Conversations About Divorce

Disagreements are normal in any relationship so you have to expect that you and your ex are not going to agree on everything. If you're not comfortable handling disagreements, knowing this might make you groan, tense up and become anxious. 

You have choices.

You could decide you're just going to say no to everything your ex asks. That will however lead to on-going unresolved conflict which is when divorce harms children the most.

At the other end of the scale, you could choose to go along with whatever your ex wants. This is more a theoretical option rather than anything that is viable.. 

Or, you take it step-by-step, issue-by-issue and learn how to handle the difficult conversations better.

Realistically, this third option is the only meaningful choice. And there are some pretty simple techniques you can follow that will help you communicate more meaningfully and effectively.

Joining Mandy to discuss these techniques are two communication experts, Leslie Breisch and Christina Jensen. Breisch is the co-founder and Software Developer of Civil Communicator and Jensen is Director of Sales and Marketing. Civil Communicator is a third-party communication platform designed to help parents communicate productively about the needs ot their child.

If you're interested in trying Civil Communicator, there's a 30-day free trial and special for listeners to Conversations About Divorce, Civil Communicator is offering an additional one month free with the coupon code "divorce." 

Remember to check out Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce where you'll find a synopsis of this Conversation together with lots more valuable insights and strategies for helping you through your divorce.

The data breach at Equifax has many of us monitoring our credit score more closely now but the data breach isn't the only threat to your credit score. Divorce is a common time when many people become aware of their score and the decisions that you make leading up to the end of your marriage and in your divorce settlement can have a significant impact on your score.

Coming at a time when you may be applying for a credit, such as refinancing, a car loan or a new credit card, a lower credit score could mean higher interest rates or even worse, no loan.

If your spouse was financially irresponsible, is there anything you can do to protect yourself?

How do you manage this transition to minimize the impact on your creidt score?

And if your credit score is in the tank, how long does it take to improve your score?

Joining Mandy for this episode is money blogger Samantha Gregory from Rich Single Momma where you can download Samantha's Budget Sanity Worksheet. 

Visit Mandy's blog Since My Divorce for a synopsis of this show and more vital information to help you manage your divorce.

If you and your spouse have minor children, then you're going to need a plan for how you will parent together after you're divorced and this is an area with which many couples struggle.

Part of the struggle is that the concept of successful shared parenting is relatively new. While people who are getting divorced now may have parents who were divorced and experienced living in two separate homes, the shared parenting they grew up with is very different from what we see today.

Another challenge is the language we use to talk about this. While courts are now using concepts of decision-making and parenting time, divorcing parents are still taking about sole or primary custody without realizing what these terms may really mean or that they are out-dated.

Not knowing what's typical these days or what works, divorcing parents turn to attorneys who can make the process more adversarial than it needs to be.

The good news is that there are strategies and techniques to avoid an unwanted, unintended, damaging and expensive fight over your children. Joining Mandy for this Conversation to share her insights and expertise is Dr. Marlene Bizub. Dr. Bizub has an extensive background in psychology and has been working for over 20 years in domestic relations.

Visit Mandy's blog at Since My Divorce for synopsis of this Conversation.

Sharing your child's expenses with your ex post-divorce can be a minefield on so many levels. It leads to disputes over what expenses should be incurred, what should be shared, what's the fairest way of sharing them, how to get reimbursed and on it goes ....

It can also fuel competition between parents with each parent having their preferred activity or their philosophy on what their child needs for school and and how much to spend. That competition is rarely good for the child.

It's easy for one parent to feel they're carrying the responsibility for these expenses especially when the reimbursements don't come. The debts accumulate and that can mean having to go to court to collect which is never fun.

One key to managing the conflict is planning ahead and including some solid agreements in your divorce papers but to do that, you have to first know what to expect. Joining Mandy for this Conversation is family law attorney Alan Plevy from the law firm SmolenPlevy in Virginia. Alan has been practicing family law for over 30 years and has a wealth of knowledge to share in this area. Check out their website for some helpful videos and resources in divorce.

And ... checkout Mandy's Since My Divorce blog for a synopsis of this show and everything else you need to know about divorce.

Dividing up your household items in divorce can be contentious, plain awkward and anything in between. In most situations, attorneys will tell you that it isn't worth fighting over this and even if the legal folk tell you to value everything at what you could sell it for on CraigsList, it doesn't mean deciding who gets what is easy.

These Conversations are riddled with emotions and hidden meanings. Quite aside from concerns about equity, some items are just plain difficult to let go. And what you don't take, you may have to replace which adds to the expense of splitting up.

One reason this is so challenging is that like so much else to do with divorce, we just don't know how to do it. There are now however companies and services that can help make this task much easier. 

Joining Mandy today is David MacMahan, founder of Fairsplit. Listen in as MacMahan shares his personal and professional advice on how you can minimize the conflict and get this done. During the show, MacMahan references some free spreadsheets available from FairSplit that you can use to help you. Those are available here.

Check out Mandy's blog at Since My Divorce for synopsis of the show

A fundamental part of the American political scene is the difference between the Democrats and the Republicans and in Presidential election years it always gets intense. Look back to Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush and Al Gore, Barack Obama and John McClain and Mitt Romeny. The list goes on.

What's different now though is that even now, almost nine months after the Presidential election, the divisive political climate continues and that conflict is spilling over into friendships and intimate relationships.

In a recent survey from the polling firm, Wakefield Research, nearly 25 percent of respondents said they'd fought with their spouse or partner over politics since President Trump was elected. 

A quick look through online dating profiles will show people requesting not to be contacted if you voted for a specific candidate.

So if you're a Democrat and your spouse is a Republican, is your relationship doomed? Are politics just a no-go area for you until the next election? Should a political difference influence you to end your marriage? Are there strategies for bridging the divide?

Joining Mandy for this important Conversation, is life coach Christine Khetarpal. Christine specializes in helping people find the clarity and confidence to decide whether to end their marriage.

You'll find a synposis of this Conversation on Mandy's SinceMyDivorce blog.

We all want to be there for our children but what if you're not? What if you're travelling overseas and there's an event, that means you're stuck there and can't get home? What if you have a medical emergency that leaves you hospitalized, in intensive care, unable to communicate? What if the unthinkable happens and you die in a car accident?

Without an emergency response plan, your child may be taken into protective custody or foster care, making an already traumatic event much worse.

And while the odds of these events happening to you may seem remote, these are real risks. These are situations that all families, divorced or not need to consider and being divorced, can compound the drama.

The good news is that with the courage to consider these possibilities you can put a plan in place that will make the world of difference to your child.

Joining Mandy to discuss the ins and outs of a Children's Emergency Response Plan is estate planning attorney Martha Hartney. Inspired by her own two children, Martha is the creator of CHERP, the solution that walks you through creating your Children's Emergency Response Plan in 30 minutes.

You'll find a synopsis of this episode over at Mandy's Since My Divorce blog.

In this episode of Conversations About Divorce, we're talking about child custody battles.

We've all read about the ugliness and painful allegations that are made in celebrity divorces and those are mainstays of many custody fights. They're always ugly, always expensive and once started, there's rarely any backtracking. Once the accusations have been made, there's no taking them back. They can't be erased.

The impact these battles have can spread far and wide. The children at the center of the arguments are always exposed and involved, and friends and family members are rarely immune.

There are however, times when parenting absolutely does need to be restricted for the safety of the child. So how do you know when to fight and when to settle? How can you be sure you're making the right decision for your child? Are there alternatives that are less damaging for all?

Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Connecticut-based family law attorney Larry Sarezky. Larry is the author of the book Divorce Simply Stated (available on Amazon) and he also wrote and directed the award-winning film, Talk To Strangers, which is aimed at helping parents avoid putting their children through a court-based custody battle.

You'll find a synopsis of the show over at Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce .

How often have you read about someone reflecting back on their divorce, how awful it was at the time, how it wasn't their choice and yet, how they wouldn't go back to that marriage again, how much they've learned since then and how much they themselves have changed?

Compare that to the person who talks bitterly about their ex, even years afterwards, the person who doesn't have a new circle of friends, doesn't have new interests and says that everything would have been OK if they hadn't gotten divorced?

Two completely different perspectives - victim and survivor. The difference comes with healing from the emotional trauma and that's what divorce recovery programs are designed to do.

And there are many different formats so what can you expect, when's the right time to participate and what things should you take into consideration when choosing a program?

Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Zina Arinze who is based in London, England. Zina is a divorce coach and author of Reinvent You: How To Move From We To Me After Divorce. Find out more information about Zina at her website BelieveAndLiveAgain.

Check out Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce for a synopsis of this Conversation and more helpful information about divorce.

Divorce professionals say it's best to approach your divorce negotiations as a business discussion but how do you take your emotions out of it?

First, let's remember why these discussions need to be more business:
the legal system is not set up to resolve disagreements based on moral arguments. The judges are bound by statutes and case law. That doesn't necessarily mean that you shouldn't pursue a resolution you feel is morally right but recognize that doing so is likely going to mean increased legal expenses with no certainty of outcome. It's risky and the process for pursuing such resolutions through the court system is emotionally draining.often times decisions based on emotions are not the best long term or even short term decisions. The classic example of this is the person who is determined to keep the marital home, and does so but then finds themselves struggling every month to make ends meet with little disposable income. A more rational analysis of this during negotiations might have shown this lightly outcome and opened the path to looking at alternatives.ideally what we want is to make decisions that we won't later regret. We want to look back in five years time and remember the reasoning for each decision and to believe it was the best decision we could have made at the time with the information we had at the time.
The problem however is that no one tells you how to park your emotions. That's what we're talking about in this episode. And for this one we've turned the tables. This time Mandy is being interviewed by divorce coach Sahaj Durnin from Divorce With Ease.

For a synopsis, please visit Mandy's blog, Since My Divorce.