After years of believing that premarital sex was a sin without exception, Jessica invites us into a vulnerable, thought-provoking solo episode to explore a different kind of Christian sexual ethic — one rooted not in rules, but in love, consent, agency, and mutual care.

She reflects on her own journey out of purity culture, dives into the historical and biblical context of sexual norms, and challenges the idea that “no sex before marriage” is a core tenet of the faith. Instead, she suggests we build an ethic that teaches emotional maturity, boundaries, and enthusiastic consent — one that honors human dignity in the way Jesus called us to love our neighbor as ourselves.

Whether you agree, disagree, or are still figuring it out, this episode invites honest reflection, open conversation, and courageous rethinking of how we talk about sex in church communities today.

In this episode:

• Jessica’s personal journey from purity culture to a consent-based sexual ethic

• Why biblical sexual norms were rooted in property, patriarchy, and survival — not romance

• What “sexual immorality” (porneia) meant in its ancient context

• Why the Bible never explicitly calls all premarital sex a sin

• How consent, agency, and safety might be more holy than virginity

• Moving from fear-based compliance to love-based discernment in our faith

Content Warnings: This episode discusses rape, sexual assault, purity culture, childhood sexual harm, and childbirth trauma. Listener discretion is advised.

In this deeply moving and thought-provoking conversation, EDJ is joined by theologian and author Danielle Tumminio Hansen to explore how our language, theology, and justice systems often fail survivors of sexual harm. Drawing from her groundbreaking book Speaking of Rape, Danielle discusses the need to reframe how we talk about rape, the myths of the "perfect victim" and the "obvious perpetrator," and the damaging intersections between purity culture and rape culture.

This episode also tackles the importance of sex education, why impact matters more than intent, how restorative justice offers an alternative to punishment-based systems, and what it means to raise children with justice and empathy in mind. Danielle shares from her own story with remarkable vulnerability, offering theological, psychological, and cultural insight that’s both challenging and deeply hopeful.

Topics Discussed:

• Why our words around sexual harm often fall short

• The myths of the "perfect victim" and "clear perpetrator"

• How purity culture contributes to victim-blaming

• Redefining rape through agency, power, and desire

• The role of sex education in prevention

• Restorative justice vs. retributive justice

• Why survivors' stories reshape culture

• Teaching justice through parenting

• Autonomy, agency, and interdependence

• Understanding impact over intent

Resources Mentioned:

• Speaking of Rape by Danielle Tumminio Hansen

• South of Forgiveness by Thordis Elva & Tom Stranger

• Know My Name by Chanel Miller

• Works by theologian Sally McFague and philosopher Linda Alcoff

• Research on contact theory and restorative justice

• 1800RESPECT Australia’s national sexual assault, domestic, and family violence helpline.

  • 📞 Call: 1800 737 732

  • 💬 Online chat: 1800RESPECT.org.au

  • 🕒 Hours: 24/7

  • 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Counselling, information, and referrals Full Stop AustraliaFindaHelpline+351800RESPECT+35White Ribbon+35Health and Ageing Department+31800RESPECT+31800RESPECT+3NASASV

• State-Based Services

  • Victoria: Sexual Assault Crisis Line – 1800 806 292 (5 pm–9 am weekdays; 24/7 on weekends)

  • Queensland: Sexual Assault Helpline – 1800 010 120 (7:30 am–11:30 pm daily)

  • Western Australia: Sexual Assault Resource Centre – 1800 199 888 (24/7)

  • South Australia: Yarrow Place – 1800 817 421

  • Tasmania: Sexual Assault Support Service – 1800 697 877

  • Northern Territory: Sexual Assault Referral Centres – 08 8922 6472 (Darwin)

  • Australian Capital Territory: Canberra Rape Crisis Centre – 02 6247 2525

  • New South Wales: Full Stop Australia – 1800 FULL STOPOCRCC+2au.reachout.com+2Healthdirect+2Healthdirect+1au.reachout.com+1Full Stop Australia

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) Operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline.

  • 📞 Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673)

  • 💬 Online chat: RAINN.org

  • 🕒 Hours: 24/7

  • 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Confidential support, referrals, and information OCRCC+5RAINN+5FindaHelpline+5CSA Centre+12Verywell Mind+12Glamour+12The Guardian+9The Hotline+9Verywell Mind+9

• Other National Helplines

  • Love Is Respect: For teens and young adults experiencing dating violence.

    • 📞 Call: 1-866-331-9474

    • 💬 Text: Text "LOVEIS" to 22522

    • 💬 Online chat: loveisrespect.org

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: For domestic violence support.

    • 📞 Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

    • 💬 Text: Text "START" to 88788

    • 💬 Online chat: thehotline.org

  • Crisis Text Line: For general crisis support.

    • 💬 Text: Text "HOME" to 741741

• Rape Crisis England & Wales Provides the 24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line.

