Conversations About Divorce

A big part of divorce is figuring out the impact ending your marriage will have on your finances. The obvious concerns are what it means for your present lifestyle, but you can’t ignore the consequences on retirement. That means understanding the Divorced Spouse Social Security benefit. There are lots of rules and caveats for this benefit and it’s hard to remember them all …

Joining me for this Conversation is Leah Hadley from Great Lakes Financial Solutions (https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/). Leah is a seasoned financial professional and is committed to helping her clients make wise financial decisions before, during and after divorce. Leah as a free Divorce Recovery: A Financial Guide To Moving On available for download at her site.

You can find a synopsis of this episode at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-divorced-spouse-social-security-benefit

More and more people are filing for divorce themselves, without lawyers. But most people do need legal advice on at least some aspects of their divorce. And, sometimes, couples can’t agree, and the divorce turns into a fully contested, litigated divorce. So how do you find the right divorce attorney for you?

The challenge is often knowing where to start. You’re unfamiliar with the legal system in general and with domestic relations, in particular.

You’re overwhelmed by the end of your marriage and don’t know enough about parenting after divorce or divorce financials to know if something is an issue or an obstacle.

And, you’ve had little experience dealing with attorneys so it’s hard to know who’s going to do a good job or even what is a good job!

You ask your friends, family and coworkers for referrals but that may not be a great choice. Your situation is likely different from theirs. What worked or didn’t work for them will be different for you.

What you need to do is make an informed, well-researched decision. How you do that is the topic for this Conversations About Divorce. Joining me are Kelly Frawley and Emily Pollock, New York-based matrimonial and family law attorneys and partners at Kasowitz Benson Torres LLP (https://kasowitz.com).

You'll find a synopsis of the show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-find-the-right-divorce-attorney-for-you

Most divorce professionals will tell you that everyone lies at some point in their divorce. For many people, they might be harmless ‘white lies’ that are told to try to make the other person feel better or to avoid a confrontation.

But then there are the lies that are deeply deceitful. They may cause significant harm, even be life-altering. The sad truth about your spouse’s lies in divorce is that you may have little legal recourse.

How can this be? What does it mean for you? What needs to change?

Joining me for this Conversations About Divorce is Jill Hasday who is a Distinguished McKnight University Professor and the Centennial Professor of law at the University of Minnesota Law School. She’s also the author of “Intimate Lies and The Law.” Read more about Jill at her website, https://JillHasday.com.

You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/the-sad-truth-about-your-spouse's-lies-in-divorce

If divorce is confusing for adults, imagine how it is for your kids. It seems like everything in their world is changing and they have no control over any of it. It’s up to you to help your kids understand divorce.

We often hear that children are resilient and adaptable.

I also hear parents say that the kids know that the marriage is ending but they don’t know much about why. The parents think they’ve kept their disagreements private. They think they’ve shielded the kids from the undercurrents in the troubled marriage.

The kids seem to be doing just fine. They’re carrying on as normal.

But is this what is really happening?

Even when you think you’ve protected your kids; they know something isn’t right because their normal has changed. They see changes in routines at home.

They may be carrying on their usual but is that because they’re keeping a lid on their emotions? Are they struggling to label what it is they’re feeling? Are they trying desperately not to cause a disagreement between mom and dad?

Joining me for this Conversations About Divorce to talk about helping your kids understand divorce is Natalie Knox. Natalie is a primary school teacher and has been a lay counselor for children in crisis including general on-call trauma counselling and specialized divorce recovery counselling. Knox is also the author of The Mending Chronicles of Liam and Emily, a divorce recovery journey that’s aimed at kids aged 6 – 12.

Read more about Natalie and her work at https://themendingchronicles.com

You'll also find a synopsis of this show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-do-you-best-help-your-kids-understand-divorce

With Facebook’s announcement that its own digital currency, Libra is coming in 2020, this type of asset is going to become much more common. If you’re ending your marriage, that means you need to get up to speed about divorce and cryptocurrency.

Cryptocurrency is often thought of as hard to trace, difficult to value and highly volatile. All that can spell trouble when you’re negotiating your divorce settlement.

So what exactly is cryptocurrency, who typically holds it and how can you find it?

Joining me for this Conversation About Divorce is Paul Sibenik with Cryptforensic Investigators who help lawyers and their clients going through divorce to track, trace, and recover non-disclosed or undeclared cryptocurrency through forensic accounting. Paul's website is https://cryptforensic.com

You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-divorce-and-cryptocurrency

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

If you’ve been Googling ‘sexless marriage’ then you may also be wondering if passion in your marriage can be rekindled.

Most people who now have little to no physical intimacy with their spouse will tell you that it’s not how the relationship started. But somehow, at some point, the passion started to fade. The sex became tense, distant, infrequent. Couple that with feelings of rejection, abandonment, not being loved and even talking about the lack of sex becomes challenging, if not impossible.

That obstacle can drive a wedge further into an already strained relationship so that not only has physical intimacy gone but also the emotional intimacy. By then, one or both of you are considering divorce.

The standard response to that is to try marriage counselling but is there something else you can do to rekindle the passion?

My guest for this Conversation About Divorce is Stephanie Pappas. Pappas is a sex and relationship coach who follows the 5 Erotic Blueprints™ coaching method. Contact Stephanie at CoachingByStephanie.com for a free 30-minute consult.

You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/can-the-passion-in-a-sexless-marriage-be-rekindled

You may not realize this, but your mental health may not be private in divorce and it could be used to restrict your parenting time.

That’s a counter-pull to the current initiatives in our society. We’re being encouraged to talk openly about, accept, and destigmatize mental health issues. We’re being urged to seek help and treatment for our issues.

And, when we do access help, we expect that to given in confidence. There’s a patient-physician privilege to protect us. That’s there to create an environment that cultivates trust and honesty which is fundamental to successful treatment.

But in parenting disputes, that privacy can be broken. The fact that you’ve sought treatment can be used against you.

So, what can you do to prepare yourself? What can you do to protect yourself?

Joining me for this Conversation About Divorce is New York-based family law and matrimonial attorney, Lisa Zeiderman. Zeiderman is the managing partner at Miller, Zeiderman and Whittaker and her work on this topic has appeared in Psychology Today.

You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/warning-your-mental-health-may-not-be-private-in-divorce

Many people never suspect their spouse is seeing someone else. They’ve never imagined it. They’ve never thought about what happens when you discover your spouse is unfaithful.

Yet, infidelity is often a factor in divorce. The Institute for Family Studies reports that among ever-married adults who have cheated on their spouses before, 40% are currently divorced or separated compared to 17% of adults who were faithful to their spouse.

That underscores the devastating impact that infidelity has on a relationship.

For the cheated on, it can mean grief, trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety and fear. Any of these can make deciding what to do about your marriage challenging. If you do decide to divorce, that process is even harder because of these emotions.

So, what can you do in the moments after you discover your relationship now involves three people? What can you expect to feel? How do you take care of yourself?

Joining me for this Conversation About Divorce is Melissa Davis, founder of AfterTheAffair.co which offers support for people looking to heal from their partner’s unfaithfulness.

You'll find a synopsis of the show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-happens-when-you-discover-your-spouse-is-unfaithful

One of the benefits of marriage is that it usually means you have a travel companion, and if you have children, then school breaks are a great incentive to get away.

All that changes with divorce. You no longer have your spouse to travel with. Compounding that, your friends are probably all married so you're not likely to tag along with them. It's even harder when you're an empty nester and the kids are doing their own trips.

A common complaint from newly-singles is that they have no one to go away with so they end up not going on vacation.

But it doesn't have to be that way. You have options. Solo travel is liberating and there is no better way to boost your confidence.

My guest for this Conversation is divorce coach, Martha Bodyfelt, founder of SurvivingYourSplit.com. Martha is a pro at solo travel. Before our Conversation, she'd just returned from a three-week solo trip to South America where she visited Uruguay, Paraguay, Peru and Ecuador.

Listen in to discover Martha's tips for how she makes it work. You'll be inspired.

You'll find a synopsis of our Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/guide-travel-solo-after-divorce

Stalking is not uncommon during the end of a relationship. With today's technology and our quest for connection, it's easier than ever to track someone. It's easier to do that without the person's knowledge and it's harder for the person being stalked to stop it.

So what is stalking? When does stalking become a crime? What are the common methods of stalking and how can you protect yourself?

My guest for this Conversation is BreAnne Meyer, Outreach Director for the Safe Shelter of St. Vrain which offers services to victims of abuse, working with them to develop their safety plan for remaining or leaving their relationship.

During the show, Meyer references keeping an incident log. You'll find a template for one at the Stalking Resource Center here: https://victimsofcrime.org/docs/src/stalking-incident-log_pdf.pdf?sfvrsn=4

You'll also find a synopsis of the show at my blog here: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-stalking-and-divorce