In this episode, I’m diving into the complex and painful role of the scapegoat child in families with borderline or narcissistic parents. If you were always the one blamed for everything—while somehow also being expected to keep the peace—you’re not alone. I’m the scapegoat in my own family, and I know how exhausting and confusing it is.

Families like this often use your emotional reactions to reinforce the idea that you’re the problem—giving them a convenient excuse to avoid their own accountability. This toxic pattern runs deep, but there are ways to step out of the scapegoat role and start healing.

Here’s what I cover in this episode:

• What it really means to be the scapegoat in a family with BPD or NPD dynamics
• Why your emotional responses are often used against you
• How staying emotionally regulated helps you reclaim control
• What happens when you stop playing the role—and how it forces the family system to shift

Want more tools for setting strong boundaries with a high-conflict parent? Check out my on-demand boundaries workshop at confidentboundaries.com/boundaries-workshop, and come join our supportive online community with weekly live coaching calls at confidentboundaries.com/join. 

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
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Register for my free workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Online Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

In this episode, we explore the difficult—but crucial—question: When is no-contact with a borderline or narcissistic parent necessary? This isn’t about pushing you toward cutting ties, but about helping you define the non-negotiable boundaries that protect both your emotional health and the relationship itself.

Key Takeaways:

✔️ Identifying deal breakers to clarify essential boundaries
✔️ Why thinking about no-contact isn’t giving up—it’s gaining clarity
✔️ How to set boundaries from a place of autonomy, not fear
✔️ Testing smaller boundaries before making drastic decisions
✔️ Avoiding emotional “mic drop” decisions that lead to regret
✔️ Healing is a process—not determined by whether your parent is in your life

💡 Want More Support? Access bonus podcast episodes without joining the full community → confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

📢 Live Boundaries Workshop! Learn how to set and hold boundaries with confidence → confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my free workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Online Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Trusting your own intuition can feel impossible when you grew up with a parent who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. Many of us were conditioned to override our gut feelings just to keep the peace—making it harder to make confident, healthy decisions as adults. But self-trust isn’t lost forever. With time, consistency, and the right tools, you can rebuild it and start making choices that truly align with your values.

In this episode, I’m diving into:

 ✔ How BPD/NPD parents train us to ignore our instincts to keep them happy
 ✔ Why we tolerate toxic behavior more than other people do—and how to break that cycle
 ✔ The power of cost-benefit analysis to weigh both action and inaction
✔ Why identifying your top 10 personal values is a game-changer for decision-making
✔ How self-trust is built over time (small, consistent steps really matter)
✔ The trap of black-and-white thinking—and why you don’t need 100% certainty to move forward

Do you love the podcast? Get more content by subscribing to our bonus episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my free workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Online Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Struggling to set boundaries with a parent who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder? In this episode of You're Not Crazy, I break down five key signs that you need stronger boundaries—and share practical strategies to help you establish them.

If any of these sound familiar, it’s time to rethink your boundaries:

 ✔️ You feel completely drained after interacting with your parent—or even just thinking about them.
✔️ You’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of triggering an emotional meltdown.
✔️ You keep getting sucked into their chaos and drama (even when you try to stay out of it).
✔️ You avoid setting boundaries because you’re scared of rejection or abandonment.
✔️ Your parent interferes with your relationship and disrupts your peace.

Want step-by-step guidance on how to set and enforce boundaries with a BPD or NPD parent? Join me for my live workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent! 

Register now at confidentboundaries.com/boundaries-workshop and get my Boundaries Cheatsheet—with 9 scripts for enforcing boundaries with a BPD or NPD parent just for showing up and hanging out! 

Can’t make it live? Sign up anyway, and I’ll send you the recording!

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my free workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Online Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

After a year of running Confident Boundaries alongside my therapy practice, I’m reflecting on the journey—what worked, what didn’t, and how I’ve evolved my approach to supporting adult children of BPD and NPD parents.

Expanding beyond therapy has allowed me to help more people through coaching, community, and this podcast. And, in this episode I share:

 ✔️ Why I created the Confident Boundaries umbrella (way before the online community)
✔️ How I've been able to bridge the gap for those who couldn’t work with me in therapy
 ✔️ My initial resistance to coaching (and what changed my mind)
 ✔️ My decision to eliminate YouTube video recordings and the reason why

If you’re struggling with setting boundaries with a BPD or NPD parent, make sure to join my free workshop by registering at confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop. 

I'll show you how to frame boundaries with BPD and NPD parents effectively, manage guilt and anxiety so they no longer stop you, and enforce boundaries when your parent pushes back (because obviously they will).

