Heal Your Relationships

Two toxic emotions are painful for everyone. 

Children and adults alike. 

But unfortunately, some parents trigger these emotions in their own kids. 

Despite being well-meant, intelligent, and loving parents, they still cause emotional havoc in their children. 

As I have said, they are painful for everyone. But especially for children because they are dependent on adults, and they have to tolerate what we, as adults, do to them. 

So, how can we teach our children how to handle their emotions? 

Some controversial parenting techniques work. However, this doesn't mean that they are right. 

As a matter of fact, your job is to show your kids how to regulate themselves emotionally. 

And you have to do this without shaming or punishing them with the feeling of aloneness.  

In this week's episode of Your Brain on Trauma, I will first describe the two most toxic emotions. 

Afterward, you will listen to examples of how these emotions manifest in parenting. 

Finally, you will get my advice on teaching your children how to regulate their emotions without shaming them or leaving them alone. 

In This Episode:

01:00 I feel grateful for having found my purpose    

03:04 Well-meant parents can trigger toxic emotions in their children

04:50 Two most toxic emotions

06:57 One of these emotions induces the other one  

08:16 How do these toxic emotions show up in parenting

11:29 Some parenting techniques work but are not right  

12:22 Helping your children constructively 

13:15 Showing your children what is wrong without leaving them alone  

17:16 Teaching without lecturing and by acknowledging their feelings

18:36 Why solitary confinement is the worst punishment

19:34 Our job as parents and how children behave 

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

Modern life often has us juggling balls, frantically rushing from one activity to another, until we collapse into bed, exhausted, only to wake up and do it all again.

No wonder we struggle with emptiness and disconnection!

One way that we have found to infuse our family life with a sense of purpose, belonging, meaning, and connection, is to create a family creed.

Listen in as I share the 7 values that we have included in our family creed. And how we bring them to life in every day, moments, and decisions we make as a family.

If this inspires you to create your own (and I hope it does!) I also share tips on how to begin creating yours.

Enjoy.

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:



● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

Dream together if you want your relationship to thrive and not only to survive. This advice applies to EVERY type of relationship. Not only romantic ones. 

So with this introduction, I welcome you to my first relationTIP. 

On this occasion, the relationTIP is to dream together. 

We generally talk about handling conflict or getting more connected in our relationships. Still, we need to actually dream and make each other's dreams come true. 

Sometimes, we are so focused on fixing the past or negotiating the present that we forget about the future. But we must remember the importance of building something together that will stand the test of time. 

In this week's episode of Your Brain on Trauma, I will explain how you can use vision boarding to dream with your spouse, mom, best friend, or someone you hold dear. As a result, your relationship will improve just in the process of dreaming together.

In This Episode:



01:14 Recording this podcast is one of the highlights of my week  

01:47 What do I mean by relationTIP

02:38 Today’s relationTIP is to dream together

03:14 The reason why we have relationships in this modern world  

05:00 Vision boarding as a tool to dream together

08:39 My own recent experience with vision boarding 

12:37 Allow yourself to dream in all your relationships 

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

For many years in my own life, I didn't enjoy Valentine's Day. 

During my first ten years in America, I struggled in my relationships. I experienced many problems that I now know were very common. Still, no one told me that back in the day, not even when I was training to be a Psychiatrist. 

However, I have LOVED Valentine's Day for the last ten years. And the reason behind this is that the other days are just as good. 

Valentine's Day alone will not fix anything in anyone's relationship when the foundation isn't solid. It will be just a band-aid on a broken bone.  

Fortunately, there's a way of nurturing your relationship every day, and I share with you some ideas that will help.  

In this week's episode of Your Brain on Trauma, I will explain why you need to have a solid foundation in your relationship to enjoy Valentine's Day and every other dull day. 

In This Episode:



01:13 I didn’t enjoy Valentine’s Day in the past  

02:26 Struggles I experienced in my previous relationships

04:06 When I started liking Valentine’s Day 

05:51 My message for you today on this occasion  

07:32 Unsexy work of building the foundation for your relationship 

09:02 Identify what makes you uncomfortable to start changing it  

10:52 How we can help you build a strong foundation in your relationship 

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

There is a lot of discourse about toxic relationships and why we stay in them. 

