Figuring Sh!t Out

This episode serves as a guide to understanding your limiting beliefs, shattering those illusions, and how to identify and live in alignment with what you want and who you want to be.

Last week, we covered letting go of the past.

Now, we forge a new future.

This requires one thing - an overlapping element from last week's episode and an underpinning of Figuring Sh!t Out:

Honesty with the self.

In order to deepen our relationship with ourselves and honor who we really are, we must face ourselves.

No more hiding. No more living in victimhood. No more shaming ourselves.

This could be seen as a manifestation technique - but underneath all manifestation is shadow-work - we cannot magnetize what we do not believe we deserve.

And we tell ourselves what we deserve - through our actions, through the way we live our lives, spend our time, and talk to ourselves.

Are you living in alignment with who you want to be? Do you find harmony sometimes, and fall off others? How can you make the commitment and stick to it?

In this episode, you're walked through a step by step process on how to understand how your behaviors and actions tell the external world and yourself what you believe yourself to be worthy of - and how to step fully into your highest ideal of self by understanding our psychology & identification with the ego-self.

It covers:
- Making the unconscious conscious and using it to our advantage, a Carl Jung philosophy
- A reading from "Atomic Habits" by James Clear on changing your identity to change your behaviors (Revising our Self-Concept)
- How to unearth your individual identity & self-concept through thoughts of your inner child + current joys in life
- How to positively fuel your self-concept and "ego"-based identity, while still holding a notion of surrender & spiritual groundedness in your life
- Dissecting the role our ego plays in personal development, knowing when we're in harmony with ourselves
- Shining a light on the importance of recognizing when you're in alignment with your ideal self and when fear or guilt is creating dissonance
- Staying present and finding joy in our journey - sharing some notes of my own experience with this technique & what I'm finding along the way

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(&let me know if you'd be interested in guide-books associated w/ episodes <3)

first guest episode coming soon! will be posted to the YT channel & audio for streaming platforms - YT will be updated more regularly in coming weeks so be sure to subscribe if you're interested in seeing more video content <3
 
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Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain
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xx

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In this episode, I take you through my last few weeks of navigating life & what it has taught me about:
 
Moving on. Moving forward.

Facing an unknown future with a bit of fear but a lot of relief - in knowing what you are leaving behind. 

Saying goodbye to your pain and to the stories it wishes to perpetuate.

We cannot avoid feeling what we wish not to face.  They teach us the most valuable lessons. They bring us higher. We are only as wise as what we learn from our suffering. 

Give yourself the permission of patience. Give yourself the permission to feel.  To start over.

Thank what your painful experiences have taught you, and wish them farewell.

You can let go.

It's okay to let go.

The other side will be more beautiful than you can fathom.

xx

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Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain
Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout
Personal Instagram: @222vgf
Youtube:  @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain) - 

THERE WILL BE A VIDEO 4 THIS EPISODE! Will link here when it's up <3

love u <3

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"It is truly a great cosmic paradox that one of the best teachers in all of life turns out to be death. No person or situation could ever teach you as much as death has to teach you.

While someone could tell you that you are not your body, death shows you.

While someone could remind you of the insignificance of the things that you cling to, death takes them all away in a second.

While people can teach you that men and women of all races are equal and that there is no difference between the rich and the poor, death instantly makes us all the same.

Death changes everything in a flash. That’s the reality of the situation. If all these things can be changed in an instant, then maybe they aren’t so real after all"

 - The Untethered Soul, Michael J. Singer

//

While we all wish to create our lives with joy and poetic romanticism - there are often harsh and cruel truths that we cannot blind ourselves from.

Life is a series of ups and downs, highs and lows, deaths with rebirths, and deaths without them. 

In my 23rd year, I've witnessed more death than ever before. And what it has done, above all of the grief and loss and trying to make sense of it, is made me feel immense gratitude for the preciousness of what I have, who I have, and what is real.

In the throes of grief, we often find ourselves grappling with the unpredictability of life and the preciousness of each moment.

In this episode, I share my experience with losing loved ones and watching those I love lose theirs.

How do you make sense of any of it? What can it teach you? What does it show you?

Attempting to give a voice to those disorienting moments is challenging in navigating the labyrinth of loss, but in as much honesty as I can - in this episode, I try.

And we come to find, trying - to define the undefinable, to go on with honor and gratitude after those we love are no longer here -

Trying is all we can ever do.

-----

There may not be an episode next week!! But you can find updates & follow me here:
 
Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain
Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout
Personal Instagram: @222vgf
Youtube:  @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain) 

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~~Apologies for any background noise - was not recording in my usual place amid travel~~ 

See you soon 

xx

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This episode takes you through the critical aspects of inner child healing, from understanding the influence of our environment on the inner child, to releasing the pain of rejection and judgment. It's a deeply personal look into the struggles of independence, difficult relationships, and the desire for self-acceptance. 

This episode is part one of an embarkation on shadow-work, a series to guide you through Shadow-Work & Self-Discovery, the necessary uncovering of our unconscious selves that can lead us into the light of consciousness. We start at the very beginning - and learn how to acquaint with our inner child. 

Before we delve into the depths of our shadows and learn more about our triggers, attempt to heal them by and unlearning patterns that no longer serve us - we must begin with the ability to have compassion for ourselves - 

All parts of ourselves. 

Acceptance. Forgiveness. Discovery. 

This is the groundwork & foundation for uncovering our unconscious selves.

In this episode, I define what our inner child is and why it's so important to begin the process of healing with this image of our most pure and impressionable selves. 

I ask you to picture your version of who they are to you, and sit with these questions as you hold their image: 

What is it that you need?

What is it that makes you feel happy?

What makes you feel loved and secure? 

What was your first memory of feeling rejected? Alone? Shame?

When did you start putting up walls around your heart?

What did it feel like before you had them there?

--

I share my story of my own inner-child healing and how I've learned what I share today. From moving to New York City at 21 and being ignited with an unexpected healing journey to re-processing and transformative acceptance with EMDR therapy.

----

PART TWO, LISTEN HERE: Healing Self-Expression & Actualizing your Dreams through Your Inner Child

If you liked this episode, please rate the podcast & leave a review/tell me your thoughts!

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Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain

Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout

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Youtube: @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain) -

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What would happen if we could trust that the chaotic tower moments were our divinely lit turning points for our own evolution? How much faster would we grow to see the sun if we could know that it would always rise again, after even the darkest of days? 

How many blessings in disguise have you uncovered? How many bullets have you dodged? How many times have you looked back at yourself in shambles of the past, and wanted to whisper in your ear from your present-day self, “Just wait, you don’t know what’s in store for you.” 

We don’t know what we don’t know, and we never will until the time comes, where we realize with gratitude how divinely led our bumps in the road were. 

Forehead Kisses From the Universe - that is what those life-altering moments are.

------- 

This episode begins with an expression of gratitude for each & every one of you who've supported & given me your beautiful insights into the podcast thus far!! If I spoke to you 1:1 this week over Instagram, thank you! If not and you're listening anyways, thank you! 

I discuss how Episode 20 went awry, recording an hour and a half on a different topic and then losing it all, and how I used this as an opportunity to decide how I was going to feel and surrender into redirection, instead of allow an unexpected event to control the rest of my day. 

I talk at length about: 

1. The three steps to building resilience in the face of change or inconvenience:

- Recognition & Acknowledgement - feeling what you need to feel,
 - Surrendering & Accepting - it is what it is,
- & Deciding how to move forward - it is what I make it

& The ways I experimented with this for this episode.

2. How to change your perspective with a simple question your brain will automatically try to answer: "How is this a good thing?"

& a challenge for you to implement this in your life this week as unexpected bumps in the road occur, no matter how big or small.

3. How our perspective shapes how we see unexpected change and pain in our lives & how to empower yourself into the freedom of surrender

4. How this Podcast began in the face of a "Tower Moment" & how I have learned throughout my life how to turn pain into opportunity

----

I invite you to survey your life and all of the moments that felt impossible to get through, and ask yourself how they were blessings in disguise, what you have or can learn from them, and how they made you a stronger version of who you are today.

I invite you to begin this practice by starting small, with the minor inconveniences that occur in your day-to-day, and see how much resilience you can build with the simple question
"How is this a good thing?"

Feel free to share with me your experience on socials!
IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, PLS LEAVE A REVIEW x RATE THE PODCAST X TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS <3

Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain
Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout
Personal Instagram: @222vgf
Youtube:  @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain)

Books Referenced:
Untethered Soul, Michael J Singer

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It starts with you. And it ends with you. Always and forever. 

With the image casted upon us from Storybooks & Fairytales of the Damsel in Distress & the Knight in Shining Armor, we often feel in the depths of our pain and confusion, that we are to wait to be rescued by an unknown savior on horseback to break us out of the dungeon of affliction and into freedom.

But this is an illusion. For that Knight In Shining Armor, who frees you from all of the stagnant anguish - has always been + will forever be: You. 

If you wait for someone or something to come rushing in and break you out of captivity, you will be waiting forever.

No one will ever know you, like you know you. No one has ever woken up with you every single day and gone to sleep with you every night, other than you. No one else, and nothing else, has access to your mind or your memories. The loving people in our lives can only guide us, support us, and give us what we need - when we know what it is  we need and can ask for it.

You don’t have to heal, you get to heal. You don’t have to rewrite your story, you get to pick up at any point and decide with love that it is your story to write. 

And while it can feel heavy, it is the most profound privilege, honor, and responsibility that you have in this life. 

Your ability to create the life you want starts with your ability to accept your life and yourself now, to accept your responsibility in every step you take, and lovingly redirect into what you get to define. 

xx

In this episode, I cover: 

• Becoming the artist of your own life. 
• Using confusion as a launching point for self-responsibility.
• How to overcome absorbing other people's energies+feelings.
• EMDR therapy - my experience, what it is, & how it’s helping to heal long-held conditioned beliefs rooted in trauma and survival
  • Unlearning survival instincts, rescuing your inner child, reparenting yourself.
  • Seeing self-care & healing as a privilege. 
• The dissonance between who you are and who you want to be: "Manifestation” without necessary shadow-work. 
  • How your commitment to healing & self-worth will guide you to create the life you want. 
• Looking at loved ones who help us through hard times as guide-posts, but taking the credit and responsibility in your own healing.
• A note on my own realizations with this + the empowerment that’s come from it. 

Journal Prompts:

• If your younger self could tell you what they needed, what would they say? How can you give that to them?
• Do you have a tendency to resent others for not being there for you? If so, how may you be abandoning yourself?
• How can you give some credit to yourself for getting through hard times, instead of others?

xx
IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, PLS LEAVE A REVIEW x TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS <3

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Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain
Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout
Personal Instagram: @222vgf
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The long, dreaded, and almost habitual cycle of Burn Out.

Why?

We desensitize our bodies and our brains to the overstimulus in this world of force and we are left physically exhausted, emotionally empty, and mentally overwhelmed.

We blink our tired eyes awake and say yes when we know that we shouldn't.

We strive, we push, we obtain - for what? For whom?

How much is your worth based on how "good" you're doing? How much is your sense of self based on how much you can do or have gotten done? How much is your happiness based on how many boxes you've checked off of your to-do list or how much you've accomplished? 

"Doing" holds a lot of weight - it is essential in nature, but when out of balance with the simple act of being, when out of balance with rest, we find ourselves dry and bleak and numb.

Burnt.

This Sunday, I share my story of recent burn-out and the hold it's had on my life for too many years, and how I am overcoming it with introspective and necessary reprioritization.

You are never too busy to rest. You are never too busy to have fun or to laugh. You are never too busy to spend time with the people you love and who love you.

The arbitrary timeline you've placed on yourself to succeed is forcing you into conditional love with yourself,  confining you into believing that you are not worthy - just as you are.

You are inherently valuable.

No matter what you do or don't do, no matter what you can give or cannot give.

You deserve to rest, you deserve to let yourself be - and you will be happier, more fulfilled, and more successful because of it.

xx
------------------------
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Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain
Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout
Personal Instagram: @222vgf
Youtube:  @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain) - (there will be a YT video shortened podcast with this episode coming the first week of August <3)

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Imposter syndrome impacts the greatest legends, experts, actors, writers, "knowers" and "do-ers" of all time. And yet - the biggest premise of feeling like an imposter, is feeling like we are the only ones hidden in disguise, waiting to be found out.

"I have written 11 books, but each time, I think, 'uh oh, they're going to find me out. I've run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out." - Maya Angelou

"The exaggerated esteem in which my life's work is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler." - Albert Einstein

What would have happened if Maya Angelou allowed her fear to overcome her, and never picked up the pen to write? What had happened if Mr. Einsten himself let his fear overcome him before he forever changed the world of physics and the philosophy of science?

We stumbled blind into life and into the hoax that we were supposed to have the map, the plan, the words to say - and that those who seemed to have the blueprint were not too, just making it up as they went. 

You do not have to earn the right to exist, or take up space. You do not have to earn the right to not know the things you do not know yet, or learn the things you want to learn. 

There is something beneath the illusion of it all that has wisdom beyond your means. If you can release the illusion that you are the only unknowing one, you can learn how to quiet the noise. 

That wisdom will guide you - and that wisdom, is not an imposter. 

The more you learn, the less you know. The more that you follow your own truth, and this wisdom, the more you feel confident in the not knowing.

Your birthright is your evolution.

You are you & That is your power.

- 

In this episode, I discuss:
- What Imposter Syndrome is & Symptoms of It
- The importance of everyone (even the "greats") in some way, shape, or form feeling self-doubt & why this is important to know to overcome it
- How it is deeply tied to our own limiting beliefs and ideas of self-worth
- How to overcome it, not let it hold you back, & begin to take the steps in growing confidence
- The illusion of separation and how life is a mirror which reflects back to us that which we are 
- My own journey & struggles with imposter syndrome and how I have learned to quiet the noise, take chances, and follow my authentic desires (literally..... this podcast.)
- Realizing the uniqueness and inherent value of YOU.

Journal Prompts / Guided Questions to sit with on this topic:
(Good for the new Aquarius Full Moon coming up Aug 1!)
 
- What is it that you want to do? Be honest without limitation.
- What's stopping you? Is it comparison, is it your belief in your ability?
- Who do you admire and why? What is your highest ideal?
- What compliments do you find the hardest to accept? How has imposter syndrome held you back?
- What have you accomplished, and how can you give yourself credit for it?

xx
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Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain
Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout
Personal Instagram: @222vgf
Youtube:  @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain) - (there will be a YT video shortened podcast with this episode coming the first week of August <3)

 

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Get real with yourself.  Are you treating yourself the way that you want to be treated? How are you showing up for yourself?

Truly, sit with what type of love that you want - think about how you want to be treated, with no limitations. Think about what type of life you want to create, with no limitations.

For a moment, let yourself dream.

And then, start treating yourself that way. Take care of yourself the way that you would your own child. Nurture yourself, nourish yourself, love yourself enough to be HONEST with yourself.

Start waking up with intention, knowing that you are the creator of your life. Whether you choose to take that creation and spin it into victimhood, or self-mastery. That choice is yours.

Would you tell someone that you love, a friend, that you'd be there for them, and then not show up in their time of need? Would you make a promise to someone, and then senselessly, mindlessly break it?

We give advice. Great advice. To our friends, to our loved ones, to our family. But we do not take our own.

We show up for others, so easily, so availably, and forget all about ourselves.

We don't realize how big of an impact it has on our self-esteem, our worth, our ability to receive love - when we make promises to ourselves that we do not keep. When we do not treat our word as valuable.

So really, ask yourself, how often are you breaking your own promises?

How often are you breaking your own heart?

Is that what you believe you deserve?

Is that what you want?

Your ability to receive the unconditional love you deserve requires you to give the unconditional love you deserve to yourself, first.

In this episode, I share the importance of mastering your mind, overcoming limitations, and treating yourself with care.

Be easy about your life. And treat your heart with care.

xx
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(Recording from the floor of my bedroom this week, my mouth may be a bit close to the mic in some parts - apologies!)

IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, PLS LEAVE REVIEW <3 OR TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS! 

Spiritual & Self-Help Advice -> TikTok: butterflyfountain  
Podcast Instagram: @figuringshiiitout
Personal Instagram: @222vgf 
Youtube:  @figuringshitout (Vanessa Fontana / Butterfly Fountain)

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You can micromanage your life and your personhood all that you want, you can lose your voice screaming at the sky for the answers and reasons of why you were born -  but you cannot micromanage your soul.

Do you realize how much you are holding yourself back from your blessings by demanding they come in right here, right now?

Do you realize how much you may be blocking answers and guidance by yearning for them with an acute desperation, eyes unknowingly closed to what is right in front of you? 

If you feel like you are on a constant search for answers, clarity, or guidance on how to get to where you want to go or where you should even be going at all - I have one piece of advice, 

Stop searching. 

Learn to sit in the silence of your heart. You will find all you need there. 

You are here in this life, to experience this life.  

Remove the need. 

Remove the pressure. 

Silence the monkey in your mind that whisks you away into a painful introspection bordering on existentialism, craving for you to do, to force, to complete.

For if you don't, 

You will miss the moments that are open-doorways for portals of transformation, right in front of you, by scouring for answers when you could simply be allowing them to make their way to you. 

Let yourself be what you were born to be - 

Here -

Now.
/
In this Episode, I cover: 

• Incremental Progress & Conscious Living
• How to enjoy the process and the unfolding of your path and your life with more ease
• The power of authenticity, of what you can create by showing up as you are 
• Practical Tips for Consciousness & Presence 
  • How to become conscious of your unconscious thoughts, actions, habits, and behaviors 
  • See what is holding you back 
  • The importance of Meditation & How to Begin 
  • Alpha Brain Wave State 
•  Morning/Alpha State Questions for Guidance
  • "What is the highest ideal of myself that i can be today?"
    • Not getting out of bed until you feel like this person
  • "Can i begin to keep my energy up the entire day?
    • "And if I do it properly, then I will be open to opportunities and possibilities that weren’t there before."
  • "Could I sustain brain and heart coherence so that the intelligence within me giving me life, opens a door for me to see intelligence in my world?"
• Night Time Guidance 
  • "What went well today?"
    • Scanning for the good, appreciating moments you did not appreciate when they deserved to be honored
  • "How did I do today?" (Not from a place of judgement but pure observation, and holding yourself accountable)
    • "What got under my skin? What made me frustrated, angry upset? How did I react? & How will I react differently next time?"
    • "Was I present?" "How can I be better tomorrow"
      • Visualization - REALIZING YOUR POWER
• Books & Resources for this episode: (Where I've learned these things!) 
  • Eckhart Tolle, Power of Now
  • Atomic Habits, James Clear 
  • Joe Dispenza on Jay Shetty's podcast 'On Purpose' Episode Title: How to Chemically Teach your Body to Focus on Healing & Vibrate at a Higher Frequency
  • Short Video on Power of Meditation: YT Abraham Hicks, The Pleasure of Meditation
  •  The simplest: LITERALLY GOING,,, OUTSIDE and BEING THERE.

IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, PLS LEAVE REVIEW <3 OR TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS! 

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