Thriving Adoptees - Let's Thrive

Fighting abandonment, grief and loss is for many of us, a deeply ingrained habit. Pamela's 27 year relationship with alcohol was a big part of her fight. She shares some of her life changing insights on the road to sobriety and finding happiness within.

Pamela Karanova, an adult adoptee, living in Lexington, Kentucky, was born in Waterloo, Iowa, in 1974. Although Pamela’s roots are scattered all over Iowa, she considers Kentucky to be her home.

Pamela is the President of a National Nonprofit called Adoptees Connect. Adoptees Connect is focused on putting adoptee voices first, creating irreplaceable adoptee-centric spaces where adoptee voices meet. The original connect group was planted in Lexington, KY, in January 2018. In just three short years, 50 connect groups have been planted in different locations around the USA, with two being in Canada. Pamela’s vision for Adoptees Connect didn’t stop in her community. She desires all adoptees to have an adoptee community to fall back on, so these groups are growing and expanding globally. They are designed to take online relationships offline and get to know the person behind the profile. In April 2019, Pamela won the “Angel In Adoption” award on behalf of the National Association for Adoptees and Parents for her role in the adoption community. Pamela is the creator and founder of Adoptee Remembrance Day – October 30th.  Here is a Adoptees Connect, Inc. Google Earth Project she’s created that shows all the group locations scattered all over the USA, Canada and even Queensland, Australia.

Check out The Real Adoptea Moxie - adoptee-centric writings that boldly highlight the adoptee experience where motivation meets moxie at:

therealadopteamoxie.substack.com

https://www.facebook.com/pamelakaranova

https://www.instagram.com/pamelakaranova

https://www.linkedin.com/in/pamelakaranova/

https://open.spotify.com/show/2FGmPmog8cFONagMM7ILja?si=a8a26cdc659c4a4d&nd=1

https://pamelakaranova.com/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

VL felt, as so many of us adoptees do, like an outsider. She was also adopted into abuse. Listen in as she shares what's helped move past this to forgiveness and letting guilt go.

V.L. Brunskill is the award-winning author of the Savannah novel Waving Backwards and the forthcoming memoir The Killing Closet. She is also a blogger at adoptionfindwhere she shares lessons learned from her (pre-internet) adoption search, and her journey towards spiritual healing.

In addition to her personal blog, V.L. is head of conference production at Argyle. In this role she creates content, abstracts and landing page copy for all events. She also oversees a robust team of producers, speakers and sponsors.

Long before she penned her first novel, V.L. was putting pen to paper as a freelance music journalist at Metronome Magazine, North Shore Magazine, CREEM, SPIN, and the Boston Phoenix.  From rock stars to rocking ions, V.L. went on to become senior editor of an IT magazine, and a technical writer in the ion implantation field.

Having found her birth family, her reunion journey entailed a daunting seven-year-search for her birth mother, and another five-years looking for her birth father.

She moved South to be closer to both.

https://www.facebook.com/vlbrunskill/

https://adoptionfind.wordpress.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/vickilynnbrunskill

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Transracial adoptee Gina grew up in a very white part of the USA. Racism was part of her daily life. Listen is she shares her insights into getting clear about who she is, bravery and confidence. 

Here's a bit about Gina and the background to her interview:

The child welfare system can be a labyrinth for foster children and adoptees - a maze built around sometimes inadequate research, poor information and ideology. What passes for "normal" assumptions about families and "healthy" racial identities is open to question. Longstanding policies that promote colorblindness in adoption and practices that overlook the unique needs of foster children whose adulthoods are launched without a legally permanent family should be re-examined.

In her ground-breaking research, Gina M. Samuels, an associate professor at the School of Social Service Administration, examines two broad themes: identity development among transracial adoptees and the "aging out" of young adults from foster care. As a multiracial adoptee and past child welfare worker, Samuels' scholarly work is distinct, informed by her professional and lived experience.

