Beyond Success

Several listeners have asked about handling disrespect, especially when it comes from your partner. And I get it: 

Disrespect is a breeding ground for contempt. And contempt will sabotage any healthy relationship you have. 

So, what do you do when you feel disrespected? 

In today’s show, you’ll discover what you should do when you feel disrespected, the root cause of disrespect you probably haven't considered, and how to turn disrespect into respect instead of letting it blossom into hate. 

Listen now!

Show Highlights:

• The “thorn in your side” problem that blossoms into resentment and turns your relationship into a ticking time bomb (0:58) 
• The “Four Horsemen” signs responsible for ruining all healthy relationships (and how to prevent falling victim to this poison) (2:03)  
• Why having a lack of self-respect spells trouble for your relationship (even if you think you’re in a healthy relationship) (7:45) 
• How to create self-respect doing nothing other than looking at adorable puppies (9:42) 
• One question to ask yourself that instantly makes you realize you don’t need respect from others (19:20) 
• The vicious self-fulfilling prophecy many men find themselves in that leads them down the road of being cheated on and heartbroken (23:40) 
• Can’t land a promotion because your co-workers don’t respect you? Here are the 4 things you must do to win them over (27:20) 
• Why toxic shame might be behind your lack of assertiveness (27:57) 
• John Gottman’s #1 red flag that signals your relationship is doomed, which he discovered after studying relationships for 40+ years (31:37) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

After reviewing the Barbie movie, many listeners wrote angry emails and comments to me. They didn’t like the way the Kens were treated in the movie, but I did. In fact, I saw Ken as the hero in the movie. 

Why? 

Well, years ago, after discovering my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me, I stood on the 57th floor of the Marina Bay Sands Hotel looking down trying to jump. Even though I didn’t, I let my rage and hatred consume me. 

Because of this rage and hatred I felt, the Red Pill world appealed to me. I dove deep into Red Pill material at the time… and while it helped me feel good temporarily, it didn’t serve me or my relationship pursuits in the long term. If I had continued down that road, I never would have found fulfillment in life, attracted my wife, or have had a successful marriage with anyone. 

And that’s why the Ken character relates to me. At a certain point in the movie, Barbie tells Ken that he needs to discover who he is without her. And this is something all men need to discover if they want to have a successful, 50+ year marriage. 

In this episode, I reveal how I went through this transformation from being suicidal to finding myself, how you can do it too, and why doing so is the most important thing you can do for your happiness and the health of your future relationships. 

Listen now!

Show Highlights:

• Did the Barbie movie’s depiction of Ken anger you? Here’s why Ken isn’t meant to represent all men… (12:45) 
• Why discovering that my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me made me want to off myself (and how this story can save your life if you’re going through a similar situation) (17:47) 
• The insidious mindset Ken has towards Barbie which many guys subconsciously mimic (and why this mindset demolishes your joy) (19:20)   
• How I fell hook, line, and sinker into the Red Pill world (and why leaving this world is responsible for my incredible marriage today) (21:06) 
• The “RSR” secret to prepare you to get into and strengthen any relationship you have (even if it’s a casual one) (25:45) 
• Why public posting on social media between couples is a major red flag (33:07) 
• Has an ex cheated on you? Here’s why revenge anger will only leave you more isolated and depressed (37:02) 
• The single best piece of advice Barbie gave Ken in the Barbie movie (and how this sentence can instantly make you more attractive to women) (47:04) 
• The weird way being a successful pickup artist prevents you from experiencing true love (even if it helps you get into bed with attractive ladies) (50:58) 
• How “womansplaining” helps you understand women at a deeper level and unlocks a more attractive version of yourself to them (59:47) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

The “Fixer Mindset” plagues every nice guy who can’t seem to even talk to an attractive lady, let alone start a relationship with her. If you continue letting this broken mindset subconsciously guide you, it can end in complete catastrophe: 

Like bending over backwards for an ex who still lives with you, and starts bringing new guys into your apartment. This happens more often than you’d think. 

Why? 

Well, if you haven’t overcome your early childhood traumas, then you’ll subconsciously recreate this dynamic of being taken advantage of in order to earn love in every relationship you have. 

Not only will this cause intense heartbreaks, but it also fills you with a deep depression that lingers on you no matter what. 

That’s the bad news. 

The good news? 

There is hope! In fact, I used to suffer from this exact same mindset years ago. 

In this episode, I break down the “Fixer Mindset” in nitty-gritty detail, including why it happens, how it happens, and how you can finally overcome it. I also reveal what happens when you don’t address it—hint: it only gets worse. And the three most important steps you can take today to finally free yourself from its destructive grasp. 

Listen now!

Show Highlights:

• The insidious “Fixer Mindset” most men silently struggle with that makes you bend over backwards for a girl who wouldn’t do the same for you (2:10) 
• 4 deadly coping behaviors you picked up as a toddler that you’re subconsciously using today that scares women away (12:08) 
• Why making more money or getting a six pack won’t help you attract the ladies (even if you think it will) (15:32) 
• The single biggest fundamental flaw in the human condition that sabotages your chances with girls, fills you with existential dread, and causes untold amounts of stress (15:46) 
• How becoming a pickup artist can help you get girls (and why this only sets you up for humiliating heartbreak) (18:13) 
• Why evolution has failed us when it comes to being emotionally stable, healthy, and happy (and how you can fix this in your life) (22:13) 
• The cold, hard truth about why most people don’t end up in happy relationships (25:12) 
• How neglecting your “little boy” hidden deep inside you gives you a wicked case of the addicting “Martyrdom Fantasy” which causes you to sacrifice your relationship for nothing (26:00) 
• 3 simple steps to finally overcome your “Fixer Mindset” and effortlessly magnetize attractive women to you (33:43) 
• Why traveling alone is the single best “antidote” to deep-seated childhood traumas (36:13) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Did you see the latest Jonah Hill controversy with his ex-girlfriend? 

She shared their text exchange on Instagram, and while they both brought up some good therapeutic points, each of them handled the situation in a poor manner for varying reasons. 

Since many listeners have written in wondering what I thought about this exchange, I figured I’d dedicate an entire episode to it. What Jonah did wrong, what he did right, and what he should’ve done in this situation if he was fully mature through his own therapeutic process. 

In this episode, besides revealing what Jonah Hill should’ve done, I’m also going to cover what healthy boundaries are and why they’re so important to understand. Why you need to get clear on your values and standards before looking for a partner. And most importantly, why you need to allow for grace when evaluating other people. 

Listen now!

Show Highlights:

• The “room temperature water” reason why picking a high-quality woman is the single most important thing you can do in your life (0:20) 
• How using passive aggressive sarcasm when communicating your boundaries backfires and can even make your partner despise you (9:26) 
• Did you see the Jonah Hill controversy with his ex-girlfriend? Here’s what Jonah should’ve done instead… (14:24) 
• The single biggest mistake men make in the earlier stages of their relationship that all but guarantees your relationship won’t become a happy and healthy 50-year marriage (17:41) 
• Mark Manson’s “F Yes, or No” rule for deciding with certainty whether your relationship will last or not (even if you’re still in the honeymoon phase) (23:28) 
• The weird way you owe being a player or pickup artist now to your future wife (25:18) 
• How simply staying curious about your feelings and emotions can prevent massive arguments and fights from erupting in your relationship (29:59) 
• How to have tough conversations with your partner without coming across like an icky  controlling boyfriend (34:31) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmasteryThis episode features guest Steve Mayeda, a father of four and a life coach specializing in men’s personal development. You can learn more about Steve and his work here: https://www.stevemayeda.com/

Just because you haven't found love or a successful relationship doesn't mean those two things don’t exist. Yet, this is one of the many myths the Red Pill movement tricks you into believing. 

The truth? 

The truth is that the Red Pill community reeks of immature masculinity, marinating in suffering. Inside of everyone fooled by the Red Pill is a little boy who just wants unconditional love. 

But instead of using the pain to break past your own barriers, the Red Pill dupes you into creating more barriers, further pushing peace and happiness and love away from you. 

And the worst part? 

Following this Red Pill route will never result in what you’re truly looking for: Unconditional love. 

But here’s the good news: 

In this episode, my friend and men’s coach, Steve Mayeda joins me again to rip the Red Pill movement to shreds for you, so you can find the unconditional love and happiness you’re after. 

Listen now!

