The Virtual Couch

By Tony Overbay LMFT

Education

What's The Virtual Couch about?

The Virtual Couch is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, a marriage and family therapist, humor columnist, and motivational speaker who works with many individuals and couples in various areas, including marriage, sexual addiction, and parenting. Tony, and his guests, hope to provide listeners with tools and strategies to help break negative patterns and embrace new and exciting challenges in their lives.

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Self-Awareness: 95% Of Peop...

11.28.2023

Research shows that 95% of adults believe they are self-aware, yet only 10-15% actually are. Where do you fit into this equation? Tony delves into the world of emotional intelligence, and how your emotions shape your reactions, and how that ...

The Virtual Couch episodes:

11.28.2023 Self-Awareness: 95% Of People Think They Are, But Only 15% Actually Are - Unveiling Emotional Intelligence Research shows that 95% of adults believe they are self-aware, yet only 10-15% actually are. Where do you fit into this equation? Tony delves into the world of emotional intelligence, and how your emotions shape your reactions, and how that ...
11.13.2023 It’s a Me Thing, Dang It! - Strengthening Parent-Child Relationships From Changing Their Diapers to (Hopefully!) Them Changing Yours Have you ever wished for a better relationship with your parents? As a parent, do you worry that how you're raising your kids now might make them feel disconnected from you as adults? Where does one start laying the foundation ...
10.30.2023 Processing the Unthinkable: Hours After Lewiston, Maine Neighborhood Mass Murder Last Wednesday evening, October 25, 2023, Tony Overbay, LMFT, and Joshua Shea traded text messages as they often do on Wednesday to discuss whether or not they were going to meet virtually early Thursday morning as they continue to work ...
10.23.2023 When Therapy/Coaching Does More Harm Than Good - The Destructive Nature of Shame and Blame Tony tackles the alarming issue of unhealthy practices in therapy, spurred by a recent news article detailing the unethical behavior of therapist Jody Hildebrandt. The article: “A former client of Jodi Hildebrandt says his family and life were 'destroyed' after ...
10.11.2023 Worry Less, Live More: How to Hit the Happiness Jackpot by Letting Go Have you ever wondered why chasing happiness often leaves you feeling unfulfilled? Or why your need for control seems to be controlling you? Tony answers these questions and more as he dives into the complexities of happiness, control, and commitment ...
10.05.2023 Wounded by Words? Healing the Scars of Internal Negativity Dive deep with Tony as he unravels the origins and implications of our "inner critic." From the evolutionary roots that kept our ancestors safe from predators to the modern-day societal...
09.28.2023 Do Babies and Robots Dream? How Dreams Improve Mental Health! Have you ever heard that when a baby, or a dog, or basically any animal is twitching, they are dreaming? But what if that twitching occurs in the womb or from a baby mouse whose eyes haven't yet opened? Tony ...
09.20.2023 Julie Lee on Losing Her Sister, Navigating Divorce, Embracing ADHD - Using Humor to Heal Tony reconnects with Julie Lee, who opens up about a tumultuous year marked by personal challenges, including her divorce and the heartrending loss of her sister. Additionally, Julie reveals a recent ADHD diagnosis, joining Tony in the ranks of those ...
09.13.2023 Discovering Self-Assured Motherhood with Rachel Nielson, Host of 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms Rachel Nielson joins Tony Overbay from the 3 in 30 Podcast for Moms to share the details of Rachel’s time-sensitive once-a-year program, “Self-Assured Motherhood” (SAM). SAM is a 9-month c...
09.07.2023 Balancing Heartbeats, Hashtags and Postpartum Depression: Modern-Day Motherhood w/Gayane Aramyan, LMFT Tony welcomes Gayane Aramyan, LMFT (https://www.therapywithgayane.com/ (https://www.therapywithgayane.com/), https://www.instagram.com/therapywithgayane/), for an enlightening exploration of contemporary parenting. Tony expresses that he genuinely “doesn’t know what he doesn’t know,” as a seasoned (translation “old”) father whose parenting experience hails from a less digital ...
08.31.2023 Differentiation for Dummies: Finding Your Voice in the Relationship Choir Tony explains what the psychology “buzzword” differentiation means and why it is essential to not only be differentiated in your key relationships but also how differentiation, or being able to recognize and separate your feelings and emotions from external influences, ...
08.24.2023 Why We Misunderstand Each Other: An Exploration of Relational Frames Tony explains why it is so easy to be misunderstood. He delves deep into the intricate world of Relational Frame Theory, shedding light on the pivotal role frame choice plays in our conversations. Through engaging discussions and real-life examples, Tony ...
08.21.2023 Introducing The Mind, The Mirror & Me: Be Afraid and Do It Anyway Tony introduces a brand new podcast to The Virtual Couch Podcast Network, "The Mind, The Mirror & Me." Tony co-hosts the podcast with his daughter Mackie Overbay, a licensed cosmetologist and mental health advocate. Fear, anxiety, and embracing change take ...
08.17.2023 Every, and I Mean EVERY Conversation Can Help You Grow - Holding the “Assertive Frame” Tony explains how every conversation and interaction with the right tools can be for your good. He discusses the importance of effective communication and understanding personal bi...
08.09.2023 Exploring the Enneagram, Mental Health and Self-Discovery with Artist Mikenzi Mitchell Tony sits down with graphic artist Mikenzi Mitchell to delve into her personal journey and creative process. Mikenzi reveals her fascination with Enneagrams and how they have helped her co...
08.02.2023 Embracing Change, Discomfort, and Connection in Parenting w/Mackie Overbay Tony welcomes his daughter Mackie Overbay, a licensed cosmetologist and new podcast host, to the Virtual Couch. They delve into the multifaceted parenting journey as children transition into new stages of life. They unpack the generational disconnect, emphasize the ever-changing ...
07.27.2023 You're Not Broken, You're Human: Exploring Rising Depression Rates w/Nate Christensen, APCC In this candid episode of 'The Virtual Couch,' host Tony Overbay, LMFT, is joined by his colleague, Nate Christensen, APCC. Together, they dissect the trend highlighted in a recent article titled "U.S. Depression Rates Reach New Highs" https://news.gallup.com/poll/505745/depression-rates-reach-new-highs.aspx (https://news.gallup.com/poll/505745/depression-rates-reach-new-highs.aspx) while ...
07.19.2023 Grief to Growth: Aurora Florence and Jeff Dickamore on their Movie ‘Too Soon’ Join host Tony Overbay, LMFT, on The Virtual Couch podcast as he sits down with filmmakers Aurora Florence and Jeff Dickamore, the creative minds behind the groundbreaking romantic comedy, "Too Soon." In this captivating episode, they delve into the making ...
07.13.2023 Building Bridges, Not Walls: Exploring the Four Pillars of Connected Conversations Tony Overbay, LMFT, delves into his Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation and introduces the acronym BASE to help listeners better remember the pillars during conversations. He also shares a new "pre-pillar" or becoming more grounded before entering the 4 ...
07.06.2023 Unearthing Emotional Scars: Director Reed Harkness Discusses 'Sam Now' and the Impacts of Discomfort and Childhood Abandonment Tony interviews filmmaker Reed Harkness, the film Sam Now's director and co-star. From reviewer Matt Zoller Seitz, “Sam Now" is a gentle, empathetic movie that will be unbearably intense for viewers who fear abandonment. However, that might prove to be ...
06.28.2023 Beyond the Comfort Zone: Unmasking True Feelings - A Dive into Anxiety's Root Causes (Part 2) Today’s episode is part 2 of 2 on dealing with the concepts around discomfort and certainty. In episode 1, Tony broke down the importance of acknowledging and feeling our emotions without judgment, reminding us that this is key for our ...
06.21.2023 Craig Perra - Strength Over Disease: Challenging Traditional Models of Pornography Addiction Recovery Tony shares some sad news about the loss of his friend and colleague, Shawna Roberts. She was the one who introduced him to today's guest, Craig Perra. Craig is the creator of The Mindful Habit System https://www.themindfulhabit.com/, a life-changing approach ...
06.14.2023 Navigating Challenges: Lessons of Love and Resilience from Emma's Story Duff and Keirra Dyer join Tony to share a deeply vulnerable story of their daughter Emma's loss and their journey of unconditional love, parenting, and resilience through the toughest of times. They open up about Emma's early struggles with pornography, ...
06.07.2023 Beyond the Comfort Zone: The Brain's Belief About Discomfort, Memory, and Certainty (1 of 2) In today’s episode, Tony embarks on a fascinating exploration of the human mind's seemingly paradoxical inclinations. Our discussion begins with an intriguing investigation of "flashbulb m...
05.31.2023 Shauna Roberts, LMFT on Anger, Therapy, and the "Tale of Pierre Santray!" Just a few days ago, my friend and former colleague Shauna Roberts, LMFT, suffered an A-Com Aneurysm - a swelling within the anterior communicating artery in the brain that has ruptured.From her daughter, “Miraculously, she made it past emergency surgery ...
05.24.2023 The Trust Fall: Catching Hope in Relationships Again Have you ever felt like a tightrope walker trying to balance your relationship on a fraying rope of trust? Or perhaps you're more of a DIY enthusiast who feels like they've been handed a relationship IKEA flatpack with a few ...
05.17.2023 Love's Rough Draft: Rewriting Unhappy Marriages (aka Relationships Shouldn't Suck!) Tony dissects the article “Divorce Probably Won’t Make You Happier, Study Says” https://www.additudemag.com/happy-healthy-marriage-divorce-adhd-relationship-news/ (https://www.additudemag.com/happy-healthy-marriage-divorce-adhd-relationship-news/) and shares why phrases like “marital endurance” and “build a good and happy life despite a mediocre marriage” don’t exactly make for the best sales pitch ...
05.10.2023 Making Sense of the Senseless: Unveiling the World of Apophenia Tony explores the concept of apophenia and its relevance in mental health. Apophenia refers to the tendency of the human brain to perceive patterns, connections, or meaningful relationships in random or meaningless data. While this cognitive phenomenon can be harmless, ...
05.03.2023 Simple Phrases that Indicate the Health of your Relationship PLUS Murder on the Couch Preview! Tony discusses the 9 phrases that, if used daily, are strong indicators that “your relationship is more successful” than most from the article “Harvard-trained psychologist: If you use any of these 9 phrases every day, ‘your relationship is more successful’ ...
04.26.2023 Pain is Unavoidable - Suffering...Not So Much (aka Optional) Pain is unavoidable; suffering, on the other hand, is apparently an option. Most people prefer neither pain nor suffering, but if suffering indeed is an option, how does one get rid of suffering in life? Tony references Jade Wu, Ph.D.'s ...
04.25.2023 Introducing "Murder on the Couch" - True Crime Meets Therapy...Follow Today! Murder on the Couch, a True Crime Meets Therapy Podcast co-hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning The Virtual Couch podcast, as well as Waking Up to Narcissism, and Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A Premium Podcast and his ...
04.19.2023 All These Fears Will Be For Your Good - Facing the Fear Trap True or false? You only use 10 percent of your brain? Albert Einstein was a lousy student, and look how he turned out! Positive affirmations will lead you to self-love and happiness. To get the answers, you'll need to listen ...
04.12.2023 Intimacy (aka S-E-X) w/Dan Purcell of "Get Your Marriage On!" Let's talk about S to the E-X, aka "intimacy." Dan Purcell, host of the "Get Your Marriage On" podcast as well as the "Intimately Us" app https://r.intimately.us/tonyoverbay (https://r.intimately.us/tonyoverbay) joins Tony to talk about the mission that he, along with his ...
04.05.2023 Teaching Our Kids (and our inner-child) Emotional Intelligence Childhood abandonment and neglect issues can manifest in seemingly unrelated ways in adulthood. In this episode, Tony helps you identify how they show up and how you can help your kids become more emotionally intelligent and resilient. Tony's muse today ...
03.29.2023 Alexa Lovell - One Year After a Devastating Accident, Surviving Setbacks and Diving into the Details Alexa (Overbay) Lovell survived a near-fatal accident a little over one year ago. She dives into the details of what the past year has been like, including recovery setbacks, unrealistic expectations, continued frustrations, the reality of potential addiction to pain ...
03.23.2023 Entrepreneur, Podcaster, Writer or D) All of the Above - Zlatko Bijelic On Taking What Life Gives You Zlatko "Z" Bijelic is an entrepreneur, podcaster, app developer, dog dad, former college soccer player, and foodie. He has now journaled daily for over a year and is also a highly sought-a...
03.22.2023 The Power of Community to Combat Addiction - Chandler Rogers on How the Relay App Repels Porn Tony gives a "state of the union" address on working with people struggling with turning to pornography as a coping mechanism. He then interviews Chandler Rogers, CEO of Relay, an app that...
03.15.2023 Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on Modeling Healthy Relationships, Trust, ADHD, Narcissism, and EFT vs. Differentiation Tony welcomes Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife back to The Virtual Couch for the 5th time! They discuss a variety of topics, including ADHD, the challenge of helping couples envision a version ...
03.08.2023 If You Aren't Willing to Have It (Anxiety, Fear, Doubt, Depression et al.) You Will - Understanding Acceptance Dr. Stephen Hayes, the founder of the groundbreaking therapy technique Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), says, “If you’re not willing to have it, then you will.” Have what, you might ask? Anything you are trying to get rid of, from ...
03.01.2023 What if I Don't Like Marshmallows? Revisiting the "Marshmallow Test" and other Pop-psychology "Myths" Does smiling make you happier? Can you truly predict the long-term success of an adult based on their love, or lack thereof, of marshmallows in their youth? Is depression always linked to a chemical imbalance in the brain? Tony takes ...
02.22.2023 Habit, Addict or Unconscious Response? The Latest Research on Why We Do What We Do! Did you know that more than 40 percent of everything you do is habitual? Are you addicted to your phone or social media? Or are you simply responding to a well-worn neurological cue/reward pattern? Tony discusses the latest in habit ...
02.15.2023 Dealing with Discomfort In Relationships...and Life! Tony dissects a couple's potentially destructive conversation, examining discomfort and anxiety's role in our relationships. He also talks about the challenges of relying on memory when attempting to have difficult conversations. And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel ...
02.08.2023 Listen to Your Gut: What Your Tummy Tells You About Your Anxiety - Camila Smith, LCSW Tony welcomes Camila Smith, LCSW, to the Virtual Couch. Camila is a psychotherapist, educator, and the Chief Clinical Officer of Bekome (http://joinbekome.co (http://joinbekome.co/)). Camila specializes in gut health, with an advanced doctoral focus in mental health and clinical nutrition. Tony ...
02.02.2023 McKinley Overbay - When Your Moment of Insane Courage Leads to Big Change…and a Little Bit of Throw Up Virtual Couch favorite and Tony's daughter, McKinley "Mackie" Overbay, joins the podcast to talk about some big changes happening in her life and how she has been able to do difficult, scary things despite having "all of the emotions." You ...
02.01.2023 Eating Chocolate - An Emotional Control Strategy or a Way to Stay Present? Exercise, meditation, prayer, and eating good food all sound like wonderful, emotional-baseline-raising activities. But depending on how you're doing them, they could also be a way to eliminate unwanted thoughts and feelings. Tony looks at "creative helplessness" and "emotional control ...
01.25.2023 You Say Faith Crisis, I Say Faith Journey - Understanding Both Sides of the Fence of Faith Tony shares new information from a recent speaking event addressing the challenges of navigating a faith journey. He talks about how difficult it is to understand any experience in life until you have gone through something similar; how hard-wired we ...
01.18.2023 10 Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship Explained Tony shares and responds to the article “The 10 Best Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship” by Seth Gillihan, PhD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202301/the-10-best-predictors-of-a-bad-romantic-relationship (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202301/the-10-best-predictors-of-a-bad-romantic-relationship) Tony also references the article “Attachment Woes Between Anxious and Avoidant Partners,” by Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202008/attachment-woes-between-anxious-and-avoidant-partners ...
01.11.2023 Tackling Trauma - More Lessons from "The Body Keeps the Score" "If you feel safe and loved, your brain becomes specialized in exploration, play, and cooperation; if you are frightened and unwanted, it specializes in managing feelings of fear and abandonment," says Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps ...
01.04.2023 The Psychology of the Churro - 8 Mental Health Lessons Learned from a Disneyland Christmas Tony shares 8 mental health lessons learned from a Christmas spent at Disneyland. 1) You’ll never really know something until you experience it. 2) Churros provide an immediate but temporary dopamine dump. 3) How to come back to the present ...
01.01.2023 BONUS - The ONLY Goal Setting Episode You'll Ever Need w/Neal Hooper, Creator of The Achievement Tribe Happy New Year! Whether or not you may be thinking about setting New Year’s resolutions or goals, or you absolutely detest the entire concept around goals and resolutions, this episode is for you. In this special bonus episode, Tony welcomes ...

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