationship where two people who can't get close fall madly in love!

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Nothing good can come from relationships built on lies. You can tell yourself that you lie because you don’t want to hurt the other person. You can tell yourself you lie because something bad happened to you when you were a kid. And you can put all kinds of psychological jargon on it. But if you keep doing it, it will wreck everything in your life, and seriously harm others around you. So the question is, how far are you willing to go to STOP the lies? My letter today is from a man I’ll call Artie, and he writes.

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The core symptom of early trauma is neurological dysregulation, and it drives almost every other CPTSD symptom (or makes it worse). In this video, I explain what dysregulation is, what it feels like, and how you can support trauma healing powerfully by learning to re-regulate quickly, and stay regulated more of the time. Doing this can help you feel calmer and more focused, and increase your success in healing.

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