The Virtual Couch

By Tony Overbay LMFT

Education

What's The Virtual Couch about?

The Virtual Couch is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, a marriage and family therapist, humor columnist, and motivational speaker who works with many individuals and couples in various areas, including marriage, sexual addiction, and parenting. Tony, and his guests, hope to provide listeners with tools and strategies to help break negative patterns and embrace new and exciting challenges in their lives.

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Shauna Roberts, LMFT on Ang...

05.31.2023

Just a few days ago, my friend and former colleague Shauna Roberts, LMFT, suffered an A-Com Aneurysm - a swelling within the anterior communicating artery in the brain that has ruptured.From her daughter, “Miraculously, she made it past emergency surgery ...

The Virtual Couch episodes:

05.31.2023 Shauna Roberts, LMFT on Anger, Therapy, and the "Tale of Pierre Santray!" Just a few days ago, my friend and former colleague Shauna Roberts, LMFT, suffered an A-Com Aneurysm - a swelling within the anterior communicating artery in the brain that has ruptured.From her daughter, “Miraculously, she made it past emergency surgery ...
05.24.2023 The Trust Fall: Catching Hope in Relationships Again Have you ever felt like a tightrope walker trying to balance your relationship on a fraying rope of trust? Or perhaps you're more of a DIY enthusiast who feels like they've been handed a relationship IKEA flatpack with a few ...
05.17.2023 Love's Rough Draft: Rewriting Unhappy Marriages (aka Relationships Shouldn't Suck!) Tony dissects the article “Divorce Probably Won’t Make You Happier, Study Says” https://www.additudemag.com/happy-healthy-marriage-divorce-adhd-relationship-news/ (https://www.additudemag.com/happy-healthy-marriage-divorce-adhd-relationship-news/) and shares why phrases like “marital endurance” and “build a good and happy life despite a mediocre marriage” don’t exactly make for the best sales pitch ...
05.10.2023 Making Sense of the Senseless: Unveiling the World of Apophenia Tony explores the concept of apophenia and its relevance in mental health. Apophenia refers to the tendency of the human brain to perceive patterns, connections, or meaningful relationships in random or meaningless data. While this cognitive phenomenon can be harmless, ...
05.03.2023 Simple Phrases that Indicate the Health of your Relationship PLUS Murder on the Couch Preview! Tony discusses the 9 phrases that, if used daily, are strong indicators that “your relationship is more successful” than most from the article “Harvard-trained psychologist: If you use any of these 9 phrases every day, ‘your relationship is more successful’ ...
04.26.2023 Pain is Unavoidable - Suffering...Not So Much (aka Optional) Pain is unavoidable; suffering, on the other hand, is apparently an option. Most people prefer neither pain nor suffering, but if suffering indeed is an option, how does one get rid of suffering in life? Tony references Jade Wu, Ph.D.'s ...
04.25.2023 Introducing "Murder on the Couch" - True Crime Meets Therapy...Follow Today! Murder on the Couch, a True Crime Meets Therapy Podcast co-hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning The Virtual Couch podcast, as well as Waking Up to Narcissism, and Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A Premium Podcast and his ...
04.19.2023 All These Fears Will Be For Your Good - Facing the Fear Trap True or false? You only use 10 percent of your brain? Albert Einstein was a lousy student, and look how he turned out! Positive affirmations will lead you to self-love and happiness. To get the answers, you'll need to listen ...
04.12.2023 Intimacy (aka S-E-X) w/Dan Purcell of "Get Your Marriage On!" Let's talk about S to the E-X, aka "intimacy." Dan Purcell, host of the "Get Your Marriage On" podcast as well as the "Intimately Us" app https://r.intimately.us/tonyoverbay (https://r.intimately.us/tonyoverbay) joins Tony to talk about the mission that he, along with his ...
04.05.2023 Teaching Our Kids (and our inner-child) Emotional Intelligence Childhood abandonment and neglect issues can manifest in seemingly unrelated ways in adulthood. In this episode, Tony helps you identify how they show up and how you can help your kids become more emotionally intelligent and resilient. Tony's muse today ...
03.29.2023 Alexa Lovell - One Year After a Devastating Accident, Surviving Setbacks and Diving into the Details Alexa (Overbay) Lovell survived a near-fatal accident a little over one year ago. She dives into the details of what the past year has been like, including recovery setbacks, unrealistic expectations, continued frustrations, the reality of potential addiction to pain ...
