TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

By Shanenn Bryant

Struggling with jealousy, insecurity, or self-doubt? You're not alone. Join Pattern Transformation Expert Shanenn Bryant as she combines humor, hard-won wisdom, and practical strategies to help you

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The podcast currently has 138 episodes available.

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Number 1: What Your Hardest Feelings Are Trying To Tell You w/ Daniel Smith EP 137
Purchase Daniels Book - Hard Feelings: Finding the Wisdom in Our Darkest Emotions In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Daniel Smith to explore a question most of us never stop to ask: What if the emotions you're trying hardest to get rid of are actually trying to help you? Whether it's jealousy, shame, envy, regret, or anxiety, many of us spend our lives chasing relief—seeking reassurance, distracting ourselves, or trying to think our way out of uncomfortable feelings. But according to Daniel, our darkest emotions aren't problems to eliminate. They're messengers carrying important information about who we are, what we fear, and what needs our attention. Together, Shanenn and Daniel talk about why self-criticism often causes more damage than the original emotion, how shame keeps us trapped in painful cycles, and why curiosity may be one of the most powerful tools for healing. If you've ever wondered why you keep having the same emotional reactions despite knowing "better," this conversation is for you. Golden Episode Nuggets: 💎 Emotions are messengers, not enemies 💎 The feeling itself is rarely the problem—our resistance to it often is 💎 Shame says "there's something wrong with me," not simply "I did something wrong" 💎 Self-hatred is not an effective strategy for personal growth 💎 Curiosity creates space where judgment creates suffering 💎 Understanding yourself is often more powerful than trying to fix yourself 💎 The goal isn't to never feel difficult emotions again—it's to relate to them differently About Our Guest: Daniel Smith is a psychotherapist, journalist, and New York Times bestselling author of Monkey Mind. His latest book, Hard Feelings: Finding the Wisdom in Our Darkest Emotions, explores emotions such as shame, envy, regret, despair, and annoyance—revealing how these often-misunderstood feelings can become powerful sources of self-understanding and growth. Through personal stories, psychological insight, and cultural exploration, Daniel challenges the idea that difficult emotions should simply be eliminated and instead invites us to learn from them. Resources Mentioned: Hard Feelings: Finding the Wisdom in Our Darkest Emotions by Daniel Smith Monkey Mind by Daniel Smith The Buddhist Parable of the Second Arrow Quote of the Episode: "Emotions don't come because they're trying to attack us. Emotions come because they have meaning and because they have purpose." – Daniel Smith Key Moments: • 2:00 – Why our desperate search for emotional relief often backfires • 5:00 – The Buddhist "Second Arrow" and how we create unnecessary suffering • 9:00 – Why understanding the "why" behind your feelings isn't always enough • 12:00 – The difference between shame and guilt • 16:00 – How curiosity can reduce emotional suffering • 21:00 – Why talking about shame weakens its grip • 24:00 – The hidden ways regret helps us avoid the present • 33:00 – Why shame may be the most painful emotion of all • 38:00 – How childhood experiences shape our emotional patterns as adults Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. Check us out on YouTube and make sure to subscribe Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
June 02, 202639min
Number 2: 3 Lies Insecurity Tells You Ep 130
🦋. 30 Days to Different is starting soon - ENROLL TODAY Insecurity doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers lies that keep us stuck. In this solo episode, Shanenn unpacks the three most convincing lies insecurity tells you—and why they feel so real even when they’re not. Whether it’s the urge to check their phone, overanalyze tone, or control every detail in your relationship… this episode will help you finally understand what’s really driving that behavior and how to stop reacting from fear. This one is for the insecure person who’s exhausted from bracing for betrayal and ready to come home to herself. 🧠 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: ✔️ Why “staying alert” doesn’t actually protect you ✔️ How strong emotions can lie to you ✔️ Why control is a false sense of peace ✔️ The one mindset shift that rewires your inner safety ✔️ How to respond to triggers without spiraling 🔥 GOLDEN EPISODE NUGGETS: 💎 You can’t out-alert life—but you can trust that you’ll handle what comes 💎 Feeling something intensely doesn’t make it true 💎 Control doesn’t create safety—it creates stress 💎 Trust is built by showing yourself you can survive discomfort 💎 You’ve handled hard things before. You can handle this too ⏰ TIMESTAMPS: [00:00] A PB&J story that shows how deep-rooted patterns shape us [05:45] Why insecurity feels like your identity [07:37] Lie #1: “If I don’t stay alert, I’ll get hurt” [13:21] Why hypervigilance robs you of peace [18:23] Lie #2: “If I feel this strongly, it must be true” [24:59] How emotional urgency leads to overreaction [31:16] Lie #3: “If I control more, I’ll finally feel secure” [36:30] The truth: You don’t need more control—you need more trust [39:04] Final reframe to anchor self-trust 🧭 RESOURCES & LINKS: 🎯 30 Days to Different – Registration Now Open! Ready to stop spiraling and start self-trusting? Join Shanenn’s daily support container to process emotions without the panic. → JOIN NOW 📝 LEAVE A REVIEW: If this episode gave you a truthbomb or breakthrough, would you leave a review? It helps other women find these tools too. 💬 What’s a lie insecurity has told you? Drop it in your review or DM Shanenn on Instagram @topselfco Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. Check us out on YouTube and make sure to subscribe Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
February 03, 202634min
Number 3: How To Keep Your Reactions From Being Bigger Than the Moment EP 127
