We're wired to value what we work for more highly than what comes easily. This especially applies to relationships. 

But a lot of men accidentally plant the seeds of resentment in their relationships because they have a desire to prove their worth to their girlfriend or wife. But when you do everything for her, you’re actually robbing her of her ability to connect with you on the deepest level. 

A better solution is doing the opposite: The more your partner invests in you and your relationship, the more she will value it.

Now, this isn’t a free pass to wield manipulation, which only works in the short-term at the expense of the long-term. Instead, it’s about knowing the rules of engagement and using them to your benefit when they’re aligned with your morals. 

In today’s show, you’ll discover the “Cost Worth Connection” that can instantly raise your value on the spot, why people pleasers and nice guys struggle in long-term relationships, and how to avoid common pitfalls that come attached to the “Cost Worth Connection.” 

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• The “Cost Worth Connection” formula for growing stronger in your relationship as years pass instead of withering away (1:17)  
• How helping your girlfriend or wife with everything actually plants seeds of resentment instead of connection (1:55) 
• How to increase attraction, appreciation and enjoyment in a relationship (even after you’ve passed the honeymoon phase) (6:13) 
• Why people pleasers struggle in long-term relationships and cause their attractiveness to diminish (6:37)
• The weird way this popular habit-building method can improve every aspect of your relationship (10:22) 
• How bragging in front of beautiful women makes them recoil and run away from you (17:40) 
• The psychological reason why nice guys always get mistreated, dumped, and cheated on—with real life examples (18:15) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There’s a lot of modern men, especially those who frequent Red Pill and manosphere blogs, forums, and websites, that are deeply unhappy and unfulfilled. But instead of using this as an opportunity to grow, they use it as a way to let their anger percolate. 

What happens to these men is they let their anger blind them from the possibilities life presents: Happiness, fulfillment, love. 

There’s another, often overlooked, path if you find yourself living an unfulfilled life. 

This rarely trotted path? 

Morality. 

In today’s episode, you’ll discover how morality developed alongside our physical evolution, why it's a key component of successful societies, and most importantly, how embracing your moral nature leads to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• How morality has evolved alongside human evolution (and how this helps you find a date with a high-quality partner) (3:22) 
• The single biggest masculine trait many modern men lack today (5:21) 
• The overlooked reason why you feel exhausted all the time and ashamed to be your real self around others (8:57) 
• The simple, yet difficult way to invite a sense of fulfillment and peace of mind into your life (9:58) 
• How to tell—with near certainty—whether or not you can trust someone else (12:48) 
• Why falling into the “Is-Ought Fallacy” trap sabotages your chances of finding a high-quality partner (14:31)
• How to decrease your chances of being lied to or cheated on (18:58)  

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Nothing is more impactful to your overall happiness and fulfillment—both in relationships and outside of them—than a new concept called “Therapeutic Coaching.” 

What’s “Therapeutic Coaching?” 

It’s when you mix the best of life coaching with the best of psychotherapy—and unlock profound growth in the process. 

Why? 

Because not only does it show you how to address your life’s ultimate challenges and worries, but it also helps you actively work through them. So, instead of just talking about your challenges without an action plan, therapeutic coaching helps you incorporate them into your life too. 

The result? 

You gain a deeper understanding of yourself, stronger emotional resilience, improved relationships, and a more fulfilling, satisfying life—much more rapidly than therapy or coaching alone. 

In this episode, you’ll discover why Therapeutic Coaching is the missing key to profound emotional and psychological growth. Plus, I’ll reveal a couple of key strategies to help you become the master of your emotions. 

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• Unlocking true happiness and emotional wellbeing is a skill… Here’s how to learn it (1:43) 
• How “Therapeutic Coaching” is like a master chef cooking up a spectacular cuisine for your relationships (2:53) 
• Why understanding your emotional patterns and healing your past wounds isn’t enough for creating a deeply fulfilling relationship (5:06) 
• How mixing the best of life coaching with the best of therapy can turn your stressful goals into ones that unleash a deep sense of joy into your being (6:55) 
• The counterintuitive way confronting your mortality can unlock a deep sense of purpose in your life (10:07) 
• How to turn feelings of loneliness and isolation into kinship and connection (10:50) 
• The “Simply Noticing” secret for making profound improvements in your emotional and psychological growth (16:16) 
• Does being vulnerable make anxiety squirm through your guts like a parasite? Try these simple approaches to feel more confident when you’re being vulnerable (19:31)
• How treating therapy like the gym removes the stigma and helps you get more benefit from the process (23:17) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Today, we’re discussing perhaps one of the most important aspects of not only dating success, but to your entire life:

Your attachment style. 