And I have seen the same pattern many times. This pattern comes and goes in waves. 

In a specific season, I have friends who struggle in their relationships. 

Most times, the people involved in these relationships are good people with good intentions. 

But they don't have the necessary tools or perspectives to navigate a connection. 

Luckily, these problems are easy to fix if you know what to do and when to do it. 

Other times, instead, people are just in BAD relationships. There is verbal and physical abuse and repeated infidelity. 

So why do we stay in toxic relationships? Why do we put so much effort into holding onto a person who isn't good for us? Why are we so afraid of being alone? 

In this week's episode of Your Brain on Trauma, I will explain the three reasons why we stay in toxic relationships. This insight will help you identify your patterns to start your healing journey. Let's dive in.  

In This Episode:

01:35 It was my birthday and my celebration was wonderful  

02:26 Good people struggle in their relationships and this can be fixed

03:20 Sometimes people engage in abusive relationships 

04:29 My definition of a toxic relationship 

05:33 People stay in bad relationships for years

06:53 Reason one for staying in toxic relationships  

11:59 Reason two for staying in toxic relationships 

15:40 Reason three for staying in toxic relationships 

17:57 The three reasons are connected with low self-esteem

19:00 Ways of justifying the permanence in a toxic relationship

21:12 How my programs and events can help you heal your patterns 

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

In This Episode:

Today I want to talk about change. 

Usually, we start the beginning of every year with a lot of gusto about what we need to be better at and all the habits that we need to change. 

And then, by mid-January, things start to fizzle out. 

For a long time, I thought this happened because of a lack of prioritization or discipline. 

But the truth is that we have a lot of discipline for the things that TRULY MATTER. 

So what can we do to bring that energy into the habits we would like to change?

The answer is in our values. 

Whatever your value system is, you engage in activities that help you connect with it. And you feel good doing them. 

In this week's episode of Your Brain on Trauma, I will teach you a gentle, loving, and effective process for changing habits. And it works better than discipline or grit. Let’s go. 

In This Episode:

00:55 Thursdays are my favorite days of the week because I connect with you 

01:41 Energy of change at the beginning of the year  

02:31 We are disciplined in those things that genuinely matter to us 

04:11 Your values will help you direct energy into what you want to become

05:06 Examples of how values guide our choices 

08:09 How to use values in the service of taking on a new habit 

11:05 Creating bridges to connect a habit to enjoy with the one you don’t enjoy that much 

12:59 An exercise to drop the discipline route and try a new approach 

14:48 Embrace a more loving, gentle, and effective process for developing as a person

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:



● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

Some days are smooth and easy. 

You wake up, and the weather seems to be working on your behalf. 

You don't know why or how, but things seem OK. 

And there are other days when all the lights are red, everyone seems to be in a bad mood, and things are just…crabby.  

We are going to have both kinds of days. A LOT of both types of days during our lifetime. 

So I want to offer you something. 

Whether you are having an easy day, a mixed day, or a hard one, I want you to remember that you are not alone. 

Today I want to talk to you about The Unanswerable Question. This question comes to your mind when you have one of those bad days, or someone hurts your feelings or lets you down. 

The unsawerable question pokes at an older wound. And in this episode, I will help you identify yours and analyze it compassionately. Let's start.  

In This Episode:

00:44 Whatever you are going through right now, you are not alone

01:44 Learn about the concept of the unanswerable question 

03:39 Situations in which the unanswerable question emerges

05:14 We all have triggers that poke an extreme reaction on us

05:57 These are my triggering moments and the meaning I associate with them

06:42 Common unanswerable questions that come up 

08:42 Different go-to reactions after the emergence of the unanswerable question 

09:43 Why do we qualify this question as an unanswerable 

11:07 Healthy ways for finding answers to the supposedly unanswerable question

12:24 Questions to ask yourself to identify your unanswerable question

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between therapy and coaching?

It can be hard to understand what each one entails, especially when you are wondering which one might be right for you.

Some therapists say that coaching is unhelpful, even dangerous, and there are coaches who say that therapists are stuck in the dark ages.

The truth is, there is no clear right or wrong, despite what proponents in each might tell you.