Her study of multiracial adoptees, based on interviews of 18-35-year-olds, pointedly questions current adoption policies that encourage colorblindness. In fact, assumptions that multiracial children will easily integrate into white families and face less racial stigma runs counter to her research. Rather, finds Samuels, colorblind parenting may well be more damaging than helpful to children. Yet many adopting parents - even more so than placement workers - downplay the role of race in raising their multiracial children, leaving children to navigate these dynamics on their own.

Her transracial adoption research - "Being raised by white people: Navigating racial difference among multiracial adopted adults," published in the Journal of Family and Marriage - comes at an especially timely moment. The election of a biracial president will certainly elevate discussions of race in society - and, this just after the release in the spring of 2008 of a report by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, which is highly critical of federal legislation removing race from the equation of adoption placement decisions. Culturally relevant adoption practice, says Samuels, requires a level of "nuance" which is very difficult to legislate.

In her foster care research, Samuels is studying how the child welfare system can play a constructive role in building supportive family networks for young adults aging out of care. A key challenge for foster children is developing a family-based sense of identity, buffeted as they often are by influences from biological and foster parents, siblings, and peers. In her paper, "A reason, a season, or a lfetime: Relational permanence among young adults with foster care backgrounds," she finds that dependable emotional support systems are what's most needed by foster youth - and most missing. The study, funded by the Jim Casey Youth Opportunities Initiative, recommended that foster care workers seek to build permanent networks that include biological and foster family members, highlighting the important role of caseworkers as youth transition to adulthood.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/gmsamuels/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Doug almost died when he was 5. When he found out he was adopted at 6 he took that in his stride. What on earth do these two things have to do with one another? What on earth can we learn from this to help us be happier? Listen in with big ears. This is a BIG episode!

Here's a bit about Doug from Amazon

"I lost my adoptive mother, and my adoptive father has since remarried. However, I always felt a longing to know more about my biological family. I discovered that I may have a sibling somewhere. I felt it was important to learn about my biological parents and any potential medical issues that could impact me or my family in the future. In this book, I share my journey of researching my biological family, from using "official" documentation before DNA testing was available to discovering my DNA relatives. If you're an adoptee or searching for your biological family, this book may offer valuable insights and guidance for your own journey. This book includes a Discussion Guide for reading groups."

More at

 https://www.amazon.com/stores/Douglas-M.-Dubrish/author/B003DO5ZWS?ref=ap_rdr&store_ref=ap_rdr&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/Doug0206

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4274876.Douglas_M_Dubrish

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Identity is tricky - to say the least - for many of us adoptees. For late discovery adoptees it can be a complete nightmare. LDA Fred's identity was swept away. So how did he find out who he really is? Listen as Fred shares his learning curve and see how that could help you along yours. There are lessons aplenty for all of us - not just LDAs.

Here's a bit about Fred from his website.

Fred Nicora has followed a path of unexplained restlessness ignited by undisclosed triggers in his efforts to find the right fit for his own identity and seek truth in his life.  Careers explored on his journey include health care administration, architecture, business consulting, high school and middle school teaching, corporate business management, and his own entrepreneurial endeavors including a startup fitness-based nutrition company and now authoring stories reflecting his perspective and insights of experiences from traumatic events and unusual life altering experiences including his status as a Late Discovery Adoptee.  His work thoughtfully examines self-identity, adoption, recovery from addiction, spiritual, mental, and physical fitness, and faith.

​Fred’s other passion is developing and selling nutrient packed, delicious, gluten free baked products sold as Fred’s Breads, www.fredsbreadstore.com.  Offerings focus on a unique blend of mouth-watering flavor combinations naturally high in protein with additional protein boosts available.  Some products are also offered as vegan gluten free. 

Fred holds a B.S. in Business Administration, an M.S. in Management Technology, a Master’s in Architecture and a secondary lifetime Teaching License via a master’s program.  Following a traumatic life altering event, Fred struggled with drug and alcohol addiction eventually finding sobriety and his need for spiritual, mental, and physical health. 

A father of three grown children, Fred currently lives and maintains a small hobby farm in Southeastern Wisconsin where he breeds and sells registered Dexter cattle.  Lines are bred for excellent temperament, in both polled and horned options with strong confirmation in both milking and beefing lines.

https://www.instagram.com/frednicora.fitness/

https://twitter.com/frednicora

https://www.facebook.com/fred.nicora

https://www.frednicora.com/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Hypervigilance — the elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats around you — is often the result of a trauma. No wonder it's so common amongst us adoptees. Listen in as Jools and I explore it and becoming comfortable in our own skins.

Here's a bit about Jools from her website:

I am an adoptee from the “Baby Scoop” era. I spent more than 25 years searching for my biological origins in Australia- from the US. The last piece was put into place thanks to Genetic Genealogy. Since then, I have helped numerous Adoptees, MPEs (Misattributed Parentage) and Donor Conceived Individuals find their origins. As of this writing I have solved upwards of 200 cases.

Why Choose me for your search?

I spent the first three years of my career working for a Private Investigator. I finally decided to branch out on my own because, for many, going through a PI was cost prohibitive. With me there is no “middle man”- so my fees are typically less than half the cost of a larger company- but with the benefit of one on one expert assistance and counseling.

There are many services that provide a variety of search options for Adoptees, NPE/MPEs, DCPs and Foundlings.

The difference is that I am an Adoptee. 

I’m also an MPE (Misattributed Parentage Event). Having found my biological mother in 1989 I was told who my biological father was. I spent 25 years looking for him. I finally succeeded in 2014. I proceeded to build out the entire paternal tree and travelled to Australia to meet my father, siblings and multiple extended family members. Whilst there I asked my father to “spit in a tube” for me- just to make it official.

Do you see where this is going? You guessed it. The DNA results showed that he was not my father. Devastating.

After my biological mother indicated that she was as surprised as I was- and had absolutely no idea who it might be- I began studying my DNA and learning how to use DNA results to find answers for myself. That happened in 2016 when a close enough paternal match showed up (2nd cousin) and, with the help of my mentors, finally received my answer.  

My father passed away in 2009. I don’t want that to happen to others.

Check out her and her great podcast at:

https://cutoffgenes.com/

https://www.facebook.com/geneticgenealogy/

https://www.instagram.com/cutoffgenespodcast/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-jackson-0a767523/

https://www.tiktok.com/@joolsjackson

https://twitter.com/joolsjackson

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Our volcanic eruptions of anger threatens to burn us alive. Gut wrenching shame threatens to engulf and drown us. So how do we survive this rollercoaster of a life? Listen in as Carolyn shares what she's learned - and continues to learn - to heal.

Carolyn or Patricia as her birth mother named her, was born in April 1959, in the historic English town of Stratford- upon- Avon. She was the first daughter of Pat, a young secretary and dancer who met her father while working her first seasonat Butlins in sunny Skegness. 

At six weeks old she was adopted by a Birmingham couple, her father being a local chartered accountant. Although her adoptive parents had hoped to adopt again she found herself growing up as an only child, which caused her to feel lonely at times.

Being a bright girl Carolyn was moved into a class of children two years her senior making it even more difficult to fit in. From time to time she found herself becoming unexpectedly angry, these sporadic outbursts continuing into adulthood and causing her to be misunderstood by others around her. She didn’t discover where this rage originated from until her coach suggested she explored the possibility of it being her inner child trying to attract her attention. 

This was the key that unlocked so much of how she had felt all her life. The sense of rejection, being a misfit, continually seeking validation, love and acceptance that had led to her falling into two abusive relationships, difficulty bonding with her children, it all made sense now. 

With this new found understanding she could start to work through the past and begin to heal the invisible wound within. 

Carolyn has always worked in the health and care sector, first as a physiotherapist and more since 2011 as a support worker for vulnerable older adults. Her compassion and empathy also led  her to writing her first memoir From A Place Called Shame and contributing to several multi-author books; all of which share a part of her life and recovery story to inspire those walking a similar path. 

Our volcanic eruptions of anger threatens to burn us alive. Gut wrenching shame chills the molten lava in an instant only to threaten to engulf, overwhelm then drown us. So how do we survive this rollercoaster of a life? Listen in as Carolyn shares what she's learned - and continues to learn - to navigate the tough stuff.

Carolyn has been described by many as a lightworker and is called the Overcoming Queen by those in her social media circles. 

She is currently working towards creating a trauma recovery workshop Paint It Out, providing a safe space to throw emotions onto canvas thereby externalising them, a vital step in releasing, healing  and moving forward from pain in our past. 

Follow/ contact Carolyn here: 

https://www.facebook.com/carolynjaneparker

https://www.instagram.com/restoringselfbelief

From A Place Called Shame, the trails & tribulations of my teens, and twenties from college to motherhood which I began to understand in light of the inner child work. 

https://amzn.eu/d/74Zh0I8

Beautifully Broken (ch1 :Little Miss Misunderstood is the story of me discovering my inner child / impact of this )

https://amzn.to/3Rt32dW

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

The powerful emotions we adoptees feel can sometimes threaten to overwhelm us. So how do we get past those feelings? Listen in as fellow adoptee and podcaster Jennifer and I explore trauma, deceit, identity, mindful awareness and much more. 

Here's a bit about Jennifer from her website:

Hi, I'm Jennifer who is an adoptee in reunion with both sides of my birth family. I have been connected with the adoption community for over a decade and am always interested in hearing the personal stories of adoptees from all over the globe. I was born and raised in Chicago, IL. and in foster care for two years before my adoption. Prior to my 48th birthday, I set the intention to search for my birth family. The Truth So Far… is a memoir of my willingness to be open, honest and public about my adoption experience.

Once Upon A Time...In Adopteeland, the podcast is another way for me to hopefully add a valuable resource to the adoption community from the perspective of the adoptee.

https://www.jenniferdyanghoston.com/

https://www.instagram.com/jenniferdyanghoston

https://www.facebook.com/Onceuponatimeinadopteeland/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

How can we love ourselves when we don't know who we are. Listen in as adoptee Ron shares what he's learned about his genetic identity and history to get closure. We also talk about busting the belief we are not loveable.

Ron Levi (1964- ) was born and raised in Detroit, Michigan and raised his family in Centennial, Colorado for eleven years before returning to Michigan in 2007. Mr. Levi is a Senior Project Management Professional and Entrepreneur with over 30 years of experience in technical sales, business startup & operations, and customer service. Certified in the Project Management profession by the Project Management Institute (PMP), the IBM Corporation, and Stanford University (SCPM), he holds a B.A. in

Psychology from the Wayne State University. He founded One Nation Books and Art in 1993 and is the inventor of Ojamas, novelty election-themed pajamas which were sold world-wide during the 2008 US Presidential Election campaign.

Ron and his wife, Frances, are also the parents of three adult sons who have played competitive ice hockey at every level from mini-mite through high school, midget AAA and on to the professional ranks. They know what it's like to be new to the game without any experience whatsoever, and they know what its like to hear their son's name called at the NHL Entry Draft.  His first book, Navigating Youth Hockey: The Definitive Guide for Parents and Players, was released June 27, 2015 as an e-book exclusively on Amazon.com.

Ron's first full-length novel, Spitting Image,  is co-authored by family genealogist, Frances Lillian Stephens. It is the true story of a child abandoned at birth whose search for his genetic identity spans over 4 decades and unlocks secrets and amazing coincidences many hundreds of years in the making.

https://www.facebook.com/ronleviauthor/

https://www.ronaldlevi.com/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Finding our own worth can be tough for us adoptees. And yet it's vital for self esteem. Listen in as adoptee Elena and I explore this vital topic from both a religious and non religious perspective.

Elena S Hall is a LMSW, adoptee, author, and speaker who has a passion for adoption advocacy that stems from her faith and family. She loves to write, dance, sing, and tell stories. Her goal is to aid those in the adoption triad to promote healing and growth...

https://www.facebook.com/throughadoptedeyes/

https://www.instagram.com/throughadoptedeyes/

https://twitter.com/adoptedeyes

https://throughadoptedeyes.wixsite.com/

Here's the link to the book I mention https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Your-Fault-Elizabeth/dp/B00LLOIW6I

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.