Figuring Sh!t Out

Who are you, when no one’s watching? 

and when they are watching - what are you trying so hard for? 

Where are you lying to yourself? Craving to be understood, but fearful of being perceived? 

What an oxymoron.

You crave to be understood, but fear being perceived - because you believe that people won’t understand you, won’t see you, won’t get you. 

And you let that matter. You let that move you. 

And then you’re standing on broken legs and wondering why it’s so hard to walk. 

Wondering why you can’t let another person who wants to love you, love you.

Wondering why you can’t pick up the pen or the paintbrush or the camera and find the spark to light the fire. 

Wondering why you’ve sat back on all of the dreams your inner self is thirsty for, but you won’t let yourself admit - because you shut the light off in the room that the child that once was you, that still lives in you - illuminated. 

You told yourself you weren’t worthy. You told yourself you couldn’t. You told yourself it was too frightening. 

And you believed it. 

The cage is open - you can walk out any time you want. 

Why are you still in there?

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In this episode, I cover: 
- How to overcome the internal struggle of wanting but fearing love, and how it relates to our ability to see and accept ourselves unconditionally
- Why we do this, where it comes from
- How projecting a sense of isolation/separation in your own internal pain and experience will keep you lonely, craving, and searching
- Taking a peak under the hood at our own worthiness & limiting beliefs 
- How this translates into how we feel about ourselves and our ability to share ourselves with the world
- How to face yourself & feel the necessary feelings to become at one with your authentic self 
- How to lead with an open heart in all love, relationships, and creativity - starting with the most important relationship you'll ever have (the one YOU have with YOU.) 
- Breaking out of the idea that love is static - or to be feared - accepting the flux that is this life, accepting our constant evolution
- Healthy communication and honesty with yourself, which will translate to others

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IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, PLS LEAVE REVIEW <3 OR TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS!

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Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain
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VIDEO ADDITIONS TO THIS EPISODE WILL BE ON YT!! 

YOUTUBE CHANNEL: @/figuringshitout 
Name: Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain 

Title of Video: who are you when no one is watching? fearful of being perceived, craving to be understood. 

SHORTENED VIDEO PODCAST TO THIS EPISODE UP SOON <3

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it's time to learn how to say no & not feel bad about it. 

in this episode, learn how to reclaim your power, time, space, and energy by learning how to protect your boundaries with grace & vigilance. 

sacrificing your boundaries in the name of love is not a noble, empathetic act. 

it is martyrdom. it is self-abandonment. and it is reinforcing the falsehood that you are not worthy of love as you are, unconditionally, without needing to overextend yourself in order to receive.

where did we learn to include sacrifice in our definition of love? 

where did we learn to belittle the desires of our own hearts to feed other people's? 

learning how to set boundaries starts first, with the words we tell ourselves. 

in the promises that we make to ourselves which we often-times flippantly break, we are showing the world around us, and ourselves, that our boundaries are breakable.

in nourishing yourself, in watering your own seeds, you make room for the capacity to give to others without sacrifice or self abandonment. 

you nourish yourself and by default, the relationships in your life, when you honor your your own space, energy, and time. 

in this episode, i cover: 

• why setting boundaries is an act of self love
• what happens when you show up for others in abandonment of yourself rather than out of available space 
• why we struggle to set boundaries and how it reflects our belief in how worthy we are to be loved 
• learning how to say no and break out of the idea that love is conditional 
• how honoring your own word & boundaries to yourself reinforces your ability to set boundaries with others 
• reclaiming your power, time, space, and energy and learning how to protect it with grace & vigilance 
• how setting boundaries will bring the right people into your life and nourish your relationships
• how to self soothe & take responsibility over your own happiness

VIDEO PODCAST TO THIS EPISODE IS LIVE ON YOUTUBE <3 (20 mins long <3 - Shortened Version of the full podcast)

YOUTUBE CHANNEL: @/figuringshitout 
Name: Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain 

Title of Video: how to set boundaries & stop people pleasing. it's time to reclaim your power. 

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Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain
Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout
Personal Instagram: @222vgf
Youtube:  @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain)

Contact: [email protected]

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Inside of all of us, there is a voice. A quiet, guiding light handed to us from evolution and survival - through our primal selves to our modern selves, we have carried it through our bones. 

And with a culture that places more importance on logic, reason, reality, and physical evidence - we have become profoundly disconnected from it. 

This voice is our most powerful asset, it is our internal compass, our sixth sense, our key to freedom within ourselves to explore the outside world free of fear - 

It is our Intuition. 

And in this episode, I help you learn how to rediscover it. 

Back from my week journeying the mountains of Asheville, North Carolina, named one of the three spiritual “vortexes” in the U.S. -  I share some profound learnings I had in my time of full-circle presence while away. 

I speak on:  

• Trusting your path & learning to trust yourself 
• What freedom truly is, and how we define it 
• How we often mistake freedom for controlled independence
• The ways we limit our own freedom & silence our intuition by:
   
  • Overvaluing logic, reason, and what looks good “on paper” (not that this isn’t important, but too much of it leads to silence within our own internal knowing)
  • Looking to other people for advice and guidance instead of trusting ourselves 
  • Looking to the world for approval, or only trusting ourselves when we’re “doing well” in life 
  • Keeping ourselves attached to our own pain & victimhood 
  • Keeping ourselves in environments or around people we may have outgrown / not being able to “let go” for fear of loss 
• & How to learn to trust yourself and your own intuition through 
  • Acting out of alignment and then leaving the rest - surrendering to the unknown 
  • Letting go of the need to control/force outcomes, people, situations, and things
  • Letting go of fear/what-ifs 
  • Being open to discovery and your intuition by quieting your mind 
  • Not letting other people have more influence over you than your own internal knowing 

apologies for the NYC noise & cabs in the background - they wanted their moment :,) 

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VIDEO PODCAST TO THIS EPISODE IS LIVE ON YOUTUBE <3

(Shortened Version of the Full Podcast on the Channel:  @figuringshitout 
Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain ) 

Title of Video: you already have all of the answers. learn how to trust your intuition. 

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Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain
Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout
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Youtube:  @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain)

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VIDEO PODCAST TO THIS EPISODE IS LIVE ON YOUTUBE <3

(Shortened Version of the Full Podcast on the Channel: 20 mins) 

Channel Name: @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana)

Title: normalize confusion - you're not running out of time. wherever you are is okay.

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Episode 11. 

our incessant need to understand and make sense of our lives is the malignant cessation of the flow of our lives. 

the enjoyment of our lives. 

do not get caught up in the tangled trap of strife born out of the conditioning that we must break our bones to have the answers right now. 

normalize confusion. normalize not knowing. normalize a lifetime of figuring shit out for the fun of it. living your life, enjoying your life, is your birthright. 

we are young in these bodies once, regardless of if we worry while we are - our hearts are beating, our lungs are breathing, and we are living.

when will you decide to enjoy that experience rather than be resentful of it? 

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there will likely not be an episode next week <3 traveling, but will come back with many stories. 

Tell me what you want to hear next & follow for updates!

Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain

Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout

Personal Instagram: @222vgf

Youtube: @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain)

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This episode is a walk-through my journey of awakening and some of the precious lessons I’ve learned throughout it. 

Lessons not isolated to a journey of awakening, but lessons so intertwined with life, that we all seem to learn them at some point or another, in our own way. 

We are not separate and we never were. 

The light you see in others is too within you - and your access to it comes from a willingness to learn. To be open.

In this episode, I talk about - 

Interconnectedness. 

My own journey.

What death has taught me. 

Learning to trust the sixth sense, gut instinct. 

How to trust your intuition & not talk yourself out of your dreams.

The inevitable impermanence of it all. 

Detachment. 

Learning to trust that every step and mis-step on your journey, every cataclysm, every burst of being, is for your evolvement. 

Surrender & Relinquishing of control.

We are all just here. Walking each other home.

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It seems like everything that could have gone wrong with this episode, did. 

Recording was loud and clumsy. 

My camera was set to slow motion and didn’t pick up any audio. 

As I found flow editing, I lost a folder with all of my cut-down clips. 

I spent an hour trying to find it. Searching through files, downloading recovery software. 

In the sake and name of what this episode is, I figure it makes a lot of sense. 

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Soul Consciousness.

I was 14 when I watched my grandfather take his last breath. It was the first time I remember having an inner inclination that the life force within us cannot simply dissipate and fade away into nothingness.

That there just might be something more. 

Somewhere, I knew that he was not really gone. Irregardless of if he traveled upon a plane of existence unbeknownst to my mortal humanity, I felt his life’s blood through me. 

I felt his lived experiences in my heart and in my bones, and I knew that as long as I was alive, he would be too - as he lived through me and with me, whether it was all that he gave to me in this physical realm and the patriarchal fortress he built upon our family, 

Or somewhere very far away yet, not far away enough to be a point of guiding light in the ambiguity of my life. 

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Relinquishing control & surrendering to the flux of it all, knowing that sometimes things just don’t end up the way we want them to, and no amount of willing can surmount the inevitable forces that may just be redirection. Or maybe not. But maybe that’s not ours to know. 

The challenges, the tests, the lessons - the ones that never stop. Even once when we awaken to them, when we can spot the patterns and be an objective dimension in our own lives. 

We are here to learn. To remember and to forget. Over and over again. 

From darkness I have found light - I think that’s the only way. 

I found a home in my spirit - which is not so different from yours.

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Covet your being and your breath for they have been with you since your birth into life.

Center yourself back home.

Step outside of your mind.

Detach from, connect to. 

You are the witness.

“If you want to be happy, you have to let go of the part of you that wants to create melodrama. This is the part that thinks there’s a reason not to be happy. You have to transcend the personal, and as you do, you will naturally awaken to the higher aspects of your being. In the end, enjoying life’s experiences is the only rational thing to do. You’re sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere.

