On Attachment

On Attachment

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On Attachment episodes

  • #196: How & Why We Self-Abandon in Relationships

    If you deeply fear abandonment, there’s a good chance you’ve also been abandoning yourself in quiet, subtle, and painful ways.

    In today’s episode, we’re exploring how fear of abandonment often leads to patterns of self-abandonment — especially for those with anxious attachment. We’ll look at why this happens, how it shows up in your relationships, and what it actually costs you when you disconnect from your truth just to stay connected to someone else.

    You’ll learn:

    • Why self-abandonment is often a survival strategy rooted in early attachment wounds
    • What self-abandonment looks like in dating and relationships
    • The trade-off between authenticity and connection
    • Why the work must begin with us 

    Highlighted Links

    • Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
    • Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

    Additional Resources

    • Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
    • Join my email list 💌
    • Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
    • Visit my website
    20 min
  • #195: Two Simple Principles for a Healthy Nervous System

    In today’s episode, I’m sharing two key principles for building a truly resilient, balanced nervous system — and why one without the other tends to keep us stuck.

    We’ll explore:

    • Why nervous system health isn’t about being relaxed all the time
    • The importance of deliberate stress exposure to build capacity and resilience
    • The equally vital need to resource and nourish ourselves through rest, pleasure, and co-regulation
    • How to work with the natural ebb and flow of activation and recovery
    • A simple metaphor to help you reflect on how you’re currently supporting your system

    Whether you’re feeling burnt out, dysregulated, or just curious about how to better support your emotional wellbeing, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate reframe of what nervous system care can look like.

    Highlighted Links

    • Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
    • Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

    Additional Resources

    • Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
    • Join my email list 💌
    • Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
    • Visit my website
    12 min
  • #194: When You Don’t Feel Like a Priority in Your Relationship

    If you often feel like you're fighting for a place in your partner’s life—like you’re always waiting to be chosen or noticed—this episode is for you.

    This is one of the most common experiences for people with anxious attachment: that persistent, painful feeling of being sidelined. Of giving so much, while wondering if you even matter to the person you love. And when that becomes a pattern, it can quietly erode your sense of self-worth.

    In this episode, I’m unpacking:

    • Why anxiously attached people are so sensitive to feeling deprioritised
    • How this dynamic often plays out in anxious-avoidant relationships
    • The emotional cost of constantly striving to be chosen
    • What you can focus on to reclaim your power and stop abandoning yourself in the process

    Whether you’re currently in a relationship or reflecting on a past one, this conversation will help you make sense of what’s happening and offer practical ways to move forward with more clarity, dignity, and self-trust.

    Highlighted Links

    • Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
    • Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

    Additional Resources

    • Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
    • Join my email list 💌
    • Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
    • Visit my website
    18 min
  • #193: The Gifts of Anxious Attachment

    While it’s easy to focus on the struggles of anxious attachment — overthinking, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment — there are also real gifts that often go hand-in-hand with these attachment patterns. When held with awareness and intention, many of the traits we associate with anxious attachment can become powerful strengths in our relationships and our lives.

    I’ll be exploring:

    • Why it’s important to move beyond pathologising anxious attachment
    • The qualities that often develop through lived experience with this pattern
    • How your sensitivity, attunement, and relational depth can become assets
    • The difference between operating from fear vs. secure self-expression
    • How to start embracing your relational gifts without losing yourself

    Whether you're in the thick of healing or just starting to understand your patterns, I hope this episode leaves you feeling acknowledged for all that is beautiful about you!

    Highlighted Links

    • Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
    • Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

    Additional Resources

    • Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
    • Join my email list 💌
    • Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
    • Visit my website
    13 min
  • #192: Boundaries vs. Ultimatums

    In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the subtle (but important) differences between requests, boundaries, ultimatums, and dealbreakers. While these words are often used interchangeably, they carry different energies — and understanding those differences can help you communicate more clearly, hold your ground with integrity, and honour your needs without falling into patterns of control, people-pleasing, or collapse.

    We’ll explore:

    • Why the energy behind your words matters more than the words themselves
    • What makes an ultimatum different from a boundary or dealbreaker 
    • The common trap of over-explaining instead of taking aligned action
    • Why communication problems can't be solved in isolation

    Highlighted Links

    • Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
    • Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

    Additional Resources

    • Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
    • Join my email list 💌
    • Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
    • Visit my website
    20 min
  • #191: Pleasure, Rest, & Feeling Good in a Culture of Chronic Stress

    In this episode, we're exploring why so many of us struggle to access pleasure, rest, and a felt sense of wellbeing — especially in a culture that glorifies productivity, self-sacrifice, and chronic stress.

    If you've ever felt like slowing down or doing something just because it feels good triggers guilt, anxiety, or even restlessness… you're not alone.

    We'll look at:

    • How chronic stress and hypervigilance disrupt our ability to feel good
    • Why pleasure and rest often feel unsafe or unearned
    • The role of the nervous system in receiving nourishment and joy
    • How burnout and self-worth issues intersect
    • Small, everyday ways to start rebuilding your capacity for pleasure and ease

    This episode is a gentle invitation to notice the forces that have pulled you away from yourself — and to begin reclaiming the parts of you that long to feel good.

    Highlighted Links

    • Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
    • Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

    Additional Resources

    • Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
    • Join my email list 💌
    • Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
    • Visit my website
    22 min
  • #190: How to Stop the Anxious Spiral

    If you find yourself spiralling into anxiety — overanalysing a text, catastrophising worst-case scenarios, or feeling like your nervous system is in overdrive — this episode is for you.

    Today we’re talking about how to stop the anxious spiral before it takes over. I’ll walk you through what actually happens in your body and mind during a spiral, why it makes so much sense if you struggle with anxious attachment, and what you can do to interrupt that cycle in the moment. I’ll also share some longer-term strategies for building resilience and emotional regulation so these spirals become less frequent and less intense over time.

    We’ll cover:

    • What triggers the anxious spiral and how it gains momentum
    • Simple tools to calm your system and regain perspective
    • Why nervous system regulation is essential to breaking the pattern
    • How self-worth plays a role in stopping spirals before they start

    Whether you’re in the thick of anxiety right now or want to feel more in control next time it hits, I hope this episode leaves you feeling more grounded, compassionate, and empowered.

    Highlighted Links

    • Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
    • Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

    Additional Resources

    • Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
    • Join my email list 💌
    • Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
    • Visit my website
    21 min
  • #189: Why Anxiously Attached People Struggle with Jealousy

    Jealousy is one of the most common—and most shamed—experiences for people with anxious attachment. In this episode, we’re exploring where jealousy really comes from, how it manifests in relationships, and why it makes so much sense through the lens of self-worth and attachment wounding.

    I share personal reflections from my own journey with jealousy, alongside insights to help you understand your patterns with more compassion and clarity. Whether you obsessively compare yourself to others, feel threatened by your partner’s past, or find yourself spinning out when you don’t feel like a priority, this episode will help you start untangling the deeper fears driving those reactions.

    We’ll cover:

    • Why jealousy is often a symptom of deeper insecurity and low self-worth
    • The difference between jealousy and envy — and why both show up for anxiously attached people
    • Common behaviours (like social media stalking or reassurance-seeking) and why they don’t actually soothe your fears
    • What to do when jealousy arises — and why shame only makes it worse
    • Why building self-worth is the most powerful antidote to chronic jealousy

    Sign up for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge

    Highlighted Links

    • Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
    • Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

    Additional Resources

    • Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
    • Join my email list 💌
    • Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
    • Visit my website
    21 min
  • #188: When Your Relationship Feels Stuck (& What to Do About It)

    Feeling stuck in your relationship? Like things are off, disconnected, or just… heavy? You're not alone. Relationship ruts are common — and they're often more about what's bleeding into the relationship (stress, burnout, life overload) than about the relationship itself.

    For those in anxious-avoidant dynamics, these ruts can feel especially charged. The anxious partner often wants to fix it, while the avoidant may feel overwhelmed or pressured — leading to even more distance.

    In this episode, I share 3 powerful shifts to help you move out of a rut and back into connection:

    • Shift your focus to what is working — Appreciation and warmth go further than criticism.
    • Reconnect through something light — Play, fun, and novelty can do what words sometimes can’t.
    • Tend to your own world — Reclaim your centre so the relationship doesn’t carry the full weight of your wellbeing.

    Highlighted Links

    • Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
    • Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

    Additional Resources

    • Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
    • Join my email list 💌
    • Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
    • Visit my website
    21 min
  • #187: Is It Better to Heal While Single or in a Relationship?

    Whether you’re single or partnered, you might find yourself wondering: Am I in the right place to do this work? There’s often an unspoken belief that there’s a “best” time to heal — and that if we’re not doing it in the ideal conditions, we’re doing it wrong.

    In this episode, I’ll explore:

    • The advantages and limitations of healing while single
    • Why being in a relationship can accelerate your growth (but only under the right conditions)
    • How emotional safety plays a key role in healing
    • Why the question itself might be coming from a place of fear, shame, or comparison
    • How to work with whatever season you're in and meet yourself there

    Whether you're currently dating, in a relationship, or consciously taking space from romantic connection — this conversation will help you better understand the unique opportunities (and challenges) each path offers.

    Highlighted Links

    • Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
    • Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

    Additional Resources

    • Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
    • Join my email list 💌
    • Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
    • Visit my website
    25 min

About On Attachment

From the publisher's feed

Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you…

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