The Anxious To Secure PODCAST

By Jula - The Anxious To Secure CoachSociety & Culture Education Self-Improvement Relationships

The Anxious To Secure PODCAST episodes

March 17125: Why Am I Still Anxious in My Relationship? Old vs New Attachment Theory Explained
Grab here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL
to not freak out when he pulls away!

Are you still feeling anxious in your relationships? Wondering why things never seem to shift, even though you “know” your attachment style?
In this episode, I break down old vs. new attachment theory and show why being anxiously attached doesn’t have to be permanent.
You’ll discover why awareness alone isn’t enough, how childhood, sensitivity, and past experiences secretly shape your love patterns, and what it really means to shift toward secure attachment in real life.

This isn’t just theory
this is about feeling safe, calm, and confident in love, without overthinking or hyper-focusing on your partner.

Attachment Library + more offers
➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Attachment Theory
01:20 How anxious attachment showed up for me
03:00 Old vs New Attachment Theory Explained

DON'T MISS OUT ON THIS...
FREE Helpful Resources To Go from Anxious To secure, step by step...

STOP Chasing Your Partners Reassurance (Free Recourse) - MY 4R METHOD For Reassurance
Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ
Anxious ArcheTYPE QUIZ – Discover which of the 4 archetypes you are and how you manage your stress and anxiety
✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached
🚩10 Signs YOU are the Red Flag in your Relationship
How to Stop OVERTHINKING🚫 🌀Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
22 min
March 10 124: Are all secure men gone? "there are no secure, emotionally available men" proven WRONG
All good guys are taken?
Think there are no secure, emotionally available men left? I’m here to show you why that’s not true… there are actually 620 MILLION single, secure men in the world 🌎 who could be a great match for you.
And the key?
Shifting your own attachment style makes finding them so much easier.

Attachment Library + more offers
➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

In this episode:
00:00 Are all secure men gone? All good guys are taken
01:12 PROOF where SECURE, emotionally available men exist
02:26 The EXACT number of SECURE single men: 620 MILLION
03:44 How to attract secure men if you’re anxiously attached
05:17 Shifting towards secure attachment to open the doors to better relationships

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
6 min
March 03 123: 3 ways you’re accidentally keeping the Anxious–Avoidant cycle alive (And How to Break It)
Grab here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL
to not freak out when he pulls away!

If you want to heal anxious attachment and stop losing yourself in relationships, this episode is for you.

Finally, break the anxious-avoidant cycle.

Why do anxious women attract avoidant partners?
Why does the relationship feel like your WHOLE world? And why does everything fall apart after the honeymoon phase?

Attachment Library + more offers
➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

In this episode, I break down the anxious–avoidant cycle,
how you slowly abandon yourself, and the 3 shifts that move you from anxious to secure attachment.

You’ll learn how to stop over-focusing on your partner,
regulate your nervous system, set healthier boundaries, and build a strong sense of self inside love.
Because secure love doesn’t mean less connection.
It means more SELF.

CHAPTER:
00:00 Anxious Attachment
01:56 Secure Attachment
02:59 Avoidant Attachment
04:10 Disorganised Attachment
05:32 Consequences of Anxious Attachment
16:12 Shifting to a Secure Attachment Style

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
22 min
February 24 122: *5 Things* to stop your anxious attachment (WITHOUT changing him)
If you're anxious-attached, here are ways to stop your anxious attachment!

Attachment Library + more offers
➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

The Secure Woman Protocol (Workbook and 4 step daily rewiring routine)

How to stop anxious attachment.
How to stop being anxious in a relationship.
How to stop chasing an avoidant partner.
If you feel everything intensely…
If you overthink his mood, his tone, his short replies…
If the more you seek closeness, the more he shuts down…
This episode is for you.
I used to live in one tiny room in London with my partner.
Every weekend was supposed to be “quality time.”
Every weekend ended in arguments.

I wanted closeness.
He wanted space.
I felt abandoned.
He felt overwhelmed.

And I truly believed:
“If he just changed… we would be fine.”
But the shift didn’t happen when he changed.
It happened when I did.
In this episode, I’m sharing the 5 things that helped me move from anxious attachment to earned secure attachment.. while staying in the same relationship.
These are not fluffy tips.
These are real mindset and behavior shifts that stop the anxious-avoidant cycle.

Inside, we cover:
🖤 Why you must stop taking his behavior personally
🖤 Why not everything means abandonment
🖤 How you’re secretly pausing your life for him
🖤 Why demands and “shoulds” kill attraction
🖤 How to set boundaries that actually work (without begging or threatening)

If you constantly think:
“Why does he pull away?”
“Why am I always the one trying?”
“Why do I feel abandoned so fast?”
This episode will help you regulate your nervous system, challenge your core beliefs, and finally stop chasing love from fear.
You don’t have to fix him.
You don’t have to beg for closeness.
You don’t have to live in emotional chaos.
You can build security from the inside out.

And when you do…
The dynamic changes.

Remember:
Change in your relationship starts with YOU.
Thought by thought.
Action by action.
Episode by episode.

CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Anxious Attachment Style
02:43 01 Taking Things Less Personally
06:42 02 NOT everything MEANS abandonment
11:14 03 STOP pausing your life for your partner
16:18 04 STOP demands and should's in your relationship
19:08 05 STOP telling him how to be treated (show him)

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
25 min
February 17 121: Understanding the Anxious-Avoidant Trap (why he pulls away when you get close)
Understanding the Anxious-Avoidant Trap a huge part of my breakthrough a few years ago, just before I started becoming securely attached.
Before I just could NOT understand...
Why does he pull away when you try to get closer?
Why does it feel like the more you love, the more distance you create? 🌪

THIS will make so much more sense when you go deeper on attachment theory.

If you’re anxiously attached and dating (or married to) someone more avoidant, this episode will feel VERY familiar.
I’m sharing this not just from theory — but from my own relationship.
Years ago, when we lived together in a tiny room in London, my anxious attachment was constantly activated. I needed reassurance. I wanted closeness all the time. I didn’t even realize how critical and intense I was becoming.
And the more I reached for him…
the more he shut down.
The more I pushed to “fix it”…
the more defensive and explosive he became.
That’s the anxious-avoidant trap.
One partner seeks closeness to feel safe.
The other seeks space to feel safe.
And both end up feeling misunderstood, hurt, and dysregulated.
In this episode, I break down:
🖤 What the anxious-avoidant cycle really is
🖤 Why the more you chase, the more they withdraw
🖤 Why it’s not just “the avoidant’s fault”
🖤 The hidden “void” anxious partners try to fill
🖤 The 3 unmet core needs driving your anxiety (certainty, connection, significance)
🖤 Why co-regulation turns into emotional chaos
🖤 How I shifted from anxious to more secure — while staying in the same relationship
This isn’t about blaming you.
And it’s not about blaming them.
It’s about understanding that both nervous systems are activated.
Both people are trying to feel safe.
Just in opposite ways.
And here’s the truth most people don’t say:
Your partner cannot fill a void that was created long before you met them.
Healing anxious attachment means learning to meet your own needs first — instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel whole.
Because when you regulate yourself…
the dynamic changes.
And yes — avoidant partners can become more secure.
Mine did.
But only after I stopped chasing from fear.
If you constantly think:
“Why does he pull away when I get close?”
“Why do I feel abandoned so easily?”
“Why am I the only one trying?”
This episode will help you see the pattern clearly - and what you can actually do about it.

CHAPTER:
00:00 Intro Understanding the Anxious-Avoidant Trap
01:33 What is the Anxious-Avoidant Trap?
04:31 Why you're chasing closeness so much in relationships

Remember:
Change in your relationship starts with you.
Thought by thought.
Action by action.
Episode by episode.

Attachment Library + more offers
➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

13 min
February 10 120: *7 ways* How to THRIVE with an avoidant man & make your partner OBSESSED with you
Grab here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL
to not freak out when he pulls away!

How to thrive with an avoidant man, love an avoidant partner, and stop chasing in an anxious–avoidant relationship 🖤✨
If you have an anxious attachment style and you’re in a relationship with an avoidant man, this episode will feel painfully familiar 👀
I break down the anxious–avoidant cycle in simple words and show you why neutral moments suddenly feel threatening, why you lean in when he pulls away, and why chasing, fixing, or people-pleasing feels safe in the moment but creates more distance over time 🔄
We talk about how to live with an avoidant partner without walking on eggshells, how to love a dismissive avoidant man without losing yourself, and the four conditions that decide whether an anxious–avoidant relationship can actually work 💭
You’ll learn why it only takes one person to break the cycle, how emotional regulation changes the entire dynamic, and how to stop making your partner your only source of safety and reassurance 🧠✨
Then I share 7 practical rules that helped me and my clients feel calmer, more grounded, and more secure while staying in relationships with avoidant partners. This includes how to give space without panicking, speak up without criticism, and create closeness without pressure 🤍
This episode also naturally covers how to deal with an avoidant partner during stress or conflict, how to stop obsessing over his moods, and how to shift from fear-based attachment to clarity and self-trust 🫂
This is not about manipulation or making him change.
It’s about changing the pattern and choosing yourself—thought by thought, action by action 🎙✨

Attachment Library + more offers
➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

CHAPTER:
00:00 What is the Anxious Avoidant Cycle?
06:19 4 Conditions to make the Anxious Avoidant Relationship work
12:22 How to THRIVE with your avoidant man

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
29 min
February 03 119: Avoidant attachment or 🚩Narcissist? 7 OBVIOUS signs how to tell them apart
Grab here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL
to not freak out when he pulls away!

Avoidant attachment or narcissist?
If you’re anxiously attached and dating someone emotionally unavailable, this question can feel impossible to answer.
In this episode, I explain the difference between avoidant attachment style and narcissism, and why anxious partners so often confuse the two.
Some behaviors look similar on the surface, but the intention, nervous system response, and emotional capacity underneath are very different.

You’ll learn how to tell:
• avoidant attachment vs narcissistic behavior
• dismissive avoidant or narcissist in conflict
• shutdown vs gaslighting
• emotional unavailability vs manipulation
• love bombing vs avoidance in early dating
• why boundaries reveal the truth quickly

I also explain:
• how avoidant attachment is formed
• how narcissistic tendencies develop
• why anxious attachment is drawn to both
• how your body signals emotional safety or danger

If you’ve ever searched:
avoidant attachment or narcissist
dismissive avoidant or narcissist
how to tell if my partner is narcissistic or avoidant
relationship red flags
anxious attachment dating
this episode will give you clarity.

The real question isn’t what label your partner has.
It’s whether your nervous system feels safe.. or stuck in a roller coaster of intensity, confusion, and self-doubt.

CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Attachment Styles and Narcissism
01:05 Conflict
02:19 Attention
04:06 Emotions
04:23 Boundaries
06:02 Early Dating
07:04 Intention
10:14 Upbringing

👇 RESOURCES 👇
💎 Courses
✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts
➞ https://www.julanoelle.com/textanxiety

💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resources
Free Attachment Library + more offers
➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

15 min
January 24 118: Brooklyn Beckham & wife 🚩 Nicola Peltz EXPLAINED now (attachment styles, narcissism, cutting off Family)
In this episode, we break down the Brooklyn Beckham family situation through attachment theory 🧠✨ because THIS will reveal the truth, what's actually happening in the beckhams family life NOT gossip.
NOT drama.
NOT taking sides (well..maybe a little) let me know WHICH side you are on, TEAM Victoria or TEAM Nicola?
But real PSYCHOLOGY behind love, loyalty, power, and fear of abandonment
From one EX-anxious attached girl, to you, so you can learn from Brooklyn's dating mistakes..or heart break mistakes, as he is NOT even dating anymore.

We talk about:
➞ anxious attachment vs avoidant dynamics
➞ why romantic love can feel SAFER than family
➞ when “choosing your partner” turns into emotional survival
🚨 ➞ the cutting off family trend and when it’s healthy… and when it’s NOT 🚩
➞ how power, control, and unmet childhood needs show up in adult love This is NOT about blaming Brooklyn Beckham or Nicola Peltz.

