You Are Not Crazy

We dive into the Trauma Bond: how it forms, why it's so hard to leave, and what recovery really looks like. This isn't just about red flags or textbook definitions. This is about the lived experience—the confusion, the craving for relief, the grief that shows up even when you finally leave.

I walk through the invisible hooks that keep survivors attached: intermittent reinforcement, emotional manipulation disguised as love, and the powerful conditioning that teaches us to find safety in what's familiar—even when it hurts. I also share pieces of my own story, including what it felt like to be silenced, blamed, and slowly erased in a relationship that mirrored old wounds I hadn’t yet healed.

You’ll hear about:

• The difference between love and emotional captivity
• How trauma bonds are wired into your nervous system
• Why you still miss them even after they hurt you
• What gaslighting does to your sense of self
• How to begin un-gaslighting yourself and rebuild your truth

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

What do you do when the person you love explodes—and it has nothing to do with you, but you’re the one absorbing the damage?

In today’s episode, I’m talking about a very specific and disorienting experience: the emotional outbursts that often come from people with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These episodes are not “just” arguments. They’re dysregulated storms—sudden, intense, and often terrifying—that leave you feeling blamed, spun, and emotionally shredded.

I break down what’s actually happening in these moments, why they feel so confusing, and how to begin separating yourself from the chaos. We’ll explore:

• What BPD-patterned emotional storms really are
• Why it feels like you’re being punished for something you didn’t do
• How to recognize these moments as trauma responses, not mutual conflict
• What helped me stop spiraling when I was stuck in these cycles
• The difference between compassion and self-sacrifice
• Why you’re not crazy for being overwhelmed, and why this isn’t your fault

This episode isn’t about diagnosing anyone. It’s about giving language to what survivors are living through—so you can stop blaming yourself, start validating your reality, and begin choosing peace over chaos.

If this resonates, I invite you to check out my full Substack series on Cluster B abuse patterns: https://jessicaknightcoaching.substack.com/

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

In this episode, I unpack how abusers flip the script by dredging up unrelated past events, twisting reality, and using guilt as a weapon to derail accountability. If you've ever found yourself defending a mistake from five years ago while trying to talk about how you're hurting now, this episode is for you.

You’ll learn:

• The difference between naming a pattern and playing the blame game
• How false equivalency and DARVO keep survivors stuck
• What a healthy vs. abusive response to feedback actually sounds like
• How to stop wasting your energy defending yourself and start trusting what you know

Whether you're navigating emotional abuse, high-conflict divorce, or just trying to reclaim your clarity, this episode is a grounding reminder that your experiences are real—and you don’t need to explain your pain to someone determined to ignore it.

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

I explore one of the most disorienting realities of surviving an emotionally abusive relationship: the way each incident is treated like it exists in isolation—when in reality, it all added up.

I share my personal experience of slowly realizing that what felt like “stress” was actually a sustained pattern of emotional harm. 

I walk through the subtle signs—like anxiety, insomnia, self-doubt, and emotional shutdown—that build up over time and keep survivors stuck in cycles of self-blame and confusion.

This episode offers validation for the exhaustion you feel, clarity on how abusers avoid accountability by isolating incidents, and a powerful reminder: if you’re starting to see the pattern, you already have everything you need to begin walking away from it.

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

I share the story of a client—“Amanda”—who experienced a devastating betrayal that shattered not only her relationship but her trust in herself. What began as a hopeful, grounded connection turned into a traumatic discovery of infidelity and deception. Jessica walks through the emotional aftermath: the gaslighting, the physical symptoms of grief, the shame survivors often carry, and the slow, painful realization that you're not just grieving a person—you’re grieving the version of yourself who believed you were safe.

This episode is for anyone who has asked:
How did I not see it?
Why do I still miss them?
What happened to the future I thought I was building?

