Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life: "Narcissists use personal relationships as stepping stones and way stations to success...The high level narcissist surrounds himself(herself) with individuals who act as extensions of himself. He fuses with those who will protect and expand his grandiose sense of self...If luck holds some chosen followers weather the unrelenting rages and demands that spill out of the narcissistic psyche...There is always a time certain when a relationship with a narcissist will come to a close. Followers are discharged when their gilt has faded."

Partners and spouses of the high level narcissist make them look very good. They are often very bright, socially skilled, warm, charming, empathic and individuals of good character. High level narcissists exploit their partners making constant demands that you must be perfect.  Behind closed doors the high level narcissist projects their psychological bile on to you, causing extreme distress, continually criticizing and humiliating you.

There is a time when you awaken the true nature of the exploitive high level narcissist and that you are entitled to separate from these self absorbed, exploitive individuals. 

Now you move forward with daily self care: rest, sleep, eating nourishing food, good hydration, movement and exercise that works for you, a form of spiritual practice that works for you. 

Shame is a complex intolerable feeling of being exposed, wanting to disappear, emotional vulnerability, feeling inferior and worthless. 

A child who feels shame has been shamed by parent(s), siblings or other family members. Shaming a child is a way of controlling them, making them feel small and helpless. Chronic shaming abuse leaves a painful imprint on the psyche. 

Shaming is one of their most effective cruelties. It is especially pernicious if you were shamed as a child.

You can make the decision of separating permanently from the narcissistic spouse has begun. This passage may not be easy or smooth but it is worth the journey. 

Use your inner wisdom and intuition to continually protect yourself from entering into relationships with narcissistic personalities. 

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Empaths are highly perceptive, exquisitely sensitive individuals. They are attuned to their external and internal environments. They feel deeply and are often misunderstood by spouses, family members and the world.

Empaths who are married to or partnered with high level narcissists have a particularly difficult journey. 

In this situation with a high level narcissist the empath is accumulating tremendous amounts of oxidative stress. 

Married to a high level narcissist you are at the mercy of their recriminations, criticisms, projections. 

Quotes from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist regarding the glory of Color. 

Quotes on the great art of our ancestors in the prehistoric caves. 

Hubris in man is ever-present, even found in prehistoric caves. Wherever there is pride there is hubris. The story of the angels cast into Hell for their hubris remains with us. 

The word hubris comes from the ancient Greek meaning extreme pride and dangerous overconfidence.

Hubris is outrageous. Aristotle defined hubris as shaming the victim.

The high level narcissist gains pleasure from his hubristic acts. He or she is not called out on these dark deeds if they hold sway and power, if they are highly placed socially and economically.

Those who are married to or partnered with or children of hubristic high level narcissists are victims of their extreme psychopathology.

You spend years and decades married to one of these individuals, go through a series of leaving them, returning and continuing the cycle, to the increasing stress, psychophysiological imbalances, mood and anxiety disorders, chronic insomnia, re-traumatization from childhood.

Unlike you they have no shame---never did and never will. They re always right no matter their horrific misdeeds and betrayals. 

They have around them a golden circle of followers and hangers on who are loyal to them no matter what the issue. They feed off of the high level's extreme pride, economic largesse and social power.

In the high level's psychological mix is a lack of conscience, any bit of shame or of course no empathy.

There is a time of awakening with your insights, research and intuitions recognize the true dark nature of the high level narcissist and finally appreciate who you really are---a very authentic individual of fine character, integrity, strength and psychological grounding. As you move forward stay attuned to Nature the great healer and the manifestation of your many unique creative gifts.

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The high level narcissist is playing a part of the grand special unique glorified individual. This is complex with many chosen to be part of his/her special circle.

The high level narcissist has a series of elaborate false selves that are compelling and believable. 

The high level narcissist fools everyone with enticement, deceits and empty promises. This is the grand performance, opening nigh. Behind the curtain and closed doors the ugly, vole real self of the high level is activated in raw projections, obsessive control maneuvers, deceits, lies and humiliations.

Repeatedly, you are exposed to this darkness of the high level narcissist.

Your energies fade, motivation drops, you are exhausted. The high level has eroded your confidence and creativity.

There is a time of awakening to the true nature of the high level narcissist.

Now you separate out from the high level along your own pathways of restoration, transformation  and creativity.

Practice self care: rest, sleep, nourishing food, hydration, movement and exercise, time with Nature and its beauty, spiritual practice that works for you.

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Today we are surrounded by narcissistic personalities, including narcissistic families. These highly dysfunctional individuals are driven by their egos rather than conscience or empathy. Members of narcissistic families are exceedingly greedy: they worship money and possessions, their glowing external image over character and integrity. 