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my free workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Online Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

As the adult children of a parent with narcissistic or borderline personality disorder, becoming parents ourselves brings up a whole new set of challenges—especially when it comes to navigating the grandparent-grandchild relationship. 

In this episode, I dive into the emotional complexities of setting boundaries with toxic parents while trying to break dysfunctional patterns for our kids.

I’ll cover:

→ How to handle difficult conversations with your children about going no contact
→ The impact of a toxic grandparent’s behavior on your kids—and what to watch for
→ Why your parent might not be the amazing grandparent you think they are

And, if you're struggling with setting (and keeping) boundaries, don’t miss my upcoming FREE Workshop! 

Register now at confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my free workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Online Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Growing up with a parent who has borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can have lasting emotional and practical impacts—some of which often go overlooked.

In this episode, we dive into the challenges adult children of BPD/NPD parents face when it comes to "adulting" and why self-compassion is key.

Listen to hear my thoughts about:

✔️ How being raised by a BPD/NPD parent can impact how equipped you are to navigate the adult world
✔️ Why many adult children struggle with adulting tasks—and how to forgive yourself
✔️ Dealing with feelings of shame and embarrassment about feeling behind some of your friends and peers
✔️ Practical strategies for building confidence and filling in the gaps
✔️ PLUS I talk a bit about the role of gaslighting and where most people I work with get stuck

🌟 Love the Podcast?

If this episode resonates with you, please rate the podcast five stars and leave a review—it truly helps others find our show! 

Join the Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Schedule a Therapy Consultation: toriewikselltherapy.com/schedule

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my free workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Online Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Growing up with a narcissistic or borderline parent means constantly navigating two versions of them—the loving, "good" parent and the punishing, unpredictable one. In this episode, I reflect on how caring for my sick daughter brought up memories of my own childhood—where empathy was absent, and love often came with conditions.

I’ll explore how these experiences shaped my understanding of parenting, the emotional complexity of breaking the cycle, and the self-gaslighting that happens when you’ve been conditioned to question your own reality. If you’re working to parent differently than you were raised, or are working through gaslighting yourself about your own childhood, this episode is for you!

In this episode, we’ll discuss:
✔ How parenting can trigger childhood trauma and unresolved emotions
✔ The duality of love and cruelty in a relationship with a BPD/NPD parent
✔ Why emotional neglect leaves lasting scars—and how to heal
✔ Overcoming self-doubt and breaking the cycle of generational trauma
✔ The role of empathy and accountability in healthy parenting
✔ Creating the safe, loving environment you never had as a child

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my free workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Online Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

If you've ever been told that you have to forgive in order to heal, I want you to know—that’s just not true. In this episode, I’m breaking down why forgiveness is overrated, especially when it comes to parents with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder (BPD/NPD). Instead of forcing yourself to forgive, what if you focused on acceptance instead? Because that’s where the real healing happens.

In this episode, we’ll cover:
✔️ Why forgiveness is often a trap we get stuck in
✔️ The difference between acceptance and approval—you don’t have to “approve” of your parent’s behavior to accept reality
✔️ How acceptance helps you stop wasting energy trying to change someone you can't control
✔️ The truth about manipulative parental behaviors and why they keep you stuck
✔️ Why regaining autonomy over your own life is the real goal—not making peace with an abusive or toxic parent
✔️ How letting go of the pressure to forgive can actually set you free

You are not a bad person if you don’t forgive. You don’t owe your parent forgiveness—but you do owe yourself peace. Let’s talk about how to get there.

Make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!

And, if this episode helped you, please leave a 5 star review—it helps more people find the show!

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my free workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Online Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Is overwhelming guilt getting in the way of setting boundaries with your borderline or narcissistic parent? You’re not alone. In this episode of You're Not Crazy, I dive deep into the emotional weight of guilt that so many adult children of parents with BPD or NPD experience. I’ll break down how guilt is often used to manipulate behavior, why it feels so intense, and how you can start reclaiming your peace (even when the guilt feels paralyzing).

Here’s what I cover in this episode:

• The difference between healthy guilt and guilt that’s designed to control you
• How guilt can cloud your decision-making process and keep you stuck in unhealthy patterns
• Practical strategies for asserting boundaries with confidence
• Why building a strong support system is essential for breaking the guilt cycle
• A reminder that you are so much more capable of doing hard things then you likely give yourself credit for

If you're ready to stop guilt from running your life and want support from people who get it, check out the Confident Boundaries community at confidentboundaries.com/join.

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my free workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Online Community: confidentboundaries.com/join

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.