Topics covered:

• How betrayal impacts your nervous system
• The grief of losing not just a partner, but your reality
• What trauma bonding really feels like
• The shame cycle survivors fall into
• How to begin rebuilding your trust in yourself

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

I’m doing something a little different — I’m walking you through my Emotional Abuse Breakthrough Course: what it is, why it matters, and how it can help if you’re stuck questioning your reality.

I share the story of how I realized I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, how confusing and stuck I felt inside the trauma bond, and the turning points that helped me start to break free. I also talk about why simply recognizing abuse isn’t enough — and how you need validation, boundaries, and clarity to start reclaiming your life.

If you’re Googling things like "Is this abuse?" or "Why does nothing I do seem to work?" — this episode is for you.

I’ll also talk about some of the tools that helped me, like Paul Colaianni’s M.E.A.N. Workbook, and how my course is designed to give you something I wish I had: a clear foundation, validation, and steps you can actually take — even if you’re still stuck inside the relationship.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How emotional abuse rewires your reality
• Why trauma bonds keep you stuck (even when you can see the harm)
• How to set boundaries for yourself — even when they won’t respect them
• How to start validating your own experience (and stop feeling crazy)

Resources Mentioned:

• Emotional Abuse Breakthrough Course
• Paul Colaianni’s M.E.A.N. Workbook (link to workbook if available)

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Vctoria Kirilloff, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and founder of Divorce Analytics, brings her sharp expertise, and personal experience leaving an abusive relationship, to help listeners navigate the financial side of divorce with clarity and strategy.

Together, we break down:

• How to start gathering financial information even if you feel completely in the dark
• Why documenting financial coercion can become one of your strongest tools in family court
• What a "global settlement proposal" is and why it can save you time, money, and emotional energy
• How to avoid letting your emotions derail your legal or financial strategy
• The most common myths survivors believe about money — and how to break free from them

Whether you're still in the relationship or knee-deep in legal battles, this episode will give you both validation and direction. 

🔗 Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Free Financial Document Checklist: divorceanalytics.com/free-tools
• Learn more about Victoria’s work at divorceanalytics.com

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

I’m joined by Dr. Nae, trauma bond expert, author of Run Like Hell, and former wife of Jordan Belfort—better known as the Wolf of Wall Street. Dr. Nae shares her story of surviving a deeply toxic and pathological relationship, what it took to finally leave, and how she transformed her experience into a mission to help others heal from narcissistic abuse and coercive control.

We talk about:

• The difference between flawed partners and pathological ones
• What it actually means to be trauma bonded
• The role of cognitive dissonance, coercive control, and the loss of self
• The danger of staying—and the danger of leaving
• How to protect yourself when planning to leave
• What healing really requires (hint: it’s not just time)

Whether you’re in the fog or on the other side trying to make sense of what happened, this conversation offers validation, language, and a path forward.

You can find Dr. Nae at drnae.com, and be sure to check out her book Run Like Hell, her trauma bond recovery community, and her daily insights on Instagram @therealdrnadine.

✨ If you need support, I offer 1:1 coaching, one-off sessions, and resources at emotionalabusecoach.com. You’ll find all relevant links in the show notes.

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

I explore how abusive partners can use therapy to reinforce blame, rewrite reality, and further control their partners. She breaks down red flags to watch for—like when therapy sessions become ammunition, or when your partner suddenly becomes an expert in your trauma but avoids accountability for their own.

Jessica shares the emotional toll of navigating this dynamic and why you’re not wrong—or crazy—for feeling like something is off even when your partner is “doing the work.” This episode is a validating reminder that true healing includes self-reflection, not deflection—and you deserve a relationship where you’re not someone’s emotional cushion or scapegoat.

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

This episode explores how gaslighting works, highlights red flags such as constant self-doubt and the need to over-apologize, and shares practical strategies for reclaiming your sense of reality. I also unpack the manipulative DARVO tactic—where abusers deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender roles—to help you recognize when your intuition is under siege. 

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner