Nope! We're Not Monogamous

My friend, April Filiczkowski, the Green Goddess Pleasure Queen, and I discuss our previous monogamous marriages and the switch to polyamory after divorce, raising kids in polyamorous households, the myth of happily ever after, and veganism and how it can affect relationships and sex!

April helps people live a more pleasurable turned on life by helping them love and honor themselves through food, gardening and sexual liberation. She is passionate about Mother Earth, healthy eating and a healthy balanced sex life. She helps people live a greener, healthier, more abundant life. 

💨 TLDR;

• 2:59- Inspiration on dealing with conflict
• 5:21- Past relationships & monogamy
• 11:21- Societal pressures
• 12:17- Family & polyamory
• 14:20- Kids & polyamory
• 18:02- Jealousy & self-worth
• 23:28- Society & polyamory
• 28:27- Veganism
• 24:22- Veganism & sex
• 35:57- Why polyamory

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.

Want to connect with the Green Goddess Pleasure Queen…

• The Green Goddess on Facebook
• The Green Goddess on Instagram

📚 Books and Resources mentioned: 

•  Layla Martin- Vita Institute
• Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts
• “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 

👀 Find Us Online

           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/

           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine

           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Credits

- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/

- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. 

About Us

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.

Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Krista Kathleen, the author of Beyond The White Picket Fence - Breaking Out of the Life Everyone Expects You to Live, and I chat about her journey into non-monogamy and how it changed over time. We dig into what it means to live authentically regardless of pressures from our family and society to show up as expected.

Krista has been coaching women online since 2016 after she got fired from her full time nursing career and divorced all in the same week. She sold her belongings and left the United States to travel all over the world, working and living in 50 different countries. She had her first baby, Lincoln, at home during the pandemic and just published her first book: Beyond the White Picket Fence. Krista plans to open her own life coach certification in fall 2021 and has a goal to train & mentor at least 1,000 life coaches in the next 10 years. 

💨 TLDR;

• 2:01- Starting the Non-Monogamy Journey
• 8:59- Battling Jealousy
• 13:39- From an Open Relationship to Polyamory
• 20:13- New Relationship Energy, what is it?
• 23:29- Monogamy as a Choice
• 25:23- Being Open and Authentic
• 35:29- Expectations
• 40:28- Sexual Shame
• 42:06- Children and Non-Monogamy
• 45:37- Safety and Power
• 49:30- Advice for Healthy Relationships

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review on your favorite podcast platform.

 Get in touch with Krista: 

• Website
• Facebook group
• Instagram 
• YouTube
• Buy my book

📚 Books mentioned: 

• The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy
• A Woman’s Guide to Power Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 

👀 Find Us Online

           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/

           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine

           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Credits

- Host: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/

- Executive Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/

- Producer: Danny Walters. 

- Editor: Danny Walters

About Us

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.

Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today we're talking to Katy Alaniz, a poly friendly therapist whose focus is really on helping clients rediscover confidence, sexuality, healing from trauma, and a lot of focus on body image, eating disorder recovery, and also how all of that intersects with relationships. 

Katy is a cis pansexual demisexual polyamorous woman who is super passionate about treating eating disorders and body image issues. She has a badass 10 year old, a couple of cats, she loves fresh hydrangeas, and good coffee. We have the best conversation with her about her life experiences as a solo polyamorous woman, the lessons that she has learned, and the tools she shares with her clients. 

💨 TLDR;

• 2:21- Solo Polyamory
• 6:57- Fear of Non-monogamy
• 11:15- Transition to Polyamory
• 15:43- Parenting and Polyamory
• 20:44- Polyamory as a Choice
• 24:07- Therapy Work
• 28:15- Body Image
• 42:56- Preventative Therapy

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note.
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 

📚 Books mentioned: 

● Health at Every Size

See more Katy!

• The Wakeful State
• IG- @theweightytherapist
• FB- @thewakefulstate

👀 Find Us Online

           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/

           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine

           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Credits

- Host: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/

- Executive Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/

- Producer: Danny Walters. 

- Editor: Danny Walters

About Us

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.

Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Today I’m talking to my dear friend, Wilder, about her experiences of non-monogamy and combining families with an already married couple. We talk about triads and the assumptions people make about them, monogamous deconditioning we have to work through when moving into polyamory, and raising kids and polyamorous families, and just a lot of really in depth, juicy stuff.

Wilder is in a closed triad with a married couple, and they live together in Olalla raising a ruckus with chicken, ducks, children and having wonderful adventures.

Bullet points of key topics & time stamps: 

• 2:19- Closed Triads
• 4:20-Labels
• 8:24-Transitioning to Polyamory
• 15:03- Being Authentic and Self-Love
• 18:59- Monogamy Programming and Triads
• 33:24- Jealousy
• 44:49- Raising Kids
• 52:44- The Possibilities of the Future
• 54:41- Control
• 1:00:08- Authentic Living

Calls to action: 

• Stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia by getting on the list here
• Find Us Online

           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/

           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine

           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Credits

- Host: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/

- Executive Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/

- Producer: Danny Walters. 

- Editor: Danny Walters

About Us

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.

Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

In this episode, I talk with Mags Baker, a polyamorous, non-binary, sexy divorcée living their best life in San Francisco. They work one-on-one with people to help them find freedom, gain clarity and manifest their juiciest desires. Currently, mags works with folks healing from divorce through healing  journeys, intensives, and retreats. They are often found leading sex-positive dance parties on zoom, teaching masterclasses, and hosting live guided meditations. 

Together, we discuss divorce, transitioning relationships, boundaries, and some of the juicy tools to make our lives better!

Join their facebook group HOT divorcé shit for all sorts of exclusive content and a community to let you live your best divorced/solo life here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceland

Binge watch mags’ brilliant content and stay tuned to their stories for hilarious real-life updates: https://www.instagram.com/magsbakertheyshe/

Join mags’ email list to be the first to sign up for all mags’ future offerings: https://www.happymillennialmags.com/email-list

Divorce camp 

Bullet points of key topics & time stamps: 

• 1:01- Writing your own love story
• 4:34- Jealousy
• 6:31- Opening up a monogamous relationship
• 8:53- Divorce
• 13:12- Transitioning relationships
• 20:55- Tools
• 26:02- Society and relationships
• 28:42- Boundaries
• 40:12- Working with Mags
• 43:29- Getting it on in a Group

List of resources mentioned in episode: 

• Breathwork with Ellecia
• Ecstatic Dance with Mags
• Divorce Camp
• Getting it on in a Group

Calls to action: 

● Stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia by getting on the list here

● Find Us Online

           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/

           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine

           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

● https://podcasts.apple.com/.../nope-were-not.../id1573142591

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

In this episode I talk with Kari Lu Cowell, not only about non-monogamy, but soulmates, monogamous conditioning, whether or not you should start your non-monogamous relationship in the beginning of your relationship or if you should build a monogamous foundation first, and so much more!

Kari Lu Cowell is a Dating Coach for Nerds. She helps people feel authentically comfortable and confident with dating so they can find the relationships of their dreams. She works with all relationship desires, specializing in people who seek non-traditional relationships like kink, BDSM, ethical non-monogamy, Sugar Daddy/sugar baby, etc. Having dabbled in all of those things for the past two decades, Kari leads with an open heart and an open mind. With her background in therapy and trauma informed wellness, along with her core value of play, Kari brings a unique mix of mindfulness, psychology, and fun to all of her teachings. Outside of her coaching, Kari loves reading, axe throwing, pole dancing, Doctor Who, connecting with others, and her dog Beau.

www.facebook.com/groups/datingfordorks

www.instagram.com/karilucoaching

https://bookme.name/DatingforDorks

https://mailchi.mp/ea8220097497/dungeons-and-dating

Bullet points of key topics & time stamps: 

• 2:30- Labels
• 8:35- Ethical Non-Monogamy
• 13:37- Jealousy
• 20:43- Monogamy as a Foundation
• 28:58- NRE and Balancing Partners Needs
• 34:01- Opening Up Sexually
• 35:57- Social Perceptions
• 37:42- Threesomes
• 41:48- Relationship Dynamics and Communication
• 45:47- Kari’s Coaching

List of resources mentioned in episode: 

● Polysecure by Jessica Fern https://amzn.to/3ymbhjA

● Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller 

TO-DO

● Stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia by getting on the list here

● Find Us Online

           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/

           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine

           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Credits

- Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine

- Editor/Producer: Danny Walters

- Hosted on Buzzsprout

About Us

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.

Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebra

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

People always want to know about my non-monogamous relationship, what worked for me, what I've done in my life, or what other people who are non-monogamous have done. Today, my husband Rob and I are going to share a bit about our open relationship and our polyamory experiences. We answer the questions that people have asked us over the course of our relationship about our polyamorous marriage, about our partners, about what happens in our bedroom, and about how our family deals with it all. 

Key topics & time stamps: 

• 2:42- Why non-monogamy
• 8:50- Early challenges and monogamous conditioning
• 14:04- Communication and attachment
• 15:53- Relationship resiliency
• 16:52- Intrusive relationship questions
• 22:20- Marriage and how it works with a triad
• 26:46- Polyamory
• 28:20- Kids and polyamory

To Do!

● Stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia by getting on the list here

● Find Us Online

           - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/

           - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine

           - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

● Share this episode with your friends:  https://www.elleciapaine.com/notmonogamous

• Subscribe and leave a review

Credits

- Host:  Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/

- Executive Producer:  Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/

- Producer: Danny Walters. 

- Editor: Danny Walters

About Us

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general.

Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Hi, I'm Ellecia Paine, and as a sex loving relationship coach who specializes in enthusiastic non-monogamy and polyamory, I get a lot of people coming to me for advice. And I get just as many people coming to me asking about my personal experiences. 

What I've noticed is that people want to know what others are actually doing. I think it's a combination of looking for validation that they're not the only one and that other people are doing the same things, and also that the advice that they're receiving and the books that they're reading aren't just of the "do as I say, not as I do variety". 

A lot of relationship recommendations that are out there run counter to the social narratives that we all carry around relationships, so it can very much feel like, "I don't know... Well that's easy for you to say, but my situation is different". So I'm here to give you, as the listener, a window view into what real life non-monogamous people are doing in their relationships, what they're saying in their relationships, what their experiences are, how they're overcoming challenges, what their challenges are and what makes it all worth it. And also how they think other people in their worlds are perceiving them and their relationships and their life choices. 

So I'm going to be talking to my friends, new friends, old friends, people who didn't know they were going to become my friends until I asked them to come chat with me. We're going to talk about sex, love, enthusiastic and consensual non-monogamy, parenting and family life, the universe, and everything. 

Go ahead and subscribe right now because I already know you're gonna love it! 

And in case you're still wondering. Nope, We're Not Monogamous.

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237