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Raise your hand if you sometimes want your spouse to stop giving you solutions and instead just listen?! 🤚
Ugh, so frustrating, right?
Why does this happen?
Because most of us are not taught about the 3 layers of Emotional Intimacy. We operate only on the INFORMATIONAL level - which is useful, but if that's your only level of relating to others, you end up feeling lonely and insecure.
On this week's podcast, I share the 3 levels of emotional intimacy, and how to get to the deeper levels without compromising who you are. This will change the way you love, work, and parent.
Enjoy!
P.S.: Want to join the conversation in our FREE FB group on how different attachment styles approach the 3 layers of intimacy? Click here to join the Heal Your Relationships FB group!
FREE tools:
Emotional sobriety, a phrase frequently used in AA meetings, holds a special place in my heart.
It's not just a phrase; it's a state of being – a state where clarity reigns, where nothing muddles your thoughts or numbs your senses.
In this state of clarity, you're fully present, unburdened by the weight of your fears or any substances that might dim your light. It's in this space that your relationships can truly flourish.
Whether wrestling with substance abuse or not, having an insecure emotional attachment style can be similar to an addiction. When triggered, your brain goes into a fog, much like when substances take hold.
In those triggered moments, one force in your subconscious steps into the limelight while the other is pushed into the shadows.
To fully express your unique, authentic self, you need both forces in harmony.
And that's precisely what this episode is about – finding that balance so you can journey towards emotional sobriety and enjoy the full potential of your relationships.
What I mention in this episode:
What you'll learn from it:
xo, Kavetha
PS- In our program, Heal Your Relationships, we first go deep into your attachment style to discover what your deep wounds are and how to dissolve them.
You’ll stop walking around like a raw nerve. You’ll stop being triggered.
If this is something you may be interested in, book your free discovery call here: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
Got some questions for the Podcast? Submit them here: https://forms.gle/JD3Yr4HZ3XCELDE58
Get access to my mini course 'Rapid Relationship Repair' just by leaving a review of my show: https://forms.gle/jGu8qmALSgRarPd8A
In This Episode:
00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Heal Your Relationships
00:52 Why I like the phrase emotional sobriety
02:32 The two forces present in our subconscious
06:23 How to discover your attachment style
07:16 Behaviors of anxiously preoccupied people
10:07 Behaviors of avoidant people
11:41 Behaviors of dismissal avoidant people
12:39 Reactions that emerge when we are triggered
16:26 The first step to deal with your insecure style of attachment
19:07 What we do in the program Heal Your Relationships
FREE tools:
Resources mentioned:
- Attachment FREE quiz - https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/compatibility-quiz/
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/relationshipcoachmd/
Understanding your attachment style is like turning on the light in a dark room. It gives you the kind of clarity that also brings relief because you grasp your behaviors and your partner's behaviors more deeply.
Going through life in the dark about your attachment style is like taking a road trip with no GPS, no roadmap, and no clue about your destination.
Trust me, I've spent three decades on that chaotic journey, replaying the same old mistakes repeatedly.
Attachment styles can broadly be categorized into two buckets: secure and insecure.
Now, if you fall into the secure attachment group, it's like winning the emotional mastery lottery.
But here's the twist - even if you find yourself in the insecure attachment camp, there's no need to fret.
What I mention in this episode:
What you'll learn from it:
With love, Kavetha
PS- If you take the quiz and discover that you have an insecure attachment style, the good news is that you don’t have to stay there forever.
You can change (I have changed myself!), and my program is a good stepping stone.
Book your free discovery call here: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
Got some questions for the Podcast? Submit them here: https://forms.gle/JD3Yr4HZ3XCELDE58
Get access to my mini course 'Rapid Relationship Repair' just by leaving a review of my show: https://forms.gle/jGu8qmALSgRarPd8A
In This Episode:
00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Heal Your Relationships
01:11 The importance of analyzing your attachment style
02:13 Behaviors determined by your attachment style
03:11 How to discover your type of attachment
04:41 Characteristics of secure attachment
06:23 Characteristics of insecure attachment
07:41 The four components to move toward secure attachment
10:50 Top fears of anxious preoccupied attachment
14:52 Top fears of dismissive avoidant attachment
19:29 Top fears of fearful avoidant attachment
23:37 The backbone of Heal Your Relationships 10-week program
25:14 Rate and review the podcast
FREE tools:
Resources mentioned:
- Podcast episode about secure attachment in marriage - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/20-secure-attachment-in-marriage/id1622617195?i=1000571562466
- Attachment FREE quiz - https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/compatibility-quiz/
I've been down that road before, dragging my ex-partners into couples therapy, hoping it would work like a magic fix.
But honestly, it often felt like taking two steps forward and then three steps back. It was like slapping a band-aid on a deep wound.
Sure, the couples therapy sessions were helpful while we were in them. We'd talk, share, and sometimes even find moments of clarity.
Then, we'd return home, and like clockwork, we'd slip back into the same old cycles. The same arguments, just now, with an extra layer of resentment about therapy being yet another chore.
It's a paradox, isn't it? The number of couples therapists in the US keeps climbing, yet the divorce rate remains stubbornly high. Something just doesn't add up.
That's why we've crafted something different, something that breaks free from the traditional mold of couples therapy. It's a program that's not only unique but significantly more effective.
In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain to reveal why and how this unconventional approach is changing the game when it comes to healing relationships.
What I mention in this episode:
What you'll learn from it:
xo, Kavetha
PS- We can help you heal your relationships from the inside out, only working with you and not your partner. We do that in 10 weeks, and our success rate is 90 %.
Thanks to our program, you will change. And by changing, the dance and the dynamic in your relationship will also change.
Let’s start today: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
In This Episode:
00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Heal Your Relationships
01:08 Why has the name of the podcast changed?
02:57 How we heal your relationships in 10 weeks
05:08 The problem with traditional couples therapy
07:20 Issues you may experience in your relationship
09:33 The potential in relationship problems
11:21 The specific things we teach you in our program
13:54 Summary of the episode
FREE tools:
Resources mentioned:
- Heal Your Relationships - https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
- Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course! - https://healyourrelationships.com/rapid-relationship-repair/
Unconditional love is only possible if you give your loved one unconditional freedom to be exactly who they are.
If you constantly judge yourself, criticize how you act, and only see your limitations, then you're shooting yourself.
And how you treat yourself often spills over into your interactions with the world. You may judge how others should act, what's right or wrong, and what they should or shouldn't be doing.
Judgment is a futile exercise. It's a quiet form of violence, a way we harm ourselves and others.
But here's the truth: people will always march to their own beat, with or without our permission.
Embracing this reality and gifting others the boundless freedom to be exactly who they are is the alchemy of unconditional love.
No doubt, it's easier said than done. But here's the beauty of it – we're in this together.
As we navigate the journey of releasing judgments and embracing the liberating power of unconditional love, the world transforms, one loving step at a time.
What I mention in this episode:
What you'll learn from it:
Remember, it's all about letting go of judgment and giving each other the freedom to be ourselves.
Wishing you all the unconditional love and freedom, Kavetha
PS- If you want to learn how to heal your relationships from the inside out, even if your spouse is not on board, I have something for you.
HYR is a program specifically designed for women. It includes evidence-based tools, training, and a community to learn how to choose your thoughts.
In our 10-week program, you will get the complete HYR™ Framework and tools + weekly private calls with our world class coaches to customize the tools to YOUR unique situation + weekly small group calls where all your questions will get the answers you need….and so much more. You will never be alone. We will hold your hand and walk with you to the other side.
Book your free call here: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
In This Episode:
00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Heal Your Relationship
01:06 Fall is coming to Connecticut
02:37 The role of unconditional freedom
05:36 Humans react how they want to react
07:21 How can unconditional love show up in your life?
10:18 Questions for you to reflect upon
12:30 How to heal your relationships
FREE tools:
Resources mentioned:
- Previous episode - https://podcasts.apple.com/il/podcast/3-sneaky-beliefs-that-hurt-relationships/id1622617195?i=1000626295173
- Heal Your Relationships - https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
Certain beliefs in relationships are like undercover agents, quietly wreaking havoc beneath the surface. They slip in, often unnoticed, yet their impact can be profound.
Have you ever noticed how convincing yourself about what your partner is thinking can be astonishingly deceptive? It's one of those sneaky things we do.
The romanticization of relationships we're bombarded with through the media has convinced
ourselves that mind-reading is not only desirable but possible.
But mind-reading isn't an option. It's more like a setup for disappointment and resentment. The mental gymnastics we perform to decipher the other person's thoughts is where the trouble brews.
It's not just about us, though. The narratives we weave around ourselves and our partners are equally potent. These thoughts can be a powerful catalyst for growth or a silent cause of suffering.
So today, I'm shining a spotlight on three sneaky beliefs that quietly corrode relationships. And we're not stopping at just identifying them. We're exploring how to defy their corrosive impact.
What I mention in this episode:
What you'll learn from it:
Ready to expose these beliefs? Join me as we unravel their grip and arm ourselves with tools to nurture healthier, happier relationships.
With love, Kavetha
PS- Changing sneaky thought patterns is possible. If you need help figuring out where to start, I can help you.
HYR is a program specifically designed for women. It includes evidence-based tools, training, and a community to learn how to choose your thoughts.
In this 10-week program, you will get the HYR™ Framework and Tools and weekly calls with certified coaches privately and in a group environment with other women.
Book your free call here: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
In This Episode:
00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery
01:14 It’s a time of transition
02:13 Questions I have been getting about sneaky beliefs
03:18 Sneaky belief #1
05:59 You have complicated feelings about the people in your life
10:45 Sneaky belief #2
12:27 Create the experiences you want in your head
14:58 Sneaky belief #3
18:40 Exercises for practicing these concepts
19:07 Summary of the episode
FREE tools:
For the longest time, I held onto the notion that genuine connections required a substantial amount of time.
I convinced myself we needed to sit down for hours, sipping on a cup of coffee and simply being present for each other.
And since I didn't have that time available, I inadvertently placed it on the back burner.
Back then, I crafted many excuses. "Once X, Y, and Z fall into place, I'll prioritize my romantic relationship."
This mantra echoed endlessly, a clever trick to delay something crucial. The irony is that we often postpone the vital in the name of the urgent.
But connection can't wait for your life to settle down. Because it will never settle down. That's not the nature of life.
There is good news, though. Today, I'm strategies to help you fortify a sense of friendship in your romantic relationship.
These strategies are designed to mend and fortify bonds, irrespective of how crammed your schedule may be.
What I mention in this episode:
What you'll learn from it:
These strategies defy life's chaos and foster authentic bonds, even amidst the busiest lives. You got this. I believe in you.
With all my trust, Kavetha
PS- Cultivating relationships can only happen in the midst of chaos. There is no other way because your life or the world won’t slow down, so you can care for your loved ones.
This is why I created HYR.
HYR is a program specifically designed for women. It includes evidence-based tools, training, and a community for learning how to create strong bonds.
In this 8-week program, you will get the HYR™ Framework and Tools and weekly calls with certified coaches privately and in a group environment with other women.
Let’s connect: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
In This Episode:
00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery
01:06 Today’s topic is fun
03:36 Life will always be chaotic
06:37 How can you “charge” your relationships?
09:22 What are the things you need to create friendships?
13:44 The three elements required to develop friendships
15:02 Getting to know the other person
20:09 An exercise to get to know your partner again
29:46 Showing that you like the other person
34:58 An activity to show your partner that you like them
38:27 The role of trust in a relationship
42:50 An exercise to analyze trust
44:53 Answers to the audience
48:46 What is one area where you can let the other person show competence?
56:23 Summary of the episode
FREE tools:
Growing up, I got a firsthand taste of the two contrasting flavors of boundaries.
On one side, there were those who let boundaries be loosey-goosey, while on the flip side, I encountered folks who constructed walls so formidable it felt like you needed a passcode to get through.
As we journey into emotional adulthood, a pivotal step is realizing when it's time to embrace the art of healthy boundaries.
Get this right, and those relationships that once hung by a thread can bloom into something spectacular.
But hey, shifting gears towards boundary-setting can feel like jumping into the deep end without knowing how to swim. I get it.
That's why I'm here to unveil that elusive middle step you need to consider on your boundary-establishing mission.
It's not just about slapping labels on your limits and throwing them into conversations like confetti. There's an intermediate phase, a point where you embrace these limits in your core.
What's more, I’ll guide you through the four pesky boundary myths that you absolutely need to debunk. Think of it as untangling the web of misconceptions, paving the way to healthier, more fulfilling connections.
What I mention in this episode:
What you'll learn from it:
I hope this episode helps you identify if you’re indulging in one of these myths and how to apply the antidotes to each of them.
Until next time, Kavetha
PS- Boundaries are not needs. If you still conflate both, I have a program that specifically teaches you how to identify boundaries and needs.
HYR is a program specifically designed for women. It includes evidence-based tools, training, and a community for emotional mastery.
In this 8-week program, you will get the HYR™ Framework and Tools and weekly calls with certified coaches privately and in a group environment with other women.
Book a discovery meeting: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
In This Episode:
00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery
01:06 I have struggled a lot with boundaries
01:55 My experiences with boundaries growing up
03:19 What happens when you have “goosey-loosey” boundaries?
03:55 What happens when you have rigid boundaries?
05:00 How to act when realizing you need help with boundaries
07:13 The four boundary myths
08:12 Myth number one
12:51 Myth number two
18:46 Myth number three
20:11 Difference between boundaries and needs
22:47 More about myth number three
26:23 Myth number four
29:15 Examples of boundaries with family
35:31 Summary of the episode
37:13 An exercise for you
40:15 Antidotes to each myth
Resources mentioned:
- Join the free live challenge on boundaries - https://bit.ly/BoundariesChallenge
FREE tools:
Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter
Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun
How do I get my needs met in a relationship?
This is a question that I hear time and time again from my clients. Sometimes they don't even know what their partners need, and they also need to learn how to get their own needs met.
One of the things I have figured out is that we often conflate and confuse boundaries with needs. And when we misdiagnose, the solutions we implement don't work, and we end up feeling more frustrated and hopeless.
Some people may be good with boundaries but become too rigid and strict. Others don't know how to establish boundaries at all.
So, first of all, you need to identify if your struggles require a boundaries-based conversation or a needs-based conversation.
This episode is Day 1 of our free challenge on boundaries. I hope you join us to learn to set and hold boundaries lovingly and calmly to change your relationships forever.
What I mention in this episode:
What you'll learn from it:
You are here for a reason. Pay attention to that soft whisper that tells you that you must learn about boundaries right now.
You'll never regret doing the work.
With love, Kavetha
PS- If you need help establishing boundaries, Heal Your Relationships is for you.
HYR is a program specifically designed for women. It includes evidence-based tools, training, and a community to learn, among other things, how to set and hold firm and flexible boundaries.
In this 8-week program, you will get the HYR™ Framework and Tools and weekly calls with certified coaches privately and in a group environment with other women.
Let's start now: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
In This Episode:
00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery
01:01 I have a treat for you today
01:57 Confusion between boundaries and needs
03:48 How do we help clients in the coaching space
04:26 Free live challenge on boundaries
05:21 How is the challenge organized
09:36 How confident are you in your capacity to set and hold boundaries?
12:10 Absorbing the language of boundaries
15:41 My definition of boundaries
17:50 Establishing firm but flexible boundaries
19:30 The two big boundary mistakes
23:01 How to get clear on your primary language of boundaries
26:21 You’re here for a reason
Resources mentioned:
- Join the free live challenge on boundaries - https://bit.ly/BoundariesChallenge
FREE tools:
Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter
Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun
I used to think about self-compassion in a "one and done" approach. But I was so wrong.
Only in recent years, I have discovered that there are many steps and nuances inside self-compassion.
As you practice it, you realize the parts where you need extra support, talk to someone or join a community of people who can help you.
So I'm glad we spend so much time discussing this important topic on the podcast.
Today, in Part 2 about mindful self-compassion, Dr. Erica Bove and I share all the practices that have helped us to map self-compassion.
What has helped me comes from my own struggles, my history, and those areas where it is difficult to step over my critical voice. And that's different for Erica, so we offer an array of perspectives and tools.
We also discuss our growth edges because we're still learning, falling, and course-correcting.
What we mention in this episode:
What you'll learn from it:
We hope these strategies will help you develop more self-compassion, and we would love to know if there are other resources you have implemented that have been beneficial to you.
Until next time, Kavetha
PS- Do you need help becoming your primary caregiver? We have something to assist you with this process.
Heal Your Relationships is a program specifically designed for women. It includes evidence-based tools, training, and a community to learn, among other things, how to develop actual practices of self-care.
In this 8-week program, you will get the HYR™ Framework and Tools and weekly calls with certified coaches privately and in a group environment with other women.
Book a call here so we can start now: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/
In This Episode:
00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery
01:14 This is the second part of our talk about self-compassion
02:22 Today we share practices that have helped us
03:15 Quick review of Part 1
05:00 Listening to your body
07:58 How to slow down enough to notice what you need
11:20 Awareness about your beliefs and feelings
14:35 Becoming your primary caregiver
15:29 Name it, normalize it, humanize it
18:46 Gratitude buddies
21:06 The role of community
23:27 What to do instead of fixing someone else’s feelings
25:35 Mirror work
30:46 Our own growth edges
37:53 How to react when you are harming yourself
38:50 Positive intent
39:43 How being in a community has helped us
41:12 Join our boundary challenge!
Resources mentioned:
- Part 1 - https://podcasts.apple.com/il/podcast/mindful-self-compassion-part-1/id1622617195?i=1000622533794
- Join the free live challenge on boundaries - https://bit.ly/BoundariesChallenge
FREE tools:
Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter
Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun
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