In this episode, we dive deep into the feelings of not being "good enough" that often accompany breakups. I'll share personal stories and insights to help you understand that your worth is not determined by someone else's ability to meet your needs. Join us for a transformative discussion on self-worth and relationships.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Upcoming Masterclass:

   • Heal Your Heartbreak Masterclass
     • Date: Thursday, 18th July 7pm AEST
     • Duration: 60 minutes
     • Register at sylviasuwan.com

2. Feeling Not Good Enough:

   • Common feeling post-breakup, especially when the relationship ends unexpectedly
   • Natural to think if we were good enough, they would have chosen to stay

3. Understanding the Reality:

   • Breakups often occur because we cannot meet their current needs and desires
   • It's about where both individuals are in life, not about personal worth

4. Personal Example:

   • My husband and I broke up initially because he wasn't ready to commit to my life with two older children
   • It wasn't about my worth; it was about his readiness and our different life stages

5. Growth and Reconnection:

   • After the breakup, we both grew individually and eventually met each other's needs
   • This time apart allowed us to build a strong foundation for our relationship

6. Relevance to Your Situation:

   • Understand that your ex was not in a place to meet your needs
   • Realising this can help you accept the situation and move forward

7. Self-Worth and Future Relationships:

   • Knowing your needs and ensuring they align with your partner's is crucial
   • Use past relationships as learning experiences to avoid future heartache

8. Taking Action:

   • Have tough conversations early in relationships to ensure alignment
   • Utilise resources and coaching to navigate relationship challenges

9. Affirmation:

   • Replace thoughts of "not being good enough" with "I am good enough for the right person who can meet me where I currently am"

10. Final Thoughts:

    • Reflect on your self-worth and understand it is not tied to others' perceptions
    • Join the Heal Your Heartbreak masterclass for further guidance and support

In today's episode, we address a struggle that many face after a breakup—loneliness. If you're feeling like the sadness will never end or wondering how you'll ever overcome the loneliness, this episode is for you.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Acknowledging Loneliness:

   • The challenge of loneliness often stems from not knowing how to overcome it, making it feel unknown and scary.
   • Simple advice like "go out and meet people" can seem intangible when compared to the tangible relationship you had with your ex.

2. Taking Intentional Action:

   • Use this time to take intentional action and find something more tangible to pursue.
   • Instead of focusing on finding new people, focus on a goal that aligns with your values, passion, and love.

3. Pursuing Meaningful Goals:

   • When you pursue a goal aligned with your passion, you will naturally meet others with similar interests and values.
   • This approach increases the likelihood of forming new friendships and relationships in those environments.

4. Breakup to Blessing Program:

   • In the Breakup to Blessing program, you'll learn how to take intentional action by finding and pursuing a goal in line with your purpose and passion.
   • Pursuing a meaningful goal can reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Action Steps:

• Identify your passion or a long-term goal that excites you.
• Take steps towards pursuing this goal, knowing that it will help you connect with others who share your interests and values.
• Remember, the act of pursuing something meaningful can significantly reduce feelings of loneliness.

Show Links:

• Join my Breakup to Blessing Program 
• Heal Your Heartbreak Masterclass Register Here

In this episode, we explore the nature of stress and heightened emotions, inspired by a recent Esther Perel podcast. We delve into the differences between good stress (eustress) and bad stress (distress) and discuss practical strategies for managing these feelings. 

Key Topics Discussed:

• Reframing Stress: Inspired by Esther Perel, we discuss why society often views stress negatively and how we can shift this perspective.
• Personal Journey: I share my own experiences balancing career ambitions with personal life and how stress plays a role in growth and development.
• Good Stress vs. Bad Stress:
  • Eustress (Good Stress): Motivating, exciting, improves performance, short-term, associated with positive events.
  • Distress (Bad Stress): Overwhelming, negative impact, long-term, associated with negative events.
• Recognising and Managing Distress:
  • Noticing: Paying attention to physical signs of stress without judgment.
  • Breathing Techniques: Using the 4-7-8 breathing method to calm the body.
  • Reflection: Identifying triggers and understanding the source of stress.
  • Acceptance: Acknowledging stress and engaging in an internal dialogue to alleviate it.

Special Invitation: Don’t forget to sign up for my free live masterclass on 18th July titled "Heal Your Heartbreak". This masterclass will cover:

• What Google isn't telling you that's crucial to healing
• How to heal faster
• Common mistakes that might be slowing your progress
• 5 steps to move on in just 12 weeks

🔗 [Sign Up for the Free Masterclass]

Closing Thoughts: Stress is an inevitable part of life, but by understanding and managing it, we can turn it into a powerful tool for personal growth. Embrace both the good and bad stress, and remember, it’s all part of the journey.

