Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

There are MANY "trauma triggers" that can create great conflict, pain and difficulty between partners. If you truly desire to work on mending your relationship and/or deepening your trust, connection and intimacy, it is CRITICAL that you each learn to recognize when you are becoming caught in a "Trauma Response."

-  Why is this recognition SO important to your personal and partnership path of healing?
-  How can you learn to step back and truly "see" your trauma response in the heat of the moment?
-  What do the various manifestations of a trauma response look like?
-  How can you put together your own "Trauma Response Map"?

This episode is "Part One" on this topic.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about how to HEAL from Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Here's an article about overcoming porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

In this episode, Mark & Steve talk raw and real about why the traditional "New Year's Resolution" failed for them SO many times—and often had the effect of making their addictions even worse!

What is the Psychology of the New Year's Resolution?
Why do they often fail?
Why do we keep doing this to ourselves, year after year???

The KEY to success is all about realistic, reasonable, reliable systems and routines, NOT grandiose goals!

And here's the kicker--much of the process that gets us into addiction, is actually very close to the system that can get us out and move us forward to real and lasting healing and success going forward. 

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about how to HEAL from Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Here's an article about overcoming porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

In what can sometimes be the "hellish" experience of addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing, can we still find wonder, enjoyment and even a little "magic" in our special holidays and celebrations?

In this episode Mark and Steve will share with you a very simple formulas they have personally used and taught to others--one that can help you find joy in the "little things" which can make ALL the difference!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about how to HEAL from Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Here's an article about overcoming porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Everyone faces different kinds of STRESS in everyday life. But, when we're in addiction recovery or healing from betrayal trauma, that stress is often multiplied and magnified! Then add on top of all of that "holiday stress" and you have a recipe for some daunting challenges!

In this episode Mark and Steve talk about how crucial it is to have a personal and couple-ship "Bill of Rights." Learn how to draw the line, set boundaries and stand up for yourself and your relationship in the face of life stresses.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about how to HEAL from Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Here's an article about overcoming porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Although we can't quite believe it, this is PBSE's 100th Episode!!!  Thank you to all our listeners who made this possible! It would never have happened without YOU!

In this episode, we talk about a SUPER important part of recovery and healing--HOW do we find HOPE in the midst of the immense struggle of addiction and the deep pain of betrayal trauma? Come with us as we explore Real Stories of Hope!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

There are plenty of situations where an addict spouse wants to have sex all the time. There are situations where the spouse suffering from betrayal trauma does not feel safe having sex with their sexually addicted spouse, even when that spouse is in successful recovery.

But what about a situation where a spouse is yearning for the healthy connection of sex, but her husband in recovery will NOT engage with her sexually?

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a PBSE listener who submitted a question about this very scenario that is taking place in her life and marriage.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Curious about "why" porn/sex addicts do the kinds of things they do? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Want to learn more about how to move out of "toxic sex" in a marriage relationship and into "True Intimacy"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

A PBSE listener recently sent in a situation and question—

He has been in recovery and "clean" for a year. At one point during that year of recovery, his wife admitted to having an affair while he was in recovery. His question is—"How do I help my wife trust me again while I'm also having trouble trusting her?"

- Why does "mutual betrayal" happen???

-  This is a VERY complex form of trauma and requires a very specific and comprehensive approach to healing. An "outside" support system is CRITICAL!

-  Underneath all the pain, a couple can learn to "mutually empathize" with each other.

-  Through this painful process, as a couple you can learn that you have a "mutual enemy" and you can "have each other's backs" in fighting that enemy. 

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about how to HEAL from Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

We know—the title of this episode is INSANE!!!  But it comes from an actual question sent in by a PBSE listener—

My partner and I are STUCK. We have been separated for almost a year now but living together for financial and child reasons. I have told him that he has to break up with his affair partner before I will agree to couples counseling. That goes without saying that I will not welcome him back to our bed without breaking up with his AP. He will say to me that he will break up with this AP but only if I can show him effort that I still want him. He tells me that I am the one that has given up on him and our marriage because I won't go out of my way to set up dates with him, agree to cuddling and physical affection. My heart is PLEADING for him to want our marriage over his addiction. Am I being too stubborn with my boundary that he give up his girlfriend before couples counseling? Some days I feel like I am drowning in heart ache and indecision. A huge part of me knows it's time to talk divorce but a part of me still yearns for the connection I know we could have—Help!

Listen as Mark and Steve get SUPER PASSIONATE in their response to this situation!!!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Curious about "why" porn/sex addicts do the kinds of things they do? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Want to learn more about how to move out of "toxic sex" in a marriage relationship and into "True Intimacy"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

Here's a question from a PBSE listener—

I am a recovering sex and porn addict working on my recovery and trying to reconcile with my wife and heal our marriage. She is constantly asking questions as too why I looked at porn and web cams and also commented and looked at women with lust. I struggle to answer this question in a way that satisfies her if that’s even possible. Any way you can help us navigate this difficult question would be helpful. Thanks

This is a VERY common challenge and opportunity in the addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing processes. Mark and Steve address several key issues with this topic—

-  Unraveling the "reasons" behind porn use and sex addiction takes time and often, insights that we do not have early in the recovery process. We must develop sufficient "mindfulness skills" to successfully navigate this process. And it often takes outside help to do it.

-  Addiction IS a form of "insanity." There are "reasons" and components that may NEVER make sense! We can walk a spouse through the "logic in the moment-of-acting-out," and come to conclusion that it was NOT in fact logical at all!

- AFTER a full disclosure by the addict to their spouse, HOW can a couple come to a place where there is a feeling of SAFTEY and an ability to move forward?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Curious about "why" porn/sex addicts do the kinds of things they do? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Want to learn more about how to move out of "toxic sex" in a marriage relationship and into "True Intimacy"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a listener who asks a very important question about one of her spouse's favorite pastimes—watching female professional wrestling. While this sounds pretty straight forward, there is a LOT to consider here!

I caught [my husband] watching women’s wrestling and a very inappropriate video of the same. More than once in the last few months, he lied until I showed him evidence. Then there were excuses and gaslighting and finally a pathetic apology. The last time, I told him wrestling and YouTube  had to go at least for 6 months and hopefully I could eventually get to the point of even trying to move forward with the marriage. We had a good talk, I got really open about my feelings about it (something I had not done ever). He said he understood  and agreed to the 6 months. The very next day he asked if he could watch a YouTube series during lunch. Needless to say I was angry. Well, he watched it (and more). I found out and the same cycle began again. His excuse is that wrestling makes him happy. Can you say stab to the heart? He doesn’t even see how that statement is hurtful. Wrestling makes him happy, so happy that he will chose it over my boundaries. Something I desperately need out of our lives to begin to heal. 

My question is this. How do I get him to understand and when do I say enough is enough? I realize this answer varies with each individual, but when does staying with someone who continues this behavior become a co-dependent relationship? How do I know if this is what I am experiencing? I want to stay but I feel like if I do, it just shows him that he can continue to hurt me and put me second to himself. 

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Curious about "why" porn/sex addicts do the kinds of things they do? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Want to learn more about how to move out of "toxic sex" in a marriage relationship and into "True Intimacy"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage