Healing with WORTH

We want to wish you all a Merry Christmas! In this episode, we discuss the Macaroni Necklace Analogy. It is also known as the airplane or buffalo/squirrel analogy. 

Have you ever received a macaroni necklace from your child that they made at school that day? You get so excited because they feel so proud of their efforts and want you to wear/be proud of it too. You may smile and wear it around the house, but at the end of the day, you won't wear it to church. 

This can often correlate with the relationship we have with our spouse and their sexual behaviors. If you are interested in learning how, please listen in!

We recommend you say no to the macaroni necklaces this year for Christmas and know that your safety is important. 

Show Notes: 

If you would like to join Jody's Worth group, or any other Worth marriage or divorce group, please do that here at https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/enroll/

If you would like to read more about pioneer mode that Janeen was talking about, please visit our website with many other recovery terms and concepts here https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/common-recovery-terms-and-concepts/

We have a special episode for you today! Naomi and Janeen were invited to be on the amazing Choose To Be podcast with Choose Recovery Services' therapist Alana Gordon and Amie Woosley.

Our hosts share a little bit more about their stories and how they came to be the hosts of the Healing with Worth podcast. 

We discuss the importance of having support when you are going through betrayal trauma or divorce, struggles that can arise in religious culture through healing, how to know when we come to a point where we need help, and gaining worth and empowerment in your journey. 

 Hopefully this helps you get to know our hosts just a little bit better! 

Show Notes: 

If you would like to listen in to any of the Choose To Be podcast from Choose Recovery Services, you can do that here https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/podcast/

If you would like to learn more about Alana, Amie, or team members of Choose Recovery Services, you can do that on their website: https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/

If you would like to join the Worth program, marriage or divorce groups are available at https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/enroll/

Another analogy to our series! 

Here we are discussing the greenhouse analogy. This term, along with many others, comes from the director of Life Changing Services, Maurice Harker, who has studied psychology and human relationships for the last 25+ years. He often uses this term to help those women who are looking to repair their marriages, but it can also be applied to those who are needing distance to provide safety for themselves. 

To give a better understanding, we go over the ways a greenhouse provides safety for a plant to survive and thrive such as supplying the proper temperature, nutrients, sunlight, water, etc. It also protects the plant from outside elements such as freezing or scalding temperatures. 

This same concept can be applied to women who are experiencing betrayal trauma. They may have felt the affects of outside forces, so now they find they are needing to provide safety for themselves. Listen in to find ways of how to do that! 

Show Notes: 

If you would like to enroll in one of our Worth marriage or divorce groups, you can do that here at https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/enroll/

We have Worth therapist, Jody VanDrimmelen back with us to talk about weather checking and when the wind blows analogies!

The weather checking analogy comes from the founder and director of Life Changing Services, Maurice Harker. If you would like to read more about it, you can follow the link below. 

This concept of weather checking is much like how we check the weather outside to determine how we dress, navigate possibly dangerous areas, and what path we take to our destination. To determine if it is safe to engage with our spouse, we might put our hand on his chest to see what the reaction might be. 

We also discuss the concept of when the wind blows. This idea often corresponds with weather checking because you may be noticing different behaviors in your spouse. He may be telling you everything is fine, but your gut is telling you something different. Listen in to hear of ways that we might find the need to disconnect to a safe distance if red flags arise or if everything is okay. 

Show Notes: 

To read more about the term "weather checking", you can do that here at https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/common-recovery-terms-and-concepts/

To join the Worth program, you can enroll here at https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/enroll/ We would love to help you in your healing process. 

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving! 

We know that the holidays can be a hard time of year when dealing with betrayal trauma, so we didn't want to leave you without a podcast and hopefully a little upliftment. 

In this episode, we talk about the wonderful gifts healing from betrayal trauma brings into our lives. Those range from having the words to explain the struggles we deal with to the connections we have felt with women who are going through similar circumstances. If you are feeling alone this day, please listen in and know we are here with you! We have felt this pain. Maybe you are not in place to feel grateful for some of the things we've talked about or others you can think of, and that is okay! Meet yourself where you are today, and have compassion for yourself. You have gone through some really hard things! 

Show Notes: 

If you would like to join our healing groups through Worth, please do so at https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/enroll/

Today, we are explaining the buffalo/cow analogy! 

This analogy comes from Rory Vanden in his book "Take the Stairs". He indicates in his book that we all have storms in our lives. Rory grew up in the state of Colorado. Because of the topographical landscape, it's one of the only places in the world that has buffalo and cows. When storms start brewing, both of these animals react in different ways. Listen in to see how! 

Sometimes, we may be in denial of the storms in our own lives which is part of the grieving process. We don't realize the storm that is coming or even the storm that may be already here. We talk a little about our own experience with this, and the process of becoming aware. 

Show Notes: 

If you would like to read more on Rory Vanden or his book, you can do that here https://www.roryvaden.com/take-the-stairs

To join our Worth married or divorce group, please do that here https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/enroll/ We'd love to help you in your healing journey!

If you have any questions or comments about this analogy, please email the Worth podcast coordinator at [email protected].

We are back with Jody Steurer and Jamee Adams for Part 2 of our discussion talking more about anger in social situations as well as church culture!

Talking about anger, we feel that we cannot talk about boundaries along with it. One of the reasons we may feel anger is because of the expectations of other people that we might do things for. If we do feel anger, that may mean that we may need to set a boundary with that person. It might be really scary to set boundaries because of the way the other person might react. Boundaries will definitely test our relationships with the people around us. As Jody said in the podcast, "Saying what I need to say matters more than preserving a dysfunctional relationship." 

Speaking up, despite the consequences, can fuel something inside of us to keep doing so. At times, our speaking up can be perceived as having anger even if we do not feel that emotion. Anger can then be used as a defense mechanism against us. We may feel the need to change our behavior in how we spoke up. Jamee gives us the reminder that "the battle is often less with the people in our lives than it is within our own head." Jody and Jamee give us a few ways to get out of our own head. Listen in to find out those ways!

Show Notes: 

If you would like to learn more about Jody, Jamee, and their podcast, you can do that here - https://speakupsister.net/

To listen to their Speak Up Sister podcasts, you can listen on any platform or find them here on their website - https://speakupsister.net/the-podcast-2/

If you missed our previous episode with Jamee and Jody #68, you can listen to that here - https://anchor.fm/healingwithworth/episodes/68-Anger-and-Women-Speaking-Up-with-Jody-Steurer-and-Jamee-Adams-Part-1--Healing-with-WORTH-e19nnpg

We are interviewing two sisters in this episode, Jody Steurer and Jamee Adams! These women are the creators of the Speak Up Sister podcast (link below). Grounded in the doctorine of the church of Jesus Christ, Jamee and Jody draw from His gospel and the latest scientific research to bring validation, education, tools and support to women all over the world. They're conversations are often geared towards women who want to speak up. In their podcasts, they give a little more insight into why we don't, why our voices need to be heard, and how we can do that. 

The topic that we wanted to discuss with them today is anger and women having the opportunity to speak up. 

From the Speak Up Sister podcast, “Pretending we don’t feel anger (which is really just avoiding), stuffing anger, talking ourselves out of it… all these can keep us from using our voices about things that really matter.”  — from Episode 3, Anger, Part 1

Last week, we spent a little time talking about anger, so we thought this would be the perfect follow up episode to provide more understanding on the subject. We discuss experiences with our parent(s), spouse, and children of why we might feel anger or why we have the thoughts about our anger. 

Make sure to tune in next week for Part 2 talking more about anger in social and church culture with Jody and Jamee! 

Show Notes: 

If you would like to learn more about Jody, Jamee, and their podcast, you can do that here - https://speakupsister.net/

To listen to their Speak Up Sister podcasts, you can listen on any platform or find them here on their website - https://speakupsister.net/the-podcast-2/

If you missed our previous episode on Anger (#67), you can listen to that here - https://anchor.fm/s/bba5990/podcast/rss

In this episode, we discuss the emotion of anger. We feel that there are a lot of misconceptions around anger, so we wanted to talk a little more in depth. To help us in this task, we are also pulling from Harriet Lerner's book "The Dance of Anger" to better help us explain from a therapist! 

Harriet Lerner says, "Anger exists for a reason, and it always deserves our attention and respect." 

Have many of us felt that feeling anger was wrong? 

On the churchofjesuschrist.org website it gives this definition of anger: "It is true that there is a rare time and place for the expression of righteous anger—the Lord himself has expressed indignation and anger when the circumstances warranted such reactions. Righteous anger is a controlled response to an unrighteous situation, however, not the kind of emotional outbursts most of us are all too familiar with."

How can we find ways that we can express our "righteous" anger without leaving our value systems? We discuss some of those ways!

SHOW NOTES:

If you would like to buy or read more on Harriet Lerner's book "The Dance of Anger", you can do that here https://www.amazon.com/Dance-Anger-Changing-Patterns-Relationships/dp/0062319043

Anger is part of the grief cycle. If you would like to read more about 'anger' or the grief cycle, you can do that here https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/betrayal-trauma-stages-of-grief/ 

If you would like to enroll in Worth marriage/Worth divorce groups, you can do that here https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/enroll/

Pioneer Woman Mode, a term Maurice Harker, director of Life Changing Services, deemed for women who are struggling in the world of their spouses sexual misbehaviors. This term has been used throughout many of our podcasts, so we thought we'd dive a little deeper into explaining what really is "pioneer woman mode".

"Pioneer Woman mode embodies the sacrifice that Mormon Utah Pioneer women made. These women were thrust from their homes, often with their children and little or no provisions. They were forced to walk, sometimes barefoot, pulling handcarts with their belongings, responsible for providing for their needs and those of their children.

Pioneer Woman Mode refers to assessing the situation, and creating a safety plan for oneself. " -https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/common-recovery-terms-and-concepts/

We may find ourselves in this situation, and we want to be ready!

Show Notes: 

If you would like to read more about ideas of how you can prepare yourself, you can do that here https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/common-recovery-terms-and-concepts/ under the term "Pioneer Woman Mode" and "Packing Your Wagon".

To join the Worth group that Naomi was talking about, you can do that here. https://lifechangingservices.online/worth/

President Dallin H. Oaks is quoted from his talk "Modern Pioneers" from 1989. You can read or listen to the full talk here. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1989/10/modern-pioneers?lang=eng