In this episode, we dive into the concept of dualism and how it relates to the experiences of heartbreak and love. We'll explore the idea that heartbreak is a natural part of life and an essential experience for growth and development. I challenge you to consider if you would still choose to experience love, knowing that heartbreak is a potential outcome. By understanding and embracing both sides of the coin, we can fully appreciate the depth of romantic love.

Key Topics Discussed:

• Dualism Explained: Understanding the philosophical concept of dualism and how it applies to our emotional lives.
• Heartbreak as a Natural Experience: Recognizing heartbreak as an inevitable and valuable part of life’s journey.
• Growth Through Heartbreak: How experiencing heartbreak contributes to personal growth and development.
• The Importance of Love: Appreciating the value of having loved deeply, despite the risk of heartbreak.
• The Ultimate Question: If you knew you would have your heart broken but also experience profound love, would you still choose it?
• Missing Out Without Heartbreak: The idea that avoiding heartbreak means missing out on essential aspects of life and love.

Special Invitation: I’m excited to announce a free masterclass titled “Heal Your Heartbreak” on 18th July. In this masterclass, we’ll cover:

• What Google isn't telling you that's crucial to healing
• How to heal faster
• Common mistakes that might be slowing your progress
• 5 steps to move on in just 12 weeks

Sign up for the masterclass and take the first step towards healing and growth. Don’t miss this opportunity to transform your heartbreak into a powerful catalyst for change.

🔗 [Sign Up for the Free Masterclass] https://sylviasuwan.com

Closing Thoughts: Heartbreak, as painful as it is, enriches our lives by making us appreciate the moments of love and joy. It’s a testament to the depth of our emotions and a crucial part of our human experience. Embrace both the highs and the lows, and remember, growth often comes from our most challenging experiences.

Join Breakup to Blessing https://sylviasuwan.com/program

In this episode, we dive deep into one of the most challenging emotions to manage—anger, especially when directed towards an ex-partner. Using concepts from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we explore how to understand and navigate these intense feelings.

• Understanding Anger: Learn why anger is a common but complex emotion to handle, especially post-breakup.
• IFS Therapy Insights: Discover how IFS therapy helps us recognize that all parts of ourselves, including the angry parts, serve a protective purpose.
• Healthy vs. Unhealthy Anger: Differentiate between anger that protects and anger that consumes, and learn how to channel it constructively.
• Introspection and Self-Responsibility: Understand the deeper drivers of your anger and how looking inward can help you reclaim your power.
• Real-Life Example: Hear about common scenarios in relationships, such as a mother feeling trapped by career sacrifices, and how to navigate these emotions.

• Anger can prevent you from moving on if not addressed properly.
• Focusing anger solely on your ex can be destructive; introspection is crucial.
• Healthy anger serves a protective role, while unhealthy anger can consume you.
• True progress and emotional healing start from within.
• By taking responsibility for your emotions, you empower yourself to move forward.

Show Links:

Join Breakup to Blessing: https://sylviasuwan.com/program

In this episode, we dive deep into strategies for resisting the urge to check your ex’s social media. Whether it's blocking them, distracting yourself, or understanding your triggers, I’ll share practical tips to help you maintain your mental health and focus on your own healing. Tune in for a compassionate and non-judgmental discussion on how to manage this common challenge.

Key Points:

1. Resist the Temptation:

   • The best approach is to resist the temptation from the start.
   • Assess your own ability to resist. If it’s too difficult, consider blocking your ex or deleting your profile temporarily.

2. Healthy Distractions:

   • Contrary to what you may have heard, distractions can be healthy in this context.
   • Engage in activities like getting fresh air, running, walking, or attending a boxing class to interrupt the urge and boost your dopamine levels.

3. Identify Your Triggers:

   • Recognize common triggers that lead you to think about your ex.
   • Examples include being home alone or watching something that reminds you of them.
   • Mitigate these triggers by planning ahead and finding ways to reduce the temptation.

4. Handling a Slip-Up:

   • If you do give in and see something distressing on your ex's social media, don’t spiral into negative thoughts.
   • Avoid going down the rabbit hole of overanalyzing their current situation.

5. Self-Talk and Reflection:

   • Remind yourself that their current actions are not a reflection of your past relationship.
   • Focus on your own healing and recognize that you deserve to take care of your wellbeing.

Affirmations to Remember:

• What they’re doing now is not a reflection of our relationship and what it meant.
• We are both coping differently, and I need to stay focused on my own healing.
• What they do now is not my business, and focusing on them only brings more suffering to myself. I deserve to take better care of my wellbeing because I am worth it.

Final Note: Whenever you feel the temptation to check your ex’s social media, come back to this episode. Take care of yourself this weekend, and I’ll catch you next week.

Show Links:

Join Breakup to Blessing https://sylviasuwan.com/program

In this insightful episode, we delve into the phenomenon of catastrophizing after a breakup. We explore why our minds tend to spiral into worst-case scenarios and how various factors—emotional, cognitive, behavioral, social, biological, and psychological—contribute to this overwhelming response. Learn practical strategies to recognise and halt these catastrophic thoughts, empowering yourself to navigate the difficult aftermath of a breakup with resilience and self-compassion. Tune in to understand the underlying causes and how to support yourself through this challenging time.

Show Notes:

1. Why Do We Catastrophize After a Breakup?

• Intense Emotional Pain: Breakups trigger intense emotions such as sadness, loneliness, and rejection, which can overwhelm rational thinking.
• Grief and Loss: Breakups can feel like profound losses, leading to bleak and hopeless visions of the future.

2. Cognitive Factors

• Negative Thought Patterns: Some individuals are naturally prone to negative thinking, which a breakup can exacerbate.
• Distorted Beliefs: Breakups can challenge self-worth and identity, leading to catastrophic beliefs like "I'll never find love again."

3. Behavioral and Social Factors

• Isolation: Social withdrawal after a breakup can increase rumination and catastrophic thinking due to a lack of support.
• Loss of Routine: Breakups disrupt daily routines and future plans, causing anxiety and instability, which can lead to catastrophic thoughts.

4. Biological and Psychological Factors

• Stress Response: Breakups activate the body's stress response, releasing hormones like cortisol that impair cognitive functioning and promote catastrophic thinking.
• Attachment Styles: People with insecure attachment styles are more prone to catastrophizing due to their fears of abandonment or intimacy issues.

5. The Roller Coaster of Emotions Post-Breakup

• Emotional Sensitivity: In the early stages, emotions can fluctuate drastically, from feeling okay to despairing rapidly.
• Self-Questioning: Thoughts like "How did I get here?" can trigger self-doubt, especially after making sacrifices for the relationship.

6. The Reality of Sacrifice and Risk

• Understanding Sacrifice: Sacrifices are part of giving a relationship a real chance; it's a risk we take.
• Avoid Self-Blame: Beating yourself up over it does no good and only leads to shame, regret, and unworthiness.

7. Breaking the Cycle of Catastrophic Thinking

• Recognising the Spiral: Notice when you start thinking in hopeless terms and nip it in the bud.
• Self-Compassion: Understand what’s happening to you and show yourself compassion to avoid irrational behaviors and thoughts.

8. Conclusion

• Summary: A breakup defaults you to a stressful state, distorting clear thinking and leading to catastrophic thoughts.
• Empowerment: Acknowledge this process and stop the downward spiral to avoid self-hurt and disempowerment.

Key Takeaways:

• Recognise the triggers and factors that lead to catastrophising after a breakup.
• Use self-compassion and practical strategies to halt negative spirals.
• Empower yourself to navigate the aftermath of a breakup with resilience.

Show Links:

Join the Breakup to Blessing Program https://sylviasuwan.com/program

Episode 37 What attachment style are you? https://podcasts.apple.com

Episode 38 How to become more securely attached https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/

In this empowering episode, we tackle the pervasive issue of self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. Join us as we delve deep into the roots of why you might feel unworthy and explore practical strategies to reclaim your self-worth. Whether you struggle with negative self-perceptions or find it difficult to recognize your own value, this episode is for you. Learn how to challenge and change these limiting beliefs, focus on your strengths, and build a mindset that propels you towards success and self-acceptance.

1. Understanding Self-Doubt and Unworthiness

• Why do we often feel unworthy?
• The impact of placing too much importance on others' opinions.

2. Creating Your Own Value

• How to shift your mindset to prioritize self-validation.
• Practical steps to start valuing yourself independently of external opinions.

3. The Reality of Your Worth

• Embracing the truth: You are worthy, whether you believe it or not.
• Challenging the belief that you have little to offer.

4. Confronting Negative Beliefs

• Identifying and challenging negative thoughts that undermine your self-worth.
• Collecting evidence that supports and refutes your feelings of unworthiness.

5. Focusing on Your Strengths

• Reflecting on your past achievements and successes.
• Using your strengths and accomplishments as fuel to rebuild your confidence.

6. Taking Action

• Practical tips to go out there and make things happen.
• Building momentum through small, actionable steps towards self-improvement.

Key Takeaways:

• Your worth is intrinsic and not determined by others' opinions.
• Challenge negative self-beliefs by focusing on evidence of your strengths.
• Use your past successes as motivation to achieve new goals and overcome self-doubt.

Show Links:

Join the Breakup to Blessing Program: https://sylviasuwan.com/program

Show Notes:

In this episode, we discuss the journey of seeking therapy after a breakup and the profound impact it can have on your healing process. Whether you believe you "need" therapy or not, understanding its potential benefits can be crucial to your recovery and personal growth.

Key Points Covered:

• Starting the Conversation:

  • Sharing a story about a person going through a divorce who believed they didn't need therapy because they weren't obsessing over their breakup.
  • Addressing the misconception that only those who are deeply struggling need therapy.

• Extraordinary Benefits of Therapy:

  • While therapy may not be necessary for everyone, it can offer significant benefits.
  • Sharing a personal experience with a therapist post-divorce, highlighting both good and bad encounters.

• The Importance of a Good Therapist:

  • Describing an unhelpful therapy experience where the therapist didn't engage deeply with the issues.
  • Emphasising the need for a therapist who listens and helps you unpack your feelings without judgment.
  • The value of a good therapist who helps uncover buried issues affecting current relationships.

• Understanding Therapy:

  • Therapy isn't supposed to make you feel good all the time; it’s meant to help you understand and overcome challenges.
  • Discussing the importance of feeling comfortable with your therapist and ensuring they don’t make you feel judged.

• Making Therapy Beneficial:

  • Comfort and Fit: Ensure you feel comfortable with your therapist. Try different counselors before committing.
  • Non-Judgmental Environment: Your therapist should create a space where you feel safe to open up without fear of judgment.
  • Goal Setting: Work with your therapist to set goals and evaluate progress, even if it doesn’t always feel linear.
  • Feedback: Be open to giving and receiving feedback to ensure the therapeutic process is effective.
  • Trust the Process: Therapy can be painful and uncomfortable, but it’s a pathway to healing and overcoming obstacles.

• The Broader Impact of Therapy:

  • Therapy can help you move through past issues and realize what’s holding you back from fulfilling relationships.
  • Encouraging a conscious and intentional approach to life, rather than reacting unconsciously to circumstances.

• Show Links

Book in a consult with Sylvia https://sylviasuwan.com

In this episode, we're diving deep into the emotional landscape of heartbreak, addressing the doubts and insecurities that often accompany the end of a relationship. Whether you're questioning if you should be further along in your healing process or wondering if what you're feeling is "normal," this episode is here to affirm that your feelings are valid and important.

Key Points Covered:

• Validation of Feelings:

  • Emphasising that whatever you're feeling is completely valid. There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to process a breakup.
  • Recognising the importance of seeking support and advice, but also being mindful of who you turn to for that support.

• Careful with Seeking Validation:

  • Understanding that not everyone has the empathy or understanding to support you through heartbreak, even if they mean well.
  • Highlighting the importance of surrounding yourself with friends who make you feel supported and not judged.

• Safe Expression:

  • Encouraging you to express your feelings in a safe environment where you feel secure and validated.

• Human Fragility and Experiences:

  • Discussing the fragility of human experiences and how our interactions with others shape us, for better or worse.
  • Drawing parallels to characters like Lex Luthor and the Joker, showing how continuous negative experiences can profoundly impact us.

• Self-Love in Relationships:

  • Challenging the often simplistic advice of loving oneself independently of relationships with others.
  • Acknowledging that self-love is complex and deeply interconnected with our relationships with friends, family, and partners.

• Dr. Becky’s Analogy:

  • Sharing an insightful analogy from parenting psychologist Dr. Becky about the importance of validating feelings.
  • Using the example of spilling coffee on a white blouse to illustrate how dismissing someone’s feelings can lead them to double down on justifying their emotions.

• Final Affirmation:

  • Reinforcing that your experience of a breakup is real and valid, regardless of what others may say.
  • Encouraging you to feel your feelings and validate your own experience, recognizing that there is no universal “right” way to navigate heartbreak.

Takeaway Message: Your feelings are valid. Your experience is unique to you, and there is no right or wrong way to process it. Allow yourself to feel, seek supportive friends, and remember that your journey through heartbreak is your own.

Show Links:

• Join Breakup to Blessing https://sylviasuwan.com/program
• Let's be Instagram Friends @breakupcoachsylvia