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down why small moments in your relationship can trigger huge emotional reactions. If you’ve ever felt embarrassed by your reaction, overwhelmed by jealousy, or hijacked by anxiety over something that logically felt minor, this episode explains what’s really happening beneath the surface. Shanenn introduces the concept of emotional agility—the ability to feel deeply without losing yourself—and explains why trust, confidence, and security aren’t built by suppressing emotions, but by learning how to stay present with them. This episode offers practical tools to help you stop spiraling, rebuild self-trust, and respond instead of react Golden Episode Nuggets 💎 Your reactions aren’t random—your nervous system is trying to protect you 💎 Feeling deeply is capacity, not a weakness 💎 Trust is built through experience, not reassurance 💎 Naming sensations instead of emotions creates emotional power 💎 Discomfort doesn’t mean danger—nothing has gone wrong 💎 Staying with a feeling builds confidence one moment at a time Key Moments2:30 – A relatable story about reacting “bigger than the moment”4:20 – Why your body reacts before your brain can catch up7:45 – What emotional agility actually means (and what it’s not)9:00 – Why trust isn’t about your partner—it’s about you12:10 – The truth about “feeling too much”16:30 – Why resilience isn’t toughness or pushing through18:20 – One simple shift that gives you power over emotional spirals20:30 – Four practical ways to stop getting hijacked by your emotions24:20 – Reflection questions to build self-trust in real time Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. Check us out on YouTube and make sure to subscribe Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
December 16, 202521min
Number 4: What Does It Mean If Your Partner Flirts EP 121
Schedule your FREE Discovery Call In this solo episode of Top Self, host Shanenn dives deep into one of the most anxiety-triggering scenarios in relationships: witnessing your partner flirt with someone else. Is it a sign they’re unhappy? Are they secretly interested in someone else? Or…could it mean something entirely different? Drawing from scientific research and her personal journey, Shanenn shares the six core reasons people flirt—and reveals that only one of them is actually about sex. With compassionate insights and a powerful reframe on validation, esteem, and trust, this episode offers a fresh, empowering take on how to handle flirting without spiraling into insecurity. If you've ever felt the sting of jealousy or wanted to understand what flirting really means in a committed relationship, this episode is a must-listen. 💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:Flirting does not always equal sexual or romantic interest.Only 1 out of 6 reasons for flirting involves a desire for sex.Flirting can actually boost relationship satisfaction—not destroy it.Feeling attracted ≠ acting on attraction. The nuance matters.Jealousy is a signal—not a certainty. Trust your gut, not your fear.You can’t be your partner’s only source of validation—and you shouldn’t have to be. 🧠 Key Moments:2:40 – That sinking feeling when your partner flirts: What’s really going on?5:00 – The 6 scientific motivations behind flirting—and only one is sexual10:15 – Why people flirt to boost self-esteem (and why it’s not a threat)14:30 – The “relationship development” vs. “relationship threat” misunderstanding18:00 – Do happy partners still crave external validation? Yes—and here’s why that’s okay23:45 – How jealousy can mislead you into toxic behavior patterns30:00 – The research-backed truth about fantasy, flirting, and fidelity38:00 – Shanenn’s real-life jealousy moment (and what it taught her)42:00 – How to use “The Power of One” to reframe your thoughts around flirting🧰 Resources & Mentions:The Study: Northern Illinois University research on the 6 motivations for flirtingPower of One Exercise: Practice reframing jealousy with one new explanationSchedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. Check us out on YouTube and make sure to subscribe Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
October 07, 202531min
Number 5: A Nervous System Reset For Jealousy EP 113
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn unpacks one of the most misunderstood truths about jealousy: it doesn’t start in your mind—it starts in your body. If you’ve ever told yourself “I’m just going to think positive thoughts” or “I’ll be chill tonight”—only to spiral the moment your partner picks up their phone—then go ahead and hit play now. Shanenn introduces a nervous system-based approach to jealousy, built around her signature BAM Method: Body And Mind. You’ll learn how to stop shaming your reactions, calm your nervous system, and respond in a healthier way—rather than fear, panic, or reactivity. This episode is a must-listen for anyone stuck in the cycle of body-based jealousy and emotional spirals. Golden Episode Nuggets: 💎 Jealousy isn’t crazy—it’s a stored survival response from your nervous system 💎 Your body reacts before your brain can even form a thought 💎 BAM = Body And Mind (Breathe, Acknowledge, Move) is your new reset tool 💎 A safer body allows you to choose a better thought 💎 Explaining your nervous system reactions to your partner can build deeper understanding Key Moments:3:25 – Why jealousy can’t be “thought away” (and why 95% of your reactions aren’t logical)7:17 – The real reason your stomach drops when he texts—and what your nervous system is doing10:28 – Introducing BAM: Why calming your body comes before calming your thoughts15:02 – The “hot stove” analogy to help explain jealousy to your partner19:33 – BAM, defined: Breathe. Acknowledge. Move.24:51 – What to do when your body believes an old wound is happening again27:42 – How to shift into your “choice moment” once your body feels safe Resources Mentioned:Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – Join the next session starting June 18th. Register hereWatch THIS episode on YouTube Shanenn's new podcast:On Apple Lead Without LimitsOn YouTube Lead Without Limits Quote of the Episode:“When your body feels safe, your brain can finally tell the truth.” Perfect for listeners who:Feel overwhelmed by jealousy, even when “nothing is happening”Struggle with reactivity, spiraling thoughts, or reassurance-seekingWant to learn nervous system tools to feel safe in their relationshipAre ready to replace shame with self-compassion and emotional safetyAre doing the deep work to heal attachment wounds and regulate from the inside out 📝 Leave a review and let us know—what’s one way you’re helping your body feel safe when jealousy hits? 📥 Subscribe now and get ready for more tools in the next episode of Top Self. Schedule your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. Check us out on YouTube and make sure to subscribe Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
May 27, 202534min