*]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "6efb0827-edac-4190-8605-36d9a57632ab" data-testid= "conversation-turn-144" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> Why Your Relationships Look Different But Feel the Same

Have you ever dated people who were completely different on paper — different personalities, careers, backgrounds, even communication styles — and yet somehow the relationship still felt the same?

In this episode, I'm talking about the patterns that quietly shape our relationships — not the obvious ones like "I attract narcissists" or "modern dating is the problem," but the deeper emotional patterns that live underneath the surface.

Because often, it's not about who you're dating. It's about how you feel inside the relationship.

I share my own experience of recognising a recurring emotional theme in my past relationships — feeling unseen — despite the men I dated being very different from each other. It wasn't until I understood where that emotional pattern came from that I was able to stop recreating it.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why we overgeneralise our dating experiences

• The difference between chemistry and familiarity

• How childhood survival strategies show up in adult relationships

• The roles we unconsciously take on (the fixer, the pursuer, the over-functioner)

• How to recognise your activation points and what they're pointing to

• The difference between analysing the past and changing your present behaviour

• Why breaking patterns isn't about blaming yourself — it's about understanding yourself

I also walk you through what breaking patterns looks like if you're:

• Currently dating

• Already in a committed relationship

And we go into the deeper layer of this work — reparenting the younger parts of you that formed these protective patterns in the first place.

Because patterns aren't permanent. They're just well-practiced.

The moment you become aware of them, you create the possibility for something different.

If you'd like support identifying and breaking your relationship patterns, you can book a free 60-minute consultation with me at:

👉 sylviasuwan.com/consultation

And if you'd like to receive my weekly relationship insights straight to your inbox, you can subscribe to my newsletter at:

👉 sylviasuwan.com

What if the struggle you're trying to escape is actually the moment you're becoming someone new?

In this episode, I dive into why our hardest moments—especially heartbreak—aren't obstacles to overcome, but the path itself. Drawing on Stoic philosophy and Ryan Holiday's "The Obstacle Is the Way," I explore how breakups force us to confront the patterns we've been avoiding and become the version of ourselves who no longer settles.

If you're still holding on to someone who let you go, this episode will challenge you to ask the hard questions: Why am I willing to accept less than I deserve? What am I really afraid of? And how do I use this pain to transform instead of staying stuck?

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why most people stay stuck in longing instead of using heartbreak as growth
• The gap between knowing someone's potential vs. accepting they know themselves better than you do
• How to stop repeating the same relationship patterns with different people
• The difference between resignation and acceptance (and why it changes everything)
• 4 practical steps to move from resistance to transformation

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• "The Obstacle Is the Way" by Ryan Holiday
• Book a Free 60-Minute Consultation: sylviasuwan.com/consultation

Trying to move on… but still thinking about them at 2am?

You've deleted the number. You've journaled. You've listened to the podcasts. You've told yourself you deserve better.

And yet… you're still checking their Instagram. Still replaying conversations. Still wondering if you made a mistake.

In this episode, I'm breaking down why the usual breakup advice isn't working — and what's actually happening underneath your heartbreak.

This conversation comes straight from my recent masterclass, Let Go of Your Ex and Move On, which so many of you said finally made everything "click."

Because the truth is:

You're not stuck because you're weak. You're stuck because your nervous system is dysregulated.

And until you address that, nothing changes.

In This Episode We Cover:

• Why most breakup advice treats symptoms, not the root cause

• The hidden "energy" underneath your healing attempts

• The 8 most common mistakes people make when trying to move on

• How victim mode quietly keeps your power outside of you

• The stories you're reinforcing without realising it

• Why attachment theory explains so much about why you can't let go

• How anxious, avoidant, and disorganised attachment show up after a breakup

• What's actually happening in your nervous system when you feel desperate to reach out

• How your thoughts → create feelings → drive behaviours → reinforce results

• And how to shift that entire cycle

Why You Can't "Just Let Go"

Letting go isn't just emotional — it's physiological.

When a relationship ends, your attachment system activates. Your body interprets the loss as a survival threat.

That's why:

• You obsess.

• You idealise.

• You feel urgency.

• You swing between hope and despair.

Your nervous system is looking for safety.

And until you teach it that you are safe without them, you'll keep looping.

What Actually Creates Healing

Healing happens when you:

• Shift from disempowering thoughts to empowering ones

• Regulate your nervous system instead of reacting from it

• Reclaim agency instead of staying in victim mode

• Focus on what you can control instead of what you've lost

• Build self-awareness instead of reinforcing old identity stories

This is the framework I teach inside the masterclass — with practical, actionable steps you can start immediately.

Watch the Masterclass Replay (Available Until End of Week)

If this episode resonated, I highly encourage you to watch the full masterclass.

I break everything down in detail and walk you through exactly what needs to shift.

🎁 I'm also offering a never-before bonus for everyone who watches — and that also expires at the end of the week.

With Valentine's Day coming up, let this be your act of self-care. Instead of bracing yourself for how hard it might feel, invest that time in your healing.

You can register and watch instantly here: WATCH MASTERCLASS REPLAY

Or visit: 👉 sylviasuwan.com

If this episode helped you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it.

And if you haven't already, make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss the next episode.

Why does letting go feel impossible — even when you know the relationship is over?

In this episode, I explain why breakups can feel like life or death, and why logic alone isn't enough to move on. If you feel stuck in a push–pull after a breakup — knowing you need to let go, but feeling like you can't survive if you do — this episode will help you understand why.

We explore how attachment and nervous system safety shape the way you experience heartbreak, why longing isn't the same as love, and why being alone can feel unsafe after a relationship ends. I also share how attachment patterns form in childhood and how they show up in adult relationships, especially during breakups.

This episode is for anyone who keeps asking, Why can't I let go? — and wants to stop blaming themselves and start understanding what's actually happening inside them.

Showlinks:

Register for the Webinar

Book a free consultation: https://sylviasuwan.com/consultation

One of the most common questions after a breakup is: Will my ex change come back?

In this episode, I unpack why that question keeps you stuck — and what actually needs to happen if there's ever going to be a different outcome, whether that's with your ex or someone new.

I talk about:

• Why hoping your ex will "realise they made a mistake" often keeps you emotionally trapped
• The difference between breakups that involve impulsivity and those where someone has already emotionally checked out
• Why getting back together sometimes works — and why it usually doesn't
• What really has to change for a relationship to work the second time around

I also share my personal story — how my husband and I first met, why we broke up, what that breakup forced me to confront in myself, and why things were different when we came back together.

We explore:

• How unprocessed emotional pain shows up as triggers, reactivity, and confusion in relationships
• Why saying "things will be different" is just lip service without real internal change
• The difference between genuine growth and performative change meant to win someone back
• Why becoming more emotionally stable, independent, and grounded is actually more attractive — not less

This episode isn't about convincing your ex to come back. It's about becoming someone who no longer needs to.

Because real change doesn't get wasted. It either creates the possibility of a healthier relationship with your ex — or it prepares you for a healthier relationship with someone else.

Either way, you win.

Register for the How to Move on from Heartbreak Masterclass here 11th Feb 2026 7pm

Book a free consultation: https://sylviasuwan.com/consultation

After a breakup, it's common to hear advice telling you to "reconnect with yourself" and "build your self-worth." But knowing what to do and knowing how to do it — or whether it's actually helping — are very different things.

In this episode, I explore why so many people feel stuck after a breakup, even when they're doing everything they're told should help. We look at what happens when self-worth has historically come from external validation, why breakups can feel like a loss of identity, and how the nervous system seeks reassurance when emotional safety is suddenly removed.

I talk about why healing doesn't always feel better straight away, how to recognise whether your efforts are genuinely supporting you, and how to tell the difference between discomfort that's part of growth and patterns that may be keeping you stuck. This episode also explores how self-worth is rebuilt through self-trust, emotional self-containment, and learning to stay with yourself during difficult emotions — rather than outsourcing them.

This conversation is for anyone who feels lost after a breakup, questions whether they're healing "correctly," or wants a deeper understanding of what rebuilding self-worth actually looks like in real life.

Book a free consultation: https://sylviasuwan.com/consultation

Work with Sylvia and Book a 10x session package: https://sylviasuwan.com

Starting over can feel like failure — especially after a breakup, divorce, or major life change. We tell ourselves we've wasted time, that we're behind, or that we should have tried harder to make it work.

In this episode, I'm reframing the idea of starting over and exploring why it feels so heavy — and how it can actually become one of the most liberating and clarifying seasons of your life.

We talk about the sunk cost fallacy, why staying just because you've already invested so much keeps people stuck, and how the meaning you attach to "starting again" shapes your future far more than the circumstance itself.

This episode is for anyone who feels ashamed about having to begin again, feels rushed by comparison, or is struggling to let go of a past they thought would last forever.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why starting over feels like failure — and why it isn't

• How the sunk cost fallacy keeps people stuck in relationships that no longer serve them

• The difference between learning from the past and ruminating on it

• How lessons can turn into wisdom — or emotional weight

• Why the belief that you're "behind" creates panic and poor decisions

• Letting go of timelines, comparison, and external pressure

• How starting over can actually be a sign of self-trust and alignment

• Practical ways to approach a new chapter without rushing or settling

Key takeaways:

Starting over doesn't mean you failed. It means you're listening. It means you're integrating what you've learned instead of repeating it. And it means you're choosing to move forward with more awareness, clarity, and self-respect than before.

If you're in a season of rebuilding — after a breakup, divorce, or identity shift — this episode will help you reframe where you are and reconnect with the power of the present moment.

Work with Sylvia:

Book a free consultation: https://sylviasuwan.com/consultation

After a breakup, everyone tells you to "find yourself" — but what does that actually mean? And more importantly, is it even the right question to ask?

In this episode, I'm breaking down why the whole concept of "finding yourself" after a relationship ends might be setting you up for frustration, and what you should focus on instead.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why "finding yourself" is the wrong framework (and what to ask instead)
• The neuroscience of heartbreak — why breakups feel like physical pain and why separation is so difficult
• How relationships create neural coupling and nervous system co-regulation (and what happens when that suddenly stops)
• The difference between losing yourself and becoming enmeshed — and why women are particularly vulnerable to this pattern
• Why the standard advice (yoga, journaling, solo travel) often becomes performative rather than transformative
• Values archaeology: Whose values have you actually been living? How to trace back what's truly yours vs what you inherited
• Desire mapping: How to relearn what you actually want when you've spent years accommodating others
• Boundary experimentation: Small steps to reclaim your space without isolating yourself
• Integration work: What becomes possible now that wasn't before? How to take everything you've learned and consciously choose what to keep
• The Emily in Paris example: How exposure to new experiences reveals parts of yourself that were always there but never had room to exist

Book a free consultation with Sylvia: https://sylviasuwan.com/consultation

If you are ready to work with Sylvia book a 10 session package: https://www.sylviasuwan.com/work-with-me

Starting the new year without your ex? Feeling that mix of hope and loneliness as you try to move forward? In this episode, I'm giving you the exact framework I wish I had during my first New Year after a breakup.

This isn't about setting vague intentions that fizzle out by February. This is about creating real, sustainable change in your life using a proven 9-step goal attainment framework designed specifically for breakup recovery.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

The 9 Steps to Transform Your Life After a Breakup:

1. Get Crystal Clear on What You Actually Want - Move beyond "I want to be happy" and define what your life actually looks like when you've moved forward
2. Identify Your Deep Why - Discover the real reason this goal matters to you (not just surface-level motivation)
3. Make a Concrete Plan - Break down your goal into specific, actionable behaviors you can schedule and commit to
4. Celebrate Small Wins and Build Belief - Learn why daily wins are more powerful than waiting for big transformations
5. Track and Monitor Your Progress - Use the "engine momentum" approach to keep yourself moving forward
6. Manage Your Emotions - Regulate your feelings so they don't derail your progress (emotions are signals, not signs to quit)
7. Stay Flexible and Keep Learning - Adapt your plan as you discover more about what you want and need
8. Surround Yourself with Mentorship - Choose your environment wisely and consume content from people who have the results you want
9. Align Your Environment - Set up your space and routines to support your goals, not sabotage them

Key Takeaway: You don't need to have it all figured out. You just need to take the next step, and then the next one. That's how you build momentum. That's how you transform this heartbreak into your breakthrough.

Resources Mentioned:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear

Action Step: Pick ONE goal this week. Get specific, write down your why, identify three actionable steps, schedule them in your calendar, and track your small wins daily.

Connect with Sylvia: Instagram: @sylviasuwan

Book a free consultation: https://sylviasuwan.com/consultation

In this deeply personal episode, I'm sharing the most important lessons and reflections from my own growth journey this year. This isn't me speaking from my therapist lens—it's me as a human navigating the messy, uncomfortable, necessary work of growth.

What You'll Learn:

Learning to Be Okay with the Hard Why resistance makes everything worse, and how accepting discomfort changes everything

Growth Requires Increasing Your Capacity Why you can't have different results without becoming a different version of yourself

Taking Responsibility for Your Own Happiness How I stopped making my husband responsible for my emotional wellbeing (and why that actually improved our marriage)

What Destroys Relationships—With or Without Kids The surprising truth about what makes or breaks relationships, regardless of your circumstances

When You're in Growth Periods, Life is Mostly Miserable Why discomfort isn't a sign you're doing it wrong—it's a sign you're doing it right

Essentialism and Prioritising Your Values How to stop saying yes to everything and start protecting what actually matters

Don't Forget the Basics Why sleep, nutrition, and movement matter more than any productivity hack

Why Simple is Best How we overcomplicate everything to avoid doing the simple (but hard) work

Life is Too Short to Care What Other People Think Getting clear on your values and living by your own compass, not someone else's script

It's Not Happiness We Should Chase—It's Peace and Contentment Why chasing happiness keeps you miserable, and what to cultivate instead

🎯 Ready to make 2026 YOUR breakthrough year?

Join my FREE Masterclass: "Let Go of Your Ex and Move On" Register now to watch live or get the replay

Can't make it live? No worries—register anyway and I'll send you the replay

📲 Connect with me: Instagram: @sylviasuwan (DM me for the masterclass link!)