If left unchecked, your attachment style can lead to a cycle of unhealthy relationships, constant anxiety, and an underlying sense of insecurity and unhappiness. It’s like living in a house with a foundation that’s cracking, but choosing to ignore it. Ignore it long enough, and the whole structure is at risk. 

If you have an anxious attachment style—one of the most popular types for listeners of this show—then it explains why neediness rears its ugly head, threatening the health of your entire relationship. 

But here’s the good news: 

Just because you have an anxious attachment style today doesn't mean you’ll forever suffer from this. In fact, not only is it possible to manage your attachment style, but you can even transform an anxious one into a secure one. 

Now, this is easier said than done. But it’s possible. 

In today’s show, you'll discover the roots of your attachment style, how your attachment style gets triggered, how to manage your attachment style so it stops sabotaging your best relationship, and how to transform an anxious attachment style into a secure one. 

The result? 

You’ll not only improve your romantic relationships, but you’ll transform your entire approach to life. You’ll understand how to build a solid foundation for yourself, so you’re not always rocked by the waves of your emotions.

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• How to prevent your unique “Attachment Style” from sabotaging your relationship and long-term happiness in life (0:41) 
• Despite popular belief: Attachment styles aren’t permanent—Here’s how to grow out of an anxious attachment style to a secure one (1:23) 
• How curiosity can execute your neediness, behead your fear of rejection, and eliminate your inability to trust others (3:35) 
• Do you always worry that your girlfriend will up and leave you? Here’s how one of my clients overcame this deep-rooted fear (and how you can do the same) (5:46) 
• The “Ideal Parent” management style of your inner parts that transforms your most vulnerable parts into some of your most confident ones (7:54) 
• How to enjoy your most intimate relationship (without the constant, nagging fear of losing it) (9:47) 
• The Cardinal Rule for Sexual Attractiveness that you must abide by or else you’ll sabotage a relationship as soon as intimacy heightens (10:53) 
• The wicked way your neediness creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that leaves your partner overwhelmed, suffocated, and resentful (12:07) 
• The 3-step “AUN” process to obliterate an anxious attachment style and transform it into a secure one (15:20) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Nothing can kill an otherwise good relationship as quickly as not having healthy boundaries in place. Without these boundaries, toxic interactions start to infect the relationship. Over time, resentment builds as the relationship becomes unbalanced and draining. 

The problem is, setting healthy boundaries is a difficult task, especially if you struggle with being assertive. You want to have empathy for your partner, and boundaries seem like a selfish short-cut. But this is a myth. 

In fact, setting healthy boundaries is a selfless act: It tells your partner that while you’re there to support her, you respect her enough to allow her autonomy over her own actions, decisions, and emotions.

In this episode, you’ll discover how healthy boundaries save relationships from devolving into resentment and codependency, how to set healthy boundaries (even if you’re not naturally assertive), and simple ways to become more assertive. 

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• The single best way to prevent toxic interactions from infecting your relationships (0:43) 
• Why setting healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you’re being selfish or narcissistic (even if this is your gut reaction) (2:56) 
• The counterintuitive way wanting to fix someone’s negative emotions is a form of toxic manipulation that strains even the healthiest relationships (3:56) 
• Want to help your partner without crossing toxic boundaries? Try saying this to them when they’re down… (6:23) 
• The insidious “enmeshing” problem that trips up a lot of guys and dupes them into sabotaging their relationship (and the easiest way to avoid this costly mistake) (9:30) 
• Do you struggle with setting healthy boundaries with your partner? Reading this book will end your struggles (11:59) 
• How to tell the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness so you become comfortable with asserting your needs (without coming across like a jerk) (14:36)    

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Most men don’t realize that the patterns they see in their relationships almost always trace back to their core insecurities and emotional baggage. 

