Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a HUGE issue many partners struggle with. Here's how a PBSE listener expressed it—

My question is with all the porn videos and images he has seen how does the wife know what he is thinking while having sex with the wife? By this I mean how do we know, even after getting help, which he is not in any recovery, that he is not still bringing some porn scene, scenarios or acts he's seen, into the bedroom?

The raw answer is:  "You don't know!" and you CAN'T control what he does or does not think about. So WHAT do you do with that reality???  HOW can you ever have a healthy relationship or healthy sex KNOWING this is true???

 Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about what "Healthy Sexuality" looks like in a marriage relationship—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

We know—this title is ridiculous!!!  It's intended to be totally SARCASTIC!  But it's in response to a lengthy, raw, heart-felt, super authentic email we recently received from a PBSE listener. Her spouse is a sex/porn addict who is NOT in "real recovery," but insists that if she would give him daily sex, he could overcome his struggles.

In this episode, Mark and Steve have a LOT to say about this!!!  They get RAW and REAL about the TRUTH of this situation and HOW this good woman can proceed forward with her own healing and fulfilling life. They also offer some very DIRECT advice to her addict-spouse.

 Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article that can help you in recovery from Porn Addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/what-got-you-into-your-porn-addiction-can-help-get-you-out

If you're a spouse suffering in Betrayal Trauma, this article can help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/why-would-your-husband-who-loves-you-gaslight-you

Trying to heal your marriage relationship? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/do-sexual-entitlement-and-a-healthy-marriage-go-together

It's SO easy to get STUCK in a negative, hame-based mindset; trapped on an endless rollercoaster of dark emotions; feel like your relationship is going nowhere or just downward!

In this episode, Mark and Steve get real about their own personal experiences with being STUCK and STAGNATING in recovery; stuck in negative thinking; in anger, bitterness and resentments; in hopelessness or apathy; and stuck in a relationship rut!

Allowing yourself to stay stuck is really just a "slow emotional death;" it's "eventual destruction by default;" it's really a state of being "damned"! 

The solution is to be willing and daring enough to start facing and asking the HARD QUESTIONS and then making a CHOICE to starting moving in a direction—ANY direction! From that place, ANYTHING is possible!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article that can help you in recovery from Porn Addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/what-got-you-into-your-porn-addiction-can-help-get-you-out

If you're a spouse suffering in Betrayal Trauma, this article can help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/why-would-your-husband-who-loves-you-gaslight-you

Trying to heal your marriage relationship? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/do-sexual-entitlement-and-a-healthy-marriage-go-together

Here's a heart-felt question from a PBSE listener—

Since learning that my husband of 44 years has been addicted to porn our entire marriage, a floodgate of emotions continue to wash over me. We are both committed to this union and he is working very hard in recovery. My question involves how do I trust and ignite my own healthy sexual expressions after years of dysfunction and “taking care” of a “needy” husband?

In this episode, Mark and Steve discuss HOW to "weld together" the broken, shattered pieces of betrayal to enjoy a new, more diverse and expanded closeness and intimacy as a couple—including HEALTHY sexual intimacy. 

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article that can help you in recovery from Porn Addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/what-got-you-into-your-porn-addiction-can-help-get-you-out

If you're a spouse suffering in Betrayal Trauma, this article can help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/why-would-your-husband-who-loves-you-gaslight-you

Trying to heal your marriage relationship? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/do-sexual-entitlement-and-a-healthy-marriage-go-together

A PBSE listener recently sent us this comment and request—You speak of the importance of establishing boundaries.  While we understand that each couple is unique can you address more specifically or give examples of what healthy boundaries look like during recovery?

Let's get real—based on how we were raised and what was "modeled" to us, nearly all of us have some issues with setting and enforcing boundaries. In fact, a lot of us STINK at setting healthy boundaries! (Mark and Steve REALLY STUNK before learning how to do this!)

In this episode, Mark and Steve get SUPER RAW about what unhealthy, dysfunctional boundaries look like and HOW to start setting and enforcing HEALTHY BOUNDARIES in your life and most important relationships.

Summertime can be a HUGE trigger for porn addicts in recovery and for spouses healing from betrayal trauma! As individuals and as couples, HOW can you SUCCESSFULLY navigate the visual and emotional "minefield" of summer?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article that can help you in recovery from Porn Addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/what-got-you-into-your-porn-addiction-can-help-get-you-out

If you're a spouse suffering in Betrayal Trauma, this article can help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/why-would-your-husband-who-loves-you-gaslight-you

Trying to heal your marriage relationship? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/do-sexual-entitlement-and-a-healthy-marriage-go-together

In this episode Mark and Steve openly address a PBSE listener's questions about what to do with an addict spouse in recovery who still tries to exert control and practice manipulation.

-  Why porn/sex addicts can tend to shift blame and accountability.

-  Addicts can have a strong affinity for relying on external factors for their emotional stability.

-  Why real recovery begins and ends with "ME."

-  We have NO control over our partner's perceptions—these are "their reality"—stop trying to do battle with them!

-  It's NOT your job to "make your partner feel better," and it's NOT their job to make you feel better! We can support each other's recovery and healing but we should not take OWNERSHIP of them!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article that can help you in recovery from Porn Addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/what-got-you-into-your-porn-addiction-can-help-get-you-out

If you're a spouse suffering in Betrayal Trauma, this article can help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/why-would-your-husband-who-loves-you-gaslight-you

Trying to heal your marriage relationship? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/do-sexual-entitlement-and-a-healthy-marriage-go-together

Summertime can be a HUGE trigger for porn addicts in recovery and for spouses healing from betrayal trauma! As individuals and as couples, HOW can you SUCCESSFULLY navigate the visual and emotional "minefield" of summer?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article that can help you in recovery from Porn Addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/what-got-you-into-your-porn-addiction-can-help-get-you-out

If you're a spouse suffering in Betrayal Trauma, this article can help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/why-would-your-husband-who-loves-you-gaslight-you

Trying to heal your marriage relationship? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/do-sexual-entitlement-and-a-healthy-marriage-go-together

When we rely on "sheer motivation" to break out of porn addiction, this will easily plunge us into a pit where we become stuck in "emotional wallowing."' Then to escape the wallowing, we move back into addiction outlets—and the "wallowing cycle" spins around and around.

In this episode, Mark and Steve guide listeners in HOW to move out of emotional wallowing and into Vision and Meaning.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

There are MANY "triggers" that can impact and even derail addiction recovery and healing from betrayal trauma. One trigger that can blindside us are significant, meaningful events like holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and more.

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about their personal struggles with "Father's Day" and how it has been a trigger for both of them. Their raw and real personal examples will help you begin to uncover the core emotions/cause of your own addiction and trauma. And very importantly, learn HOW to start moving through and beyond your "triggers."   

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

We constantly talk about how and why “mindfulness” and CONNECTING with your True, Authentic Self is SO critical to recovery and healthy living!  Yet, when it comes to stepping back to be an “observer” and “watcher” of our thoughts, feelings and emotions—WHY can it be SO HARD?!  It’s way easy to get pulled into GOING TO WAR and battling it out with our brains—seeing the brain (especially the ego-addict-Limbic System) as the ENEMY!

There is a way to work WITH your brain and not against it—a way to get into a "flow" of self-connection. STOP battling with yourself and start connecting!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn