Decoding Attachment Styles

By Annalisa BahadurHealth & Fitness Mental Health Education Self-Improvement

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29 min
per episode

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Decoding Attachment Styles episodes

May 15, 2025 Taking Back Your Power When Forgiving Someone For Betraying You
I forgive you’ doesn’t mean ‘I trust you yet.’ Why true forgiveness demands time, boundaries, and self-grace. A raw look at healing after betrayal.
Forgiveness isn’t about speed-it’s about strength. Why granting a second chance requires giving yourself grace first.
Explore the art of forgiving on your terms, setting boundaries, and reclaiming power after betrayal. Because true healing can’t be rushed.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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12 min
May 13, 2025 Why It Hurts To Leave Even When You Know You Should
It’s easy for someone to look at your relationship and think that it should not be lasting as long as it does. You may even know that the relationship your end should end and you don’t know why you haven’t left us yet. Or perhaps you did find a courage and strength to walk away from it but you still wonder if they’ll come back and if things could work out differently or as you hope. Why does this happen?

In this episode, we are looking at why we logically know the relationship should end but why our emotions keep us stuck. And at the end of this episode, you are going to have tips that you could use to move forward.

Feel free to leave a comment in the review section and let me know what your thoughts are on this episode. And don’t forget to share with a friend.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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14 min
May 09, 2025 How to Bring Back An Ex - Wednesday Live 7th May
Every Wednesday, I have a Live on Instagram where I answer questions sent in by followers on that platform. Here is a recorded copy of it.
The questions answered are below. You can also catch the recording on my YouTube channel.
How to bring back an ex in the relationship when she is not ready to come in the relationship with me.
It’s confusing of what to do when someone comes back after 1-2 weeks. How do I respond?
He says he doesn’t know if he can live without me but says he is unable to connect. What should I do?
My fiancé dumped me 8 weeks before marriage. He says we are not compatible. What should I do?
How can you tell why an avoidant reached out after months of no contact?
Why does avoidant discard in friendships hurt as much as romantic relationships?
How to get true reciprocation from my avoidant attached partner instead of breadcrumbs?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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56 min
May 07, 2025 The Anxious Avoidant Trap And How to Get Out
Here’s a story you’ve lived before, even if you don’t realize it yet.
You meet someone. The connection is immediate, intoxicating—like a chemical reaction you can’t control. The texts flow effortlessly. The future feels possible. Then, without warning, the shift: one of you pulls back. The other panics. And just like that, you’re locked in the oldest romantic pattern in human psychology—the anxious-avoidant dance.
This isn’t just about bad timing or mismatched feelings. This is about how our earliest experiences wire us to love in ways that hurt.
And if you don’t understand the mechanism, you’ll keep stepping on the same landmine, wondering why it keeps exploding.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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23 min
April 28, 2025 Discarded, Ghosted- What To Do? Wed Live
About 10 questions were answered on my usual Wednesday morning Instagram live, which has been uploaded here for your benefit.
Some of the questions answered are👇👇👇
I was discarded/ghosted by my DA bf. It was so good until that. But a day came where he asked for space, which I said okay to. That space turned to ghosting.. We were long distance and I already had a ticket to go see him in about a week, which can’t be canceled. Im not sure how to move forward. I don’t want to push him away more, and I’ve accepted its done. I think? I’m secure enough to say I don’t deserve this, also understand his situation, and also say that his trauma does not excuse his behavior.
I don’t know if I should just visit him as a human being, maybe even get my stuff back.
How long did it take me to heal my anxious attachment style and am I completely healed?
How can I stop bumping into him accidentally on purpose - he lives next door but I am doing it too much?
My partner ghosted me for the past three weeks. Is he aware of how painful this is? Does he have empathy?
Why do avoidants ask for no contact and need for space? Do they come back?
Would two anxious attached persons be a good match?
Can insecure anxious and dismissive avoidant have a successful long term relationship?
Plus more…
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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51 min
April 09, 2025 The Difference Between Dismissive and Fearful Avoidant
today we switched it up a little and decided to share my Instagram Wednesday live answers with you here on this podcast.

Feel free to send me your questions which will be answered on that live and you could also catch the answers here or leave me a comment and let me know your take on this podcast
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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44 min
April 07, 2025 Why Is My Ex Suddenly Posting So Much? A Sign They Want Attention?
Is My Ex Posting More on Social Media to Get My Attention?
It’s hard to ignore when your ex suddenly becomes extra active online—posting more selfies, sharing moody quotes, or even liking old photos. You start wondering: Is this for me? Are they trying to send a message? Maybe they’re seeking validation, or perhaps they’re subtly trying to grab your attention because they feel neglected. Social media can become a silent battleground for unspoken needs, and their increased activity might be a sign they want you to notice something.
But before jumping to conclusions, consider the bigger picture. Are they generally more active online, or does it seem targeted (like posting when you’re distant or after an argument)? Some people use social media as an outlet when they’re feeling insecure or disconnected. Instead of reading too much into their posts, the best move might be to focus on what you want right now.
At the end of the day, social media is just a highlight reel, not the full story. If you’re sensing a shift in their behavior, trust your gut—but don’t let assumptions drive your fear to jump in and connect, Espacilly if you want them to show up differently (make a bolder effort to communicate) .
(Thoughts? How does this vibe with your situation?)
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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22 min
March 31, 2025 Normal Behaviors That Hurt Your Relationship
You value your independence, need plenty of space, and rarely rely on others—it’s just how you’re wired. But what if your ‘normal’ way of handling relationships is actually pushing love away and leaving you feeling lonelier than ever?
Avoidant attachment might be protecting you in the short term, but it could be sabotaging your deepest connections—and even hurting you in ways you don’t realize.
In this episode, we’ll break down the subtle ways avoidant behaviors damage relationships, why self-reliance can backfire, and most importantly—how to start showing up differently without losing yourself.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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16 min
March 18, 2025 What Does Healthy Attachment Look Like
If you’re worried that you’ll never have a secure attachment to be in a relationship, you’re not alone. However, it’s a lie as it’s possible to become securely attached enough to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
This episode gives your tops as I share some how I use these tools in my very own relationships.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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35 min
March 07, 2025 Lessons I’ve Learned For Better Relationships
Do you find that it’s confusing to know exactly what your partner wants? If your answer is yes, then this is the episode for you.
Welcome to Decoding Attachment Style, the podcast where we dive deep into the art of building healthier, more fulfilling connections - with others and with yourself. Hosted by Annalisa Bahadur, a relationship coach and attachment style expert, this show is your guide to understanding the patterns that shape your relationships and transforming them into sources of joy and growth.
In this episode, I am sharing some of my greatest life lessons that has helped me to build better relationships.

Grab a pen and notebook and your favorite drink.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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33 min

About Decoding Attachment Styles

From the publisher's feed

I talk about the push and pull in relationships. The anxious spiraling. The person who needs to talk about everything right now and the person who would rather have the conversation sometime in…

2037.

I've lived some of these relationships myself. I used to be anxiously attached, and understanding my own attachment was part of how I learned to become more secure.

But somewhere along the way, I became just as fascinated by the other side.

Why do people do what they do?

I've been asking that question for as long as I can remember.

As a kid, I used to get into trouble for asking “why?” Apparently repeatedly asking adults for the reasoning behind their decisions wasn't considered charming.

But I genuinely wanted to understand. Why was this expected of me? Why did people behave the way they did? Why could two people experience exactly the same situation and walk away with completely different versions of what happened?

Decades later, I'm still asking those questions.

I've studied psychology and attachment, read the textbooks and research, observed thousands of conversations about relationships, worked with people struggling with these patterns, and lived plenty of them myself.

And one of the ways I came to understand attachment was to imagine that we were each handed a survival script.

There are four broad scripts: anxious, dismissive-avoidant, fearful-avoidant and secure.

The script influences what feels safe to us. What feels threatening. How much closeness we want. What we do when we're afraid. How we communicate, fight, pull away, pursue, ask for reassurance, protect our independence, set boundaries and love other people.

It doesn't explain everything about a person, and attachment isn't destiny.

But once you start recognizing these patterns, they're very difficult to unsee.

That's what this podcast is about.

I'm sharing what I've learned from psychology, research, observation, my work, and my own life - not so we can put everyone into four neat little boxes, but so we can understand each other better.

And then do something useful with that understanding.

Sometimes that means communicating differently. Sometimes it means setting a boundary. Sometimes it means working on yourself. Sometimes it means understanding why someone behaves the way they do without continuing to accept the behavior. And sometimes it means letting go of the outcome altogether.

So if you're fascinated by attachment, or you're simply trying to understand why your partner, ex, parent, sibling, friend, or even you keep doing something that makes absolutely no sense to you...

welcome.

This is exactly what we're going to talk about.