Go ahead, take a look at reality. You’re floating in empty space in a universe that goes on forever. If you have to be here, at least be happy and enjoy the experience. You’re going to die anyway. Things are going to happen anyway. Why shouldn’t you be happy?

You gain nothing by being bothered by life’s events. It doesn’t change the world; you just suffer. There’s always going to be something that can bother you, if you let it."

- Untethered Soul, Michael J. Singer

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Knowing that there will always be more to know, more to learn means that every moment in your life has the potential to be transformative.

Our drifting awareness, our tendency to take the path of least resistance by being less than fully awake to the present moment, creates a void.

The time-bound mind, which has been designed to be a useful servant, compensates by proclaiming itself master.

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This episode is inspired by Eckhart Tolle.

This episode is inspired by the Present Moment.

This episode is inspired by the first principles of Figuring Sh!t Out - the oxymoron that we simply never will.

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The pathway to peace is presence.

You come back to the Now & you come back to all there is.

Escape the illusion of fear, the psychological condition that is divorced from any concrete, true, immediate danger.

Give yourself grace in healing.

Break out of the need to define.

In the moments between breath, you receive.

Xx

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Free yourself.

Find a treasure in knowing that you have been at the rise and fall of every single one of your days, that you have surmounted all aspects of your pain, risen from it, and are in a continuous evolvement of being.

You and only you.

You weren't given a voice to not use it.

Let go of the need to please, to listen to the inner-critic in your mind and satiate it by staying quiet. By looking to others for external validation.

When you look to others for approval, you make yourself their prisoner.

In this episode, we cover how to find your voice & release self-doubt by connecting with the need, ability, and inherent nature to express. 

Minimize the thoughts, opinions, judgements of other people - break out of the illusion that life needs to be taken so seriously, that you need to be anything other than what you are - to connect to the authentic truth within you that quietly, yet formidably desires to be spoken.

Creative callings born out of childhood often suffer from silence in adulthood.

A constant judgement of ourselves.

Constant pressure on our shoulders.

Release them.

Free yourself.

Rewrite the narrative.

You are the only one who can.

xx

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There is a bundle of nerves in our brain-stem responsible for affirming our internal beliefs. It is called the Reticular Activating System.

It is the neuroscience behind self-fulfilling prophecies, connecting our subconscious inner world to our conscious outer world.

It is a feedback loop of incessant validation for your own internal belief systems.

It is why we are able to sort and sift through millions of stimuli, of external data, and organize it into meaningful bits we live our lives by.

On part 2 of the Law of Attraction series, we talk about rewiring our brains to look for the good and claiming internal power by stepping away from the normal chat around transcendental spirituality and grounding this portion of the series in logic, reasoning, and psychological underpinnings.

In ways that our brains can understand.

So that we can step outside of them. So that we can create presence, right where we are. So that we can be okay, right where we are.

How can we learn from other people? How can we learn to, instead of feeling envy, feel inspiration? How can we learn to live our lives solely for ourselves and step away from the perceptions of others?

How can we learn to be okay where we are? To enjoy where we are?

It's not about denying the hard moments, or pretending that they don't exist. It's about knowing that those moments are simply that --- moments in your life. They are not your life.

You get to choose what defines your life.

You get to decide.

You get to enjoy.

You get to create.

To be lucky, simply - we wake up.

xx

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Part one of a series on Law of Attraction.

You are a powerful creator.

You may believe that manifestation, the law of attraction, and intentional creation is a spiritual concept outside of the binds of your brain. That you don't know anything about it, that you don't know how to do it, that you don't know where to start or how to learn.

I have news for you.

Every moment, of every single day, you are manifesting. You are creating. You are tipping the scales, knocking over the energetic dominos on the playing field of life, causing a chain reaction. This chain reaction is, most times, the state of your life.

The world is a mirror - you attract what you are. Going from a mindset shift of "Why did this happen to me?" to "Why did this happen FOR me?" is the start of a simple practice that can turn our doubt into trust and blossom our power to intentionally create.

There are intuitive cycles among us, within us, around us. If we can learn how to tap in and tune our energetic frequencies to the living, breathing world around us, we can learn how how to surrender and in that peace, create.

Episode Breakdown:

- The natural world around us, what we can learn from the energy of nature (Spring, Solar Eclipses, Seasons outside, Seasons Inside)

- Divine Feminine & Divine Masculine

- Energy exchanges

- Psychology of the subconscious mind - if you look for it, you'll find it

- Letting go of need, lack, and "forcing." Nature does not force.

- Sharpening your Intuitive Power

- Frequencies - "good & bad" feelings are simply information

- Training your brain to look for the good

- You're not here to struggle!!

- Surrendering to the Divine Timing & Stepping into Acceptance

- You're a powerful being!!

- Believe you're worthy, believe you're lucky.

- It's never a no - it's "not right now" or "something better" : You don't know what you don't know

- Story Time ~ How I unintentionally manifested the life I have now

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Women who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Abraham Hicks

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