  • 📞 Call: 0808 500 2222

  • 💬 Online chat: rapecrisis.org.uk

  • 🕒 Hours: 24/7

  • 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Emotional support, information, and referrals NASASV+1Full Stop Australia+1endingviolencecanada.org+2Verywell Mind+2TAASA+2survivorsnetwork.org.uk+10Rape Crisis England & Wales+10Sexual Abuse Support+10Verywell Mind+1324/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line+13Rape Crisis England & Wales+13

• Other Support Lines

  • Samaritans: Emotional support for anyone in distress.

    • 📞 Call: 116 123

    • 💬 Online chat: samaritans.org

  • Childline: For individuals under 19.

    • 📞 Call: 0800 1111

    • 💬 Online chat: childline.org.uk

  • The Survivors Trust: For survivors of sexual violence.

    • 📞 Call: 0808 801 0818

    • 💬 Text: 07860 022 956

    • 💬 Online chat: thesurvivorstrust.org

• Sexual Violence Helpline (Canada) Provides confidential support and referrals.

  • 📞 Call: 1-888-933-9007

  • 💬 Online chat: sexualviolencehelpline.ca

  • 🕒 Hours: 24/7

  • 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Support for survivors and their supportersassaultservicesknowledge.org+5thesurvivorstrust.org+5endingviolencecanada.org+5Verywell Mind+4Info-aide violence sexuelle+4Info-aide violence sexuelle+4CIUSSS Centre-Sud+1Info-aide violence sexuelle+1

• Other Support Lines

  • Kids Help Phone: For individuals aged 5–29.

    • 📞 Call: 1-800-668-6868

    • 💬 Text: Text "CONNECT" to 686868

    • 💬 Online chat: kidshelpphone.ca

  • Trans Lifeline: For transgender and gender-diverse individuals.

    • 📞 Call: 1-877-330-6366

    • 💬 Online chat: translifeline.org

  • Victim Connect: For general victim support.

    • 📞 Call: 1-855-484-2846

    • 💬 Online chat: victimconnect.org

Originally released as episode 52.

This episode is part therapy, part masterclass. Dr. Tina Shermer Sellers joins us to talk about parenting and re-parenting in a world where many of us never got real sex education. If you’re a parent wondering how to raise kids free of shame—or an adult figuring out how to parent your younger self—this episode is a warm hug and a roadmap.

A raw and cathartic conversation about Shiny Happy People Season 2, Teen Mania, the Honor Academy, and the teenage evangelical pipeline.

Episode Summary: Season 2 of Shiny Happy People shifts the spotlight from the Duggar family to Teen Mania Ministries and its high-control youth movement. In this debrief, host Jessica is joined by Kristen (an Acquire the Fire attendee) and Emily (a former Honor Academy intern) to reflect on the docuseries, spiritual trauma, radicalisation of Christian teens, and what it means to deconstruct from inside the movement.

We dive into:

• What Acquire the Fire and the Honor Academy actually were

• How evangelicalism created a "teenage holy war"

• The use of fear, control, and purity to recruit and retain young people

• Why teenagers are especially vulnerable to religious indoctrination

• What happens when you leave a movement like this

• And the long road to healing and reclaiming identity

Whether you were part of Teen Mania or are just processing what you watched, this is your space to debrief.

Timestamps:

• 0:00 – Introduction to the episode

• 3:00 – What was Teen Mania & Acquire the Fire?

• 10:00 – Inside the Honor Academy: unpaid labour and control

• 20:00 – Radicalisation, binary thinking & purity culture

• 35:00 – Columbine, martyrdom, and glorifying teenage death

• 44:00 – From faith to politics: the evangelical machine

• 55:00 – What happens after you leave the cult?

• 1:03:00 – Final reflections and advice for healing

Resources Mentioned:

• Shiny Happy People Season 2 – Amazon Prime Video

• Recovering Alumni blog (archived)

• EMDR International Association – Find a Therapist

• Patreon: Join the Inner Circle

Join the conversation: Follow us on Instagram: @wheredowegopod Support this work and get bonus content on Patreon

In this episode of Thoughts and Prayers, Jessica and EDJ reflect on three key conversations from the past month — with queer theologian Brandon Robertson and Catholic academic Donna Freitas — while taking a deep dive into the question: Is it time to reimagine Christian sexual ethics?

Join them for a vulnerable, theologically rich, and sometimes hilarious discussion on queerness, purity culture, hookup culture, parenting, masturbation, and what Jesus might really have meant when he talked about lust. We finish the episode with heartfelt prayers for those navigating deconstruction and for peace in the wider world.

In This Episode:

• What does it mean to be queer affirming?

• Evangelicals vs. Catholics on sex: who talks more and says less?

• Deconstructing lust, sin, and abomination

• Parenting kids with new sexual ethics

• Why Jesus might’ve been talking about rape not just lust

• A buffet of sexual options: beyond purity and hookup culture

• The grief and grace in letting go of black-and-white certainty

Mentions:

• Brandon Robertson interview

• Donna Freitas interview

• EDJ’s upcoming book Reconstructing Sexual Ethics (Coming soon via Sacrosage Press)

• Support us at Patreon.com/WhereDoWeGoPod

Author, scholar, and survivor Donna Freitas joins us for a raw and deeply thoughtful conversation on the ways purity culture, religious silence, and institutional failures around sexuality have left lasting wounds — and where healing might actually begin.

In this episode, we talk about:

• 📚 Donna’s personal story of church trauma and spiritual silence

• ✝️ The impact of purity culture on desire, consent, and autonomy

• 🧠 Why Christian spaces still struggle to talk about sex without shame

• 💔 How writing became Donna’s way back to something like prayer

• 🔍 The difference between sexual ethics and sexual rules

• 🧎‍♀️ What healing can look like when religion has been the source of harm

• 👀 The things that don’t get said in evangelical and Catholic conversations around sex — and why they matter

This one is for anyone who's been handed shame in the name of God — and is still trying to sort through what’s true, what’s trauma, and what’s worth keeping.

Donna Freitas is an author, researcher, professor, and leading voice in conversations around sex, consent, spirituality, and young adult faith.

• Website: www.donnafreitas.com

• Substack: @donnafreitas

• Instagram: @donnafreitas.writer

Where Do We Go From Here is a podcast by Jessica Vanderwyngaard

For more content and to partner with the show: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Today's Host was EDJ - https://evangelicaldeconstructionjourney.com/

Is it time to reimagine a Christian sexual ethic? That’s the big question Jessica, Kristen, and Emily take on in this bold, honest, and expansive No Hard Feelings conversation. Together, we dive deep into the history of Christian sexual ethics—from the Garden of Eden and ancient Israelite practices to purity culture and the modern church.

This isn’t just a theology class. We’re asking:

• What was the biblical sexual ethic really?

• How has marriage changed over the centuries?

• What role did empire, patriarchy, and purity culture play?

• What do we owe to queer theologians in rethinking Christian sexuality?

• How can we build a framework that values consent, agency, dignity, and inclusion?

Whether you’ve left purity culture behind, are raising kids, are single in the church, or just want to better understand how we got here—this episode is for you.

🔑 Plus, Jessica shares a deeply personal vision for a new Christian sexual ethic—available exclusively on Patreon.

Join us for this no-holds-barred conversation. Because when it comes to faith and sex, there are no hard feelings—just open hearts and honest questions.

🔗 Links & Resources

• Jessica’s solo episode: A New Christian Sexual Ethic? → Patreon Exclusive

• Episode with Brandon Robertson on queer theology → Listen now

• Follow us on Instagram: @wheredowegopod

Originally released as Episode 49. 

This episode is all about one word: agency. Jessica and Devi revisit their conversation with Sheila Gregoire about what it really means for women to experience pleasure, make choices, and have autonomy in their sexual relationships. From obligation sex to pleasure gaps in marriage, we dissect the ways purity culture erased agency—and what reclaiming it can look like.

Host: EDJ Guest: Rev. Brandan Robertson – author of Queer and Christian, TikTok pastor, theologian, and public speaker.

In this heartfelt and deeply thoughtful conversation, EDJ speaks with Rev. Brandan Robertson about growing up evangelical, discovering his queerness, and finding a theology that held both faith and identity. Together, they unpack:

• Brandan’s journey from Moody Bible Institute to affirming theology

• The trauma of purity culture and conversion therapy

• Why “obedience” and biblical literalism can be harmful

• What the Bible really says about queerness – including the infamous word arsenokoite

• Queer readings of scripture and the radical inclusivity of Jesus

• How deconstruction can lead to more honest, expansive faith

• What it means to let love—not fear—guide your theology

Whether you're curious, questioning, or walking your own road of reconstruction, this episode offers theological insight, personal stories, and radical grace.

🛒 Buy Queer and Christian: https://QueerChristian.org 📍 Follow Brandan: TikTok, Instagram, and more via QueerChristian.org 🔗 Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/wheredowegopod

In this Thoughts and Prayers episode, Jessica and EDJ wade into the murky waters of what it means to engage with faith, critique evangelicalism, and still remain spiritually alive. It’s part deconstruction, part spiritual therapy — with a side of sass.

They ask: Can you love Jesus but be done with church? What happens when purity culture gives way to embodied faith? And how do you hold grief and hope in the same breath when it comes to faith traditions that shaped you — and hurt you?

This conversation isn’t tied up in a bow — and that’s the point. If you’re craving raw honesty and nuanced faith, this one’s for you.

In this episode:

• Church trauma and the long shadow of spiritual abuse

• “Healing” and the commodification of it in Christian spaces

• Why it’s okay to say “I don’t know”

• The spiritual cost of being a “good girl”

• Rebuilding a relationship with the divine on your own terms

Join the conversation and let us know your biggest takeaway.