This may be hard to hear at first, but it’s actually an empowering approach to fixing unhealthy dating patterns. 

If you constantly find yourself stuck in a cycle of unsatisfying or unfulfilling relationships, instead of searching for quick fixes or dating advice on YouTube, reflect on how your internal psychology is sabotaging your relationships. 

For example, low self-worth and unresolved trauma actively work to rip your relationship apart from the inside out. 

However, the solution, while difficult, is also simple:

By first focusing on the relationship you have with yourself and addressing unresolved issues, you will naturally attract better partners, form deeper connections, and unlock a more fulfilling relationship. 

In this episode, you’ll discover how to confront these internal psychological problems and escape the cycle of unfulfilling relationships forever.

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• Why relying on quick fixes to heal your relationship and dating problems is a surefire way to live alone, isolated, and miserable (0:50) 
• The sneaky way your insecurities and emotional baggage seep into your relationship and sabotage it (1:17) 
• How to solve all your relationship and dating problems by focusing on the often-neglected “inner world” (3:12) 
• Do you think you’re unlucky in love? Well, here’s how your low self-worth manifests in your dating patterns (4:07)  
• The “Mirror Effect” in dating that explains how your emotions, insecurities, and life perspective influences your relationships (and how to attract better partners into your life) (7:42) 
• How your insecurities betray your relationship and makes your neediness scare away your partner (8:15) 
• The key to finally breaking unhealthy relationship patterns and building stronger connections (16:11) 
• 3 reasons why group therapeutic coaching can transform your fear of conflict into a deeply fulfilling relationship (18:48) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to take this quick quiz to access my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://dtphd.com/quiz now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Imagine a life where you understand yourself and your relationships deeply. Where you’re no longer stuck in unfulfilling patterns because you have the tools and the experience to build genuine, lasting connections. 

Imagine you’re confident and skilled in expressing yourself and your needs. You know how to navigate relationships with empathy, compassion, and assertiveness. And when challenges arise, you have the skills and the courage to tackle them head on. 

While this may seem like a pipe dream for men who have only gone through individual therapy or none at all, it’s the reality for those who have gone through a good therapeutic coaching group. 

Why?

Well, group therapeutic coaching offers certain advantages over individual coaching and can fast track your personal growth, leading to more authentic relationships. 

In today’s episode, I reveal the four advantages group dynamics have over individual therapy dynamics, how therapeutic group work helps you confront unfulfilling patterns in real time (versus always looking to the past), and why it’s a more effective route for transformation. 

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• Why reading another self-help book or going through another online psychology course only delays your success in creating authentic relationships (1:13) 
• How therapeutic group coaching is like going through the therapeutic process with a jetpack strapped to your back (2:08) 
• The “Corrective Emotional Experience” secret found in group therapy settings that fast tracks your ability to create meaningful connections (5:51) 
• Have you tried individual therapy sessions and are still stuck in bad patterns? Here’s why a therapeutic coaching group can finally break these patterns… (8:07) 
• How group therapeutic coaching mirrors your outside relationships, leading to quicker and more permanent transformations (8:52) 
• Why endlessly analyzing your childhood can keep you stuck there (and how the “here and now” approach of group settings forces you to address problems as they arise) (14:26) 
• 4 proven reasons why group therapeutic coaching unlocks faster and more transformative change than individual therapy (23:37) 

For David Tian’s “Healthy Dating & Relationships” small-group coaching program, which is mentioned in this episode, click here: https://cf.davidtianphd.com/hdr-og

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There’s a catch-22 that happens in almost every long-term relationship:

The more intimate your relationship becomes, the more it triggers unresolved, unconscious issues. This may explain seemingly random explosions of anger over minor disagreements or waves of sadness and low self-esteem. 

Despite our wishes, repressing painful emotions doesn’t make them disappear into thin air. Instead, they simmer under the surface, and pop up when you least expect it. The problem is, these explosions of repressed trauma can sabotage even the healthiest of relationships. 

That’s the bad news. 

The good news?

Well, there are proven ways to not only deal with these suppressed emotions, but to make sure that they don’t sabotage your relationships or mental health. In today’s episode, we explore these proven ways, so you can free yourself of the poison they bring when left unanalyzed and unresolved. 

Want to improve your mental health, relationships, and discover how to confront repressed emotions so they don’t backfire on you and your loved ones?

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• Why ignoring your “emotional fitness” plants the seeds of destruction in even the healthiest of relationships (1:13) 
• How being vulnerable with women often re-traumatizes men who haven’t yet discovered their true self and turns off your date (even if it seems like good advice on the surface) (6:26) 
• Does your neediness prevent you from making authentic connections with women you date? Here’s the only true way to get rid of your neediness (7:09) 
• Why your false selves sabotage your mental health (even if they help you land a few dates) (8:54) 
• How the therapeutic process brings all of your psyche’s parts into harmony and balance and unlocks the deep connections you’ve been searching for in your relationships (13:36) 
• Why repressed emotions linger under the surface and cause explosions of anger at the worst possible times (and how to handle repressed emotions in a healthier way) (14:48) 
• The “Emotional Self Sufficiency” secret that enhances your mental health, your relationships, and your general wellbeing (17:21) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

The modern dating scene is responsible for why so many people—both men and women alike—struggle with creating meaningful connections. Dating apps treat love like a slot machine, epitomizing this problem. Then, the red pill movement capitalizes on this, duping you into sacrificing your love life and mental health and worse. 

But there’s a silver lining…

Everyone is searching for connection. And by focusing on showing up as your authentic self, you put yourself leagues ahead of other men in the modern dating scene. 

In this episode, you’ll discover why authenticity is crucial for dating and relationships, how to share your authentic self with others, and how to keep the passion alive once you find a deep and meaningful relationship.  

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• The truth behind why dating is harder in 2024 than ever before (0:44) 
• How being too vulnerable in your relationship can be a subtle form of manipulation (even if you’ve heard this is the key to your relationship’s success elsewhere) (2:35) 
• Why dating apps are like a slot machine for your love life that undermines your confidence and self-esteem (4:51) 
• The insidious “False Self” trap that works for dating apps, but sabotages your chance of creating meaningful connections and becomes toxic for your mental health (9:13) 
• How to keep the romance alive in a long-term relationship (even after the “passionate attraction” naturally fades) (12:34) 
• Have your conversations devolved into “did you pay the bills?” and “what’s for dinner?” … Here’s how to rekindle the flame when this happens (13:08) 
• Asking yourself this one question is the quickest way to attract better dates, increase your confidence, and even land promotions at work (16:45) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Having an Avoidant Attachment Style—or dating someone with one—can wreak havoc throughout your relationship. It can cause an otherwise healthy relationship that’s headed towards marriage and children into utter destruction. 

Why? 

Well, people with an Avoidant Attachment Style, while they crave intimacy like everyone else, the more intimate you become, the more fear the avoidant partner feels. 

But here’s the good news:

Having an Avoidant Attachment Style isn’t a life sentence. In fact, there are ways you can overcome your Avoidant Attachment Style or help your partner deal with theirs, so your relationship continues to grow and blossom. 

In this episode, I reveal how you get an Avoidant Attachment Style, the key steps you need to follow if you or your partner has this, and why understanding the different types of Attachment Styles can improve every relationship you have. 

Listen now. 

Show Highlights Include:

• How understanding your “Attachment Style” can be a game changer for your personal and romantic relationships (0:43) 
• Why intimacy frightens you away and can even sabotage an otherwise successful relationship if you have this attachment style (and how to overcome this fear) (2:23) 
• The 4 main “Attachment Styles” and how they impact your relationships (5:05) 
• How your attachment style starts in childhood then bleeds—largely without you realizing it—into your adult relationships (7:29) 
• The 3 crucial things you need to do if you find yourself in a relationship with someone with an Avoidant Attachment Style (13:26) 
• The insidious push-pull dynamic of the Avoidant Attachment Style that causes self-sabotage, loneliness, and frustration (14:15) 

Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now.

For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery