Heal Your Relationships

When Breath Becomes Air, the book written by Dr. Paul Kalanithi, moved and inspired me. 

Many of you said you enjoy my takeaways about a particular book. 

So today I want to share some lessons from this piercing work. 

Recently, I read this book for the third time and got more from it this time than ever. 

I think the reason is that I’m older and have had more experiences. 

Some of them have been exhilarating. Others have been sobering. And I have also experienced grief more acutely. 

Even though the book is imbued with the wisdom of death looming, it is life-affirming. Reading it has definitely opened up my life. 

What I mention in this episode:

• Why the depth of experience I went through has made this book more precious to me
• Paul Kalanithi’s biography 
• Four main lessons I learned from the book

What you’ll learn from it:

• The importance of deciding what’s really important to you to make the most of your time
• How to live in your questions rather than rushing to get answers 
• The sacredness in finding the work you are meant to do on this Earth
• Why you don’t have to explain the reason you like or dislike something

I hope this book gives you the same goosebumps it gives me every time I read it. 

xo, Kavetha

PS- Want to create an unshakable foundation and cultivate meaningful relationships?

My program for women, Heal Your Relationships, offers evidence-based tools, training, and community to build an unshakeable foundation and rock-solid relationships.

In this 8-week program, you will get the HYR™ Framework and Tools, and weekly calls with certified coaches in a group environment and privately. 

Besides, you’ll be surrounded by a community of women who have each other’s back. 

Click here to learn more and connect for a breakthrough call with me: https://healyourrelationships.com/ 

In This Episode:

00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery

01:38 Today I have a special treat for you 

03:58 Introduction to the book When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

06:55 General summary of the book 

11:19 First lesson from the book

16:47 Second lesson from the book

19:03 Third lesson from the book 

23:33 Forth lesson from the book   

25:44 Connection of this book with the five remembrances  

27:31 I would love to hear from you  

FREE tools:

Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Resources: 

- Podcast episode about Viktor Frankl’s teachings - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wiseish-010-5-lessons-from-viktor-frankl/id1622617195?i=1000565759860 

- Book “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanithi - https://www.amazon.com/When-Breath-Becomes-Paul-Kalanithi/dp/081298840X 

- Book “Cutting for Stone” by Abraham Verghese - https://www.amazon.com/Cutting-Stone-novel-Abraham-Verghese/dp/0375414495/ 

- The five remembrances from the Upajjhatthana Sutta - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upajjhatthana_Sutta

Parenting a sensitive child could be difficult. Especially when they come from sensitive parents who are thoughtful and want to acknowledge their emotions while, at the same time, establishing the appropriate boundaries. 

Many of us, as healers, whether physicians or coaches, want to help our clients heal in a wholesome way. 

This also applies to our children. 

We may fumble with finding how to help our children when they struggle with the same problems we had when we were younger. 

It is true that we heal ourselves through each client that we heal. And also through raising our children in an emotionally safe environment, with all the wonderful and scary things this process entails. 

To learn more about raising sensitive children, Erica and I have invited Dr. Ceara Deno. 

She's a mom to two boys, ages 11 and 13, a newborn medicine physician in Boston, and a parent coach for sensitive families to build peaceful homes. 

In today's episode, Dr. Ceara Deno explains the characteristics of a sensitive child and a sensitive family. 

Besides, she shares her thoughts on how to start developing emotional mastery, the role of trauma in parenting, and the common thread that caring parents bring to coaching sessions. 

If you have a sensitive child or if you are a sensitive person, this episode will provide invaluable wisdom to connect with your loved ones respectfully and vulnerably.  

I hope it helps you as much as it helped me. 

In This Episode:

00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery

01:01 Welcoming Dr. Ceara Deno

01:54 Helping sensitive families to build peaceful homes

03:24 How did Dr. Ceara Deno start working as a parent coach?

07:45 Migrating into the niche of sensitive children and parents

10:39 How to know if you are a member of a sensitive family

13:02 The sensory oversensitivity associated with being neurodivergent 

15:28 Adults who were sensitive children   

17:11 Dr. Ceara Deno’s entry point to developing emotional mastery  

20:44 The role of trauma in parenting  

24:29 Anger means unmet needs and what to do about it

29:17 Common thread that parents bring to coaching sessions

32:35 Incorporating role play in parenting 

35:45 How to deal with pressing issues that seem unsolvable 

40:43 The human side of parenting

43:44 Connecting before correcting 

47:30 How to contact Dr. Ceara Deno

48:55 Concept of repair in relationships

Resources: 

- Jai Institute for Parenting - https://coaches.jaiinstituteforparenting.com/ 

Connect with Dr. Ceara Deno: 

- Website - https://www.sweetspotparenting.com/ 

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

• Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

FREE tools:

Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Our relationships could feel boring or distant. We may think that we no longer have much in common with the other person. We may not even know if we find the other person interesting or exciting. 

Believe me, you are not the only human being in the world who has doubts about their relationships. 

And I'm not only speaking about romantic connections. Every relationship has its seasons, also the ones that you have with your parents, your coworkers, your friends, other members of your family, or even with yourself. 

So how do you restore vitality and aliveness in your relationships?  

It's a real dilemma. 

To revive the relationship, you must put energy, effort, and attention into it. 

But since you find the relationship boring in the first place, you don't want to dedicate your precious time to fix it. 

It's like chasing your own tail. You want that feeling back, but you want the feeling before putting in the effort. 

In today's episode, I explain why you feel bored in your relationship. 

Two of my personal stories will illustrate the importance of being you, unapologetically, to bring back joy and aliveness in your day-to-day life and connections with others. 

My strategies to unveil radical honesty will allow you to pay attention to the whispers of truth in your ear. 

Take some time. Let it simmer. And keep tending to your truth until you hit something surprising. That hidden truth is what will bring realness to your relationship.

In This Episode:

00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery

01:00 It’s so good to connect with you! 

02:05 A question has been marinated in my brain

03:46 What do we do when a relationship feels boring?        

05:01 The dilemma of fixing a relationship that feels boring

06:22 Your relationship with yourself could feel dull too

07:22 The reason why you feel like this 

08:01 An example from my personal life  

11:36 What happened when I start feeling better 

13:42 Another personal story I want to share with you

17:19 Speaking your truth and connecting with radical honesty

20:17 The first thing you need to do to connect with your truth

FREE tools:

Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

• Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair
• Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

Sometimes what bothers us is not actually what bothers us.

There is something underlying our angst, discomfort, emptiness. But what's at the bottom of these feelings? 

It could be many things. And it's hard to pinpoint the reasons. 

At the same time, there is a method that helps us identify all of these reasons. 

In today's episode, I share this method. Undoubtedly, it will help you discover the core of what you have to shift to get the feeling you are chasing NOW. 

It will help you avoid abstractions and noise to get to the root of the issue and start acting from that place.  

And furthermore, it will prevent you from blaming others for your situation. You don't have to absolve yourself from ownership and responsibility. You must be in the driver's seat of your life. 

I know you can do it, and this method will certainly help you get there. 

In This Episode:

00:01 I’m recording this in New York City!   

01:54 News from my personal life 

03:04 Introduction of today’s topic 

04:10 The 5 Whys method        

07:41 Focus on your own responsibilities

10:05 Using this method to analyze why you are upset

11:53 The amount of “whys” you ask to get to the root 

13:05 Situations where you can use this method  

14:31 What to do when you find the root of the issue 

15:27 I would love to hear from you!

FREE tools:

Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

• Email your answers at [email protected] 

Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

Writing down the situations when you feel triggered is an excellent exercise to get to know yourself more. 

Besides jotting down these moments, you must write the feelings that come up in every instance. 

Not the thoughts. Not the stories you tell about it. Just the FEELINGS. 

Anger, disappointment, overwhelmed, confusion, fear, happiness, worry, rage. Whatever it is, write it down. 

In today’s episode, I will help you look for the patterns emerging in those upsetting moments or events. 

You will also discover the different coping strategies you may choose when you experience uncomfortable feelings. 

We all have at least one of these mechanisms: ruminating, venting, yelling, becoming passive-aggressive, shutting down, or distracting ourselves with wine, food, or work. All of us. 

But awareness is the first step. Once you unveil your patterns and how you act upon them, you can implement the strategies to change and grow from them.  

In This Episode:

00:34 I hope you are having a good day    

00:55 Topics already covered on the podcast 

02:14 Today’s exercise 

03:08 Different coping mechanisms       

04:48 Writing down your actions when upsetting feelings come up

05:43 Our membership program Mastery is open again  

FREE tools:

Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

Rumination is not just thinking repeatedly about something. This is introspection. 

Instead, rumination is persevering on distressing ideas. It is an intrusive and obsessive act rather than a deep reflection. 

In fact, rumination is our go-to place when things are uncomfortable. 

Someone may have said something upsetting to you. And then you repeat that conversation in your head. 

Five million times. 

So ruminating is tough. 

On the one hand, it gives you a sense of power and control over the situation. But, on the other, it can be very destructive. 

Besides, rumination is like a stationary bike. It goes nowhere. 

Today’s guest, Dr. Kristi Angevine, will help us understand why ruminating is a habit and how to deconstruct it. 

Dr. Kristi Angevine is a board-certified ObGyn and also a certified life coach. She specializes in helping high-achievers change unhelpful habits into intentional ones. 

Today, Erika and I spoke with Kristi about habits in general and rumination in particular.  

I hope you get as much from this interview as we did. Enjoy. 

In This Episode:

01:20 Introducing Dr. Kristi Angevine    

04:54 Kristi’s background 

06:28 Reason why Kristi focuses on habits 

13:18 Definition of the habit of rumination      

16:43 Why do we ruminate?  

19:19 Rumination doesn’t feel like a choice

22:05 Actions that could be done when ruminating 

28:31 How to prevent the emergence of rumination 

35:10 Examples of helpful resources 

44.15 What to do if your inner critic emerges

45.44 Kristi’s childhood memory that she really cherishes 

47.42 Connecting with Kristi’s work 

Dr. Kristi Angevine

• Website - https://habitsonpurpose.com/ 
• Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/habits.on.purpose 
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/kristi.angevine/
• LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristi-angevine/ 
• Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/habits-on-purpose/id1609275644 

FREE tools:

Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Many people get stuck in the process of rebuilding trust in a relationship after experiencing disappointment or betrayal. 

Most of them want to reconcile quickly and go to the past, to the relationship dynamic before the betrayal or the deception took place. 

But let me tell you this - that time is not coming back. And it shouldn't. Because the relationship wasn't working for any of you back then. (Obviously!)

You have to create a new normal. And trust me - you want to create a new normal. 

A more honest, transparent, resilient, and vulnerable new normal. 

In this week's episode of Emotional Mastery, I share the three steps to rebuilding trust in a relationship. 

Besides, I offer an extra tip, discuss the role of forgiveness in this process and what happens if you decide to part ways with the other person after all.  

I want you to trust yourself. And create trusting relationships around you. Your engagement is vital to achieving it. 

In This Episode:

01:06 Trusting yourself to trust others   

04:07 Creating a new normal that is more honest and vulnerable 

06:34 Seeking to understand the other person

07:18 The role of forgiveness in this process     

11:55 Looking for times when you were a liar  

13:53 What happens when you decide to part ways with someone

14:51 Reach out if you need help and want to join one of our programs

FREE tools:

• Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

• Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun  

• Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course -> https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

A conflict bothers us, drains our energy, and makes us feel scattered and without focus.  

We cannot enjoy any moment when we are worrying about an argument. 

The reason behind this is that we are ruminating. We are not present. 

At the same time, how we think about the problem also worsens the relationship.

However, conflicts are not destructive.   

Shocking, right? 

If fact, if you are experiencing conflicts with your partner, this means that the relationship is alive. 

And, in truth, this is a good thing! 

Even though it's uncomfortable and there are push and pull scenarios, experiencing conflicts means you care. Moreover, it means you haven't shut down. 

In this week's episode of Emotional Mastery, I will first mention why we get stuck in the same patterns over and over again. 

Then, I will describe the two different ways of approaching conflict. Lastly, I will offer the first step to changing the tone of your relationship when engaging in arguments.  

Once you know how to use conflict to get closer to the other person, it becomes a game-changer for your whole relationship. 

So no more running away. Drop the resistance. You are ready. 

In This Episode:

01:30 Today we are going to talk about conflict     

02:38 People come to me when they are stuck in a specific situation

05:51 First mistake we make in conflict resolution

08:51 Second mistake we make in conflict resolution    

09:58 Conflict is easy to happen if there is distance in a relationship 

10:52 Finding a new path that doesn’t involve blaming the other person

11:49 Two different ways of approaching conflict 

14:35 Higher incidents that cause divorce 

16:41 We often end up with someone who manages problems differently  

17:17 Emotional needs that are not met when arguments take place

20:10 First thing to do if you want to change the tone of the relationship 

28:01 Takeaways for starting dealing with disputes in a different way 

30:56 Resources to keep working through these issues

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

Welcome to Episode 1 of the Emotional Mastery Show! 

Today, I speak with Dr. Erica Bove about what emotional mastery is exactly, and how quickly life can change when you learn the tools that we (sadly) aren't taught in school. Erica first learned about the tools I have created in 2020, and since then, her whole life has changed in so many wonderful ways. She has become the master of her fate and the captain of her soul. And today, she is here to share what these tools are, and just how simple, straightforward, and effective they can be. 

We also dive into the tremendous impact this work has had on her relationships. Hands down my favorite episode of the podcast thus far. 

Enjoy! 

Resources mentioned in this episode: 1. Book a free Relationship Breakthrough Call with our team —> https://drkavethasun.as.me/

1. Join our free FB group for women physicians —> https://www.facebook.com/groups/em4fp

1. Join our free FB group for women (non-physicians) —> https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4wl

FREE tools:

Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

- Facebook

- Facebook Group

- LinkedIn

- YouTube

There are three conversations within every conversation. 

But what does this mean? 

We can identify three different conversations whenever we have any interaction, even the most mundane ones. 

In the first place, a whole world is happening inside of you. 

When talking, you bring up your past experiences, identity, values, belief systems, and feelings.  

At the same time, the other person does the same. They, too, bring their whole world when arguing or discussing an issue with you. 

Concurrently, there is also a third conversation taking place.

And in this third space, more nuances and shades of gray exist.  

Accessing the third level of conversation is vital to stop the cycle of repeating the same things over and over again. 

In this week's episode of Your Brain on Trauma, I will unpack the characteristics of the three conversations so you can start observing them. 

Once you have these resources, you can master the third conversation.

And this awareness will allow you to develop a superpower that will undoubtedly put the world in your palm. 

In This Episode:

01:22 My daughter had many play dates this week    

02:41 A fiction book that I’m reading right now

03:28 There are three conversations within every conversation 

04:54 Characteristics of the first and the second conversations    

07:01 Intentions that we ascribe to someone else 

08:20 Characteristics of the third conversation   

10:09 Persistence is important as long as it is well-directed 

11:14 Getting a point across in a collaborative way is a superpower  

12:15 Anything worth doing involves other people 

15:06 How to start identifying the three conversations 

17:00 Remember that you are not alone in the world 

Resources: 

- Book “This Is How It Always Is: A Novel” by Laurie Frankel - https://www.amazon.com/This-How-Always-Laurie-Frankel/dp/1250088550 

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE