Responding to the Assassination of Charlie Kirk

The assassination of Charlie Kirk has shaken Christian communities across the U.S. and beyond. In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess (Melbourne), Emily (Texas), and Kristen (Tennessee) sit with the grief, confusion, and deep polarization surrounding Kirk’s death.

Together, we ask: how do we resist letting tragedy harden us into tribalism? How do we hold the tension between condemning violence and naming the real harm of Kirk’s rhetoric? And what does it mean to choose love over retaliation in an age of outrage?

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why reactions to Kirk’s death split so quickly into polarized “camps"

• The role of social media algorithms in fueling anger and division, with insights from Jonathan Haidt (The Coddling of the American Mind).

• Mark Noll’s critique of evangelical anti-intellectualism in The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind.

• A pastoral response from Kristin Mockler Young, reminding us that empathy in the face of enmity is a supernatural calling

• Reflections on collective grief, generational impact, and the temptation to idolize or demonize leaders.

• Why stepping away from online debates and reclaiming in-person conversations might be our best path forward.

This is not an easy conversation — but in No Hard Feelings fashion, we try to hold complexity, honor grief, and root ourselves in love.

Sources: 

https://jimrigby.substack.com/p/my-prayer-today-in-a-liberal-church

https://tialevings.substack.com/p/evangelicals-are-venerating-charlie

https://www.straightwhiteamericanjesus.com/episodes/political-violence-before-and-after-charlie-kirks-murder/

https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/ladies-we-need-to-talk/misogyny-sexism-ai-ladies-we-need-to-talk/105775024

https://turningthegem.substack.com/p/one-pastors-response-to-the-effect

https://www.aei.org/society-and-culture/the-unraveling-how-political-violence-reveals-americas-fraying-social-fabric/

In this special one-off reunion episode, Jessica is joined by former co-host Devi Abraham to do a kind of “Dobson autopsy.” When Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, passed away last month, his legacy sparked heated debate. Was he the warm fatherly voice who helped parents raise families—or the architect of purity culture and harmful teachings?

• 📻 Dobson’s global reach — Focus on the Family aired in 164 countries, translated into more than a dozen languages, and reached *200+ million daily listeners (Britannica, Radio Hall of Fame).

• 🧬 Eugenics roots — the surprising connection between Dobson’s mentor Paul Popenoe, a eugenicist, and the framing of Dare to Discipline (Baptist News Global).

• ⏱ The 72-Hour Rule — teaching couples not to go more than three days without sex, widely critiqued as unscientific and harmful (Bare Marriage).

• 🏫 Purity culture & adolescence — how Preparing for Adolescence shaped generations and linked teenage sexuality to loss of faith (Dobson Family Institute blog).

• ✋ Masturbation — Dobson’s contradictory teaching that it was “not much of an issue with God,” leaving many adolescents confused (Evidence Unseen).

• 🪓 Corporal punishment — “Some strong-willed children absolutely demand to be spanked…” (Dare to Discipline, 1970), making spanking mainstream in Christian homes.

👉 Listen in as Jessica and Devi unpack the paradox of Dobson’s life: the man who created a global empire of evangelical family teaching, and the movement that shaped—and scarred—millions.

• Encyclopaedia Britannica – Focus on the Family

• Radio Hall of Fame – Focus on the Family

• Baptist News Global – Dobson’s eugenics connection

• Bare Marriage – Critique of the 72-Hour Rule

• Dobson Family Institute Blog

• Evidence Unseen – Biblical Ethics of Masturbation

• Religion Dispatches – “I Will Always Be Afraid of James Dobson”

• Focus on the Family – Jim Daly tribute

We're bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of the last 5 years — and for good reason. This riveting conversation with Dr. Kristin Kobes Du Mez, author of Jesus and John Wayne, explores how white American evangelicals came to embrace a model of masculinity rooted not in Jesus, but in militarism, patriarchy, and cultural conservatism.

Jess and Devi unpack how purity culture intersects with Christian nationalism and gender roles, and how evangelical ideals of "biblical masculinity" and "feminine purity" were shaped more by cultural warriors than the gospel. Plus, listeners will hear powerful voice memos from men who saw themselves in this book — and whose lives were changed by it.

Why listen (again): If you've ever wondered how we got from the church youth group to Donald Trump, or if you’ve struggled to reconcile your faith with the gender roles you were raised with, this episode is a must-listen.

What We Cover:

• The history behind evangelical support for Donald Trump

• How Christian masculinity became militarized

• Why “biblical manhood” and “biblical womanhood” aren’t biblical

• The deep links between evangelicalism, nationalism, and patriarchy

• Why so many men found healing in Jesus and John Wayne

• The real impact of evangelical “enemy culture”

• How power, fear, and authority are used to control communities

• What it means to resist the us-vs-them narrative in faith communities

Listener Stories Included: Throughout the episode, you'll hear from men around the world whose experiences with evangelical masculinity echo the findings in Du Mez’s research. These voice memos are raw, honest, and unforgettable.

Resources:

• Kristin Du Mez’s Website

• Buy Jesus and John Wayne

• Follow Kristin on Twitter

In this month’s Thoughts and Prayers episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica and EDJ reflect on some of the biggest conversations we’ve had together:

• 🎬 Shiny Happy People: Season 2 — what it reveals about evangelicalism, Christian nationalism, and the power of survivors speaking out.

• 📖 Danielle Taminio Henson on Speaking of Rape — redefining rape, broadening the conversation around consent, and why “agency” may be a better word than “autonomy.”

• ✝️ A New Christian Sexual Ethic — moving away from “premarital sex is a sin” toward a consent-centred ethic for Christians today.

• 💍 Submission and Gender Roles — do Christians still believe in wives submitting to husbands? How purity culture and complementarianism shaped this teaching.

We close with an Anglican-inspired Prayers of the People, offering space for listeners to process grief, shame, hope, and healing together.

📌 Mentioned in this episode:

• Wild Goose Festival (Harmony, North Carolina) where EDJ will be speaking on purity culture and sexual ethics.

• Patreon – Where Do We Go From Here for extended conversations, early releases, and community debriefs.

• Shiny Happy People on Prime Video

• Danielle Taminio Henson’s book Speaking of Rape

• Instagram - @wheredowegopod

Whether you’re deconstructing purity culture, questioning old beliefs, or seeking a faith anchored in consent and equality, this conversation is for you.

In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jessica, Emily, and Kristen tackle the loaded word submission in Christian culture. What did Paul really mean in Ephesians 5? How has the concept been shaped by history, purity culture, and translation choices? And is submission a word worth redeeming—or should we let it go?

We explore:

• The Greek word kephalē (head, source, origin) and how translation choices influence theology.

• Historical context: Roman household codes, women’s legal status, and why Paul’s words may have been countercultural.

• Women in the early church: Phoebe (Romans 16:1–2), Priscilla (Acts 18:26), and Lydia (Acts 16:14–15) as leaders and patrons.

• Industrial Revolution & Victorian ideals: how cultural shifts reinforced gendered hierarchies.

• Modern reframing: mutual submission as respect, humility, and partnership rather than hierarchy.

• Contemporary concerns: #MeToo, Doug Wilson’s public comments, and the church’s ongoing debates about women’s leadership.

• Margaret Mowczko on Ephesians 5 and mutual submission: https://margmowczko.com/pauls-main-point-in-eph-5_22-33/

• Christianity Today on Genesis 3:16 translation debates: https://www.christianitytoday.com/2025/02/esv-update-genesis-316-gender-submission-desire-contrary-what-women-want/

• John Townsend & Henry Cloud, Boundaries

After years of believing that premarital sex was a sin without exception, Jessica invites us into a vulnerable, thought-provoking solo episode to explore a different kind of Christian sexual ethic — one rooted not in rules, but in love, consent, agency, and mutual care.

She reflects on her own journey out of purity culture, dives into the historical and biblical context of sexual norms, and challenges the idea that “no sex before marriage” is a core tenet of the faith. Instead, she suggests we build an ethic that teaches emotional maturity, boundaries, and enthusiastic consent — one that honors human dignity in the way Jesus called us to love our neighbor as ourselves.

Whether you agree, disagree, or are still figuring it out, this episode invites honest reflection, open conversation, and courageous rethinking of how we talk about sex in church communities today.

In this episode:

• Jessica’s personal journey from purity culture to a consent-based sexual ethic

• Why biblical sexual norms were rooted in property, patriarchy, and survival — not romance

• What “sexual immorality” (porneia) meant in its ancient context

• Why the Bible never explicitly calls all premarital sex a sin

• How consent, agency, and safety might be more holy than virginity

• Moving from fear-based compliance to love-based discernment in our faith

Content Warnings: This episode discusses rape, sexual assault, purity culture, childhood sexual harm, and childbirth trauma. Listener discretion is advised.

In this deeply moving and thought-provoking conversation, EDJ is joined by theologian and author Danielle Tumminio Hansen to explore how our language, theology, and justice systems often fail survivors of sexual harm. Drawing from her groundbreaking book Speaking of Rape, Danielle discusses the need to reframe how we talk about rape, the myths of the "perfect victim" and the "obvious perpetrator," and the damaging intersections between purity culture and rape culture.

This episode also tackles the importance of sex education, why impact matters more than intent, how restorative justice offers an alternative to punishment-based systems, and what it means to raise children with justice and empathy in mind. Danielle shares from her own story with remarkable vulnerability, offering theological, psychological, and cultural insight that’s both challenging and deeply hopeful.

Topics Discussed:

• Why our words around sexual harm often fall short

• The myths of the "perfect victim" and "clear perpetrator"

• How purity culture contributes to victim-blaming

• Redefining rape through agency, power, and desire

• The role of sex education in prevention

• Restorative justice vs. retributive justice

• Why survivors' stories reshape culture

• Teaching justice through parenting

• Autonomy, agency, and interdependence

• Understanding impact over intent

Resources Mentioned:

• Speaking of Rape by Danielle Tumminio Hansen

• South of Forgiveness by Thordis Elva & Tom Stranger

• Know My Name by Chanel Miller

• Works by theologian Sally McFague and philosopher Linda Alcoff

• Research on contact theory and restorative justice

• 1800RESPECT Australia’s national sexual assault, domestic, and family violence helpline.

  • 📞 Call: 1800 737 732

  • 💬 Online chat: 1800RESPECT.org.au

  • 🕒 Hours: 24/7

  • 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Counselling, information, and referrals Full Stop AustraliaFindaHelpline+351800RESPECT+35White Ribbon+35Health and Ageing Department+31800RESPECT+31800RESPECT+3NASASV

• State-Based Services

  • Victoria: Sexual Assault Crisis Line – 1800 806 292 (5 pm–9 am weekdays; 24/7 on weekends)

  • Queensland: Sexual Assault Helpline – 1800 010 120 (7:30 am–11:30 pm daily)

  • Western Australia: Sexual Assault Resource Centre – 1800 199 888 (24/7)

  • South Australia: Yarrow Place – 1800 817 421

  • Tasmania: Sexual Assault Support Service – 1800 697 877

  • Northern Territory: Sexual Assault Referral Centres – 08 8922 6472 (Darwin)

  • Australian Capital Territory: Canberra Rape Crisis Centre – 02 6247 2525

  • New South Wales: Full Stop Australia – 1800 FULL STOPOCRCC+2au.reachout.com+2Healthdirect+2Healthdirect+1au.reachout.com+1Full Stop Australia

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) Operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline.

  • 📞 Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673)

  • 💬 Online chat: RAINN.org

  • 🕒 Hours: 24/7

  • 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Confidential support, referrals, and information OCRCC+5RAINN+5FindaHelpline+5CSA Centre+12Verywell Mind+12Glamour+12The Guardian+9The Hotline+9Verywell Mind+9

• Other National Helplines

  • Love Is Respect: For teens and young adults experiencing dating violence.

    • 📞 Call: 1-866-331-9474

    • 💬 Text: Text "LOVEIS" to 22522

    • 💬 Online chat: loveisrespect.org

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: For domestic violence support.

    • 📞 Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

    • 💬 Text: Text "START" to 88788

    • 💬 Online chat: thehotline.org

  • Crisis Text Line: For general crisis support.

    • 💬 Text: Text "HOME" to 741741

• Rape Crisis England & Wales Provides the 24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line.

  • 📞 Call: 0808 500 2222

  • 💬 Online chat: rapecrisis.org.uk

  • 🕒 Hours: 24/7

  • 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Emotional support, information, and referrals NASASV+1Full Stop Australia+1endingviolencecanada.org+2Verywell Mind+2TAASA+2survivorsnetwork.org.uk+10Rape Crisis England & Wales+10Sexual Abuse Support+10Verywell Mind+1324/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line+13Rape Crisis England & Wales+13

• Other Support Lines

  • Samaritans: Emotional support for anyone in distress.

    • 📞 Call: 116 123

    • 💬 Online chat: samaritans.org

  • Childline: For individuals under 19.

    • 📞 Call: 0800 1111

    • 💬 Online chat: childline.org.uk

  • The Survivors Trust: For survivors of sexual violence.

    • 📞 Call: 0808 801 0818

    • 💬 Text: 07860 022 956

    • 💬 Online chat: thesurvivorstrust.org

• Sexual Violence Helpline (Canada) Provides confidential support and referrals.

  • 📞 Call: 1-888-933-9007

  • 💬 Online chat: sexualviolencehelpline.ca

  • 🕒 Hours: 24/7

  • 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Support for survivors and their supportersassaultservicesknowledge.org+5thesurvivorstrust.org+5endingviolencecanada.org+5Verywell Mind+4Info-aide violence sexuelle+4Info-aide violence sexuelle+4CIUSSS Centre-Sud+1Info-aide violence sexuelle+1

• Other Support Lines

  • Kids Help Phone: For individuals aged 5–29.

    • 📞 Call: 1-800-668-6868

    • 💬 Text: Text "CONNECT" to 686868

    • 💬 Online chat: kidshelpphone.ca

  • Trans Lifeline: For transgender and gender-diverse individuals.

    • 📞 Call: 1-877-330-6366

    • 💬 Online chat: translifeline.org

  • Victim Connect: For general victim support.

    • 📞 Call: 1-855-484-2846

    • 💬 Online chat: victimconnect.org

Originally released as episode 52.

This episode is part therapy, part masterclass. Dr. Tina Shermer Sellers joins us to talk about parenting and re-parenting in a world where many of us never got real sex education. If you’re a parent wondering how to raise kids free of shame—or an adult figuring out how to parent your younger self—this episode is a warm hug and a roadmap.

A raw and cathartic conversation about Shiny Happy People Season 2, Teen Mania, the Honor Academy, and the teenage evangelical pipeline.

Episode Summary: Season 2 of Shiny Happy People shifts the spotlight from the Duggar family to Teen Mania Ministries and its high-control youth movement. In this debrief, host Jessica is joined by Kristen (an Acquire the Fire attendee) and Emily (a former Honor Academy intern) to reflect on the docuseries, spiritual trauma, radicalisation of Christian teens, and what it means to deconstruct from inside the movement.

We dive into:

• What Acquire the Fire and the Honor Academy actually were

• How evangelicalism created a "teenage holy war"

• The use of fear, control, and purity to recruit and retain young people

• Why teenagers are especially vulnerable to religious indoctrination

• What happens when you leave a movement like this

• And the long road to healing and reclaiming identity

Whether you were part of Teen Mania or are just processing what you watched, this is your space to debrief.

Timestamps:

• 0:00 – Introduction to the episode

• 3:00 – What was Teen Mania & Acquire the Fire?

• 10:00 – Inside the Honor Academy: unpaid labour and control

• 20:00 – Radicalisation, binary thinking & purity culture

• 35:00 – Columbine, martyrdom, and glorifying teenage death

• 44:00 – From faith to politics: the evangelical machine

• 55:00 – What happens after you leave the cult?

• 1:03:00 – Final reflections and advice for healing

Resources Mentioned:

• Shiny Happy People Season 2 – Amazon Prime Video

• Recovering Alumni blog (archived)

• EMDR International Association – Find a Therapist

• Patreon: Join the Inner Circle

Join the conversation: Follow us on Instagram: @wheredowegopod Support this work and get bonus content on Patreon

In this episode of Thoughts and Prayers, Jessica and EDJ reflect on three key conversations from the past month — with queer theologian Brandon Robertson and Catholic academic Donna Freitas — while taking a deep dive into the question: Is it time to reimagine Christian sexual ethics?

Join them for a vulnerable, theologically rich, and sometimes hilarious discussion on queerness, purity culture, hookup culture, parenting, masturbation, and what Jesus might really have meant when he talked about lust. We finish the episode with heartfelt prayers for those navigating deconstruction and for peace in the wider world.

In This Episode:

• What does it mean to be queer affirming?

• Evangelicals vs. Catholics on sex: who talks more and says less?

• Deconstructing lust, sin, and abomination

• Parenting kids with new sexual ethics

• Why Jesus might’ve been talking about rape not just lust

• A buffet of sexual options: beyond purity and hookup culture

• The grief and grace in letting go of black-and-white certainty

Mentions:

• Brandon Robertson interview

• Donna Freitas interview

• EDJ’s upcoming book Reconstructing Sexual Ethics (Coming soon via Sacrosage Press)

• Support us at Patreon.com/WhereDoWeGoPod