Love Over Addiction

When you love someone suffering from addiction is it ok to drink around them?

Sometimes it's easy to say "no, thank you" when we're asked if we would like a glass of wine or pretty beverage since we have grown to hate the very substance that's tearing our family apart.

But other times, we wonder… am I enabling him if I drink around him? If I'm telling him not to drink should I avoid people drinking too?

These are great questions.

Here's what I always recommend: try not to drink in front of your loved one. I did not drink in front of mine for 10 years. It had no effect on his drinking (he still drank and used drugs) but it helped me know that I was not a stumbling block.

If I had a drinking problem (and thank God I don't), I think it would bother me to be around other people who drink. That's why a lot of non-drinkers stick together - it takes away the pressure. If they were trying to quit smoking - would we light up a cigarette in front of them? I would hope not.

You're not going to be able to avoid social situations where people don't drink and your loved one needs to learn how to handle it, but I would personally, as his wife, support him when you're at home or out by ordering a coke, tea or water.

Refraining from drinking in front of an alcoholic is one of the most loving acts of kindness we can do for the ones who struggle with this disease. ​

If you found this tip helpful there are plenty more practical ways we can help ourselves and the ones we love. We don't need to stay stuck and unhappy. There are better answers. Click here to take a look at one of our programs and payment plans.

I love to remind you how strong and courageous you are. I choose these adjectives for two reasons: one--I know they are true about you and two--this disease tries (and sometimes succeeds) at making us feel weak and helpless.

But if you're the type of woman like me who always feels like she has to be strong, who takes problems head on and is constantly looking for solutions, sometimes, just sometimes, being strong and courageous is NOT the best answer right away.

For most of my life I have been considered the strong one in the family. When I am hurt I don't usually cry or hide. I usually confront the situation or person. When I see injustice I speak up (especially for my kids) and I don't have a problem taking on other people's issues and helping in any way I can.

And most of the time this works for me.

But every now and then I see a really soft, tender-hearted person who dares to be vulnerable and I get jealous (that was embarrassing to admit).

I am thinking of a certain woman whom I went to dinner with. During the entire dinner she was soft spoken. She was a wonderful listener and only contributed when she had value to add. She was petite and tender. Even her soft pastel clothing was innocent looking.

I know when she gets hurt she cries. She explains her feelings with an open heart and vulnerability.

And everyone melts.

And this is where I get jealous. Because nobody really feels sorry for the strong ones. I can't tell you the number of times I have struggled in my life and my parents told me, "I don't worry about you Michelle. I know you can take care of yourself."

And a part of me is flattered they think I'm so capable and a part of me wants them to worry a little.

Being strong and courageous are virtues that I would never ever want to give up. But this woman at lunch reminded me that it's also important for us to be soft and allow ourselves to fall apart when we need to.

To pause for half an hour, half a day or half a month and just cry. Let it out. I don't need to immediately pick up the pieces every time right away. I might need to let myself sit in the pain on the bathroom floor for a moment. Let my heart open up to the struggle and be really daring. Let someone I trust see me falling apart.

And even say "Yes, please!" if someone kindly offers to help me instead of always being in control.

I asked my Secret Facebook Group how they felt about the idea of allowing ourselves to take a break from being strong and courageous and this is what they said (they are soo wise): I will never use names - privacy is our most important priority. Always.

"I feel like I'm saying a lot lately 'there is beauty in the breakdown' and it's ok to fall apart because that's necessary in order to become whole again. We tried to be perfect (wives, daughters) and that's what got us here in the first place. If we own each feeling, and accept each feeling, then we can process it peacefully in our own time and move forward to a more beautiful place."

"Sometimes what may appear to be weakness....breaking down, crying, withdrawing....is actually the strongest thing we can do. Admitting we can't do it all is strong!"

"Being strong, I think, to me looks like not being consumed by grief, bitterness, or shame. If I let it out I'm dealing with it and walking THROUGH the pain, not around it. So, if I need a sick day or cry at a stoplight, or whatever, I'm dealing with it and walking through it... focused on not being consumed."

"Yes. Surrendering to how we REALLLLY feel!! I have to let myself do that every now and again! I have to remind myself it's ok to have ALLLLL of the feels! The bad ones. The negative ones. The pessimistic ones. They are ALL valid. I actually feel a great release when I finally realize that what I am doing is BLOCKING the flow of the negative feelings in order to 'stay strong' and 'be positive.'"

"Sometimes it is just so hard to hold it all together, to be strong for our kids, at work and for ourselves. It's ok to be human. Today I called in sick to work which I find so hard to do. I had a good cry, a cup of coffee and I'm going to lie in bed another while and then I know I can be strong again."

"I think definitely it's okay to relieve ourselves of the need to always be strong. We're always taking care of so many things in our daily lives. Through yoga I've learned that sometimes just being quiet and getting in touch with how we're truly feeling can allow those feelings to bubble to the surface, and then clear away. Also, because we are always going, going, going, to put ourselves in a receptive state to pull our energy inward is a good way to renew that strength and courage."

"I do think we need a break! At least I do somedays. Not to wallow in it, but just to grieve the losses we endure and must come to terms with. Sometimes just being given permission to cry it out, rant and rave and feel the anger and sadness can be such a great release. That alone can give me the strength and courage to keep moving forward."

"I think sometimes feeling the emotions and falling apart at times is being strong and courageous. You are being true to yourself."

Do you see why I love these women so much?! There is such amazing wisdom in our online group. If you're interested in joining us - we would LOVE to have you. You get immediate access after you purchase any one of the programs. And because the group is Secret - none of your friends and family will be able to tell you're a member or see your posts. Facebook does a great job of hiding all activity.

The other night I was folding laundry - that's a daily chore with a large family… thankfully, I have a very nice laundry room where I can watch the kids in the pool or playing in the backyard while I fold and stack.

I was in the middle of moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer and I was thinking of you (because I spend a lot of my time thinking of you) and I had a thought that made me stop and think I needed to tell you this right away.

We always say this disease happens to good men right? And it's true. We love good people who are suffering with a disease. At their roots they are good. They are gifted and full of potential. That's why we fell in love with them in the first place, because we see their true beautiful selves.

But here's another important thing to remember that I think we miss. We are really gifted women too. This disease is attracted to us because of all our wonderful qualities.

We're not crazy - even though addiction tries to make us feel that way. It's actually quite the opposite. We are very sane and very capable women. That's why we come up with so many wonderful ways to help them (even though they never take us up on it for very long).

We are loving women who are fiercely loyal. There's nothing we wouldn't do for the ones we love. We protect and serve and then serve some more.

And I am sure some of you are thinking, "what's so special about this? I've always been this way."

But that's my point. What comes naturally for us are very rare gifts to find in others. What makes us special is the exact reason why addiction loves women like us.

Do you know how many women are in this community? Over 17,000. And do you know how many of us are successful women? We are Working Mothers, Lobbyist, Lawyers, Nurses, Marketing Directors, Triathletes, Entrepreneurs and Teachers. The list goes on and on.

We are not stupid like this disease tries to make us feel. We are very capable, smart women who can manage a whole lot more than just herself.

We are managing little people or grown up people, we are making contributions to make this world a better place, we are researchers and readers, and advocates.

So next time this disease tries to get you to believe the ridiculous lies that you're unloveable, you're not worthy of someone's time and attention, that if YOU changed they would get sober… just remember my loving and thoughtful manager - that you are a woman who knows better.

You are a smart and beautiful women who is fully capable of managing her own life and making healthy decisions that are full of self love.

If you need help learning exactly how to make decisions of self love when you love someone who drinks too much or suffers from addiction, we have you covered. You're in the right place. Self care is the number one tool YOU need to start living the happy and healthy life you desire. You healing starts with you - not him. Join one of the programs or sign up for personal coaching with me here (there are only a few limited spots open) and you can start learning how to pay more attention to your needs and caring for yourself.

The Love Over Addiction Secret Facebook Group is filled with women who are some of the most loving and encouraging women I've ever meet. We are a sisterhood who is bonded together by the fact that we love someone suffering with addiction.

This disease can do a really good job of keeping us isolated and alone. But there is something so healing and powerful when you're surrounded by a group of women ready and willing to lift you up when you need it the most.

One of those women asked a great question that I wanted to share with you because I think so many of you can relate.

Q:

How do I protect myself when he chooses to drink and drive? I'm afraid he will get into an accident and hurt/kill someone else and therefore everything I have worked for will be taken by his bad choice. How can I approach my husband and let him know that I would like to drive without him getting angry and defensive?

Can you relate to this? Does the one you love drink and drive? Are you worried about the legal consequences if they get into an accident? Are you looking for ways to avoid driving with them after they've had a few drinks?

Here's my answer.

We go into this in greater details in the Love Over Addiction and the Love Over Mistakes program. The truth is you should NEVER get in the car with someone who has been drinking. That is a boundary you need to have in place for your safety.

Even if that means that he gets mad at you - you must not get in the car.

Here's something you can say when he's sober and has not been drinking: "I love you but I can't get in the car if you've been drinking. It scares me. If you're planning on drinking, I would like the keys to the car. Can we agree on that?"

Then, if he agrees but refuses to give you the keys - have the Uber or Lyft app already loaded on your phone and ready to call. If you don't have Uber or Lyft - call a friend. But don't get in that car. This is a healthy and safe boundary. You need to protect your safety. If he wants to risk his life - there's nothing you can do - but you get to choose to protect yours.

As for finances and protecting marital assets, we cover that in the Love Over Boundaries program. There are a lot of steps you can take to prevent yourself from losing everything and if we want to get control over this disease - we must learn how to protect ourselves. I hope you'll consider joining me in one of the programs.

This week we're going to answer the question: why do I stay in an unhealthy relationship?

But... before we get started, I want to make something clear. I will never tell you to stay or leave.

There are many women in this community who choose to stay in their marriage and it works for them. And there are women who leave.

My goal for this community is to get YOU healthier and happier so you can make the decision that is best for you. The choice is yours and we will NEVER judge you. Ever.

There are many reasons we decide to stay in a unhealthy relationship (we love them, we see their potential, we find self worth in helping others, fear of what others will think, fear of breaking up a family, etc).

Today we're going to be covering a reason I've never discussed before.

Here's a question I received from a wonderful and strong woman in our Secret Facebook Group that we will use as a great example (I think a lot of you will be able to relate):

Q:

I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for over two years. At first I thought he just drank a lot, then his obsession with drinking made me realize he is an alcoholic, a highly functioning one.

The whole relationship, I gave and he took. I could see that when something interfered with his drinking he would avoid it. But as soon as I began to put some demands on him, basically just asking him to treat me like I treat him, he began to talk about how our relationship wasn't working.

So now we are not together, except to go out to dinner once in awhile, which I am about to put an end to.

But why does it hurt so much to let this man go? I loved him like I never loved anyone else. I was so selfless and always thinking of him. I just can't understand why my heart hurts so much but my brain is telling me I am lucky it has ended and get on with my future without him. I still love him.

This is a question I get a lot. Why do we know in our heads that leaving is the right thing but our hearts want to go back?

Are you ready for the truth? It might be difficult to read but if you're honest with yourself it maybe something you need to hear.

The truth is, when we don't completely love and accept ourselves we are always looking for people and circumstances to reinforce our negative beliefs.

I'll give you an example. Let's say he promises to come home at a certain time. And you wait for him. But he's late and he doesn't even bother calling to tell you he's running behind schedule. And when he does finally walk through the door he smells like alcohol or looks high. You ask him if he'd been drinking or using and he tells you that you're paranoid and overreacting. In other words, he belittles you for not being cool with the situation.

What's really going on in this scenario is that you came into this relationship feeling unimportant and not good enough. And he is reinforcing that belief about yourself by the way he's treating you.

When he doesn't show up on time because he's at the bar or out with friends after work, his ACTIONS are telling you that you're not important enough to him to choose your relationship and get sober.

And then you start to think, "What could I have done better to get him home on time? What am I doing wrong that he doesn't love me enough?"

You take it as a personal rejection that something is wrong with YOU. And you think that if you just "get it right" he will finally find you important enough to come home and stop choosing drugs or drinking over you.

That is the reason this disease can be so powerful over us. Because it attracts women who already believe they are unimportant or unworthy of being cherished, and have hearts that want to help others.

Addiction can identify types of women like us a mile away. And you want to know how it confirms we are the women who will fall for the guy who suffers from addiction? We stick around. We are the ones who stay and try to help the ones we love get sober.

Think about it, if a really confident woman was going on a date with a man who said he was going to pick her up at 7:00 pm and then he showed up at 8:00 with alcohol on his breath or high as a kite - do you really think she would get in the car with him? No, she would probably refuse to go out and never call him back.

Why is she so different than us?

Because she knows she's important and she loves herself enough to not accept dysfunction into her life.

We need to starting falling in love with ourselves more than we fall in love with the alcoholic or addict.

It might be the most difficult thing we ever do, but it should be our new goal.

Because only THEN can we walk away from disfunction without looking back. We can start to honor ourselves. We can find the worth in who we are and were created to be. We can look at ourselves in the mirror and believe: I am enough.

And when all our decisions and choices come from a place of self love, we can become the most powerful and attractive version of ourselves. Everything in our lives will change.

If you're wondering how to start practicing self love, we have you covered. The Love Over Addiction program is filled with REAL tools and techniques . It's a program for you (not for him) and it will help whether he gets sober or not. I hope you make your healing a priority and join us.

As most of you know, I have a blended family. I have given birth to 4 children. And I'm about to share with you a story that at first glance might not seem like it has a lot to do with drinking or addiction, but hang with me and I promise I will get there.

Over the last 3 years I have done almost everything to get my stomach flat. I have thinner legs and arms but I have been "blessed" to carry ALL of my weight in my belly.

It used to be so bad that on a regular basis I would be asked when my baby was due. And because I'm such a codependent (and I know you get it) I would lie and make up a date because I didn't want the person who was asking to feel bad. I know - ridiculous.

So I started working out - something I have avoided my entire youth and adult life. Over the last 3 years I have done almost every exercise known to man. I have also read and tried way too many diets.

At first I lost 20 lbs. And then I gained them all back. Then I lost them again and now (for the last year) I've been at a plateau. I don't get asked how far along I am very often anymore, but I still catch people staring at my belly and I can tell they are wondering - "should I ask?"

So as a very last resort I went to a surgeon…to inquire about a tummy tuck. I know. Please don't judge.

I left his office with a possible date for surgery and a plan.

But here's the thing…Over the next few weeks leading up to surgery I kept thinking, what if I could just get to place where I was ok with my body? Or, something even more crazy - what if I could even embrace my body, as it is right now?

What if I could look at myself in the mirror and thank God for all the hard work my tummy has done in my 39 years of life? My worn out tummy has helped create 4 beautiful human beings who have turned out to be amazing, healthy kids. It has stuck by me as I gained and lost over 200 lbs (including pregnancies). Never giving up. Never shaming me for choosing chocolate. Sure, it may not be what it used to - but it's served me so well.

What if I could get out of the shower and look at my husband in the eye without running for a towel?

My breasts are not winning any prizes after nursing 4 kids (and let's just be honest, they really weren't prize winners before that either). But they are cancer-free, they FED 4 humans and kept them alive!

What if the only exercise I committed to doing was the kind I loved? I love to walk, do elliptical (hello, Netflix) and I love yoga. What if that's all I did for now? No HIT training, cross training, spinning or whatever the trendy fad is that seems to work for everyone else but never for me?

What if I just ate with the intention of feeding my body with nourishing, healthy, colorful foods at every meal? What if I took my time learning to cook what my body needs to thrive? Instead of filling it with junk or starving myself for 3 days only to overstuff myself on the 4th?

What if I researched what I need to eat to have healthy hair, nails, eyes, pores, muscles, skin and just committed to giving back to my tender body what it has given me. To serve my body out of love with no expectations?

What if I threw my scale away and ripped up every diet book? And just moved my body most days and filled my body when I was hungry with things that would make it thrive?

And if I wanted a treat - I would eat a damn treat. No calorie counting, no body shaming, no regrets. Just kindness for myself, self acceptance and giving my body the best chance to grow old gracefully.

That would be amazing.

I don't know how I'm going to get to a place of total self acceptance but I know where to start….

I told my sweet and supportive husband that what he was looking at was as good as it gets for now and I canceled my appointment for surgery.

If you're in love with someone who drinks too much or suffers from addiction like I was, we can easily take their disease as personal rejection.

But what if we decided that we would not let this disease dictate how we feel about ourselves? We are better than addiction and it's time to take back our confidence in our minds, hearts AND bodies.

If you're ready to make your healing as important as his sobriety - we are waiting for you. The programs are online, confidential and you have lifetime access - so you can do them at your own pace.