YOU get to pick up the tool that suits YOUR specific life stage.

In this week’s episode, you’ll hear my thoughts on therapy vs coaching, where I see the contribution of one vs the other, and where I see the overlap across the two.

I’m sharing what I think are the benefits of each, what I think they both miss, and three questions to ask yourself if you are wondering whether you should get a therapist or a coach

In This Episode:

01:50 Hear the two different worlds I belong to and how I use this blend to help my clients

03:01 Learn why my approach is so unique

04:37 If I had to describe therapy in one sentence, it would be this…

07:12 There is no right or wrong between therapy and coaching. Here’s why…

08:32 Learn another big difference between coaching and therapy

10:59 This is what I think therapy often misses…

14:21 There are some things the coaching world also misses. Here’s what I think they are…

16:07 Very little of the coaching available is trauma-focused. Here’s the problem with this…

17:59 Find out why medications can be lifesaving but they’re not enough to create a thriving healed life

19:30 Three questions to ask yourself if you are deciding on a therapist or a coach

22:21 Hear how the tools I’ve created are a combination of both coaching and therapy

24:11 Do you have a topic you’d like me to discuss in future?

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

How do you react when someone cuts you up in traffic?

It’s annoying, right?!

What about when they ignore you or roll their eyes at something you said?

How do you respond when somebody hurts your feelings or rejects your ideas?

The way you respond when you get poked or triggered is called your “F” type.

And knowing your “F” type is a kind of awareness that can be life-changing.

In this episode, I’m diving deeper into what triggers are, why they elicit a reaction from you, and the four types of reactions you can have to a trigger so you can learn how to deal with them more effectively.

When you discover which “F” type you fall into most commonly, you can start shifting the way you show up in the world.

As I said, it’s life-changing.

In This Episode:

02:12 What is your “F” type, and why is it important to know?

03:51 Find out what triggers are and how they work

05:38 Are triggers all about memories? Here’s what I think…

09:11 The first step to relaxing the part of your nervous system that gets triggered

09:48 There are four types of reactions to triggers, I call these the four “F” types

10:07 Find out what the first “F” type response is

11:13 This is the second of the four “F” types, and what it entails

12:21 Discover the third “F” type and what it consists of

14:19 I’m sharing the final of the four “F” types and where it shows up most often

16:41 What I want you to do today in regards to this work

18:19 What I’ll be sharing with you in coming episodes

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:



● Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

● Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

● Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE

I firmly believe you cannot heal on your own. 

Believe me, I tried. For many years.

We need community and people around us. This is just one of 6 phases that I believe are truly essential if we want to heal from our past.

Almost everybody I have witnessed going through a journey of healing – including myself – experiences these 6 phases, and with them, is able to start showing up differently and have better relationships.

In this episode, learn what each of these 6 phases looks like, why each one is so important, and recognize how they show up for you on your own healing journey.

I’m showing you how to use these 6 phases to reach less pain and suffering as quickly as possible, and start making your healing journey a priority.

In This Episode:

04:44 The first phase of healing from the past

07:14 This moment might make you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, but it’s really the moment of change

08:42 Here’s stage two of the healing journey and why it happens

10:45 Information is the beginning of transformation. This is why…

11:23 I share the third phase of the healing journey and how it might look in your life

12:11 In my opinion, without THIS, healing can’t ever be complete…

13:27 Discover the reason you can’t heal on your own

15:02 Introducing the fourth stage of the healing journey and what it entails

16:20 Hear the fifth phase of the healing journey, what it looks like how you can do it

17:45 The final phase of the healing journey becomes your way of being. Here’s what that looks like…

19:25 We all have to go through these 6 phases in order to heal, but there’s a difference in the way we experience each one

19:38 I really do believe THIS is why I was put on this earth…

20:42 Pause and ask yourself these questions to help you on your healing journey

Connect with Dr. Kavetha Sundaramoorthy:

●     Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course - https://bit.ly/RapidRelationshipRepair

●     Come join us in our free Facebook group Your Brain on Trauma, where is a whole community of women just like you who are on this sacred healing journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4fp/

●     Sign up to my live event: The Clearing: https://bit.ly/TheClearingLIVE