Sara Vandenburg brings a perspective you won't find anywhere else: she's both a highly credentialed therapist specializing in childhood sexual abuse AND a survivor who has done the deep healing work to talk about her own experience "like the weather." In this profoundly important conversation with Lisa Johnson, Sara shares insights that could literally save children's lives and transform families.

Why Sara's voice matters: As someone who experienced incest by both biological parents over an eight-year period and has trained extensively in trauma therapy (LCSW Supervisor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Brain Spotting certified), Sara understands both the clinical realities and the lived experience of familial sexual abuse. Her ability to discuss her own trauma with complete peace demonstrates what's possible with proper therapeutic support.

This interview offers guidance no other resource provides - the intersection of professional expertise, personal recovery, and practical strategies for parents navigating the most difficult situations imaginable in high-conflict custody cases.

What You'll Learn:

✅ How one in three girls and one in ten boys experience childhood sexual abuse
✅ Why incest may occur in one in ten households (and why it's severely underreported)
✅ The critical difference between sexual abuse by anyone vs. abuse within families
✅ Sara's concept of the "elephant in the room" - why untreated trauma affects your children
✅ How family secrets travel through generations even when children don't know the details
✅ The neuroscience behind why stored trauma in your body creates vulnerability in your kids
✅ A powerful story of three-generational disclosure and healing
✅ How to create an environment where children feel safe telling you anything
✅ Why your reaction to small disclosures determines whether children will share bigger concerns
✅ What brain spotting therapy is and how it releases stored trauma from the body
✅ How brain spotting differs from EMDR (both use bilateral brain stimulation)
✅ The importance of finding therapists who understand your trauma doesn't define you
✅ Age-appropriate language for teaching body safety to children as young as 4-5
✅ Why pornography exposure at ages 8-9 means earlier conversations are essential
✅ Documentation strategies when you notice behavioral changes in your child
✅ How to distinguish between patterns and isolated incidents
✅ Understanding healthy shame (humanity, humility, responsibility)
✅ Understanding healthy guilt (values and amends)
✅ What complete healing looks like - being able to discuss trauma matter-of-factly
✅ Why waiting until children are 25+ is often best for certain disclosures

About Sara Vandenburg, LCSW-S: Sara Vandenburg is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor in Texas and Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Hawaii with specialized training in treating familial sexual abuse and trauma. Her credentials include:

- Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor (Texas)
- Licensed Clinical Social Worker (Hawaii)
- Certified Sex Addiction Therapist
- Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor
- Certified in Brain Spotting (advanced somatic therapy)

Sara's micro-niche is familial sexual abuse, and she offers counseling, coaching, and energy healing services through her practice. Her forthcoming book, "Choosing to Love Again: Overcoming the Kind of Betrayal That Nobody Talks About," provides 60% personal memoir and 40% clinical guidance with experiential exercises for healing from profound betrayal.

📚 RESOURCES & CONTACT INFORMATION:

Sara Vandenburg:

Website: tonalliservices.com
Services offered: Counseling, coaching, energy healing
Book a free complimentary conversation to explore working together
Upcoming book: "Choosing to Love Again: Overcoming the Kind of Betrayal That Nobody Talks About" (2026 release)

Making critical decisions in high-conflict divorce when you can barely trust your own judgment? This interview is essential viewing.
 
After experiencing gaslighting, manipulation, and betrayal in a toxic relationship, many people struggle to trust their instincts—especially when the stakes are highest. Should you push for a custody evaluation? Is your ex really alienating the kids, or are you being paranoid? How do you read the Guardian ad Litem? What if you're wrong about everything? 

Strategic intuition expert Jock Brocas—who used intuitive intelligence to stay alive in military operations and high-risk security situations—shares practical techniques for cutting through fear and confusion to make sound decisions when everything is on the line. 

This conversation goes far beyond typical "trust your gut" advice. You'll learn pattern recognition techniques, box breathing for high-stakes court situations, and how to distinguish between fear-based panic and genuine intuitive warning signs. These are military-grade tools adapted for family court survival. 

Perfect for anyone facing custody evaluations, court hearings, mediation with a difficult ex, or any high-conflict situation where you need clarity but fear is clouding your judgment. 

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

✓ Strategic intuitive intelligence: Combining your experiences, training, and natural intuition
✓ Why fear gives you the wrong signals exactly when you need accuracy most
✓ Pattern recognition for identifying your ex's manipulation tactics
✓ How to tell if it's genuine intuition or just anxiety/ego
✓ Box breathing: Military technique for staying calm in court or evaluations
✓ The power of "the pause" before responding to provocations
✓ Simple practices that train your mind to recognize signals vs. noise
✓ Why going silent is your superpower in high-conflict situations
 
ABOUT JOCK BROCAS:

Jock Brocas brings a unique combination of military intelligence, high-risk security experience, and spiritual research to the question of how we make critical decisions under pressure. With 25+ years as a professional medium and extensive work in executive protection and undercover operations, Jock now works with lawyers, scientists, and professionals on strategic intuition. He's completing a master's in psychology (PhD starting October) and founded Help4Lawyer to support legal professionals in high-stakes cases. Author of "Powers of the Sixth Sense."
 
LIKE this video if it helped you see your situation more clearly. SUBSCRIBE for weekly expert guidance on high-conflict divorce. COMMENT: What decision are you facing right now where you need better intuition?
 
#HighConflictDivorce #CustodyEvaluation #FamilyCourt #StrategicIntuition #DivorceStrategy #ToxicCoParent #CourtPreparation #GuardianAdLitem #CustodyBattle #IntuitiveIntelligence

Losing someone you love does not usually make you question whether the relationship was real. Betrayal takes the memories with it. Dr. Debi Silber's study participants told her, unanimously, that this is the difference: betrayal feels chosen, so the whole self goes with it, and the healing has to be built differently as a result.

Dr. Debi Silber is the founder and CEO of the PBT Institute, PBT standing for post betrayal transformation, and she has been coaching in health, wellness and personal development for over three decades. Her research began after two betrayals of her own, one within her family and one from her husband a few years later. She looked for a book or a program that addressed what she was living through, found nothing that fit, and enrolled in a PhD program to study it herself while raising four children and running a practice. She has since written several books on the subject and now certifies coaches, therapists and other practitioners in her model.

In this episode Debi lays out the three findings from that research. That betrayal is a distinct kind of trauma, because unlike grief it is experienced as deliberate, which takes rejection, abandonment, belonging, worthiness and trust down with it. That there is a recognizable cluster of physical, mental and emotional symptoms afterward, which she named post betrayal syndrome and which does not resolve on its own with time. And that recovery runs through five stages in a predictable order, with a known set of moves for getting from each one to the next.

She also walks through the window of willingness, her scale for what a betrayer offers once they are caught: full ownership at one end, an excuse next, blame aimed back at you after that, and flat denial at the far end. She and Lisa spend time on stage three, survival, where most people put down roots because it feels so much better than the shock that came before it, and on what changes at stage four when someone stops waiting for the other person to make it right. They close on trust, and on why rebuilding trust in your own perception and your own decisions has to come before any question about trusting anyone else. Lisa shares her own path through it, and where she landed.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why betrayal is a different kind of trauma from grief, and what it does to self-trust
• The window of willingness: four ways a betrayer responds, and what each leaves you
• Why "I did it because you" is where the window closes, and why none of it is yours to carry
• Post betrayal syndrome: the physical, mental and emotional symptoms that cluster together
• Why time on its own doesn't heal betrayal, and what deliberate healing involves instead
• The five stages, and why stage three feels like recovery when it isn't
• What people find themselves outgrowing on the way to stage four
• Why rebuilding trust starts with your own judgment and perception, not the other person

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 What betrayal is, and why the depth of trust changes the damage
2:00 Why Debi went and got a PhD to study it
4:00 Finding one: betrayal is its own kind of trauma
5:30 Why the support is different, and why people hide it
8:00 The window of willingness: four responses, four very different futures
11:00 Betrayal is a choice, not a mistake
13:00 Finding two: post betrayal syndrome, and why time doesn't do the work
19:00 Finding three: the five stages, and the four-legged table
22:00 Stage three: survival, and why people put down roots there
25:30 Stages four and five: a new normal, and who comes with you
28:30 The trust misconception, and rebuilding self-trust first

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 The PBT Institute: https://thepbtinstitute.com/

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

Is your child struggling with your separation or divorce? Wondering if they need professional help? Licensed play therapist Jenny Hornby joins Lisa to discuss the critical signs that children need therapeutic support during high-conflict divorce - and why getting help for yourself might be even more important.

In this essential conversation, you'll discover when therapy becomes necessary, what different therapeutic approaches can offer, and how to find the right mental health professional for your family's specific situation. Jenny shares expert insights on play therapy, EMDR for trauma processing, and why the "oxygen mask principle" applies to parents navigating custody battles.

Whether you're just starting separation proceedings or deep into a custody battle, this conversation provides the guidance you need to support your child's emotional wellbeing while taking care of yourself too.

🎯 WHO THIS IS FOR: Parents navigating high-conflict divorce or custody disputes who want to protect their children's mental health and get practical guidance on therapeutic support options.

💡 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

00:00 - Introduction: Helping kids through parental conflict
00:27 - How common is post-separation parental conflict?
01:25 - Signs your child is experiencing trauma from divorce
01:59 - Why "reorganization" matters for children
02:54 - Should every child in divorce see a therapist?
04:30 - What to look for: When professional help becomes necessary
05:42 - Why parents need therapy as much as kids do
07:23 - The airplane oxygen mask principle explained
08:45 - How your emotional state impacts your children
10:12 - Why kids can "see" more than you think
11:48 - Your child's heightened sensitivity during conflict
13:16 - What parentification means in divorce situations
15:03 - How children fill emotional voids
16:42 - Warning signs your child is becoming your support system
18:28 - Why kids blame themselves for parental struggles
20:15 - The danger of children taking on adult roles
22:07 - Play therapy explained: What happens in sessions
24:33 - Age-appropriate therapeutic approaches
26:18 - Why play is the "language" of childhood
28:45 - EMDR therapy for processing divorce trauma
31:22 - How EMDR works: The science behind bilateral stimulation
33:58 - Different EMDR techniques (eye movement, tapping, music)
36:14 - When EMDR is most effective for children
38:42 - How to locate qualified play therapists and EMDR specialists
40:17 - The EMDRIA directory resource
41:53 - Psychology Today as a search tool
43:28 - The importance of therapeutic "fit"
45:06 - The "three session rule" before making a decision
47:22 - What to do when therapy isn't working after months
49:11 - Lauren Barnett's therapist matchmaking approach
51:38 - The "favorite teacher" technique for finding the right match
53:55 - Why personality compatibility matters more than credentials alone
55:42 - Jenny's children's book: "Made for This"
57:18 - Using stories to start difficult conversations
58:50 - Final advice: It really does start with you
60:05 - Wrap-up and how to connect with Jenny

📚 RESOURCES MENTIONED:

EMDRIA (EMDR International Association) directory: emdria.org
Psychology Today therapist finder
Jenny Hornby's book "Made for This" (children's book about facing fears)
Instagram: @MissJennyBooks
Website: MissJennyBooks.com

👥 ABOUT JENNY HORNBY:

Jenny Hornby is a licensed counselor in Virginia, clinical supervisor, and specialist in both play therapy and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). She works with children ages 4 and up, providing individual therapy, family counseling, and parenting support. Jenny is also a children's book author, using narratives to help kids process difficult emotions and experiences.

📖 RELATED RESOURCES FROM BEEN THERE GOT OUT:

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🎯 "What does a custody evaluator actually look for?"

If you're terrified of your upcoming custody evaluation, attorney Tracy Galloway has the answer—and it might not be what you think.

Tracy has been a Massachusetts child custody and divorce attorney for over 30 years. She started at the Department of Children and Families working child welfare and abuse/neglect cases before transitioning to private practice in 1998.

And here's what makes her perspective unique: Tracy does custody evaluations herself.

"I need to see that the person in front of me is being proportionate about their experience, but also able to hold in their mind at the same time that a judge needs facts and what's going to be best for a child," Tracy explains. "That's a lot of plates to hold at the same time."

This conversation demystifies the custody evaluation process, explains the different types of GALs and what they're actually looking for, and provides practical strategies for presenting yourself credibly—even when discussing domestic violence.

What You'll Learn:

✅ What custody evaluations are and when they're ordered
✅ Category E GALs (clinicians) vs. Category F GALs (attorneys)—and why the difference matters
✅ Does it matter who pays the GAL? (No—and here's why)
✅ Substituted judgment GALs: When child's therapy privilege is at issue
✅ How to talk about domestic violence: "It's not the what, it's the how"
✅ What "proportionate communication" means to evaluators
✅ Why credibility matters more than having all the answers
✅ Does confirmation bias exist? (Should you meet the GAL first?)
✅ What evaluators want to see: openness, cooperation, child-focus
✅ The two things to do TODAY if evaluation is coming
✅ How to prepare: Brief, informative, factual email
✅ Why anger management and exercise are critical
✅ "You met that person, you made a baby with that person—this is what you have to work with"
✅ Tracy's passionate, direct approach to helping clients take responsibility

About Tracy Galloway:

Attorney Tracy Galloway has been practicing Massachusetts child custody and divorce law for over 30 years. Her roots are in litigation for the Department of Children and Families, handling child welfare, abuse, and neglect cases. Since transitioning to private practice in 1998, she's honed her focus specifically to divorce—"Because it's a very, it's its own model and it ends up with the happy result at the end of a divorce." Tracy also conducts custody evaluations herself, giving her unique dual perspective as both advocate and evaluator. She's the founder of Divorce Bootcamp, an online coaching business born from frustration that there isn't more accessible information available in multiple formats (video, not just text) for people navigating divorce. She offers free and low-cost resources, coaching, and "fresh talk" to anyone who needs it—literally giving her cell phone number and offering 5 free minutes to anyone who texts.

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 - Introduction: Demystifying custody evaluations
02:10 - What is a custody evaluation and when is it ordered?
03:58 - Category E (clinician) vs. Category F (attorney) GALs
05:47 - Tracy's background: DCF to private practice to Divorce Bootcamp
07:06 - How to talk about domestic violence to evaluators
07:58 - Proportionate communication: Holding multiple plates at once
09:45 - Credibility is everything: They need to believe you
12:30 - Does it matter who pays the GAL? (Bias concerns)
15:20 - Substituted judgment: Child therapy privilege evaluation
18:40 - Does confirmation bias exist in custody evaluations?
21:15 - What evaluators look for: Openness, cooperation, child-focus
24:50 - Documentation: When and how to provide materials
28:35 - Preparing for home visits and child observations
32:20 - The importance of routine and stability
36:10 - How long do evaluations take?<

🎯 "Mediation? With a NARCISSIST? Are you crazy?"

If that's your reaction, you're not alone. Most people in high-conflict divorce assume mediation is pointless when dealing with someone who has a personality disorder or active addiction.

But according to Liz Merrill—who spent 20 years married to a narcissist scientist before becoming a divorce mediator herself—it's worth trying. And here's why:

"A surprisingly high percentage of people who come with high conflict divorces get through the mediation process successfully without having to resort to litigation," Liz explains. "Because by the time they start mediating and working through and understanding what their options are, they kind of realize that they're not likely to get a better resolution by litigating."

Even if mediation doesn't result in settlement, you gain something invaluable: information.

"Keep your mouth shut and listen to what they're having to say and encourage them to talk," Liz advises for that crucial first session. "You will learn a lot about what's important to them, what they are thinking about, what their strategy might be. And that's all information that you can use in the future, even if you're not using it right now. And that's worth a lot."

This conversation reveals why mediation is always worth trying, how to prepare strategically, what you can realistically expect, and why sometimes the "difficult" partner actually comes to mediation thinking they're smarter than everyone else—which creates an opportunity.

What You'll Learn:

✅ Why high-conflict parties often come to mediation (thinking they can "bamboozle")
✅ The role of a CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst) in keeping things factual
✅ How facts, law, and math create a limited range of outcomes regardless of process
✅ Why it's "absolutely always worth trying" mediation (even if only costs a few thousand)
✅ The first session strategy: Keep your mouth shut and gather information
✅ What you can't mediate (hint: anything that happened in the past)
✅ How to prepare for mediation: agenda, goals, realistic expectations
✅ Why you shouldn't tell your mediator your "whole sad story"
✅ Strategic approach: Easy wins first to build goodwill vs. tackle hard stuff
✅ How to use what you learned in session one to inform session two
✅ Avoiding "barstool counsel" (Facebook groups, well-meaning friends)
✅ Second Saturday workshops: Free divorce education for women
✅ Why emotions are "on fire" and how professionals help manage them
✅ When Liz's daughters asked "Mom, can we get divorced?"

About Liz Merrill:

Liz Merrill, known as "the divorce whisperer," is a Colorado-based divorce mediator who spent 20 years in a marriage with a narcissist—a very successful research scientist considerably older than her. They had three daughters together and moved all over the world. "I thought I had to stay in this situation for my children and for my own safety and for my financial safety," Liz shares. When her daughters (all around mid-teens at the time) came to her and asked, "Mom, are we—can we get divorced? Why are we?" she realized she wasn't being brave by staying—she was scared. She filed that day. The divorce process was as horrible as she feared, requiring a loan to pay for it. She went from attorney to attorney trying to explain her situation, and "almost all of them were horrible to me. They were acting like I was the problem." This experience, combined with recognizing how badly the court system is set up for divorces (particularly for people in abusive marriages and domestic violence situations), caused her to shift careers midlife. She used her limited maintenance time to get mediation training and build her business. For seven years now, she's helped hundreds of couples navigate divorce, with her approach informed by lived experience of surviving high-conflict marriage. Her company is Open Space Mediat

"I finally got out of that toxic relationship! I'm never doing that again!"

Six months later: Same person, different body.

If this pattern sounds familiar, you're not alone—and according to trauma therapist Sherry Gaba, it's not your fault. But it is something you need to understand if you ever want to break free.
"Love addicts are in love with love," Sherry explains. "And when they don't have a relationship, it feels like they are in the ethers of emptiness. So they will often settle for less because they feel so empty."

That emptiness isn't weakness. It's not being "too needy" or "not strong enough." It's an attachment wound—often formed before you could even speak—that created a nervous system wired to associate chaos with love and safety with boredom.

The good news? Once you understand how trauma bonds form, how intermittent reinforcement hijacks your dopamine system, and why your body literally becomes addicted to emotional chaos, you can finally start rewiring your patterns.

What Makes This Conversation Essential:

🎯 Names the exact cycle ("same person, different body")
🎯 Explains WHY safe feels boring (nervous system conditioning)
🎯 Reveals early attachment wounds most people don't know they have
🎯 Shows how toxic partners "hook you in" from the beginning
🎯 Unpacks intermittent reinforcement = slot machine addiction
🎯 Provides daily practices for recognizing worth beyond people-pleasing
🎯 Shares Sherry's personal recovery journey (love addict → trauma therapist)
🎯 Explains different types of addiction (love vs. codependency vs. romance)
🎯 Offers specific 12-step program recommendations

Perfect For:

- Anyone who keeps attracting the same toxic partner
- People whose ex had addiction issues or personality disorders
- Those recovering from narcissistic abuse
- Anyone who feels empty without a romantic relationship
- People who find "stable" partners boring
- Those dealing with shame about their "bad picker"
- Anyone ready to understand the neuroscience of their patterns
- People who need permission to choose safety over excitement
- Those seeking community support that actually heals

About Sherry Gaba:

Sherry Gaba is living proof that understanding your patterns can transform your life. A psychotherapist and love addiction specialist, Sherry describes herself as "a love addict in recovery"—someone who experienced the emptiness, the people-pleasing, the turning herself "into a pretzel" to please unavailable partners. Her attachment wound? Being premature and spending her first three months in an incubator without maternal contact. "I was in an incubator. I did not get that first three months of attachment with my mom. So I had a lot of separation anxiety, attachment wounds." This early rupture, combined with an emotionally unavailable mother, set up lifelong patterns of seeking external validation. After being married to an alcoholic, Sherry shifted from working with addicts to working with families of addicts—recognizing her own codependency. Her specialty now encompasses love addiction, codependency, toxic relationships, and narcissistic abuse, using deep trauma therapy to help people connect internally rather than seeking external sources. Al-Anon literally changed the geography of her life—she moved from California to Florida because of connections made in recovery. Author of "Love Smacked," Sherry offers a free trauma quiz to help people understand the childhood roots of their relationship patterns.

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 - Introduction: Breaking the cycle of toxic relationships
01:28 - The link between domestic violence and love addiction
03:10 - Sherry's background: From addiction work to toxic relationships
04:54 - The early attachment wound: Premature birth and incubator effects
06:55 - Why you're attracted to what you know (even when it's harmful)
08:31 - Love at fir

🎯 "If I don't get validation from my partner (or - yikes - my ex), I can't function. I'm a mess unless I get that feedback, that positive reinforcement."

That's validation addiction, and according to Ralph Brewer, founder of Help for Men and author of five books including "The Dead Bedroom Fix" and "Rebuild: The Complete Guide," it's an epidemic affecting far more people than you'd think.

Most people assume this compulsive need for external validation is a "female thing"—the anxious, preoccupied partner always seeking reassurance. But Ralph works with thousands of men who fit this exact profile: codependent, anxiously attached, desperate for their partner's approval, and willing to tolerate almost anything as long as they get occasional positive reinforcement.

This conversation reveals the attachment dynamics behind toxic relationships, why men stay way too long hoping things will change, and what happens when men finally do show vulnerability—only to be punished for it.

What You'll Learn:

✅ What validation addiction actually is (and why it's different from just being "needy")
✅ Anxious vs. avoidant attachment: The relationship dance that creates misery
✅ Why most men seeking relationship help are codependent and anxiously attached
✅ The "toxic hopefulness" pattern: Why men keep saying "I'd take her back"
✅ How avoidant partners can appear almost narcissistic (but aren't quite)
✅ Why men don't seek help or open up about relationship problems
✅ The devastating pattern: Man shows vulnerability → Woman withdraws → Sex stops
✅ Sex as the "barometer" for relationship health (male perspective)
✅ What happens when a woman walks into a men's support group
✅ Why gender-specific support works when mixed groups don't
✅ The echo chamber problem: Getting validation instead of reality testing
✅ How the Brotherhood creates safe space for 1,400+ men

About Ralph Brewer:

Ralph Brewer is the founder of Help for Men and author of five books, including "The Dead Bedroom Fix" (which has sold hundreds of thousands of copies and brought roughly 80% of his membership) and "Rebuild: The Complete Guide." He runs a private membership community called the Brotherhood with over 1,400 men, offering discussion forums, live Zoom meetings, over 1,400 hours of audio content, coaching, courses, and in-person conferences. The organization just held its sixth annual conference and brings together men recovering from divorce, overcoming abusive relationships, and rebuilding their lives. Ralph has been creating content under the handle "Dad Starting Over" for over a decade, with some videos reaching millions of views.

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 - Introduction: Validation addiction isn't just a female thing
00:55 - Ralph's background: Help for Men, the Brotherhood, five books
02:58 - Defining validation addiction: Compulsive need for external approval
04:30 - Anxious vs. avoidant attachment styles in relationships
05:59 - Why men in our community seem more hopeful than women
07:48 - The "toxic hopefulness" pattern: "I'd take her back no matter what"
09:53 - Why men don't seek help or talk about relationship problems
11:40 - Society's message to men: You're weak if you can't handle her
13:55 - The shame of being controlled by someone "so much smaller than you"
16:22 - How abusive partners weaponize children to maintain control
18:54 - "Who you gonna go get, mister?" The emasculation tactic
19:52 - What happens when a woman walks into a men's group
21:18 - Sex as the barometer for relationship health (male perspective)
22:57 - The Dead Bedroom Fix: How Ralph's book built his community
23:16 - 70% buy lifetime membership: What that says about community value
24:00 - In-person conferences: Building real friendships beyond online support
25:00 - How to find Help for Men and the Brotherhood

CONNECT WITH RALPH BREWER:

🌐 W

🎯 **"90% of families with special needs children end up divorcing. And when they do, those children become incredibly vulnerable to gatekeeping behaviors that can lead to parental alienation."**

Ashish Joshi—one of our most frequently cited experts and a leading attorney specializing in family violence, parental alienation, and neurodivergent family cases—returns to explain the critical intersection between special needs children and custody battles.

If you have a child with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or other neurodivergent conditions, this conversation could change how you approach your custody case and protect your relationship with your child.

**What You'll Learn:**

✅ Why special needs cases are exploding in family courts (and what's driving the increase)
✅ The 3 types of gatekeeping: Facilitative vs. Protective vs. Restrictive
✅ When "protecting" your special needs child crosses the line into alienation
✅ Implicit bias against neurodivergent parents in family court (and how to counter it)
✅ Why having ADHD or autism doesn't make you an unfit parent
✅ How your ex weaponizes your child's special needs against you
✅ The perfect storm: Over-involved parent + under-involved parent + autistic child
✅ Why family systems therapy is crucial for neurodivergent family cases
✅ What to do when therapy sessions keep getting canceled (consequences that actually work)
✅ Pre-alienation warning signs and early intervention strategies
✅ Why one judge managing your entire case makes all the difference
✅ The "Welcome Home Pluto" approach to psychoeducation for parents

**About Ashish Joshi:**

Ashish Joshi is an attorney whose practice focuses on cases involving family violence—including domestic violence, intimate partner violence, emotional abuse, coercive control, and parental alienation (which he describes as gatekeeping behaviors). His earlier background in criminal defense and family law led him into alienation work through issues of child suggestibility and forensic interviewing in child abuse cases. Over time, he's become a leading expert in cases involving neurodivergence—whether it's a parent on the autism spectrum, a child with severe ADHD, or other special needs situations. Ashish is frequently cited in our books and has become part of what we call the "dream team" of professionals who truly understand the most extreme divorce, separation, and custody situations.

⏱️ **TIMESTAMPS:**

00:00 - Introduction: The special needs + alienation connection
01:40 - Why 90% of special needs families divorce
04:43 - Ashish's niche: Family violence, alienation & neurodivergence
07:04 - Implicit bias: When courts assume neurodivergent parents are unfit
09:19 - The 3 types of gatekeeping (facilitative, protective, restrictive)
12:18 - Red flags of restrictive gatekeeping behavior
16:30 - The "perfect storm" in special needs custody cases
20:15 - Why family systems therapy is essential
24:50 - Enforcing therapy when the alienating parent won't comply
28:40 - Court orders without consequences = meaningless paper
33:34 - Creative solutions when teens refuse therapy
36:48 - Pre-alienation warning signs and early intervention
38:08 - The importance of psychoeducation (Welcome Home Pluto)

**⚠️ This Interview Is Critical If:**

- Your child has autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or other special needs
- Your ex is saying "the child only responds well to me"
- You've been accused of being unfit because of your own ADHD or neurodivergence
- Your ex is weaponizing your child's special needs in court
- You're the highly attuned parent worried about crossing into restrictive gatekeeping
- Therapy sessions keep getting canceled with no consequences
- You're seeing early warning signs of alienation but parents are still together
- You have court orders that aren't being followed

**Key Concepts Explained:**

🎯 "Just pretend they are dead."

That's what a psychiatrist told Steven Eichenblatt's biological father—advice he followed when he dropped seven-year-old Steven and his twin sister off one day and never came back.

Steven is now an attorney with 37 years of experience, a guardian ad litem who represents children pro bono in custody cases, and the author of "Pretend They Are Dead"—a riveting memoir about what it's actually like to be the alienated child.

This conversation offers a perspective rarely heard in discussions about parental alienation: what happens to that child decades later? What are the long-term effects? How do you survive and build a life after that kind of abandonment?

What You'll Learn:

✅ What it's like when your father disappears and you come home to a stranger who's now your "new dad"
✅ The Brady Bunch from Hell: Being thrown into a blended family with zero preparation
✅ How compartmentalizing helps kids survive—and haunts adults later
✅ Why Steven describes his emotional state as "the feeling of no feeling"
✅ The journey to reuniting with his biological father (spoiler: there's no fairy tale ending)
✅ What Steven sees as a guardian ad litem that parents don't understand
✅ Why anger in custody disputes makes everything worse for your kids
✅ The critical importance of not bad-mouthing the other parent (from someone who lived it)
✅ How to present yourself to a GAL if one is appointed in your case
✅ Why therapy and exercise are non-negotiable for parents in high-conflict divorce

About Steven Eichenblatt:

Steven Eichenblatt is a personal injury attorney in Orlando, Florida with 37 years of legal experience. He represents children pro bono as a guardian ad litem in custody cases—work he's passionate about because of his own childhood experience with family disruption and parental abandonment. He's been married three times, is a father of five, and openly discusses how his childhood alienation affected his ability to form intimate emotional connections in his adult relationships. His book "Pretend They Are Dead" chronicles his experience being abandoned by his biological father, adopted by an abusive stepfather, and his later journey to reconnect with the father who left.

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 - Introduction: Adult alienated child + attorney + guardian ad litem
01:57 - "Pretend they are dead": The title's devastating origin
03:05 - Steven's background: 37 years as attorney, guardian ad litem work
03:26 - What happened: Father disappeared, new man moved in overnight
05:11 - The Brady Bunch from Hell: Seven kids, no counseling, punitive rules
07:25 - Major disruptions all at once: New father, siblings, name change, move
09:21 - Compartmentalizing to survive: "The feeling of no feeling"
12:15 - Difference in impact between Steven and his twin sister
15:40 - The journey to finding his biological father (no fairy tale)
18:22 - Learning his father's side of the story (complex, no villains)
21:35 - Long-term effects: Struggles with intimacy and emotional connection
24:10 - What he sees as a guardian ad litem
27:45 - How to present to a GAL: Don't be angry, be organized
30:18 - The critical mistake parents make: Bad-mouthing the other parent
33:50 - Why the "victim role" doesn't serve you or your kids
37:24 - Practical advice: Therapy, exercise, managing anger
40:21 - Where to find Steven and his book

READ STEVEN'S BOOK:

📚 "Pretend They Are Dead" - Available on Amazon
🌐 Website: www.stevenscottiechenblatt.com
📧 Available for questions and lawyer referrals in Florida

BEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES:

📚 Parental Alienation Course (Launching March 2026)
💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out
🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog

#ParentalAlienation #AdultAlienatedChild #GuardianAdLitem #ChildhoodTrauma #