Love and Abuse

Can low self-worth attract someone that makes you feel lower? Can people-pleasing attract a taker that never stops taking?

There are many ways to become attracted to someone. But there are attractions that aren't always positive. It's important to know what about them makes them appealing when some qualities can be downright abusive.

LAA Insights is an addendum to the regular show that you'll find scattered in between full episodes. On Insights, I pick random emails that I haven't addressed yet and do my best to provide my insights and opinions.

A special episode answering a question from someone who isn't sure if they are the abuser and if they need to work on their own abusive behavior, even though there are clear signs they are being abused as well.

LAA Insights is an addendum to the regular show that you'll find scattered in between full episodes. On Insights, I pick random emails that I haven't addressed yet and do my best to provide my insights and opinions.

Becoming dependent on someone can put you at their mercy sometimes. And if they are toxic, you are not only now dependent on them for certain things, but they make sure you continue to depend on them so you never get your wants and needs filled completely. It's like a bag of chips... you can never eat just one. You know they're bad for you, but you keep coming back. I talk about our dependencies in this episode and how they can create hard-to-break trauma bonds.

There can be some good excuses for hurtful behavior. With some excuses, it can be hard to differentiate between fact and fiction.

When someone uses their condition or illness to manipulate or control you, it can make it that much more difficult to get out from under their spell.

Some abusive people know exactly how to lock you into the relationship so tight that you find it near impossible to get out of it. When that happens, the longer you wait, the worse it gets. No matter how deep you are, you need to do something right away unless you want to continue down a road that never ends.

Sometimes the emotional abuse stops. If and when it does, will you know who you are? Do you know where you went? Sometimes we lose ourselves in relationships like this because we are so busy trying to make the other person happy so they won't make us miserable. But that's probably not who you wanted to be. Finding yourself again can be the next challenge after the emotional abuse stops.

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You are not to blame for getting into a toxic relationship. It is not your fault. However, there is a way you process bad behavior that may be working against you causing you to get into bad relationships over and over again. Sometimes we do things that raise our levels of toleration so high, that we can't recognize just how hot the water has gotten.

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Needy and clingy people can become obsessive and emotionally abusive. They will find ways to keep tabs on you so that they are always on your mind. They need constant attention and there's little you can do to make them happy except to be with them all the time. Neediness can turn into bad behavior to the point where unless you comply with everything they want, they'll make you believe you're being awful to them.

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It's hard enough dealing with a hurtful person. You know they are going to show up in a certain way almost every time so you get used to it.

However, what if they start convincing your friends and family that you're the one hurting them? What if they play the victim?

This is an episode filled with tools to help those you care about and are supposed to care about you see that perhaps their perception of you is flawed.