Nourishing the Mother

What happens when the parenting advice you were given simply doesn’t work for the child in front of you? As Julie’s daughter turns 13, she and Bridget look back on thirteen years of learning, unlearning, advocating, getting it wrong and slowly coming to understand what this particular autistic child needed. Through lived experience, they unpack the things that changed everything: recognising masking, understanding the difference between what a child can do and what they can actually sustain, looking beneath behaviour, questioning traditional ideas of independence, and realising that a child appearing to cope doesn’t always mean they are coping. It’s a conversation about autism, yes, but also about motherhood, nervous systems, repair, advocacy, capacity and the humility of allowing the child in front of you to change the way you thought you were supposed to parent.


In this episode, Bridget and Julie discuss:
- What thirteen years of parenting an autistic daughter has taught Julie that she couldn't have known at the beginning
- Why autistic girls can be missed, misunderstood or appear to be coping when there is much more happening underneath
- Getting curious about behaviour rather than immediately trying to correct it
- The difference between “she can do it” and “she can sustain it”
- Why the hours after school, socialising or a demanding experience can tell you more than what you witnessed during it
Masking, meltdowns and why home can be where a child finally stops holding everything together
- Rethinking independence and recognising that the right support can actually create greater autonomy
- The difference between building useful skills and teaching a child to make themselves more convenient for the world
- Learning to advocate for your child while helping them develop the language to advocate for themselves
- The grief and repair involved in looking back at what you did before you understood what you understand now
- Why both nervous systems matter when you're parenting a child with significant needs
- Questioning expert advice when it doesn't match the child living in front of you
- Why learning about autism matters, but learning your particular child matters even more


Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life

Tune in for part 2 where we explore the parts of parenting where we’re still firmly living in the 90s.

In this two-part episode, we’re talking about the things we’ve deliberately held onto from the childhood we grew up in: boredom, chores without payment, hearing “no” without a 45-minute negotiation, talking to actual adults, losing without receiving a trophy, and being expected to figure some things out for yourself.

This isn’t about glorifying the “we survived, so they’ll survive” style of parenting or ignoring what we now understand about children, nervous systems and individual needs. It’s about asking whether, in our beautiful attempt to be more responsive and conscious parents, we sometimes step in too much.

Because resilience isn’t created by removing every hard thing. Sometimes it’s built when we lovingly hand over responsibility, tolerate our child’s discomfort and give them the glorious experience of discovering: *I can do hard things.*

In this episode, we discuss:

* Why boredom is not a parenting emergency, and what children discover when we stop filling every empty space for them.
* Why being part of a family means contributing to the family, without needing money, rewards or applause every time.
* The difference between supporting our kids and rescuing them from every uncomfortable consequence.
* Why we’re intentionally technology-light, and why sometimes kids can simply look out the bloody window.
* Why conscious parenting doesn’t mean negotiating every boundary, and why *“because I said so”* occasionally still has a place.
* The importance of expecting our kids to interact with adults, speak for themselves and gradually learn how to navigate the world without us doing it for them.
* Why not everything needs a trophy, and why losing, disappointment and not being the best at something are important experiences.
* The conscious *handover*: knowing when we’ve taught and scaffolded enough, and it’s time to step aside and let our children figure it out.
* Why resilience, grit and confidence are built through actually experiencing hard things, not having every hard thing removed.
* Why we don’t need to organise, mediate or manage every part of our children’s social lives.
* The value of age-appropriate freedom, risk, independence and letting children experience themselves as capable.
* What we absolutely *don’t* want to bring back from 90s parenting, and how we can keep the good without recreating the emotional disconnection.
* The bigger question underneath it all: *are we raising children who feel supported by us, while also knowing they can function without us?*


Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life

We might be conscious parents, but there are some parts of parenting where we’re still firmly living in the 90s.

In this two-part episode, we’re talking about the things we’ve deliberately held onto from the childhood we grew up in: boredom, chores without payment, hearing “no” without a 45-minute negotiation, talking to actual adults, losing without receiving a trophy, and being expected to figure some things out for yourself.

This isn’t about glorifying the “we survived, so they’ll survive” style of parenting or ignoring what we now understand about children, nervous systems and individual needs. It’s about asking whether, in our beautiful attempt to be more responsive and conscious parents, we sometimes step in too much.

Because resilience isn’t created by removing every hard thing. Sometimes it’s built when we lovingly hand over responsibility, tolerate our child’s discomfort and give them the glorious experience of discovering: *I can do hard things.*

In this episode, we discuss:

* Why boredom is not a parenting emergency, and what children discover when we stop filling every empty space for them.
* Why being part of a family means contributing to the family, without needing money, rewards or applause every time.
* The difference between supporting our kids and rescuing them from every uncomfortable consequence.
* Why we’re intentionally technology-light, and why sometimes kids can simply look out the bloody window.
* Why conscious parenting doesn’t mean negotiating every boundary, and why *“because I said so”* occasionally still has a place.
* The importance of expecting our kids to interact with adults, speak for themselves and gradually learn how to navigate the world without us doing it for them.
* Why not everything needs a trophy, and why losing, disappointment and not being the best at something are important experiences.
* The conscious *handover*: knowing when we’ve taught and scaffolded enough, and it’s time to step aside and let our children figure it out.
* Why resilience, grit and confidence are built through actually experiencing hard things, not having every hard thing removed.
* Why we don’t need to organise, mediate or manage every part of our children’s social lives.
* The value of age-appropriate freedom, risk, independence and letting children experience themselves as capable.
* What we absolutely *don’t* want to bring back from 90s parenting, and how we can keep the good without recreating the emotional disconnection.
* The bigger question underneath it all: *are we raising children who feel supported by us, while also knowing they can function without us?*

Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life

So many women have built a life that looks successful on the outside, yet quietly feel exhausted, disconnected and like they're carrying everyone else while leaving themselves behind. In this deeply honest conversation, Julie sits down with Fleur Marks, author of The Overachiever's Reset, to explore the hidden cost of overfunctioning after Fleur's journey through sarcoidosis and two experiences of breast cancer completely transformed how she defines success. Together they unpack perfectionism, people pleasing, proving, performing and pushing through, why these patterns are often inherited, and how radical acceptance can become the doorway to a life that feels deeply fulfilling rather than endlessly productive. This episode is an invitation to stop abandoning yourself in the name of achievement and begin creating a life that honours your body, your relationships and what truly matters.

In this episode, we discussed:
- Why overfunctioning can look successful while quietly costing you your health, relationships and sense of self.
- Fleur's journey through sarcoidosis and two experiences of breast cancer, and how illness completely reshaped her definition of success.
- The identity crisis that often comes when your body can no longer sustain the pace you've always expected of it.
- Why keeping it all together isn't always strength, and the hidden price of always being the one who carries everything.
- The difference between achievement that comes from fear and achievement that comes from alignment.
- Radical acceptance and asking, "How do I want to show up for this one precious life?"
- Why true fulfilment is different from constantly chasing the next achievement.
- Learning to work with your body and your energy instead of constantly overriding both.
- The surprising truth that being self-full allows you to be more generous, present and loving with those around you.
- Why self-care isn't just bubble baths or massages, but also making choices that support your long-term wellbeing.
- Fleur's definition of self-care as creating space to simply be, without guilt or needing to earn it.
- How developing a relationship with your inner self changes the way you live, parent and partner.
- The five pillars of overachieving:
Perfectionism
People pleasing
Proving your worth
Performing
Pushing through
- Why these patterns are often inherited rather than consciously chosen.
- Learning to ask, "What's driving me to achieve at the cost of myself?"
- Why self-care is often uncomfortable because it asks us to disappoint old patterns before it brings peace.
- How striving for balance can become another impossible standard, and why working with the season you're in is far more sustainable.
- Practical shifts that help reconnect you to yourself, including slowing your mornings, honouring your energy and taking moments to simply pause.
- Why kindness toward yourself is not giving up. It's often the beginning of finally living.

FREE emergency reset and 30 day reset journal available at
 - https://fleurmarks.com.au/pages/resources -

Buy her book - The Overachiever's Reset: A Better Way to Succeed, Without Losing Yourself
https://www.amazon.com.au/Overachievers-Reset-Succeed-Without-Yourself/dp/1394394918/ref=sr_1_1?crid=G5J4MAY7L2LB&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.dFnQsG0u6Q1wzNVNtXIdsw.CBN2KnN6TsMhnFglS5j1cOl5WAJQpJUDk-jd6l4EZFU&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+overachievers+reset+fleur+marks&qid=1764822326&sprefix=the+overachievers+reset+fleur+marks%2Caps%2C253&sr=8-1

https://www.instagram.com/fleurjmarks/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/fleurmarks/
https://www.facebook.com/fleurjmarks/
email - [email protected]


Fleur’s Bio
Fleur Marks is a globally recognised leadership trainer, keynote speaker and strategist who transforms leaders to show up as high-impact performers — sustainably, and without losing themselves in the process. After 20 years as an agency leader, a life-threatening health crisis — rare autoimmune disease, breast cancer, twenty-three rounds of chemotherapy — forced her to rebuild everything she thought she knew about success. She has since guided over 10,000 leaders, delivering high-impact programs including female leadership initiatives for clients including Qantas, NAB, Atlassian, Scentre Group and L’Oréal. The Overachiever’s Reset is her debut book.


Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life

Feeling trapped by your life isn't always about changing your circumstances. Sometimes it's about changing the way you meet them. In this final episode of our three-part series, Bridget and Julie explore what happens after you've identified the stories keeping you stuck. They unpack how to reclaim the parts of yourself that feel lost beneath the weight of responsibility, why pleasure and self-care often trigger resistance instead of ease, and how to create more romance, aliveness and fulfilment without waiting for someone else to bring it to you.

If you've been longing to feel more like yourself again, this conversation offers practical, compassionate ways to reconnect with what you thought motherhood, partnership or adulthood had taken away.

In this episode, we discuss:

- Why feeling trapped is often less about your circumstances and more about your relationship with them.
- How to reclaim parts of yourself that feel buried beneath responsibility.
- Finding magic, pleasure and meaning within ordinary, everyday life.
- Why self-care can feel surprisingly difficult, even when you know you need it.
- The hidden beliefs, programming and rules that stop you receiving rest, joy and pleasure.
- Why the things that are good for your long-term wellbeing don't always feel like an immediate "yes."
- How to soften rigid thinking and create more flexibility in your life.
- Practical ways to pair difficult responsibilities with comfort and enjoyment.
- Creating romance by embodying the energy you want to experience, rather than waiting for someone else to create it.
- How pressure and disappointment quietly erode intimacy in relationships.
- Using imagination, books and story to reconnect with desire and possibility.
- The difference between outsourcing your happiness and becoming the creator of it.
- What genuine romance looks like beyond grand gestures.
- The importance of reciprocity, thoughtfulness and showing up for your partner in meaningful ways.
- Questions to help you notice where your life already contains more love, pleasure and possibility than you've been giving it credit for.
- How to become the source of more of what you're longing for, instead of waiting for life to deliver it.

Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life

Last episode, we started unpacking what’s actually underneath the feeling of being trapped by your life. This time, we take the next step: working out whether the thing making you miserable is an unavoidable fact of your life...or a “should” you’ve become so attached to that you can no longer see another way. Because while you might not be able to change the school run, your workload, your children, your partner or the responsibilities sitting on your shoulders, but you may have far more choice in how you experience them than you realise.

We explore radical acceptance, the exhausting and often painful pursuit of trying to change other people, and what becomes possible when you stop fighting with the reality of what is. This episode will help you question the expectations keeping you stuck, find where you still have choice and flexibility, and begin experimenting with different ways of living the life you actually have, rather than continually suffering because it isn’t the life you think it should be.

In this episode we discuss:

* How to work out whether the thing making you miserable is a fact or a “should”
* Why your expectations of how life, motherhood or your relationship should be may be making you suffer
* What happens when you keep waiting for your partner, children or circumstances to change before you can be happy
* Why trying to control and change the people you love is exhausting for everyone involved
* The difference between accepting your reality and resigning yourself to a life you hate
* How to find more choice when you feel like you have absolutely none
* Why you might be stuck choosing the same “flavour” of life without realising there are other options
* What to do when you can’t change the responsibility, but desperately need to change how it feels
* How to pair the unavoidable parts of your life with pleasure, play and things that make you feel more alive
* Why radical acceptance might be the thing that finally frees you from fighting with your life
* How to stop waiting for your life to change and start experimenting with how you experience it
* The second step in our three-part pathway towards feeling less trapped and finding more freedom, choice and fulfilment


Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life

What happens when you love your children, your partner and the life you’ve created...and still sometimes feel completely trapped by it?

In Part 1 of this three-part answer pathway, we respond to a listener who is buckling under the weight of motherhood, work, relationships and the relentless responsibility of being needed. Rather than giving you another list of things to do to “find yourself again”, we start somewhere deeper: understanding what is actually creating your suffering. We explore how comparing the life you have to the life you used to have, or the life you wish you could have, can leave you feeling increasingly resentful, burdened and stuck. We show you how to get specific about what you believe you’ve lost, what you’ve gained that you never wanted, and the evidence you may be unconsciously collecting to prove that your life is the problem.

This is the first step in moving from “I feel trapped by my life” towards understanding what you’re actually longing for, what needs to change, and where more freedom, fulfilment and choice might already be waiting for you.

In this episode we discuss:

* Why you can love your family and still feel trapped by your life
* What you’re actually longing for when you fantasise about escaping it all
* Why motherhood can leave you grieving the woman and freedom you used to have
* How to work out exactly what is making you feel so resentful, burdened and stuck
* Why comparing your life now to the life you used to have is making you suffer
* The stories you keep telling yourself that might be making your life feel even harder
* Why you keep finding more evidence that you’re trapped, unhappy or have lost yourself
* How to stop making your current life the problem without pretending you love everything about it
* What to do when you know something needs to change, but you have no idea what
* The first step towards feeling more freedom, choice and fulfilment in the life you already have

Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life

In this deeply personal solo episode, Julie responds to listener questions about her hysterectomy experience four years after surgery. 

From the realities of recovery and unexpected complications to the impact on sex, orgasm, identity, and womanhood, she shares the parts few people talk about openly. This is a candid conversation about what she gained, what she lost, what surprised her most, and why she would still make the same decision again. 

Fair warning: there is plenty of TMI in this episode - including discussions about vaginas, orgasms, catheters, numbness, butt pain, and all the messy, human realities of healing.

In this episode, Julie discusses:
- Why she ultimately chose hysterectomy after 17 years of prolapse and adenomyosis
- The years-long decision-making process leading up to surgery
- The unexpected emotional impact of community criticism and losing friendships
- What happened when her urethra stopped functioning after surgery
- Why self-catheterisation became a surprisingly empowering experience
- The reality of recovery versus the commonly promoted six-week timeline
- Significant fatigue and healing challenges during the first six months
- The surgical complexity of removing a severely enlarged uterus
- What nobody told her about post-surgical butt pain
- Developing vaginismus for the first time after surgery
- Nerve healing, numbness, and changing sensation inside the vagina
- The loss of cervical orgasm and how that affected her sexuality
- Whether orgasmic capacity can be rebuilt after hysterectomy
- The surprising sexual benefits she experienced post-surgery
- Using tantra, somatic practice, toys, vibrators and blindfolds to support recovery
- Rewiring pleasure pathways and treating sexual healing as neurorehabilitation
- Navigating identity without a uterus while still feeling deeply connected to womanhood
- Continuing womb-space practices despite no longer having a womb
- The overlap between hysterectomy recovery and perimenopause
- What she wishes she'd known before surgery
- The advice she would give any woman considering a hysterectomy today
- Why, despite the trade-offs, she has never regretted her decision

Other episodes on Julie's hysterectomy journey:

351
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/ntm-351-lets-lift-the-veil-on-the-shame-of-post-partum-healing/id1013746031?i=1000554021072

356
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/ntm-356-post-birth-pelvic-pain-shame-and-dysfunction/id1013746031?i=1000557953386

357
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/ntm-357-post-birth-pelvic-pain-shame-and-dysfunction/id1013746031?i=1000558686443

378
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/ntm-378-when-you-dance-with-becoming-what-youve-always/id1013746031?i=1000579970437

385
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/nourishing-the-mother/id1013746031?i=1000585379354

NTM 443: Healing from pelvic surgery - what’s it like, one year on?
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/ntm-443-healing-from-pelvic-surgery-whats-it-like-one-year-on/id1013746031?i=1000638978979

Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life

If you've ever found yourself snapping at your partner, yelling at your children, or wondering why your anger feels bigger, faster and harder to contain than it used to, this conversation is for you. In this episode, we unpack the silence-explode cycle so many women find themselves trapped in, particularly during the motherhood and perimenopause years. We explore why anger isn't the problem, what it's trying to tell you, how depletion, over-functioning, sleep deprivation and hormonal changes shorten your fuse, and why the real work isn't suppressing your anger or unleashing it on everyone around you - it's learning to listen to the deeper truth underneath it.

In this episode we discuss:
- Why anger isn't the problem - and why we need to stop making it the villain
- The silence-explode cycle and how pressure builds long before the outburst
- Why motherhood, perimenopause, ADHD, burnout and depletion can shorten your fuse
- Anger as a messenger rather than something to suppress or fear
- The shame spiral that often follows explosive reactions
- The difference between expressing a feeling and reacting from it
- Emotional truth versus conscious, integrity-led behaviour
- How threat responses hijack our ability to choose how we show up
- The softer truths often hiding beneath anger - hurt, loneliness, disappointment and unmet needs
- Why anger acts as armour protecting something more vulnerable
- Learning to stay in your body instead of abandoning yourself when anger arises
- The importance of safety, pauses and nervous system regulation before communication
- Creating more space between trigger and reaction
- Self-compassion, accountability and personal responsibility
- The identity shifts many women experience through motherhood and perimenopause
- Letting go of the "good girl" who keeps everything together until she can't
- Why sleep, nourishment, hydration and rest matter more than we think
- Building a healthier relationship with anger that supports connection rather than destruction
- Asking: What is anger trying to tell me?
- How self-awareness becomes the pathway from rage to revealing.

Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life

What happens when one partner feels like they are carrying the invisible weight of parenting, household management, life admin, remembering, planning, and emotional labour… while the other insists they’re helping?

In this episode, Julie and Bridget unpack one of the most common resentment loops they see in relationships: the gap between effort and ownership. They explore why “helping” can still leave a primary parent feeling deeply alone, how over-functioning and under-functioning quietly reinforce each other, and why this conversation is so often less about chores… and more about responsibility. Together, they dive into the mental load, the defensiveness trap, gendered conditioning, breadwinning, and the exhausting dynamic of one person becoming the household manager while the other becomes the assistant.

This is not about blame or shame - it’s about redefining partnership, shared ownership, and what it actually means to fully participate in the adult life you created together. If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the “But I already do so much” versus “I still feel alone in this” cycle… this episode is for you.


In this episode we discuss:
- Why the mental load conversation so often becomes one of the most emotionally charged dynamics in modern relationships
- The difference between “helping” and genuine ownership - and why that distinction matters more than most couples realise
- How “I’m helping” can still leave one partner feeling like the default manager of the household, children, and life admin
- Why this issue is often less about effort… and more about responsibility
- The invisible labour of parenting: appointments, school calendars, sports runs, permission slips, meal planning, remembering, anticipating, emotional regulation
- How “Just tell me what to do” can still leave the primary parent carrying the full cognitive burden
- Why one partner often feels deeply alone… while the other feels like nothing they do is ever enough
- The defensiveness cycle: “But I already do so much” vs “I still feel like I carry this alone”
- How over-functioning in one partner can unintentionally create under-functioning in the other
- The impact of gender roles, family-of-origin modelling, and socialisation on how couples divide responsibility
- Why “help” language can accidentally reinforce inequality rather than partnership
- The shift from assistance… to shared ownership
- Why being a primary breadwinner matters - but doesn’t automatically exempt someone from adult responsibility at home
- How to stop “borrowing the brain” of the overloaded partner and start taking proactive responsibility
- Why couples often need skill-building, handover conversations, and grace while renegotiating long-held patterns
- The importance of moving from scorekeeping and blame… into conscious, regularly renegotiated partnership
- Why becoming better housemates can often be the first step toward becoming better lovers
- The real goal: creating a family system where neither partner feels like they are carrying adulthood alone

Want support on this journey? Come join us inside Honey Club - where we melt these blocks together, one breath, one practice, one deep remembering at a time. Find out more at julietenner.love or visit: https://julie-tenner.newzenler.com/courses/honeyclub


Reach out to Bridget for 1:1 coaching - bridgetwood.life