Conversations About Divorce

Falling in love happens organically. It's exciting, scary, energizing all at the same time. But what happens when the relationship ends, and especially if it's not what you wanted?

What do you do when you still love the person who no longer loves you?

Do you really just have to wait for time to heal all wounds or are there actions you can take to help that process.

My guest for this Conversation is Wellness and Divorce Coach, Lisa Arends. She writes the blog Lessons From the End Of A Marriage. Arends has written about how to fall out of love. She identified 14 features about being in love and create an antidote for each of them.

You can read Arends' article here: https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2016/01/how-to-fall-out-of-love/

One of Arends antidotes is to get to know yourself again and I have a free download available on that topic. You can sign up here: https://pages.convertkit.com/2144c2f12c/d6b61d2caa

Arends also has a YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChck9Va5IG4Vbp4sruC_P4w/feed

If you're in a sexless marriage, you are not alone.

It's one of the top search terms on my blog and in my experience talking with people considering divorce, there's usually a reference to living like roommates.

What is considered a sexless marriage? How long do you wait to do something about it and what should you do? Does it always mean you're destined for divorce?

Joining me for this Conversation is Vicki Larson. Vicky is an award-winning journalist and co-author of "The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage For Skeptics, Realists and Rebels." Vicki also blogs at the OMG Chronicles (http://omgchronicles.vickilarson.com/ ) on love, marriage, divorce and life.

You'll find a synopsis of the show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/sexless-marriage-should-divorce

If you can work cooperatively with your spouse through the end of your marriage, it's better all round. Better for your emotional health, better for your kids and absolutely better for your wallet.

But that's not always possible especially when there's been domestic abuse, whether it's physical. emotional or financial.

Abuse makes ending a relationship much, much more difficult. We know that on average it takes a victim seven attempts to leave an abuser before staying away for good. We also know that the risk of being killed increases 75 percent when a woman tries to leave her batterer.

Those are somber statistics.

Getting a protection order is one way of shielding yourself. So what is it, when would you get one, how do you get one and how safe does it make the world for you?

Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Karen Covy, Karen is a divorce attorney turned divorce adviser and coach. Karen offers a Divorce Road Map program - find out more at her website, https://karencovy.com.

You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/will-your-divorce-be-safe-without-a-protection-order.

DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE: 1-822-799-7233

It's pretty typical in a marriage for one spouse to take on the responsibility for doing the taxes and often times, the other spouse is all too happy to be relieved of that task.

And then divorce happens ...

And then they find out that the taxes they thought they had filed, haven't been filed ...

Or, the taxes they thought had been paid, haven't ...

Or, they hear for the first time that there's tens of thousands of dollars owed to the IRS.

Then what?

Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Claudia Revermann from the Minnesota-based firm of Lucent Tax Relief. Revermann has been practicing last for 16 years and worked previously as a tax accountant.

Lucent Tax Relief offers a free consultation - call 888-589-0474.

You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/divorce-could-make-an-irs-problem-worse

Figuring out where to live after divorce is often very unsettling and is the issue that causes the most upheaval. While you and your STBX are discussing what happens to the marital home, you feel in a state of limbo, uncertain where life will take you. That makes it hard to make other decisions and yet, at least one of you is going to have to move.

Here you are, in the middle of one of life’s most stressful experiences, with everyone telling you no to make any major decisions and there’s this one that you absolutely have to make.

How do you decide when to move out of the home? How do you choose where to live? What about the kids? Is renting short term a waste of money?

Joining Mandyfor this Conversation is attorney David Glass with Enenstein Pham & Glass. Glass recently published a book, Moving On: Redesigning Your Emotional, Financial and Social Life After Divorce, drawing on his long career as a family law attorney with a PhD in Clinical Psychology as well as his first-hand experience.

You can find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-avoid-a-mistake-when-you-decide-where-to-live-after-divorce

Read more about David Glass at https://enensteinlaw.com/

It doesn't matter the circumstances of the end of your marriage, we all learn things about ourselves in the process. We learn our values, our beliefs, our choices and, if we do the self-work we understand where they came from and if they are serving or hurting us.

This is your baggage. We all have it.

And if you want to find happiness after divorce some it is going to have to go.

Mandy's guest for this Conversation calls it "taking out your trash." Antonia Ragozzino has just published her second novel, "Taking Out The Trash: Garbage In ... Garbage Out." The main character is Ella and Antonia used her own first-hand experiences after divorce to help Ella sort out her trash.

Listen in to hear what was the hardest piece of trash for Antonia, the most significant and the most surprising. You'll find a synopsis of the Conversation at Mandy's blog: https://sncemydivorce.com/letting-go-of-the-past-after-divorce

You can follow Antonia at her blog: https://AntoniaBlogs and also on her YouTube channel, Taking Out The Trash where she offers inspiration about being single after divorce.

Talking about credit scores doesn't sound like a very interesting topic and in fact, it's good if your credit score is boring. That would mean that it was at least stable.

But stable is often not what's going on in divorce and divorce is frequently the time when people are looking at their credit score for the first time or in a long time. As we start to talk about things like getting a new credit card, closing out old accounts, qualifying for a mortgage or car loan, the importance of your credit score becomes very clear.

So how does getting divorced impact your credit score? Why do many people find their scores plummeting during divorce? What can you do to protect yourself?

Joining Mandy for this Conversation About Divorce is attorney John Heath from Lexington Law. Call 1-844-422-0817 for a free credit repair consultation.

You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-better-manage-your-credit-score-through-your-divorce

There's little disagreement that ending your marriage is one of the most difficult experiences and transitions you'll have in life. It can also be one of the most isolating. In the months leading up to going public, people often hide the truth about what is going on from family and friends because if you can work it out, you don't want people to know about all the problems.

Once the decision is public, people are still quiet about what's going on. That's a mixture of wanting some privacy, fear of judgement, feeling embarrassed and simply not wanting to talk about it.

Yet, it is precisely at these times that we need the support of others.

So how do you reach out for help? Where are the safe places to find support? How much do you share about what is going on? When do you need to be cautious?

Joining Mandy for this Conversation, is Judy Herbst, director of PR ad Partnerships at Worthy.com. Worthy.com is the online auction site for wedding rings, estate jewelry, watches and more and is also the creator and moderator of the Facebook group, Worthy Women And Divorce. It's a group with more than 60,000 members, so clearly Worthy is offering support that people.

Find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog here: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-find-the-right-divorce-support-for-you

While deciding to divorce is always a hard decision and not something anyone wants, for some people it becomes very clear that this is what needs to happen. Often times this involves infidelity, domestic abuse or addiction problems.

For others, making the decision is much more challenging. They get along OK with their spouse, don't really argue, parent well together, can make decisions together but there's something's missing. Usually it's a lack of intimacy - physical and/or emotional. It's a roommate marriage.

These are the hardest marriages to end. People agonize over the decision for months, even years. Couples counselling often doesn't help but you don't want to make a mistake and you don't want to hurt your spouse.

Is there a way for you to change the dynamic with your spouse? Can you be sure that you won't be making a mistake if you divorce? How do you engage your spouse in this?

Joining Mandy for this Conversation are world-renowned relationship experts Doctors John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman. For forty years, the Gottmans have studied what separates the masters of relationships from the disasters. They have a new book out - EIGHT DATES: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love. Find out more about the Gottmans and their work at https://www.gottman.com.

You'll find a synopsis of this show at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/sure-divorce-8-dates-help/

Boundaries is a word that comes up often in divorce-related discussions. Certainly, the changing nature of your relationship with your ex may make it apparent that it's time for new boundaries with them.

Dealing with friends and family members may also prompt you to re-examine your boundaries as you try to protect yourself from over-sharing or being told what you should and shouldn't be doing.

And then there's dating ... that experience may make you wonder if you ever had good boundaries to begin with or what has happened to everyone else's boundaries.

So what exactly are boundaries, how do they protect us, how can we change our boundaries and can boundaries ever hurt us?

My expert for this Conversation is divorce coach, Martha Bodyfelt who specializes in divorce recovery.

You can download Martha's Ultimate Divorce Recovery Guide at her website https://survivingyoursplit.com.

You'll find a guest post from Martha on boundaries at Mandy's blog - https://sincemydivorce.com/tired-getting-hurt-need-new-boundaries