Soul Led Living Podcast with Nikki Novo

I did a thing recently, and thought it came out really good so I wanted to share it with you.

I was feeling myself.

That thing was an interview with the ladies of Everyday Therapy Podcast.

I'm so grateful to have been a guest on their amazing show. They are such pros, and they asked the best questions.

There was so much great dating wisdom in this one that I just had to share.

We covered topics like:

Intentional swiping

How to feel confident around someone you like

How to let go of dating expectations

How to be in your divine feminine when dating

How to surrender and not control

And so much more.

It's a great one, you guys. Enjoy!

Resources

1. Everyday Therapy Website
2. Everyday Therapy Instagram
3. My book, The Final Swipe

You’ve probably heard me talk about soulmates before because I’m pretty obsessed with clearing the air. When it comes to romantic relationships, there is not just one, person out there to love and cherish us. A soulmate is someone who has lived other lifetimes with us. Get it? Soul-Mate?

So now that we’ve cleared that up, we can get into the real important stuff: manifesting a wonderful romantic relationship. And we’re going to do that today by creating a list.

I know what you’re going to tell me, “Nikki, I’ve made my perfect-man checklist and all I heard were crickets.” And you know what I’ll say to that? You did it wrong.

First off, manifesting is a real thing. We can call things into our lives through our thoughts and belief. Writing what we want down is physical action we can take in the manifesting process. So that’s why we make a list. But the reason your previous list did not work out was because you were coming from the wrong place.

If your list said things like, “I want him to be tall, wealthy, and drive a truck,” I’m sorry to say but it’s not going to work. And here’s why. When we try to manifest things without addressing why we want it, we can attract really wonky stuff. The why is more important than the what. Our lists have to be based on how we want to feel.

(Need more help with this? Check out my book "The Final Swipe," by following this link: https://www.amazon.com/Final-Swipe-Pe...)

You want to attract someone who is wealthy, because maybe you want to someone to be equal to you, or because you don’t want to be taking care of someone, or because you want to feel secure. If you only write down “I want him to be wealthy,” you can attract someone who has a lot, but spends a lot. Or you can have someone who has a lot, but has a lot of debt.

Now, if you create your list based off how you want to feel in the relationship, you can’t go wrong. You’re covering your basis. You would say something like, “I want to feel like an equal,” or “I want to feel financially secure,” or “I want to feel that my partner takes responsibility for himself.”

When it comes to romantic relationships, what lasts is not the outside stuff. What lasts is how we feel. Our emotional needs are what need to be met. The outside stuff we’re trying to call in is the manifestation of a need. We don’t want a tall person just for the hell of it! We want a tall person, because we want to feel small and feminine.

Our feelings list is this week’s spiritual assignment. Create your perfect partner manifestation list with your feelings list in mind. Here are some examples:

“I don’t want to be second to his/her friends and family”

“I want to feel like a priority”

“I want to be able to trust and not feel like I’m going to be cheated on”

“I want to feel emotionally secure and trusting”

“I want to feel beautiful in his/her eyes”

“I want to make sure this person is financially ok”

“I want to feel financially secure”

“I want to make sure this person isn’t a crazy partier”

“I want to feel I’m with a partner who prioritizes his/her health”

“I want to be with someone who will stick around for the hard stuff”

“I want to feel I am in a mature and committed relationship, where communication is of highest importance”

If you have any questions about your list, leave me a comment below. Much love always!

Xo,

Nikki

What if you found love, and then later experienced losing it?

That was the case for today's guest, Carmen Ordonez, who was happily married and then lost her husband to cancer at a very young age.

Suddenly, Carmen found herself heartbroken, a single mother, and single in a dating world that was very different than the last time she saw it.

What she did to move forward was incredible, and I'm so grateful to have her on today's episode of "The Final Swipe Podcast."

Even if we haven't experience death of a loved one, Carmen shares so much wisdom on how we can move forward after losing love — or what we thought was love (I'm talking to you, divorced or recently single friend).

Although this wasn't the plan, Carmen managed to gather her vision for a beautiful life, create it, and honor her late husband at the same time.

See dating in a new light with this episode.

In this episode we talk about:

1. Depression and how Carmen healed herself
2. Dating as a widow
3. Learning to be present
4. Reconciling with God after loss

Resources

1. Carmen’s Blog: http://www.vivafashionblog.com/
2. Carmen’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vivafashion/

When I was dating and looking for love, I was only saying I was looking for love.

The truth was, I wasn’t looking for only love.

What I was really doing was hoping and waiting for my ex.

At the time, I was pretty aware that I was recovering from a breakup. I assumed the way to get over this would be to meet someone who would sweep me of my feet.

But that wasn’t happening.

In fact, I couldn’t find anyone who cared much for me, and if they did, I couldn’t reciprocate.

How many of us have this plan?

“I’ll keep my ex on deck.”

Whether we’re hoping they’ll come back or keeping them as our back up, if our ex is still in our heart, there is no space for something new.

It’s also a waste of our time!

We pretend to date. We pretend “there’s nothing out there.” But really all we’re doing is sabotaging ourselves so that we can prove to ourselves that our destiny is with our ex.

What needs to happen is an honest conversation.

Confront the situation. Ask your ex if there’s a chance. Ask yourself if that’s what you want or would you rather something new (with all the upgrades!).

And when your ex replies, listen. Like really listen.

Don’t just hear what you want to hear.

Listen with your intuition.

Listen with your heart.

Because it’s time.

Time to move forward. Or time to give it a real try.

No more stuck in the middle.

No more pretending nothing is working out for you.

It’s time.

We talk about:

1. How to create space for your true love
2. Why you shouldn’t have a “backup person” and how to close that door

Resources:

1. My membership program: http://nikkinovo.com/membership

I completely believe that we have everything we need right now, from where we stand to find the love we really want.

BUT why isn’t it working for you, right?

Well, because unfortunately we have a lot layers of crap on top of us — limiting beliefs, traumas, anxieties, and so on.

So while we’re equipped, often we have to undress the layer, one by one. Which is basically what I mean when I say, “We have to do the work.”

We often have to do the inner work to unlayer and love all of it. From that place is where we begin to create our dream relationships and dream lives.

With this in mind, on today’s episode of The Final Swipe, I speak to my good friend Nina Endrst. Her journey to love was full of all of the shit, but then it led her to so much intention. She did the work. And it shows, because her and her husband are the cutest.

I asked her to come on the show to share her process from trauma to love, because it’s always nice to have real-life examples.

We also went on some tangents covering topics that include, emotional availability, dating anxiety, inner healing work, and SO much more. She takes us on her journey from experiencing trauma in the workplace and in relationships to healing her soul, discovering her passion, and ultimately, finding her husband.

Enjoy this one. It’s a modern-day happily ever after.

We talk about:

1. Defining emotional unavailability and how to spot an emotionally available person.
2. Why it’s important to move negative energy and anxiety out of your body to help you in the dating process  
3. How to get to a place of trust in dating, relationships, and yourself  

Resources:

1. Nina’s website: http://www.ninaendrstyoga.com/
2. Nina’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ninaendrsthealth/

Have you ever fallen in love with someone who is off limits or unavailable? Cue:  “I wish that I had Jessie’s Girl.”

Unavailable can be, they told you they’re not ready for commitment, or your heart is telling you they’re not open to receiving love.

And off limits can me… they’re you’re boss!

This can be really confusing. Because you’re like, shit, what is going on with my manifesting skills?!

But guess what: this is actually a good thing.

See, when it comes to manifesting a loving relationship, we need to get to a place where we can feel what it is like to be in love.

When I teach this, you often respond by saying “But I’ve never had the kind of love I’m trying to attract, so how would I know how it feels?”

When you ask, you receive! And this is when the universe brings you a person who you feel all the feels for, but can’t necessarily date.

I know this may sound mean, but think of it as a gift. You now know what you’re looking for — you know what it feels like. You can borrow this feeling when manifesting.

Still a little confused? Don’t fret. In today’s episode of The Final Swipe, I walk you through how to create a positive story around this seemingly shitty situation and how to use this experience to make you an even better manifester.

Remember, my friend, the universe is going to help you get towards the vibration you need to be on to attract the love of your life, but often there are inspired steps you need to do in order to get there. For you, this might be one of the things.

I know you’re on the right path, because you’re already receiving answers to your questions. Keep going!

Annnnd, If you don’t want to walk this journey alone, I would love to have you in my membership program, where I’ll answer your question every week. We have a whole community of supportive and uplifting women who are walking the same path as you.

We talk about:

1. How to reframe your story around these experiences.
2. How to use your feelings about this person to enhance your manifesting skills.

Resources:

1. My membership program: https://nikkinovo.com/membership
2. My Book: https://amzn.to/2TUDz39

If you're reading this, it's because you understand what I understand, which is that finding love is a spiritual journey back to self — back to our worth and our wholeness.

What happens along that journey many times is that we are confronted with our past. And if we're not aware of it, we'll be confronted with our past over and over again. This is when we start to question "Why do I keep attracting shitty situations?"

This is when we get stuck. There's a part of us that believes in a new future, but we don't understand the role healing our past plays in creating a new reality.

In today's episode of The Final Swipe, we take a look at your present through the lens of your past. And to do that, I brought in my soul sister Christine Gutierrez. Christine is a licensed psychotherapist and trauma expert. I love her perspective of trauma and dating, so I wanted to share her with you.

If you're ready for a new future (and past and present), this episode is for you.

We talk about:

1. How trauma plays out when dating
2. How we heal our past sometimes through the present
3. The process of the death of your past

Resources:

1. Christine's digital home: https://christineg.tv/
2. Christine's retreat: https://christineg.tv/Diosa+Retreat
3. My membership program: https://nikkinovo.com/membership

The term ghosting may be new, but that practice has been around for a while.

I remember being ghosted way before it was ever a thing, and feeling like crap. As if something were wrong with me. And it always seem to be "the nice guys" who would do it. You know, those people-pleaser type? Who are too afraid to confront you, so they just pretend nothing ever happened. Ugh, grow a pair.

I'm actually happy there's a term for it now, because before it felt quite shameful and lonely. At least now, we're able to encourage a little accountability on the ghoster.

With swipe culture, ghosting has become even more rampant, considering there are so many blurred lines when it comes to what kind of interaction actually deserve closure.

Regardless, we can all agree it doesn't feel good to be ghosted. But it also doesn't feel great having to let someone know that you're not feeling the connection. So in the end, we ghost, too.

Today, I want to talk about how we can all put an end to ghosting, but not ghosting on our end.

I don't say this because I believe karma is going to get you. I say this because, for so many of us, dating feels like a scary, unsafe interaction with heartless strangers. When we ghost we perpetuate that belief.

When we agree to close the loop on all our dating interactions, we start to see that the dating world is actually not scary or ugly, but rather filled with a group of feely humans all putting themselves out there in hopes of finding their version of love. In other words, we humanize the process, which then makes us feel better about the concept of dating as a whole.

In today's episode, I go deeper into the topic. We talk about how to stop ghosting, how to handle being ghosted, and how to see the dating world as a good place.

Give it a listen and share it with that friend who is a notorious ghoster! Make the dating world a better place.

We talk about:

1. How to stop ghosting
2. How to recover after being ghosted
3. How to see the dating world as a good place

Resources:

1. My Book, "The Final Swipe" https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1?ie=UTF8&text=Nikki+Novo&search-alias=books&field-author=Nikki+Novo&sort=relevancerank
2. My membership program: https://nikkinovo.com/membership

The reason we can't find love is not because there are no good people out there.

It's not because "everyone on dating apps just wants to hook up."

Truthfully, it's rarely what we think it is.

It's always something so much deeper.

When I was on my dating journey my biggest challenge was not feeling good enough. When I explored the origin of that belief, I was brought to mother. I realized that I saw myself through the eyes of my mother. And her eyes, weren't always the kindest when looking at me.

Now that I'm a mother, I realize what a hard job it is. And how so many of us are mothering from a broken heart. But still, we affect the ones we mother. Even the best of us do! God knows my kids will be on some therapy couch one day talking about how I messed them up in one way or another.

It can be scary, but we need to go there. Until we examine the mother relationship, we can't full see ourselves. And if we can't fully see ourselves, we can't fully accept love.

For this reason, I sought out Mother Wound expert Bethany Webster to be a guest on The Final Swipe podcast. This is such an important topic, and Bethany did such a great job explaining what the mother wound is and how it can affect our dating life.

Give it a listen. And if you know a friend who has mom issues, please send it along.

We talk about:

1. What the mother wound is.
2. My mother wounds!
3. How to overcome our mom issues in order to love ourselves more.
4. How to manage troubled mom issues.

Resources:

1. Bethany's website: https://womboflight.com/

Have you ever found yourself having the same relationship over and over again?

Somehow, you're always the healer in the relationship? Or the one who financially supports everything? Or you're with people who only want to hook up?

You probably think your manifesting skills are off, when really it's this one little thing that's off.

When dating, we subconsciously think about what we have to offer. Even if we are repeating, "I am enough," over and over again, we still tend to lead with a part of us — a part that we're usually proud of.

This is what I call "our energetic agreements" in relationships.

May you come into relationships saying "I'm really good at fixing. I will fix any problems you have or any that show up in our relationship."

May you are proud of your financial success and your ability to provide. You may say "I will pay for all things."

Or may be you've been told your whole life that you're really smart. Guess what you're going to rely on when texting? Yep, your smarts.

So, it's not that we're manifesting these kid of people, we're unconsciously setting the tone right at the beginning, and we may be setting a tone we really are trying to get away from!

In today's episode of The Final Swipe, I discuss this little thing we miss when dating, and I teach how you can switch it around so you can give yourself the best chance at creating the relationship into one you really want, rather than more of the same.

We talk about:

1. The energetic agreements we make at the beginning of each relationship.
2. How to attract the right partner.
3. How to be yourself when dating.

Resources:

1. My membership program: https://nikkinovo.com/membership