In this episode, EDJ interviews Adam Harris, the Executive Pastor at God Why? Church—a church built on people's raw and unfiltered questions. He earned a B.A. at Oral Roberts University, a Masters of Theology at Vanderbilt University, and a Doctorate of Leadership at Portland Seminary. He is dedicated to integrating spiritual formation and education for a faith equipped for the 21st century.

Adam shares his journey to God Why? church, discussing the impact of purity culture, the challenges of deconstruction, and the stages of faith as outlined by James Fowler. He reflects on the emotional turmoil of navigating faith and doubt, the role of conscience shaped by cultural constructs, and the importance of complex conversations across different beliefs. He emphasizes the need for liberation from shame and the value of community in spiritual growth.

In this conversation, EDJ and Adam explore the evolution of their own faith journeys, the complexities of belief, and the importance of love and compassion. They discuss personal experiences with loss, the impact of near-death experiences and research, and the challenges of dogmatism and political division within faith communities. The dialogue emphasizes the need for civil discourse, understanding, and the role of community in fostering spiritual growth.

Breakdown:

• Pastor Adam Harris shares his journey to God Why Church: www.GodWhy.com
• The church's name reflects a commitment to addressing questions about faith.
• Growing up in purity culture led to feelings of shame around sexuality. One youth pastor taught that nocturnal emissions were sinful.
• In some ways marrying young helped alleviate shame for Harris, but he urges that the broader framework of purity culture—the shame and the fear of punishment—needs to be deconstructed.
• Exposure to biblical criticism challenged Adam's understanding of faith.
• Navigating faith and doubt is a common experience for many.
• James Fowler's stages of faith provide a framework for understanding spiritual development.
• Stage four of faith often involves emotional turmoil and confusion.
• The shift to stage five allows for more complex conversations about faith.
• Peer pressure can manifest in various ways within faith communities. Embracing a new concept of God can lead to profound changes in faith.
• Personal loss can significantly impact one's faith journey and facilitate a shift from one stage to another
• Universalism and progressive Christianity can be just as dogmatic as conservative Christianity.
• EDJ and Adam explore universalism and the universality of God's love
• Adam shares research into near-death experiences and the insight they offer to the love of God.
• Perception of God influences mental and emotional health.
• Positive thinking can rewire the brain for better emotional health.
• Adam mentions the book "How God Changes Your Brain" by Andrew Newberg.
• Truth can be subjective and vary from person to person.
• Experiential faith emphasizes the importance of lived experiences.
• Compassion is essential in navigating faith and relationships.
• Deconstruction can lead to humility and a deeper understanding of others.
• The illusion of separation can hinder our understanding of community.
• Political division can stem from different stages of faith development or from reverting back to the same mental operating system despite changing beliefs.
• Civil discourse is necessary for bridging divides in faith communities.
• Experiencing love can transform perspectives on others. Adam shares a powerful spiritual experience he had in 2025.
• Listening to people at all different points on the political spectrum is crucial to stage five and beneficial to broader society.
• Fighting injustice should be done with love and compassion.
• Boundaries are important in maintaining healthy relationships.
• Community and connection are vital for spiritual growth.

In this episode of No Hard Feelings, EDJ, Kristen and Emily explore the complex history and cultural significance of surnames, particularly focusing on the tradition of women changing their last names. They discuss the historical context of coverture, the evolution of women's rights, and the impact of naming conventions across different cultures. The conversation also delves into modern practices in queer relationships, the legal and political implications of name changes, and the intersection of identity and faith. Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize the importance of personal choice and reflection in navigating these topics, ultimately inviting listeners to consider what their surnames mean to them.

Subscribe to our Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod

· Coverture definition: English Common law defining a married woman's legal identity as suspended and merged into her husband's, creating a single legal entity. A wife couldn't own property, sign documents, sue in their own name. Things like "Mrs. John Smith" convention come from this.

· History: English tradition that began sometime after the Norman Conquest around the 11-15th Century;

· In 1765, is when it was codified into English law which is part of how it became a piece of both American and Australian tradition.

· Lucy Stone became the first recorded American women to insist on keeping her birth name in 1855 and there were other laws in the mid 1800s that allowed property ownership and changed some inheritance laws.

· 1966 is when the US Supreme Court states covertures was "obsolete" but it was still in existence in at least 11 states. Within the 1970s - with the rise of feminism and continued Supreme Court rulings laws requiring women to change their name were far more widely removed.

· Only about 20% of women keep their birth name currently.

· Patronymic names - surname based on the given name of a person's father/paternal lineage - ie Danish tradition "Christiansen" literally means "Christian's Son." or in Russian "Ivanovich" would be Ivan's son. Some Scandinavian traditions also used "datter" for a female child.

· Hispanic tradition - generally 2 surnames. First surname represents the paternal line and second surname the maternal line. Women typically keep their name after marriage and children then take the first surname of each parent. So Juan García Martinez marries Maria Lopez Rodriguez and their child is Anna Garcia Lopez. See also:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surnames_by_country#English-speaking_countries

· No default tradition in queer partnerships. Options: keep, hyphenate, combine, create new name.

· Legal navigation in states with varying protections. While still protected federally under Obergefell and Respect for Marriage Act, Tennessee alone has advanced five anti-LGBTQIA+ marriage bills THIS WEEK

· Voter registration and ID laws require exact name matches.

· Marriage/divorce name changes complicate registration.

· Administrative burden often falls on women

· Hosts delve into "unsolicited advice" at the end of the episode, discussing deconstruction, adult music choices and church attendance.

· Stay tuned for the next episode of No Hard Feelings where we will unpack the purpose of church during deconstruction some more!

Jess' Archive Bundles (available until 28 February 2026): • The Jess and Devi Show (2021–2025) – $30 • The Jess and Friends Show (2025) – $10 Discounts available for paid and free Patreon members.

Raised in an agnostic family in Adelaide, Australia, Jason John studied zoology because he wanted to work with animals. After these scientific studies, Jason experienced a spiritual transformation that led him to became a six-day creationist, no-sex-before-marriage Conservative Evangelical with a dose of the Charismatic and a dash of Pentecostalism.

At theological college he discovered that Christianity was a very broad umbrella, re-embraced evolution and, though married himself, advocated for a more open approach to sexuality within the church.

He explores the intersection of science, Christianity, politics and Earth Care as an ordained minister and founder of ecofaith.org. Jason is also a performance poet and author. Listeners of this podcast can download his book Faithful Fornication: Bacteria, Bonobos the Bible and Beyond for free from ecofaith.org/freebies, password SpiritualMisfits, with the hopes that they will rate and review it on Goodreads and Amazon.

Jason has B.Sc in Zoology and a Post Grad Diploma in Environmental Studies from Adelaide University; B.Min & PhD in Theology from Flinders University.

In this episode of the Where Do We Go From Here podcast, host EDJ and Jason John explore Jason's journey from agnosticism to Christianity, the impact of purity culture on the church, and the evolution of human relationships. This conversation delves into the contrasting creation stories of the Bible and scientific evolution as well as the role of Jesus in modern Christianity. They discuss the importance of open and deeply honest communication in relationships and the past, present, and future of monogamy.

• Jason's book "Christian Sex Today" was attracting the wrong kinds of readers. Conservative Christians found it too progressive and progressives assumed it was conservative and weren't picking it up. So, Jason changed the title to "Faithful Fornication."
• When he became a Christian Jason initially rejected his scientific studies to embrace a literal 6-7day creation story.
• When he attended seminary, Jason learned that not all Christians reject evolution and he was able to re-negotiate his Christian beliefs in light of his scientific studies.
• Jason contrasts the Genesis creation stories with the evolution story: In the beginning…life reproduced asexually.
• EDJ and Jason discuss how life evolved from asexual reproduction to hermaphrodite and homosexual reproduction and eventually to heterosexual reproduction and the implications for Christianity.
• Jason elaborates on gametes and DNA including the unique (and exquisite) DNA of the platypus.
• The Bible should be approached as a historical document rather than a literal guide.
• Jesus' teachings emphasize love, grace, and acts of kindness and service to one another. This is a conservative view and yet it stands in contrast to American-Evangelicalism which has an over-emphasis on sexual behavior and identity and an under-emphasis on the beatitudes and Jesus' more challenging teachings.
• EDJ and Jason touch on the history of monogamy, polyamory, polygamy and polygyny and where homo sapiens' may be headed.
• Jason talks about Freud and the invention of the vibrator to treat women with "hysteria" by inducing orgasms.
• Women have a very similar libido to men.
• Open communication is essential in relationships to avoid secrecy and shame.
• Domestic abuse is a critical issue that needs to be addressed within the church.
• Human relationships are evolving, with changing views on monogamy and commitment.

To listen to the entire 73min episode for free, subscribe to our Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Jess' Archive Bundles (available until 28 February 2026): • The Jess and Devi Show (2021–2025) – $30 • The Jess and Friends Show (2025) – $10 Discounts available for paid and free Patreon members.

In this episode, Katherine Spearing discusses her experiences with spiritual abuse, particularly within the contexts of purity culture and the Christian Patriarchy Movement. She shares insights on how these environments shape beliefs about gender roles, emotional labor, and personal values. The conversation explores the dynamics of cult-like behavior in religious communities, the importance of consent, and the journey towards healing from spiritual trauma. Katherine emphasizes the need for diverse communities and the significance of understanding one's own emotions as a pathway to recovery.

Takeaways:

· Many churches perpetuate patriarchal values under the guise of spirituality.

· Spiritual abuse often uses religious texts to control behavior.

· Purity culture is overt spiritual abuse that can lead to significant emotional and psychological harm.

· Women are often conditioned to prioritize perfection over bravery.

· Emotional labor disproportionately falls on women, even in egalitarian settings.

· Spiritual bypassing can invalidate genuine feelings of grief and sadness.

· Differentiation of feelings is crucial for healthy relationships.

· Healing from spiritual abuse requires understanding personal values and emotions.

· Diverse communities provide essential support for recovery from spiritual trauma.

Katherine has a Masters of religion and culture. She grew up in an extreme Christian patriarchal movement (a cult) and has worked for several evangelical churches. After leaving spiritually abusive workplaces, she went on to found Tears of Eden, a nonprofit supporting survivors of Spiritual Abuse, producing and hosting its groundbreaking affiliate podcast Uncertain, which pioneered pivotal conversations around Spiritual Abuse and has been quoted in scholarly articles, seminary papers, and PhD dissertations. Her book, A Thousand Tiny Papercuts was published in October 2025.

Find Katherine on Instagram: @katherinespearing & @tearsofedenofficial

And websites: www.katherinespearing.com & www.tearsofeden.org

Jess' Archive Bundles (available until 28 February 2026): • The Jess and Devi Show (2021–2025) – $30 • The Jess and Friends Show (2025) – $10 Discounts available for paid and free Patreon members.

This episode marks the final chapter of Where Do We Go From Here? hosted by Jess, and it's centred on a deeply personal, wide-ranging conversation with long-time co-host and author Eady Jay.

At the heart of the episode is an interview about Eady's latest book, Reconstructing Sexual Ethics, a part-memoir, part-theological work that traces her journey from growing up in Australian evangelical purity culture to reimagining a Christian sexual ethic shaped by grace, consent, dignity, and justice.

The conversation moves fluidly between personal story and theological reflection, including:

• Eady's early public commitment to abstinence and the "virgin vs vixen" binary she was placed into as a teenager

• How purity culture shaped desire, shame, mental health, and expectations around marriage

• Why deconstruction alone isn't enough, and what reconstruction actually requires

• The vulnerability and risk of speaking about sex personally, not just abstractly

• Reframing Christian sexual ethics around consent, love, and lived experience

• Navigating progressive and conservative tensions without collapsing into certainty

The episode also includes the regular Thoughts & Prayers segments:

• Unsolicited Advice for Christians on Reddit, including a candid discussion about "body count," virginity, and the long shadow of purity culture

• A closing Prayer of the People, holding space for grief, justice, transition, and hope

This episode is both a farewell and a handover, honouring what this space has held while opening the door to what comes next.

The Jess and Devi Show Bundle - $30USD (++ on iOS)

The Jess and Friends Show Bundle - $10USD (++ on iOS)

If you're looking for discounts as a previous Patreon member, send a request via email to: [email protected]

• Eady Jay's website and bio: https://evangelicaldeconstructionjourney.com

• Reconstructing Sexual Ethics (book): https://evangelicaldeconstructionjourney.com

• Patreon archive bundles: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod/collections

• Making Biblical Womanhood by Beth Allison Barr (mentioned in discussion)

• Sheila Wray Gregoire's work on consent and arousal non-concordance (referenced)

If this episode brings things up for you, you're not alone, and help is available. Healing support does not require certainty, a clear memory, or a particular story. You deserve care simply because something hurt you. Immediate and confidential support:

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) Call 800-656-HOPE (4673) Chat online at rainn.org Available 24/7. Free, confidential, and anonymous.

In this special Ask Jess Anything episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess opens the vault and shares one of the most personal conversations from behind the Patreon paywall.

As Jess prepares to step away from the podcast she founded, she reflects honestly on purity culture, sex, faith, parenting, creative burnout, and what it's like to leave a space you helped build. Listeners submitted their questions with no topic off-limits, and Jess answers them with the clarity, nuance, and vulnerability that has defined the show for the past five years.

In this episode, Jess talks about why she's stepping back from podcasting, the emotional and physical toll of documentary filmmaking, her experience making I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and her complicated relationship with Joshua Harris and the film's legacy. She also shares how purity culture did (and didn't) shape her marriage and sex life, how her views shifted after her first kiss and first sexual experiences, and how she's thinking about consent, bodies, and faith as a parent to young twins.

Jess also reflects on content creation, Patreon, monetisation, and the tension between integrity and algorithms in today's creator economy. This episode serves as both a thank-you to longtime listeners and a thoughtful handover as EDJ steps into the future of the podcast.

Some sections of this episode have been intentionally edited for public release, with a small number of moments remaining exclusive to Patreon for personal safety.

• Why Jess is stepping away from Where Do We Go From Here?

• What an "Ask Me Anything" revealed about her deconstruction journey

• Purity culture, sex, shame, and agency

• First kisses, first sex, and dismantling fear-based narratives

• Parenting without purity culture

• Creative burnout, documentary filmmaking, and boundaries

• Patreon, paywalls, and the realities of independent podcasting

• What happens to the archive and how to access it for a limited time

If you've been with the podcast for a short time or a long time, this episode is a moment of reflection, closure, and gratitude.

🎧 Note: A limited-time archive of previously paywalled episodes is currently available via Patreon before it is permanently removed.

Link for Collections:

Jess & Devi Show - $30USD

Jess & Friends Show - $10USD

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess sits down with Erin Moon, writer, podcaster, and author of I've Got Questions, for a deeply honest conversation about purity culture, faith deconstruction, curiosity, and what it looks like to stay tethered to God while letting certainty fall away.

Erin reflects on growing up fully immersed in evangelical purity culture, including the long-term impact it had on her body, marriage, and sense of self. She shares candidly about why deconstructing purity culture can take decades, how shame keeps so many people silent, and why asking questions is not a failure of faith but an expression of it.

Together, Jess and Erin explore why curiosity was discouraged in many evangelical spaces, how political power and Christian nationalism accelerated Erin's own deconstruction, and what it means to be "suspicious of certainty" while still loving scripture. Erin also discusses her work as Resident Bible Scholar on Faith Adjacent, the shift from The Bible Binge, and why humour, humility, and community matter when navigating heavy theological terrain.

This episode is for anyone who feels unmoored by faith questions, is re-examining purity culture, or is trying to stay connected to God without suppressing their doubts. It's also for parents, partners, and loved ones who want to better understand the deconstruction journeys happening around them.

• Growing up "all in" on purity culture and its long-term effects

• Why sexual shame doesn't magically disappear after marriage

• How asking questions can deepen faith rather than destroy it

• The role of politics and power in evangelical disillusionment

• Being curious without demanding certainty

• Reading scripture with humility and openness

• Why community matters, both online and in real life

• Erin's book I've Got Questions and the companion guided journal

• Erin Moon's website: https://www.erinhmoon.com

• I've Got Questions by Erin Moon: https://www.erinhmoon.com/book

• I've Got Questions: Guided Journal: https://www.erinhmoon.com/journal

• Faith Adjacent podcast: https://faithadjacentpod.com

If you've ever felt afraid to ask questions about faith, sexuality, scripture, or God, this conversation offers permission, honesty, and hope.

What happens when algorithms profit from our outrage?

In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess is joined by Emily and Kristen to unpack a piece of viral rage bait that sparked intense online reactions around dating, loneliness, and gender. Using a widely shared clip from a Diary of a CEOinterview as a case study, the hosts slow the conversation down and ask a different set of questions.

Rather than reacting, blaming, or feeding the algorithm, they practice what they call their No Hard Feelings muscle:

• noticing emotional responses without immediately responding

• fact-checking claims and statistics

• zooming out to full context

• questioning binaries like men vs women, single vs partnered

• and sitting with nuance instead of certainty

The conversation explores how statistics can be used as authority without accountability, how loneliness is often conflated with relationship status, and why phrases like "childless women" are emotionally loaded and culturally shaming. The hosts challenge the idea that romantic partnership is the primary solution to loneliness and ask whether community, friendship, and social structures deserve more attention.

They also examine how social media incentives reward division, why rage bait spreads so effectively, and how engagement itself becomes a vote for more of the same content. Along the way, they discuss dating apps, emotional labour, shifting gender expectations, declining birth rates, and the difference between correlation and causation when it comes to health outcomes and relationships.

This episode is not about defending or cancelling anyone. It's about learning how to engage thoughtfully in a culture that thrives on outrage, and asking what kind of social, economic, and relational conditions actually make connection feel safe and chosen.

If you've ever felt angry, defensive, or exhausted after watching a viral clip about dating or gender, this episode invites you to pause, breathe, and think again.

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess is joined by scholar and author Sara Moslener to discuss her latest book, After Purity, and the deeper political, racial, and theological forces behind evangelical purity culture.

Sara argues that purity culture was never only about sex. It was about power. Drawing on years of academic research and firsthand stories from the After Purity Project, she traces how purity culture trained white women to equate obedience, self-denial, and innocence with moral authority, patriotism, and faithfulness. These ideals, she explains, are inseparable from Christian nationalism, white supremacy, and the politics of "innocence" in the United States.

Together, Jess and Sara unpack how purity culture relied on the myth of innocence while simultaneously hyper-sexualising girls and young women. They explore how evangelical movements claimed their work was "not political" while actively shaping national policy, sexual norms, and racial hierarchies. The conversation also examines the limits of white feminism, the problem of disembodiment, and why healing from purity culture requires more than reclaiming sexuality alone.

This episode is for listeners who want to understand why purity culture caused so much harm, how it intersected with race and power, and what it means to reckon honestly with faith, feminism, and national identity after deconstruction.

Topics include:

• Purity culture as a political and racial project

• Innocence, power, and Christian nationalism

• White feminism and its limits

• Disembodiment and bodily shame

• Evangelicalism, race, and sexual ethics

• The After Purity Project and lived experience

Core Readings Referenced in This Episode

• After Purity — Sara Moslener

• Pure — Linda Kay Klein

• Making Chastity Sexy — Christine J. Gardner

• Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl — Harriet Jacobs

• White Tears / Brown Scars — Ruby Hamad

• The Myth of Colorblind Christians — Jemar Tisby

In this episode of Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ reflect on the year that's been and wade into some of the most tender questions facing Christians who are rethinking faith, sex, and dating after purity culture.

Drawing from listener submissions and Christian Reddit threads, they explore what happens when the old rules no longer work. How do you choose a partner without a checklist? What does consent look like in Christian dating? Is celibacy still meaningful if it's chosen freely rather than enforced by shame? And how do you stay anchored in faith while deconstructing long-held beliefs?

The conversation moves between personal stories, cultural critique, and pastoral honesty. Jess and EDJ unpack how purity culture shaped women's bodies, desire, and self-worth, including the overlap between sexual repression and diet culture, modesty, and shrinking oneself to feel "safe." They talk candidly about dating privilege, power dynamics in church spaces, and why "waiting for the right one" can sometimes be a way of avoiding real connection.

The episode also addresses grief and solidarity in the wake of violence, reflecting on the Bondi attack and the courage and humanity displayed in its aftermath. As always, Thoughts & Prayers closes with a communal prayer, holding space for listeners wherever they find themselves on their faith journey.

This episode is for anyone navigating Christian dating after purity culture, wrestling with deconstruction without wanting to lose their faith, or trying to rebuild a sexual ethic rooted in consent, agency, and love rather than fear.

Topics include:

• Christian dating after purity culture

• Consent, agency, and sexual ethics

• Celibacy as choice vs obligation

• Deconstruction without deconversion

• Dating privilege and power in church spaces

• Purity culture, diet culture, and women's bodies

• Faith, grief, and communal prayer