Show Highlights:

• The bizarre “all women have an eating disorder” hypergamy myth peddled in Red Pill circles that’s easily disproved at (4:43) 
• How submitting yourself to your higher self magnetizes women to you (and enhances the health of your relationships) (8:17) 
• The lethal “white knight narcissism” many Red Pill guys corner themselves in without even realizing it (11:25) 
• Why following the “Iron Rules of Tomassi” fills you with a deep, inescapable insecurity that will make quality women run away from you (13:20) 
• How asking yourself these simple questions gives you a tremendous insight into your deeply-held traumas (29:27) 
• The tragic truth about why Red Pill guys will never experience true love and connection (even if they’re in a “successful” marriage) (31:13) 
• How integrating feminine energy in your healing makes you irresistible to women (even if Red Pill guys scream you have to be an “alpha”) (42:58) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmasteryThis episode features guest Steve Mayeda, a father of four and a life coach specializing in men’s personal development. You can learn more about Steve and his work here: https://www.stevemayeda.com/

Listeners and fans have written in for quite a while now wondering what my opinions are about the Red Pill movement, which was largely inspired by Rollo Tomassi’s book, The Rational Male.

The Rational Male and the Red Pill movement tries to teach guys how to be “alpha.” 

But there’s a big, fat problem with this ideology: 

It’s filled with bitter resentment: 

Towards “alphas.” 

Towards women. 

And worst of all? 

Towards yourself. 

In this episode, my friend and men’s coach, Steve Mayeda, and I reveal why The Rational Male is white knight syndrome masquerading as alpha, the problem with trying to be alpha (and why it shows immature masculinity at its worst), and why following the preachings of the Red Pill will leave you alone and miserable. 

Listen now!

Show Highlights:

• The insidious “slave to your hatred” trap Red Pill guys fall into that ruins their chances of finding a high-quality woman (8:18) 
• Can’t find a good girl? You may be acting like a “compensatory narcissist,” here’s how to fix it… (10:17) 
• Why adopting an alpha mindset will make women you’re interested in laugh behind your back (12:51) 
• The counterintuitive reason Red Pill guys are just white knights masquerading as alphas (and why falling for their lies will leave you alone and miserable) (20:39) 
• Do you feel like you have to sacrifice and compromise in your relationship? Here’s the weird reason it’s destined to fail… (31:29) 
• How to make almost anyone you talk to love you simply by listening as your true self (41:10) 
• Tony Robbins’s “APR” secret for making your girlfriend or wife so happy in your relationship that breaking up never even crosses her mind (46:42) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

This episode features guest Steve Mayeda, a father of four and a life coach specializing in men’s personal development. You can learn more about Steve and his work here: https://www.stevemayeda.com/

There’s been considerable backlash about the Barbie movie from both critics and listeners of my show. 

The problem? 

Well, most of the criticism comes from certain types of men. In fact, I had to search the darkest corners of the internet just to find a negative review of Barbie that made a decent point. And believe it or not, this fact could explain why they don’t understand women, have no luck attracting them, and can’t create a thriving relationship (even if you have a great desire for one). 

Why? 

Barbie is a movie for teenage girls based on a doll made for teenage girls. Of course some men have a hard time watching it: It wasn’t made for them. But this also reveals a deep societal insight that can improve your relationships with women: 

The reaction to Barbie reveals how male-centric the world we live in still is today—in 2023. 

In today’s show, I explain how this male-centric centering of society hurts your understanding of women, why watching Barbie (and Sex & the City) can help you succeed with women, and what ugly truths hating Barbie reveals.

Listen now!

Show Highlights:

• The weird way to attract higher quality women by watching the Barbie movie (3:02) 
• The insidious “Turn Back Time” trap some men find themselves in which wrecks their chances of having a successful, modern relationship (3:56) 
• Did you see Barbie and hated it? Here’s the surprising thing that this reveals about you and your potential with women… (6:52) 
• How you can mimic Ken’s character arc from Barbie in real life (and become a magnet for high-quality females) (14:14) 
• The “Sex and the City” secret for getting a PhD in understanding women (18:11) 
• How ‘gender’ differences being more foreign than ‘race’ differences could be the reason you’re not good with women (25:07) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

If you really want a relationship, then I have bad news: 

Most guys aren’t ready for a relationship yet. And even if you somehow find a relationship and experience success within it, there’s a good chance that you’ll sabotage the relationship—causing heartache and pain and divorce. 

So, how can you tell whether you’re ready for a relationship or not? 

Well, it turns out, there are 3 different “Relationship Levels,” and most guys I coach are stuck in level 1: The level where you’ll sabotage your relationship if you get into one. 

That’s why, in this episode, I reveal what the 3 different “Relationship Levels” are, how to tell whether you’re ready for a relationship, and how to “level” up if you’re stuck at the first level where heartbreak and self-destruction loom. 

Want to discover whether you’re ready for a relationship, and, if not, how to become ready for one? 

Listen now!

Show Highlights:

• How to tell if your current relationship will last or will cause gut-wrenching heartache and pain (0:35) 
• The lethal way loneliness can sabotage your relationship (even if you’ve been in your current relationship for years) (2:35) 
• The counterintuitive reason not wanting a relationship actually improves your chances of finding a loving partner and building a long-term relationship (8:16) 
• How intimacy makes your neediness rear its ugly head (and why this undermines “successful” long-term relationships) (11:18) 
• 3 “Relationship Levels” which will tell you with certainty whether you’re ready for a relationship or not (11:44) 
• How to move through the 3 “Relationship Levels” so you’re ready for a long-term relationship (and won’t accidentally sabotage it) (17:16) 
• The 10 basic, fundamental human needs—and how to meet these needs yourself so you don’t rely on anyone to help you meet them (18:38) 
• The insidious way watching movies or reading books written by this specific type of person will make you worse off for a successful long-term relationship (24:58) 
• Why being able to make new friends is more important for attracting a long-term relationship than your physique or personality (27:08) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

A listener recently wrote in and asked the question:

“Do women want a dominant, aggressive and masculine man in long term relationships or do they prefer men with emotions?” 

Now, there are a lot of different angles to attack this question, and I hit on the major ones in this episode. But the simple fact of asking this question means the listener committed a sin of sexual attractiveness, which will undermine his success with women. 

What’s this sexual attractiveness sin? I reveal the answer in today’s show. Plus, you’ll also discover the 31 most attractive qualities women find in men (and why you shouldn’t stop everything to cultivate these attractive qualities). 

Listen now!

Show Highlights:

• Do women want a dominant, aggressive and masculine man in long term relationships or do they prefer men with emotions? Find out here… (1:47) 
• The “Double Dichotomy” trick for increasing your sexual attractiveness (4:23) 
• The weird way toxic masculinity tricks you into being a boring partner that women won’t want to build a future with (8:42) 
• 31 qualities that women find most attractive in men (11:45)
• Why making yourself more attractive based on what women find attractive can actually make it harder to get a date (do this instead…) (16:09) 
• The insidious “Sacrificing Character” mistake most needy guys make and wonder why they can’t get women (even if women find them sexually attractive) (20:53) 
• The most thorough and cost-effective personality trait assessment available today (and how taking this test can help you attract higher quality women) (24:48) 
• How reading this book will help you figure out the best seduction style for your unique personality (27:23) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Most guys are a lot needier than they think because neediness reveals itself in hidden ways. For example, the simple act of worrying if you’re attractive is a tell-tale sign of neediness that flies over most guys' heads. 

But women have a sixth sense for identifying neediness. And nothing will make them feel as disgusted as hanging around a needy man. 

Here’s why I bring it up:

Many listeners of the show write in to ask me about crying in front of women. But most of these listeners are needy, and are trying to weaponize vulnerability to make them more attractive. This backfires. But that doesn't mean all forms of crying—whether alone or in front of a lady—are bad. 

In this episode, you’ll discover some of the hidden signs of neediness that could be wrecking your chances with girls, why crying in front of a woman will ruin your relationship, and how crying can raise your sexual attractiveness. 

Listen now!

Show Highlights:

• The real reason why guys who aren’t as attractive as you get more girls and enjoy better relationships (1:23) 
• The weird way worrying about your attractiveness instantly makes you less attractive (1:59) 
• 4 hidden ways your neediness manifests and gives girls an icky feeling (even if you don’t realize it) (2:29) 
• Why crying in front of a girl can end your relationship if you haven’t gotten rid of this… (5:20) 
• How expressing your feelings around women turn them off (even if you think vulnerability will make you more attractive) (16:05) 
• Why being sad alone can actually raise your confidence, attractiveness, and happiness (20:32) 
• The “Compassionate Instinct” trait hardwired into women that makes your vulnerability sexy (29:17) 
• Why women found Loki more sexually attractive than Thor in the first Thor movie (30:23) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery