Thriving Adoptees - Let's Thrive

What's the difference between sabotaging ourselves and protecting ourselves? How do we stop sabotaging ourselves? Adoptee, adoptive parent and psychologist Chaitra dives deep into this area so we understand what's going on and get out of our own way.

Here's a bit about Chaitra from her website:

Since taking my first psychology class in high school, I knew that this was the field in which I was meant to work. When the Columbine High School tragedy occurred so close to home, I became dedicated to working with youth and families who had experienced trauma, and this connected strongly with my other areas of passion: adoption and bullying. I was adopted from India as an infant, and understand firsthand what is like to struggle with issues of race, identity, societal expectations, and family relationships – and after adopting my own child, my awareness of the multi-faceted and complex world of adoption grew.

I have worked in the mental health field since 2002, and I am currently a licensed psychologist in Colorado, with the ability to practice in multiple other states through PSYPACT approval. I believe that every individual who visits my office has a unique story to share, and deserves to have their story heard in a safe, compassionate, and supportive space. I strongly believe in the importance of valuing each client’s lived experiences, especially those who identify with marginalized identities and are seeking professional support from a provider with a passion for social justice. I carefully and thoughtfully chose the name of my practice, “Beyond Words,” because I believe that our therapeutic relationship is built on a foundation of trust and collaboration that goes beyond language to a place of genuine understanding.

I am the author of the “Adoptees Like Me” illustrated children’s book series for elementary readers, which debuted with Marie Discovers Her Superpowers in 2022. I am a current contributor to I AM ADOPTEE and serve on their subsidized mental health program review board. I have also served on the Adoptee Advisory Board for Heritage Camps for Adoptive Families and the Society of Adoption Professionals of Color in Adoption.

https://growbeyondwords.com/

https://www.facebook.com/BeyondWordsPsychologicalServices

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Birthmother Cathryn Vogeley went through hell. PTSD messed up her mind. Listen in as she tells how that mind got blown. In a good way. To help her heal. Understanding what she went through will blow adoptees' minds too. In a good way too. Listen in as we talk unconditional love and ending our feelings of separation.

Cathryn Vogeley was born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania during the post WWII baby boom. She earned a Master’s degree as a nurse specialist and treated hundreds of patients with chronic wounds. Her mission is, and has always been, healing. After leaving the medical world, she began writing and discovered a passion for the craft. Her memoir is titled I NEED TO TELL YOU, and was published in May of 2022 by WiDo publishing. Cathryn's work can be found in GrandeDame Literary journal, 5MinLit, and Reedsy's weekly short story contest for which she won first place.

Cathryn raised two daughters with whom she enjoys close relationships. Her greatest pleasure is watching her grandchildren discover all that life has to offer. The Pacific Northwest is her home where she lives with her husband and three terriers.

https://cathrynreadsandwrites.com/

https://www.instagram.com/cathrynthewriter/

https://www.facebook.com/cathryn.vogeley/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Bob Saul was born in Chicago, IL and grew up in the Chicago area and later moved to Colorado. A graduate of Colorado College and the University of Colorado School of Medicine, he completed pediatric training at Duke University Medical Center and genetic training at the Greenwood Genetic Center. He is Professor of Pediatrics (Emeritus) at Prisma Health Children’s Hospital-Upstate and the University of South Carolina School of Medicine – Greenville, Greenville, SC.

He has two grown children, Bradley and Ben, and has been married to his wife, Jan, for over 35 years.  His books include MY CHILDREN’S CHILDREN: RAISING YOUNG CITIZENS IN THE AGE OF COLUMBINE, ALL ABOUT CHILDREN and THINKING DEVELOPMENTALLY: NURTURING WELLNESS IN CHILDHOOD TO PROMOTE LIFELONG HEALTH (the latter co-authored with Dr. Andy Garner and published by the American Academy of Pediatrics).  His latest book, CONSCIOUS PARENTING: USING THE PARENTAL AWARENESS THRESHOLD, was published in March 2020.

His grandchildren, Camilla and Aster, keep him grounded and always working on behalf of children and families.

https://www.facebook.com/mychildrenschildren

https://www.linkedin.com/in/robertasaul/

https://mychildrenschildren.com/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Shame is toxic. So how do we let it go? Laura shares some of her story and insights to help us heal through an understanding of what birth mothers go through. It's an incredibly powerful episode. Listen with big ears. Savour it and feel the love.

Here's a bit about Laura and her book from her website:

My book is about Laura, a woman who lived her life with her secrets finds her greatest secret unearthed at age 67. The child she was forced to give up for adoption when she was 17 in an Unwed Mothers Home in New Orleans unexpectedly sends her an email.  Meeting her 49 year-old son rocked her world and cracked her soul wide open. She found the acceptance and love she had always denied herself had been with her all along. My book tells an incredibly sad story but ends with a story of grace, hope, and extraordinary joy.

https://www.facebook.com/lauralengelauthor/

https://www.instagram.com/storytellerlaura/

https://lauralengel.com/

https://lauralengel.com/books/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Trauma is scary. Of course we adoptees have been through trauma and experience it when triggered. So we desperately want it gone. We want to be FROM trauma. But what we focus on gets bigger and what we resist persists. What if we could be free WITH it? Listen in as we explore this...

Here's links I mention

Bullying

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBsDhBu7eUY&t

Healing my primal wound

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnz7I7V_IOQ

Molly McCaffrey goes as M Hendrix (she/her).

Born in Baltimore and raised in New Jersey, she is an adoptee who has lived in ten states and now makes her home in Bowling Green, Kentucky, with her husband, New York Times bestselling author David Bell. The Chaperone is her first novel - forthcoming with Sourcebooks Fire on June 6, 2023.

M earned her bachelor’s degree in journalism at Indiana University before studying literature and creative writing in graduate school, receiving her master’s degree from Miami University and her doctorate from the University of Cincinnati, where she was a Taft Fellow. She has been nominated five times for the Pushcart Prize and was shortlisted for the Aesthetica creative writing award. She is represented by John Cusick of Folio Literary. 

Her work has appeared in Newsweek, Aesthetica, The Independent, USA Today, The Vestal Review, Psychology Today, The Satirist, Nzuri, The Haven, Letters to Dead Authors, Medium, 2nd & Church, Word Salad, Quirk, Cairn, Gravity Hill, the Louisville Courier-Journal, the Bowling Green Daily News, and more. She is also the author of two previous books. For a complete list of publications, click here.

https://www.tiktok.com/@mhendrixwrites

https://www.mhendrixwrites.com/

https://www.instagram.com/mhendrixwrites/

https://twitter.com/MHendrixWrites

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Do you compare yourself to others? Then beat yourself up for doing it? Would you like to forgive yourself for that or being angry? Would you like to love yourself more? And see your true self? Listen in as transracial/international adoptee Amanda shares what she's learning about what really matters to us adoptees.

Here's the videos I mention in the interview:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_AaeYGXVYQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyGZE9WXIg8

Here's a link to Amanda's Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/twin_flame_rising/

Here's more about Fireside Adoptees

🔥 Welcome to Fireside Adoptees 🔥 Our motto in a nutshell is: 🏕C community 🏕A advocate 🏕M mentor 🏕P pace 🔥We want to encourage and empower adoptees to work within their Community, Advocate for themselves and others, Mentor those who are farther behind in the journey called life, and set a slow and steady Pace so we don’t burn out and to help others also learn to pace their journey 🔥We aim to help adoptees see the heroes within themselves, and how they can draw strength from their pain/challenges. Join us: 🏕Thursdays 6:30 to 7:30pm EST 🏕Sundays 3 to 4pm EST on zoom for fun and fellowship …. Zoom Dm for details! 🔥Where we discuss adoption from surviving to thriving! We may not have a choice in how our story starts but we have a say in the now! Keep thriving adoptee, you are worth it! Fireside Adoptee Team🏕🔥🏕

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1411791922534076

https://www.instagram.com/firesideadoptees/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Usually it's us adoptees that doing the searching for our birth mothers and fathers. But what if they find us? That's what happened to today's guest. Christine's biological mother found her! Listen as she unpacks the tricky emotions and events that followed to finally find some peace. 

Christine Murphy lives in Saratoga Springs, New York with her husband and three children. She works as a Speech Language Pathologist helping special needs children. Christine was adopted by a loving family in 1969 in a closed adoption. In 1992, she received an unexpected phone call from her birthmother. Shaken by the situation Christine chose not to meet. In 2007, after a health scare and some words from God, Christine contacted and met her birthmother and half-brothers. Their reunion continues to evolve.

To find a solution, a person must first admit there is a problem. Taking Down the Wall is a chronicle of one woman's journey to the painful and reluctant admission that there is indeed a problem, her refusal to let an old wound heal. The journey takes twists and unexpected turns but eventually arrives in a place of peace. Issues involving adoption, reunion, addiction, death and grief are addressed in the context of real life, humor, spirituality and healing. Taking Down the Wall will make you cry, make you laugh and most of all, make you think.

https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Down-Wall-Christine-Murphy-ebook/dp/B079K4SGQB/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=XJ49HXT32JMJ&keywords=taking+down+the+wall+murphy&qid=1678233701&sprefix=taking+down+the+wall+murphy%2Caps%2C101&sr=8-1

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

We all want to love and accept ourselves. But how can we do that when we don't know who we are? What else gets in the way of us loving ourselves? Listen in as Diane explore the truth of who we are, what comes after the fog and much more in this empowering episode.

Here's more about Diane from her website:

Diane Bay has had a lifelong, unquenchable creative drive. It wasn’t until she entered her fifties that she discovered where it may have come from: her artistic birth mother and birth father.

The natural world has always felt like home to Diane. As a child she spent hours in the climbing tree in her suburban Chicago back yard, often daydreaming of her birth mother. Little did she know that, at the same time, her birth mom was becoming a famous actress in Hollywood. Karen Black was an icon of the American New Wave cinema of the seventies, starring in prominent films including Easy Rider, Five Easy Pieces and The Great Gatsby.

But just as Diane longed for her natural maternal connection, Karen’s heart ached for the child she gave away. But after Karen signed the closed adoption papers and a nurse carried away her daughter, all the information about the child was sealed away, and her searches turned up empty.

Diane tried to find her birth mother also, but sealed adoption records made this impossible until 2011, when Illinois finally opened these records. In July of 2012 Diane received her original birth certificate and saw her birth mother’s name for the first time. A quick Google search provided the facts she’d sought for decades, and a face she was familiar with from the silver screen. Right away Diane sent a Facebook message to Karen’s fan page.

Sadly, at the time Illinois passed the law that unsealed these records, Karen heard the terrible news that she had a rare form of cancer. Her time was running out.

But then on August 8, 2012, she read Diane’s message and responded with acceptance and joy. And just like that, decades of heartache for both of them vanished, and a reunion was in place. They met in September, in Karen’s Hollywood home, with hugs and tears, feeling like family right away. Karen introduced her to her birth father, Robert Benedetti, still a good friend. He has also spent his life in the acting world as a TV producer, theatre director and much more.

At the time of their meetings, Diane was producing excellent, nostalgic works with graphite pencils. Karen was immediately impressed, and encouraged her daughter to pursue oil painting. 

During the weeks Diane spent caring for Karen, she soaked up her birth mothers joie de vivre, her rich and enthusiastic love of life’s moments even in the face of her own mortality. Diane’s goal is to imbue her artwork with this energetic spirit.

On August 8, 2013, Karen passed away. She and Diane had exactly one calendar year together.

Diane Bay now lives with her husband on a forested lot near Kentucky Lake. She paints the rural nostalgic countryside of the Mid South. 

Diane has taken workshops from the Southeast region’s fine plein air artists such as Bill Fletcher and Kathie Odom, and online tutorials by national artists such as Scott Christensen and Kathleen Dunphy. She is a member of PAPA Gallery in Paducah, KY and The Chestnut Group in Leiper’s Fork, TN, and associate member of Oil Painters of America.

For information on Diane's  book, please visit FindingKarenBlack.com.

 See her artwork here: DianeBay.com

https://www.facebook.com/findingkarenblack

https://www.instagram.com/dianebaydesign/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

This episode is a bit different and experimental. Listening back to it, I'm a little hesitant and fumbling. I start by reading a poem about my diamond and we talk about self worth. Kay is far more together and clear. I hope you get something from this.

Kay wanted to be anonymous to protect herself and others.

Here's a link to the webinar replay:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnz7I7V_IOQ

Here's a link to the book by mentor

https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Your-Fault-Choosing-ebook/dp/B07957XB9T

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Thriving can seem impossible given our trauma. So how DO we thrive? Maline and I dive into freeing ourselves up, re-configuring our brains and letting new ideas in. We talk about lightening up on ourselves to progress along the healing curve.

Here's a bit about Maline from her website:

"I am an adoptee who through lived experience has been able to better understand the thoughts of adoptees young and old. As an adoptee I am able to connect with those living the life I once lived. 

With a degree in Psychology, Education, and Theological Studies, I use my knowledge as a resource for adoptive parents who seek help answering the bigger and harder questions their adoptive children begin to ask as early as two(2) years old. 

As an adoptive mother, my connection to other adoptive parents are real and also very unique."

Here's a link to her website, books etc.

http://noomaconsult.weebly.com/

https://www.lulu.com/search?contributor=Mae+Claire&adult_audience_rating=00

https://www.facebook.com/noomaconsulting

 https://www.amazon.com/Perks-Being-Adoptee-Mae-Claire/dp/1365797562

https://www.linkedin.com/in/maline-carroll-33813068/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.