On Attachment

We all have visions for how we thought life would unfold — timelines we hoped to follow, milestones we expected to reach. So what happens when life doesn't go to plan?

In today’s episode, I’m speaking to those moments of disappointment, grief, and disorientation that come when our reality looks nothing like we’d imagined. Whether it’s relationships, career, family, or a more intangible sense of where you “should” be by now — it’s easy to spiral into self-blame, shame, or despair when life veers off course.

We’ll explore:

• Why unmet timelines can stir such deep emotion and shame
• The hidden comparison traps that make us feel like we’re falling behind
• How to hold space for grief without collapsing into hopelessness
• The difference between giving up and gently letting go
• What it looks like to reimagine your path from a place of self-trust and compassion

If you’re navigating a chapter that looks wildly different from what you’d hoped or planned — I hope this conversation helps you feel a little less alone.

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

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Many of us are taught that taking care of the people we love is the ultimate expression of devotion. But when caring crosses the line into caretaking, it can quietly create deep imbalances in our relationships.

Caretaking often stems from anxiety, a need for control, or an old belief that love must be earned through over-functioning — anticipating needs, smoothing over discomfort, managing someone else's feelings or life for them. While it can look like love on the surface, it often leaves both partners stuck: one overextending, the other under-functioning, and both feeling disconnected.

In this episode, we explore:

• The key differences between caring and caretaking
• How caretaking can create resentment, imbalance, and emotional dependency
• Why caretaking is often a hidden form of control
• Signs you might be caught in a caretaking dynamic
• How to shift towards healthier, more empowering ways of loving and relating

Building secure, connected relationships isn't about fixing or rescuing each other — it's about standing alongside each other, with enough trust to let each person take responsibility for themselves.

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

Most relationships move through a phase where things start to feel harder than they used to. The spark has dimmed, tension is bubbling beneath the surface, and it feels like you’re constantly clashing or misfiring. This is what’s often called the power struggle stage — and while it can be incredibly challenging, it’s also a powerful opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy.

In today’s episode, we’re talking about:

• What the power struggle stage is and why it happens
• How insecure attachment patterns can intensify this dynamic
• The common traps couples fall into during this phase
• What to do (and not do) if you want to move through it
• When the power struggle becomes a sign of misalignment rather than a phase

If you’ve found yourself wondering whether you’re growing apart or just navigating something difficult and necessary — this episode is for you.

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

When we think about improving our relationships, we’re often focused on what isn’t working — what our partner could do differently, how we’re not getting our needs met, where communication is breaking down.

But in this episode, I want to invite a slightly different lens: what does it mean to be a better partner? Not from a place of self-sacrifice or perfectionism, but from a grounded, secure place. One that’s rooted in love, compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to show up with care.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why our capacity to sit with discomfort can shape the tone of our relationships
• What it really means to listen with curiosity, rather than defensiveness
• How our own insecurities can make us self-focused without realising it
• The importance of meaningful repair after conflict
• The difference between blame and honest self-reflection
• Why it matters to love your partner the way they receive love—not just how you like to give it

These aren’t tips to make yourself more palatable or easygoing. They’re invitations to grow, to connect more deeply, and to take ownership of your part in creating a secure and nourishing relational space.

Free Masterclass: Anxious-Avoidant Relationships

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

One of the hardest things to face in a relationship is feeling like you're growing and evolving, while your partner seems simply unwilling to meet you there. Maybe you’ve suggested therapy, brought up recurring issues, or shared books and podcasts you love, only to be met with silence, shutdown, or defensiveness.

In this episode, we’re exploring what to do when your partner doesn’t seem interested in personal growth or improving the relationship. We’ll talk about why this happens, what it means (and doesn’t mean), and how to navigate it in a way that honours your own needs without defaulting to blame or control.

Whether you're in a long-term partnership or navigating something newer, this conversation will help you feel more grounded and clear in how you show up when things feel one-sided.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why some people resist self-work or relationship growth
• How attachment styles shape our responses to discomfort and change
• The difference between inviting vs. demanding growth
• Why your healing doesn’t depend on your partner's participation
• What to do when you’ve tried everything and still feel stuck

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

In today’s episode, I’m diving into a topic that’s both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisation of avoidant attachment — and why we need to stop doing it.

It’s all too common, especially in online spaces, for people (often those with anxious attachment) to project blame, anger, and sweeping judgments onto those with avoidant attachment styles. But while that instinct may feel validating in the short term, it actually keeps us stuck.

This episode is a call for compassion and nuance — not just for others, but for ourselves.

Whether you’ve been hurt by someone with avoidant tendencies in the past or are currently struggling with anxious-avoidant dynamics, this conversation will invite you to take a broader, more honest look at the patterns playing out in your relationships and what healing really requires.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why avoidant attachment is so often misunderstood and unfairly vilified
• How our instinct to blame keeps us stuck in insecure patterns
• The deeper origins of avoidant attachment — and how understanding this helps build compassion
• Why anger, blame, and black-and-white thinking won’t help you heal
• The role of boundaries, discernment, and self-responsibility in moving forward

If you're committed to growing into a more secure, grounded version of yourself, this episode is an invitation to pause and reflect on the narratives you’re holding — about others, and about yourself.

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

Healing anxious attachment is a life-changing journey — but it’s not always easy. While moving toward secure attachment can bring more ease, confidence, and healthier relationships, it also requires confronting some uncomfortable truths along the way. In this episode, we’re unpacking five hard truths about healing that will help you set realistic expectations and stay committed to your growth.

What We Cover in This Episode:

• Why healing isn’t always comfortable — and why grief is often part of the process
• The myth of waking up one day as "fully secure" and what real progress looks like
• How healing might disrupt your relationships (and why not everyone will like the changes you make)
• Why you won’t stop getting triggered — but how you can gain more control over your reactions
• The surprising truth: sometimes you’ll miss your old patterns, even the unhealthy ones

Healing doesn’t mean never struggling again. It means showing up differently, practicing new choices, and being compassionate with yourself along the way. If you're in the thick of it, know that you're not alone, and every step forward matters.

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

Self-trust is something we all want, but many of us struggle to build it. If you find yourself second-guessing your decisions, over-preparing for worst-case scenarios, or feeling like you can't rely on yourself, you're not alone. 

In this episode, we’re unpacking why self-trust is so challenging, especially for those with anxious attachment, and how to shift your focus to build a strong foundation of inner security.

What We Cover in This Episode:

• Why anxiety craves control — and how this undermines self-trust
• The inverse relationship between trust and control
• How trying to prevent bad things from happening leads to self-blame
• A powerful reframe: self-trust isn’t about making the "right" decision, but making decisions in alignment with your values
• The biggest ways we unknowingly damage self-trust
• Why building self-trust is essential for healing anxious attachment

Self-trust isn’t about getting everything right or ensuring a perfect outcome, but about showing up with integrity and knowing you have your own back. 

💌 Join the VIP List for Healing Anxious Attachment's Birthday Sale 💌

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

It’s painful when you feel like your needs in a relationship aren’t being met. Whether it’s emotional intimacy, quality time, affection, or communication, this can lead to frustration, loneliness, and resentment — especially if you’ve voiced your needs and still don’t see change.

In this episode, we’re exploring:

• Why anxiously attached people so often get stuck around needs
• What to focus on if you feel stuck in a cycle of unmet needs
• How to know when it’s a compatibility issue vs. a communication issue

If you’ve ever wondered whether your needs are “too much” or felt torn between self-advocacy and keeping the peace, this episode will give you clarity on how to navigate these conversations with confidence and self-respect.

Healing Anxious Attachment's 3rd Birthday Sale! Join the VIP list here.

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website

Social media can be a minefield at the best of times, but if you have an anxious attachment style, it can amplify relationship anxiety in ways that feel overwhelming. From overanalysing who your partner follows to spiralling over why they haven’t posted about you, social media can fuel insecurity, comparison, and even compulsive checking behaviours.

In today’s episode, we’re exploring why social media is such a common trigger for people with anxious attachment, the unhealthy patterns it can create, and most importantly, how to navigate it in a way that supports your wellbeing and relationship security.

What We Cover in This Episode:

• Why social media fuels anxiety for anxiously attached people
• The biggest relationship triggers—who your partner follows, why they won't post about you, and more
• The comparison trap and how it distorts reality
• Unhealthy social media behaviours that reinforce insecurity
• Practical strategies to reduce social media anxiety and feel more secure

Link to Episode #165: Why Validation is So Important for Anxiously Attached People

Highlighted Links

• Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
• Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

Additional Resources

• Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
• Join my email list 💌
• Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
• Visit my website