They are grabby for power, attention, pleasure, praise, control of others, dark manipulations and deceptions as essential tools for reaching their goals. Within these families are nasty rivalries: for example, Golden Boy narcissist(s) purposely victimize empathic siblings. Empaths are trapped in these families from hell. These are the forgotten children who are victims of ego fueled projections and acting out behaviors.

In narcissistic families there are no boundaries. The more aggressive narcissistic brothers and sisters constantly intimidate their more sensitive siblings. In some cases where there are narcissistic parents, they side with their golden children against the empaths and invisible siblings, leaving them unsupported, adrift and alienated from the family.

Narcissistic family members, parents and children demand instant gratification of their extravagant wishes and purported needs. These individuals have no frustration tolerance. Narcissistic children in these psychopathological families have learned to use intimidation as a control mechanism to get whatever they want. Members of the narcissistic family are incapable of deep feelings, especially warmth, empathy, guilt, emotional attachment. 

Narcissistic children and their narcissistic parent cannot form and maintain genuine relationships that are psychologically grounded and authentic. 

There is an extraordinary lack of introspection in the narcissistic personality. Narcissists in these families are boorish, demanding and deceitful. Narcissistic parents and their narcissistic children are restless, thoughtless, highly selfish and completely self absorbed.

Some children from narcissistic families rescue themselves from the extreme psychopathology of their narcissistic home. Through their imaginations, creating art, Nature, visiting friends and spending time with healthy families --these are among the ways that children in these families from hell get through these complex and very difficult and harsh narcissistic families.

I give you so much credit for your courage and perseverance and independence and fortitude as your separated out of these highly dysfunctional narcissistic families. 

You are remarkable as an individual, a person of great integrity and fortitude. 

High level narcissists are obsessed and preoccupied with the impressions they are making. Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life gives you a keen sense of this obsession:

"The narcissist is always preoccupied with the impression he/she is making.  For some, everything in their environment---homes, cars, personal possessions---must reflect a flawless self. Walking through some of these homes, I have wondered if anyone lives there. There is not one sign of human habitation, no footprints on rugs or carpets, no finger marks on furniture, mirrors, no cooking aromas or whiffs of faded perfume, no towel askew, no stain, no dust, no scuff, no smudge---Every aspect of their outward environments must be kept in pristine condition at all times..." 

If you are partnered with or married to a high level narcissist or grew up with a narcissistic parent, this description and portrayal is very familiar to you. 

You have spent years and decades in extreme chronic stress, anxiety and depression, somatic disorders, unrelenting insomnia.  You cannot tolerate it any longer---your research, insights and intuitions about the high level narcissist are well grounded and very clear. You choose to leave this empty vapid, externally oriented lifestyle with an individual who treats you with disrespect, disdain, accompanied by bursts of vile, projected venom that causes your anxiety , self doubt, and unfettered rage directed at you are particularly terrifying if you experienced childhood trauma. 

You are moving forward leaving your false relationship with the high level narcissist behind. Your pathway forward leads to recovery, transformation and evolution of the true self. 

You simplify your days, following your deep intuitions and daily self care. 

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High level narcissists are very restless individuals, ego driven and shameless they spend their days acquiring material possessions, forcing others to do their bidding with special emphasis on their spouses, ex-spouses, children, family members.

They ae always right when everything they do, think, write and say are vats of lies, misrepresentations, egomaniacal demands that spring from the psychological fever of believing they are perfect. 

The high level narcissist is a climber who spends his days, years and decades exploiting everyone to move up professionally and financially. 

You are worn down and exhausted, filled with anxiety and dread, even feelings guilty that you have not done more to make the high level become more responsible. 

There are moments of awakening and knowing who this individual truly is, a deluded, self absorbed, overly entitled, selfish person without conscience or empathy. 

Now you know the truth ad you are moving forward to separate yourself from the high level narcissist. 

You are now keenly aware of your unique individuality, your fine character, perseverance, psychological and emotional stamina and your creative gifts.

Give yourself tremendous credit for your role of discovery along the pathways of your authentic self.

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Quoting psychoanalyst Alice Miller about the dilemma of the child of a narcissistic mother: "The art of not experiencing feelings - A child can experience her feelings only when there is somebody there who accepts her fully, understands her and supports her. If tha person is missing, if the child must risk losing the mother's love of her substitute in order to feel, then she will repress emotions."

From her earliest days and months the daughter of the narcissistic mother experiences a cool dismissiveness. The little daughter feels the disdain, aloof distancing, disregard, disrespect emanating from this mother. The small child knew taht she could never let down and share her feelings with this mother. In her presence she felt edgy, scared, humiliated, emotionaly small and insignificant. 

In the presence of family and friends mother took on a different look and manner. She was expansive, warm, attentive to these others who came for the expressions of her public performance. In fact mother was considered to be among the most sterling versions of an exemplary parent, so devoted and engaged with her child. 

The narcissistic mother, self absorbed, exceedingly entitled, highly controlling manifests her true nature through a series of false selves that parade as genuine. 

Different kinds of narcissistic mothers:

Mother Most Accomplished - nonstop talk about all of her achievements: schooling, extraordinary student, scholar and professional awards, described herself as outstanding in every way and in addition a super mom. Behind closed doors the horrendous presence of this parent from hell. Day and night berating, non stop criticism, humiliations were the worst.

Mother Most Regal - beautiful, obsessed with her looks and fine manners, her cultivation of culture and art, adored by her social circle, how envied for her grace.

And then you have Narcissistic Mother Most Holy - devoted mother, individual of spiritual qualities, especially her many kind deeds, how she is admired for her generosity, focuses on helping others. An individual of faith, talks about her strong conscience. The real story - This is a sham person and the true reality is that this mother is unholy, lacks a conscience, is a complete hypocrite, treats her children with cool, dismissiveness, criticized them for not measuring up morally and spiritually, always finds them wanting in character, accusing them of being frauds when in effect this mother most holy is a complete fake.

This child cannot be her true self since this is forbidden and signaled by the narcissistic mother as a negative vulnerability, a weakness, a lack of character. As a result this child cannot be authentic and must put on the facade that mother demands of her. 

She is required to be rational, contained, measured, controlled especially in the way she expresses her emotions and opinions. The message of the narcissistic mother is: Be and do what I demand or I reject you completely. You're flawed, imperfect and nothing that you do or say and feels is valid. I am the one in charge here. I am the puppeteer who controls and dictates what you think and feel and ultimately who you are.

As a sresult the original self in the child of the narcissistic mother must remain hidden, unspoken, pushed back into the recesses of the unconscious. There, long hidden these feelings do not disappear, rather they remain unexpressed and the subject of subterranean angst. 

There is a time of awakening with your insights, research, intuitions and revelations of your narcissistic mother's true nature. You move forward as a grounded, true self individual, fully entitled to your unique individuality integrity and your creative gifts.

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Growing up in a highly pathological family you experienced a deep shaming of the self since you were a very small child. You remember the feeling, so intolerable that came over you when your narcissistic mother stared you down, pinched your tiny arm, screamed in her high pitched nasty voice that you were "worthless, despicable, a mistake of nature." These moments are etched in every bodily system and each corner of your psyche. This shame has defined much of your identity as a person who has always felt like a fraud.

You wanted to hide and never return to this house. You made plans in your mind countless times. You conjured countless intricate plots: how you would leave, what time, how to go out unnoticed, what excuses to make that were believable. Even very little children are thinking of their escape plans only to realize that they are just too small to do this on their own. 

Psychoanalyst Alice Miller identifies these children as Prisoners of Childhood. In a sense we are all captives of our parents. When we are very young we are vulnerable and at the mercy of our mother and father: their temperaments and dispositions, psychological and emotional stability, hidden and overt psychopathology. Children who grow up in these homes often feel deep shame about themselves. 

Adult children of narcissists carry toxic shame into their marriages and partnerships, especially if they are partnered with high level narcissistic personalities. 

It  doesn't take long to recognize that you are married to a chameleon who can switch to any persona he or she chooses. You notice the shadow side of your partner, that part of him or her that is single mindedly determined to control and manipulate you at every turn. 

When you don't comply and show independent of thought and action you are criticized, humiliated and shamed. They instinctively know that one of your weaker vulnerabilities. 

After a number of years you finally recognize that you can no longer continue along this pathway. You spend time doing research about the true nature of the high level narcissist, a personality disorder that is not inclined to change. You begin to appreciate who you are as an authentic true self that is entitled to pursue your independence, unique creative gifts, a sense of inner peace, the fulness of your individuality. You learn to take very good care of yourself and to establish relationships of respect, trust, an exchange of ideas and personal transformation. Accessing the parasympathetic nervous system through many avenues: basic yoga poses, diaphragmatic breathing, listening to beautiful music, getting the sleep and rest that you deserve, being with Nature, the great healer, nourishing food, good hydration, exercise that strengthens and gives you a sense of vitality and well being, building a spiritual practice the way that you define it. 

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