Seeing Other People

Ilana’s older brother Andrew (31) is joining us on the podcast today to reassure us that once a fckboy, not always a fckboy. After years of immersing himself in a fuckboy bro-y culture (including being his fraternity’s social chair, promoting parties, and working for a nightlife startup), he turned a corner and began to learn that human connection and vulnerability was more valuable and fulfilling than partying and sex. Andrew walks us through what sparked his transformation, including taking a break from alcohol and dating while spending time in India, his move to the San Francisco Bay Area which allowed him to explore the spectrums of sex, gender, identity, etc., studying attachment styles, spirituality, and researching how childhood and ancestral trauma prevent us from showing up fully in life, and are often present major challenges in relationships of all types.

Check out a piece by Andrew on his womanizing past: https://link.medium.com/65gcweVc2hb

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On this Unfiltered episode, we’re joined by a 26-year-old straight male in the New York City area to hear about his recent relationship that led him to experience anxiety the first time in his life. He shares what caused the anxiety – including the red flags that he ignored, what it felt like, and how he seeks out help by communicating to friends and family and starting therapy. 

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Kim Murstein and Grandma Gail from the Excuse My Grandma podcast join the show this week to discuss the generational differences of what dating is like now vs when Grandma Gail was searching for love. We talk about how dating has changed over time, when and how “dating” began, social media’s role in dating, the ability to stalk a potential date or an ex, having too many options, the most surprising things about dating in the 50s and dating now, and more.

Follow along at @excusemygrandma, @seeingotherpeople and @ilana.dunn.

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On this episode of Unfiltered, I’m joined by Caroline, a 27 year old living in New York City who is navigating dating after losing her older brother. She shares what it’s like to communicate her loss to a date, what people’s reactions have been, and how each individual has their own personal preference on the grieving process and on how and when to have these conversations with a potential partner. Caroline and I discuss how people can have more thoughtful and empathetic conversations surrounding loss and grief in order to destigmatize and reduce the overall awkwardness.

Follow along on Instagram @seeingotherpeople and @ilana.dunn. 

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Ilana sits down with Julie and Danielle, the founders of Fourplay Social, a double dating app where friends team up and match with other pairs. We hear about why the duo decided to create a new dating app, the benefits of double dating are, how you can be a good wing-person for your single friends, and how to make dating fun when you feel burnt out. We also discuss why first dates shouldn’t be longer than an hour, how important the little things in dating are.

Follow @fourplaysocial, visit Fourplay Social’s website at https://www.fourplaysocial.com/

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Twenty-seven year old NYC resident, listener and friend Helena joins the Unfiltered family today to discuss the challenges of dating when you’ve never been in a relationship before. She opens up about the pressure she feels from her family, society, and herself to find love. Helena shares what she feels like she’s missing out on, how she discusses her “relationship history” with potential partners, and what her fears are for the future.

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Smiley Poswolsky, author of Friendship in the Age of Loneliness, joins Ilana on Seeing Other People to discuss human connection in today’s society and culture. Smiley shares his research and knowledge on opening your world up to new people, digging deeper with the people that you know, using technology to foster more meaningful connections, and more. He gives advice on maintaining friendships when you or a friend gets into a new relationship, what to do when your friend’s new significant other is bringing them down, and how to be a good friend to someone going through heartbreak or a difficult time. 

Follow Smiley @whatsupsmiley, visit Smiley’s website at https://smileyposwolsky.com/ and head to Amazon to buy the book! 

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On this episode of Unfiltered, I’m joined by a 24-year-old female who has been grappling with religious sexual shame while trying to date. From a young age, she was taught that dating and sexual experiences were for marriage only. She has spent years reflecting on her religious upbringing and is now committed to starting over and dictating her own values as she beings to explore how she feels about casual dating, relationships, and the entire world of modern dating. 

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Ilana sits down with Matthew Wurnig, the creator and dater behind 50 Dates in 50 States. Matthew shares how he got the idea to do a date in every state during the pandemic, first virtually, and then IRL. We discuss what it’s like meeting and dating people from all different backgrounds, how the place you grow up can impact your dating life, and how dating culture differs from state to state. We also learn what Matthew has learned about himself and about human connection throughout his journey. 

Check out Matthew’s journey on tiktok @50datesin50states and on IG @matthewwurnig.

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