This is about asking the deeper question 👀💭
“Where do I see MYSELF in this story?”

#brooklynbeckham #nicolapeltz #attachmenttheory #narcissism #relationshipredflags

If you’ve ever:
➞ over-chosen a partner 🫂
➞ felt torn between love and family 💔
➞ stayed loyal even when it hurt 🌪
➞ feared losing your relationship more than losing yourself 🥶

This episode is for YOU 🫶✨ 🎙 Unedited. Real.
Attachment theory explained simply.

Remember: change in your relationship starts with YOU. Thought by thought. Action by action. Episode by episode.

CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Attachment Theory
13:14 Analyzing Brooklyn's Attachment Style
27:01 Exploring Nicola's Background and Behavior
36:28 Cutting off the family TREND (is Brooklyn's Beckham's behavior justified?)

👇 RESOURCES 👇
💎 Courses
✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts
➞ https://www.julanoelle.com/textanxiety

💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resources
Free Attachment Library + more offers
➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
42 min
January 20 117: *26 Practical things* to heal anxious attachment & become securely attached (in 2026)
If you’re still anxiously attached…
If you still overthink texts
If silence feels like danger
If you’re tired of feeling “too much” or not enough
This episode is for YOU.
In this podcast, I share 26 practical, real-life things you can start doing in 2026 to finally heal anxious attachment and become SECURELY ATTACHED not just in love, but in life.
Because this work doesn’t just change your relationships.
It changes your ANXIETY, your MENTAL HEALTH, your BODY, your CAREER, your SELF-ESTEEM

I was anxiously attached for 30+ years.
And becoming secure changed EVERYTHING for me.
Not just how I love.
But how I breathe.
How I sleep.
How I show up
How safe I feel inside myself.
Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, or 40s —
This is some of the most IMPORTANT WORK you’ll ever do.

Because what’s the point of:
➞ money
➞ holidays
➞ birthdays
➞ success
➞ relationships
…if you feel anxious, insecure, and disconnected from yourself inside? 🚩

In this episode, you’ll learn how to:
★ Stop outsourcing your safety to a partner
★ Calm your nervous system (for REAL)
★ Self-soothe instead of spiraling
★ Set boundaries through ACTION, not begging 🚦
★ Stop overgiving + start receiving 🤍
★ Sit in discomfort without panicking
★ Heal old wounds instead of reliving them
★ Become your OWN source of security 🔒

This is not theory.
This is PRACTICAL.
This is DOABLE.
This is LIFE-CHANGING. 🦸🏼‍♀️✨

🎧 Grab a pen.
📓 Take notes.
🫂 Be gentle with yourself.
Your younger YOU deserves this.
Your future YOU is counting on you. 💎🫶

💌 Want my support?
You can reach out via email to check if I currently have 1:1 coaching spots available.
I coach via WhatsApp or 1:1 video calls. 🛎✨

Sending you a secure, calm, empowered 2026
Where you STOP proving.
STOP shrinking.
And START choosing YOU.

Love,
Jula

👇 RESOURCES 👇
💎 Courses
✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts
➞ https://www.julanoelle.com/textanxiety

💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resources
Free Attachment Library + more offers
➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

CHAPTERS:
00:00 Introduction to Anxious Attachment and Healing
03:19 00 Delay Caffeine when you wake up
05:09 01 Check if you’re really anxiously attached
06:00 02 Define what “securely attached” means for YOU
10:02 03 Identify your most impactful areas to work on
11:35 04 Shift focus from your partner to YOU
12:57 05 Have a backup plan ready
15:30 06 Learn to self-soothe
18:03 07 Self-soothe through physical touch
19:01 08 Acts of service for yourself
20:04 09 Gifts for yourself
20:57 10 Learn to RECEIVE
22:54 11 Be consistent
23:34 12 Focus on what you can control
24:47 13 Identify core needs vs. anxious rules
26:39 14 Boundaries through action, not words
28:53 15 Reassure yourself first
29:28 16 Stop bullying yourself
30:16 17 Remove triggers & surround yourself with secure energy
31:14 18 Envision your secure self every morning
32:25 19 Name your emotions out loud
33:32 20 Do body scans
35:11 21 Pause before reactive behavior
36:15 22 Identify your real fears
37:55 23 Recognize triggers from your past
39:28 24 Prioritize YOU
40:28 25 Learn to sit in discomfort
41:54 26 Talk to your younger self

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

45 min
January 13 116: *36 Life Lessons* Part 2 about becoming securely attached, love, relationships YOU'll need to know
36 LESSONS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, ATTACHMENT & SELF-WORTH 🎙✨🖤
This episode is for you if you’ve ever loved deeply…
and lost yourself in the process 🫂💔

👇 RESOURCES 👇
💎 Courses
✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts
➞ https://www.julanoelle.com/textanxiety

💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resources
Free Attachment Library
➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

If you’ve ever:
➞ overthought every text 📱⛈
➞ confused anxiety with intuition 🔮🚩
➞ stayed too long because of hope 🎢
➞ abandoned your routines, friends, or goals for love
➞ felt “too much” and “not enough” at the same time 🥶🔥
These 36 lessons are not theory.
They’re lived.
Felt.
Learned the hard way 💎🧠✨
This episode is about anxious attachment, emotional safety, boundaries, self-esteem, self-worth, friendships, and secure love.
Not in a perfect, polished way.
But in a real, honest, nervous-system-level way 🫂🔒
You’ll hear why secure people don’t chase, they attract.
Not because they’re lucky.
But because they choose themselves first 🖤✨
You’ll learn how your body knows before your brain does.
Why butterflies aren’t always a green flag.
And how tight chests, knots in your stomach, and “chemistry” can actually be your past asking for attention 🚩🪞

We talk about boundaries.
Why they don’t push the right people away.
Why they filter out what no longer matches your energy.
And why people-pleasing was never keeping you safe in the first place 🔒✨
You’ll hear the truth about “boring” love.
Why healthy love can feel unfamiliar when chaos felt like home.
And how peace becomes the most exciting thing once your nervous system learns it’s safe 🌤🧘🏼‍♀️

This episode breaks down why chemistry without safety is often trauma bonding.
Why you don’t need one soulmate.
Why slow, steady connections deserve time.
And how peace doesn’t mean lack of passion long-term 💛🔥
We also talk about self-esteem.
Not the fluffy kind.
The real kind 💪🏽🖤

You’ll learn why self-esteem grows through actions, not affirmations alone.
Why tiny brave acts change your attachment patterns.
And how choosing yourself consistently changes who chooses you 💎
There’s also truth about growth.
How you may lose people as you heal.
Why that’s not a failure.
And how outgrowing old dynamics is often a sign you’re finally coming back to yourself 🦋✨
You’ll hear why love should add to your life, not become your whole life.
Why interdependence beats obsession.
And how missing someone doesn’t automatically mean they belong in your future 🫂🚪
We talk about nervous system regulation.
Why the same relationship feels different when YOU are regulated.
Why you stop sending anxious paragraphs.
Why you stop abandoning yourself first 🧠🔒
And finally, the truth that changes everything:
Hope is not a strategy. Action is.
If something in your life isn’t working, waiting won’t fix it.
Healing requires movement.
Boundaries.
New standards.
New choices ✨💥
This episode is a mirror.
Not to judge you.
But to remind you who you are 🪞🖤
Listen if you’re ready to stop chasing love…
and start choosing yourself.
Because your healing doesn’t start with someone else changing.
It starts with YOU.
Thought by thought.
Action by action.
And one honest decision at a time

🖤 About me
I’m Jula, an attachment style coach.
I help women heal trust issues, stop chasing, and build secure love ✨

💌 Work with me
➞ All offers: https://tr.ee/PInPmy
WhatsApp Coaching ➞ https://www.julanoelle.com/textandtalk

CHAPTERS:
Part 02:
00:00 intro 36 Lessons about love, attachment, self-esteem etc
00:36 lesson 19
05:04 lesson 25
10:01 lesson 30
13:05 lesson 35
14:52 lesson 35

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
17 min