Love and Abuse

What's the best course of action when it comes to leaving the emotional abuser? Should you sit them down and have the "the talk", or is talking going to get you sucked into another conversation that causes you to stay out of guilt or being convinced you're wrong?

They're likely to convince you of doing things their way so it may not go any differently during "the talk."

When you're in any type of difficult or emotionally abusive relationship, a violation of your relationship boundaries has probably already taken place. After all, you didn't sign up to feel like crap all the time or be unhappy. So is it okay to seek someone outside the relationship when you can't get your emotional needs met within the relationship you're in? I tackle that tough question in this episode.

When you've had enough and you can't take anymore, but you stay and take more, you end up in an endless cycle of love and abuse. If you're afraid to stay because things are bad, but also afraid to leave because you don't know any other way to live your life, it's time to get real clear on what you really want.

How bad does it have to get before you're convinced that the person you're dealing with is never, ever going to change? And how much more hurtful behavior has to happen before you decide enough is enough?

Sometimes we are so jaded by and used to emotionally abusive behavior that we forget what being treated with kindness and respect means.

What happens when the hurtful behavior stops and you are free to be yourself? Does the relationship now go back to normal like nothing ever happened?

It can, but it rarely does. In fact, most victims of emotional abuse want the person who hurt them to feel what they went through. They want the abuser to suffer.

Is that reciprocal emotional abuse? That's the question I answer in this episode.

Emotionally abusive people usually drain all of your energy. It's rare that they leave the relationship because they get their power from taking yours. There can be two or three main reasons they leave, but no matter what the reason is, there's almost always a trail of destruction behind them.

What happens when you've had enough of the bad behavior and want the other person to leave you alone? In a family situation, that might be easier to do since you may not live together. In a romantic relationship however, that can be a bit harder.

What if the other person doesn't want to go? What do you do then? It's time to get clear on what you want so that you convey the right message that cannot be misinterpreted.

Emotional abuse in any relationship is made up of numerous behaviors, many of which can be quite hard to detect. When you're trying to pinpoint the exact behaviors causing difficulties in your relationship, it can be helpful to understand the subtleties.

Every wonderful aspect of you can diminish when you are with a toxic person. They find ways to convince you that you are unworthy and unlovable so that you seek love and worth from them instead of looking anywhere else. It is a manipulative tactic they use to keep you down so that they can also be the hero to bring you up.

If you told a "normal" person they were being emotionally abusive, you'd think they'd back off and re-evaluate their behavior. After all, people who care about you don't want to hurt you. At least, that's the hope. Is there an easy way to convey to them that their hurtful words and actions are destroying the relationship so that they'll "get it" and treat you nicer?