03.23.2023 Entrepreneur, Podcaster, Writer or D) All of the Above - Zlatko Bijelic On Taking What Life Gives You Zlatko "Z" Bijelic is an entrepreneur, podcaster, app developer, dog dad, former college soccer player, and foodie. He has now journaled daily for over a year and is also a highly sought-a...
03.22.2023 The Power of Community to Combat Addiction - Chandler Rogers on How the Relay App Repels Porn Tony gives a "state of the union" address on working with people struggling with turning to pornography as a coping mechanism. He then interviews Chandler Rogers, CEO of Relay, an app that...
03.15.2023 Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on Modeling Healthy Relationships, Trust, ADHD, Narcissism, and EFT vs. Differentiation Tony welcomes Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife back to The Virtual Couch for the 5th time! They discuss a variety of topics, including ADHD, the challenge of helping couples envision a version ...
03.08.2023 If You Aren't Willing to Have It (Anxiety, Fear, Doubt, Depression et al.) You Will - Understanding Acceptance Dr. Stephen Hayes, the founder of the groundbreaking therapy technique Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), says, “If you’re not willing to have it, then you will.” Have what, you might ask? Anything you are trying to get rid of, from ...
03.01.2023 What if I Don't Like Marshmallows? Revisiting the "Marshmallow Test" and other Pop-psychology "Myths" Does smiling make you happier? Can you truly predict the long-term success of an adult based on their love, or lack thereof, of marshmallows in their youth? Is depression always linked to a chemical imbalance in the brain? Tony takes ...
02.22.2023 Habit, Addict or Unconscious Response? The Latest Research on Why We Do What We Do! Did you know that more than 40 percent of everything you do is habitual? Are you addicted to your phone or social media? Or are you simply responding to a well-worn neurological cue/reward pattern? Tony discusses the latest in habit ...
02.15.2023 Dealing with Discomfort In Relationships...and Life! Tony dissects a couple's potentially destructive conversation, examining discomfort and anxiety's role in our relationships. He also talks about the challenges of relying on memory when attempting to have difficult conversations. And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel ...
02.08.2023 Listen to Your Gut: What Your Tummy Tells You About Your Anxiety - Camila Smith, LCSW Tony welcomes Camila Smith, LCSW, to the Virtual Couch. Camila is a psychotherapist, educator, and the Chief Clinical Officer of Bekome (http://joinbekome.co (http://joinbekome.co/)). Camila specializes in gut health, with an advanced doctoral focus in mental health and clinical nutrition. Tony ...
02.02.2023 McKinley Overbay - When Your Moment of Insane Courage Leads to Big Change…and a Little Bit of Throw Up Virtual Couch favorite and Tony's daughter, McKinley "Mackie" Overbay, joins the podcast to talk about some big changes happening in her life and how she has been able to do difficult, scary things despite having "all of the emotions." You ...
02.01.2023 Eating Chocolate - An Emotional Control Strategy or a Way to Stay Present? Exercise, meditation, prayer, and eating good food all sound like wonderful, emotional-baseline-raising activities. But depending on how you're doing them, they could also be a way to eliminate unwanted thoughts and feelings. Tony looks at "creative helplessness" and "emotional control ...
01.25.2023 You Say Faith Crisis, I Say Faith Journey - Understanding Both Sides of the Fence of Faith Tony shares new information from a recent speaking event addressing the challenges of navigating a faith journey. He talks about how difficult it is to understand any experience in life until you have gone through something similar; how hard-wired we ...
01.18.2023 10 Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship Explained Tony shares and responds to the article “The 10 Best Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship” by Seth Gillihan, PhD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202301/the-10-best-predictors-of-a-bad-romantic-relationship (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202301/the-10-best-predictors-of-a-bad-romantic-relationship) Tony also references the article “Attachment Woes Between Anxious and Avoidant Partners,” by Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202008/attachment-woes-between-anxious-and-avoidant-partners ...
01.11.2023 Tackling Trauma - More Lessons from "The Body Keeps the Score" "If you feel safe and loved, your brain becomes specialized in exploration, play, and cooperation; if you are frightened and unwanted, it specializes in managing feelings of fear and abandonment," says Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps ...
01.04.2023 The Psychology of the Churro - 8 Mental Health Lessons Learned from a Disneyland Christmas Tony shares 8 mental health lessons learned from a Christmas spent at Disneyland. 1) You’ll never really know something until you experience it. 2) Churros provide an immediate but temporary dopamine dump. 3) How to come back to the present ...
01.01.2023 BONUS - The ONLY Goal Setting Episode You'll Ever Need w/Neal Hooper, Creator of The Achievement Tribe Happy New Year! Whether or not you may be thinking about setting New Year’s resolutions or goals, or you absolutely detest the entire concept around goals and resolutions, this episode is for you. In this special bonus episode, Tony welcomes ...
12.29.2022 The Fun Habit - An Examination of Modern Approaches to Happiness w/Michael Rucker Ph.D. Tony interviews Michael Rucker, Ph.D. In 2016, Michael experienced a series of serious setbacks that caused him to challenge the tools he had built over the previous two decades as a student of positive psychology. Ultimately finding himself “unhappy, a ...
12.20.2022 Whether You Can or Can't You Are Correct! Exploring the Expectation Effect w/Nate Christensen APCC Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” Tony Overbay, LMFT, welcomes Nate Christensen, APCC, back to the Virtual Couch for his 6th appearance. Tony and Nate discuss David Robson’s book “The Expectation ...
12.14.2022 The Very Most Bestest Way to Change - aka Cognitive Flexibility Tony tackles an essential skill needed for lasting change, "cognitive flexibility," from the book ACT Made Simple - Second Edition by Russ Harris https://amzn.to/3FsneJ0 (https://amzn.to/3FsneJ0)If you are interested in being coached in Tony's upcoming "Magnetic Marriage Podcast," please email him ...
12.07.2022 Hold Up, I Can't Do That...Says Who? Losing our Limiting Beliefs You can't run marathons after 50! You can't change your career after you've invested so much time and energy into it! Dads don't get all up in their feelings! Says who? Our pasts, our brains, our lack of understanding, that's ...
11.30.2022 ACT Helps You Do Life Better - Period! Dr. Michael Twohig on Anxiety, OCD, Trauma, and More Dr. Michael Twohig joins Tony to talk about his early involvement in the then “new kid on the psychology block,” acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). Dr. Twohig shares his initial hesitation in embracing ACT and what eventually led him to ...
11.23.2022 Gratitude Makes You Poop! The science is solid; gratitude makes you poop! We often hear that we need to be more grateful to truly be happy. Is gratitude simply born of pop-psychology psychobabble, or is it actually an evidence-based way to improve our lives? ...
11.16.2022 Waving the White Flag Against Violent Communication - A Waking Up to Narcissism Crossover Episode Thanks for a slight error in uploading the correct file on Tony's "Waking Up to Narcissism" podcast; he shares the correct episode as a "crossover" on The Virtual Couch. Tony adds "The Mailbox Metaphor," a powerful Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ...
11.09.2022 Reaction vs. Response - How to “Slow Your Roll” When met with an unexpected situation, do you react or respond? And what is the difference? According to Dr. Matt James, while some people use the words interchangeably, there is a world of difference in their meanings. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/focus-forgiveness/201609/react-vs-respond (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/focus-forgiveness/201609/react-vs-respond) Tony ...
11.02.2022 The Benefits of Being Authentic, Healthy Ego vs Narcissism, and Non-Violent Communication How do you know what you don’t know? Tony shares an example of what it feels like to speak to a group of people when you seek validation versus speaking because you care deeply about the topic you are presenting. ...
10.26.2022 Preston Pugmire on Discovering Your Mission, Values, and Purpose Preston Pugmire is the host of the Next Level Life podcast, an award-winning life coach, and co-creator of The Magnetic Marriage couples communication course. Preston joins Tony to discuss the importance of discovering and living by your values. Preston shares ...
10.19.2022 Attention ALL Parents! Part 2 - Navigating the "Family System," the Role of "Presence and Radiance" and You Really Are Trying Your Best! Part 2 Tony discusses the challenges of modern-day parenting youth who have grown up with technology at their fingertips from birth. He reads a question from a disheartened mother of adult children who asks when the child needs to take ...
10.12.2022 Attention ALL Parents! Parenting IS More Difficult These Days - Here's Why and What to Do (Part 1) Tony talks about the challenges of parenting modern-day youth who have grown up with technology at their fingertips from birth. He discusses the information he learned from a consulting opportunity at a large tech company looking to retain people under ...
10.05.2022 Stop Being So Clingy! Why Anxiously Attached People Can Be Exhaustingly Amazing! Tony explains what it means to be anxiously attached and how emotionally draining it is to be in a relationship with someone who has an anxious attachment style. Symptoms of an anxious attachment style in adults can be (from https://www.verywellmind.com/attachment-anxiety-4692761 ...
09.28.2022 Exploring a Better Way to Think About Your Thoughts Tony shares his thoughts on how to think better about how you think. You think the thoughts you do because you're the only version of you ever to walk the planet...so you think thoughts and feel feelings because, well, you ...
09.22.2022 Monica Tanner on the "Secrets of Happily Ever After" in Marriage Monica Tanner, the host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast, joins Tony to talk about the secrets of achieving "happily ever after" in your marriage. They cover parenting, tension, physical and emotional intimacy, narcissism, and why being intentional ...
09.13.2022 Therapy, Narcissistic Leaders, and Healthy Ego - Kurt Francom Interviews Tony Overbay on Leading Saints Tony Overbay, LMFT, was interviewed by Kurt Francom, executive director of LeadingSaints.org and the Leading Saints podcast host. They covered the topics of therapy, treating people struggling with turning to pornography as an unhealthy coping mechanism with love, not shame, ...
09.08.2022 Don't Go to Bed Angry, A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned, Don't Judge - Debunking Modern Day Proverbs Is it truly better to stay up until all hours of the morning while reaching the depths of sleep deprivation to "work things out" with your spouse, or should you just go to bed and talk in the morning? Is ...
08.31.2022 Finally THE Blueprint for Happiness (part 1 of 2) Tony shares part 1 of a 2-part podcast on his "blueprint to happiness." Tony goes back to the beginning, YOUR beginning, as he starts from birth in describing why it can be so difficult to be happy and what is ...
08.25.2022 What it Feels Like to Be YOU (And Why So Many People Think They Know YOU Better Than YOU!) YOU are truly one-of-a-kind, the only version of YOU that ever walked the face of the earth. And because of that, you truly feel, think and behave the way you do because, well, you're YOU! So how did you get ...
08.17.2022 The Secret to Emotional Growth and Maturity w/Nate Christensen, APCC Tony welcomes Nate Christensen, APCC and host of the podcast "Working Change," with his wife Marla https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/working-change/id1582227016 (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/working-change/id1582227016) to the Virtual Couch. Nate shares his 4-step emotional process and explains where we have more of an opportunity to work with ...
08.10.2022 Alana and Luke Gordon On Navigating Betrayal Trauma - Love, Honesty and Control (You Can Only Pick 2) Alana Gordon and her husband Luke share their story of the highs and lows of navigating a marriage after discovering Luke’s pornography and sex addiction. They talk about what their marriage looked like leading up to the discovery of Luke’s ...
08.03.2022 Examining 4 Marriage Myths - From Russ Harris's Book "ACT With Love" Tony talks about his "aha" moment when attending a wedding over the past weekend of why marriages begin with a lot of pressure and unrealized expectations that originate from each person's family history. Then he shares Russ Harris's 4 Myths ...
07.28.2022 You Are What You Think...Or You Think What You Are? Looking at Implicit vs Explicit Memory Does it really matter what you do throughout the day concerning your mental health? Tony tackles the impact of implicit memory and how the "flow of experience gradually sculpts your brain, thus shaping your mind" from the book "Buddha's Brain: ...
07.21.2022 The Positive Aspects of Negativity - Why Dissatisfaction is Hardwired With all of the amazing advances in technology, the increased awareness of our mental health, and apps, shows, programs, and therapists at our fingertips, why is it so hard to be happy? Tony discusses the "surprising psychology of why dissatisfaction ...

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