A few weeks ago we discussed intimacy while loving an alcoholic or substance abuser and I covered what to do if you would rather not be intimate with the one you love. This week I'm going to go into a little more detail because of all the questions I'm receiving.

You're going to learn if alcohol or drugs can kill their sex drive - and lead to ED (erectile dysfunction - blush), what to do if they're blaming you for the lack of intimacy in your relationship and how to stop accepting responsibility when he isn't interested or can't perform.

So take a deep breath, make sure there are no kiddos around and let's talk about this very REAL problem (because we do real here - without any judgment of course).

First off, let's start with the fact that excessive drinking CAN cause a sexual dysfunction* called testicular atrophy by lowering testosterone production. And the less testosterone, the less interested in sex you become.

So if he's acting like your roommate while all your girlfriends are complaining their husbands want to have sex all the time - you can thank the alcohol for disrupting his hormone distribution and liver function.

No need to compare yourself to your girlfriends. You are just as beautiful, fun and loving as they are. They are just not married to a man with this disease.

It's also very common for men to have erectile dysfunction who binge drink (ahhh.. hellooo??). Do you want to know why? I will make this very brief and not too scientific-y (is that a word?).

Alcohol can prevent blood vessels in the penis from closing so it cannot remain erect (I promise that's the last time I use the words penis and erect).

So if they blame you for not being attractive enough (this disease is so nasty sometimes, right?) you now know they're doing this to cover up the fact that they CAN'T have sex with you because of their drinking.

But most alcoholics and drug users refuse to take responsibility for their actions so of course they're NOT going to say, "Sorry, honey. If I just get sober once and for all we would be able to make love again."

Instead, they will find ways to blame you or whatever else they can think of. Don't fall for it. You're a smart woman. You now understand - this has NOTHING to do with you. It's just science.

Sometimes the disease of addiction can bring out the worst in us. We can feel angry they keep lying to us. Or depressed because they keep choosing drugs and alcohol over their marriage and family.

But if you take away all the dysfunction that addiction adds to the family, if you remove those layers, you will discover a gentle and loving woman with an open heart and the thoughtfulness to give.

You will find grace.

Grace is one of my favorite words. Grace is not angry or powerful in a loud way. It's soft and tender and done with an open heart. It's an extension of forgiveness. It's being able to look someone in the eyes and feel them in your heart.

Grace is hugging the ones you love tightly during their meltdown.

My sweet 10 year old son was having a meltdown at bedtime the other night. He was yelling about his younger brother throwing his pillow on the floor and as I stood in the doorway of his bedroom listening to this silly temper tantrum, my mommy instincts told me this really isn't what he's upset about. And rather than telling him his meltdown was silly and to get back to bed (because it was 30 mins past bedtime) I saw his heart hurting.

So I walked over to his bed, put him in my lap and told him I was so sorry he was having such a hard day. Then, I mentioned 2 things I loved about him.

I said, "Graham, I love that every time I come back from getting my hair done, you tell me I look beautiful." Because he's sweet like that. "And I also love how thoughtful you are. When we were walking through the mall last week - you offered to carry my overstuffed purse even though I could tell you may have been a little embarrassed."

You know what happened? He stopped crying and the love in my heart filled up his.

He gave me a kiss on the cheek - curled up in bed and went fast to sleep.

Grace means coming from a place of love when others can't.

It's reaching for my husband's hand in a crowded place and giving it a squeeze to let him know I love him.

It's choosing to look at the reason why someone is hurting you instead of getting stuck in the hurt.

It's giving our friends the benefit of the doubt.

Grace helped me forgive my ex husband. Grace helps me forgive myself. Grace brings me back to soft.

My husband recently told me: I love you when you're being tender. I love when you're being loving and compassionate to the kids or when we're at dinner with another couple and you're giving them a pep talk. I just sit back and watch. That's when I fall in love with you all over.

I know the side of me he's referring to. But most days, I am all drive, ambition - armed with my to-do list and sheer determination to get it done. We women have to wear many hats (chef, housekeeper, nanny, chauffeur, manager, etc.), don't we?

Sometimes the side that is tender and loving gets pushed aside or hidden because we get so hurt by the ones we love when we're vulnerable enough to reveal it. This is especially true if you're married to a man who drinks too much or uses drugs.

But occasionally, let's just take a moment to extend grace to others and ourselves. Let's put away the battle gear that addiction forces us to wear everyday and be tender. In for no other reason, to remember we still have grace. And that is something this disease can never take away from us.

Last week, I answered a question from one of our loving, strong women in our Secret Facebook Group. I love this group. I'll admit... being the introvert I am, I'm not usually one to join groups. So when I started adding free access to the group when you join one of our programs, I really wondered - are women actually going to find this helpful?

And, boy, do they ever. It's a safe place (with no judgment) to share what's really going on in your relationship and to be encouraged, embraced, and given advice (if requested).

Because that's one of the things that makes The Love Over community different: we offer specific advice and tools to help you - whether your partner decides to get sober or not. We don't buy into the theory that we're powerless over this disease. We don't just need to sit back and let addiction take over our lives.

So this week, I'm going to answer another great question from one of our women in this group (we will never share names because confidentiality is our priority - seriously):

Q: I haven't been able to have a conversation with my AH (alcoholic husband) in years. He takes [the conversation] over, usually talking non-stop, talking over me, and then getting angry with me - all the while telling me everything I do wrong. I usually cannot get a word in edgewise so I don't know how I can even enforce a boundary since I would not be able to say anything. He won't stop talking long enough to listen. Any suggestions?

You don't need to enforce a boundary with words. In fact, it's sometimes better if you don't use words. Use your actions. If he won't listen and have a conversation that is respectful when both you and he are listening and sharing, then stop the conversation. Shut it down.

By staying and engaging, you're giving him the message that it's okay to talk to you like that. Lock yourself in a different room if you have to. Get in your car and go somewhere. Whatever. Just stop giving him attention. He can't keep talking if there's no audience.

You can do this. You're a strong and courageous woman. Changing our behaviors changes your results. If you want him to treat you differently, you have to change first. Remember, my friend, you teach people how to treat you. I'm right behind you cheering you on every step of the way. Put your healing first by joining one of our programs and see how much different your life will be.

This week we're going to be talking about a subject that makes some people (most people) feel uncomfortable. Intimacy (or in other words: sex).

Intimacy can be difficult when you love someone who drinks too much or suffers from addiction. If you're married to a man who drinks or uses drugs in the evening - often times you might be looking to have a moment and they are passed out or out with "friends".

Or perhaps they want to sleep with you but the idea makes you ill. How could you be vulnerable with someone who makes you feel so unimportant when they drink or use?

Because I always believe in being vulnerable with you (and this is a place of no judgement - ever) - I'll share first.

At the beginning of our marriage, I would use sex as something that would bring us together. I knew I would get his undivided attention and that I could make him feel good - so I willingly participated.

Towards the end of our marriage, I used to feel empty during sex. I had learned not to trust him outside our bedroom so why would I trust him inside?

I let him have his way while I would stare at the clock and wish it was over. But after awhile, it just became too much. It was clear I was being used to meet his needs- there was no moments of tenderness there. And I could no longer access a place of vulnerability - because I was so angry about his addiction and he was so disconnected.

So I stopped. Politely and respectfully - I refused to sleep with my husband.

And even though it made him mad, it made me feel empowered. Not because I was holding it over his head or using sex as a way of getting him sober (because we all know that will never work). It was because I was respecting my body. My right to save the most intimate act I know for someone who consistently shows me the kind of love that is patient and kind.

I stopped sleeping with the man I loved until we had the kind of love that trusts, protects, hopes and preserves. Anything less made me feel dirty.

​If you would like to be intimate with your husband, that's ok. If you would like to wait - you reserve the right to say, 'no thank you". The bottom line: it's about honoring your heart.

Pay attention to the REASON you want to be intimate with him.

Is the reason you want to be intimate because you're feeling needy and looking for attention or to be validated? Then, it might be better to practice some healthier ways to feel important.

If you're looking to be intimate because you're just in the mood and looking for fun, then go ahead and be intimate with him.

Sex is a powerful act and can be very healing or really mess us up. So we need to honor our bodies and be respectful of our hearts.

P.S. I do have a video about intimacy in the Love Over Addiction program and teach more helpful tips about sex in the Love Over Boundaries program. If you haven't joined us yet - I would love to get to know you better inside the program. Confidently is our biggest priority. Click here to check out all our programs.