Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

A podcast listener asked about her husband's risky, bizarre, self-centered sexual behaviors; his Erectile Dysfunction; and how these are related to his porn/sex addiction.

In this episode Mark and Steve talk raw and real about these issues. They relate this to their own experiences with addiction and the many clients they've worked with over the decades. They discuss:

-  How porn/sex addiction radically alters the "Arousal Template" resulting in a dramatic impact on healthy sexuality.

-  Unaltered by extreme outside influences, a healthy Arousal Template represents our "sexual authenticity."

-  Is our Arousal Template formed by nature or nurture?

-  How can changes in the Arousal Template lead to Erectile Dysfunction?

-  Can one's Arousal Template be changed in positive ways? If so, HOW?


Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a listener who is engaged to a porn addict. She submitted a message through PBSEpodast.com describing her situation:  she and her fiance have been together for two years. He has regularly used pornography during that time and she has let him know she is NOT OK with it. He promised he was getting help to quit porn but she discovered he's been lying about that. She also discovered he's been untruthful about other aspects of his life outside of the porn.

In addition, she recently discovered text communications between him and his closest friends where they all commented that her expectations are too high and she is crazy for making such a big deal about his porn use. She is suffering from Betrayal Trauma. What should she do? Should she move ahead with marriage or pull back?

Mark and Steve get very RAW and REAL in addressing this situation!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In this episode, Mark and Steve address and excellent question submitted by a PBSE listener—

In the book written by Gary Chapman it talks about the 5 Love Languages. My husband says his love language is physical touch. Are most sex addicts love language physical touch? As a spouse how do I honor my needs and authentically respect myself? {there are days I don't want to make eye  contact, much less touch him after the betrayal} How do I make sense of this?

-  If a spouse is a codependent, unhealthy and/or in an unbalanced state, then physical touch/sex as a love language is a misnomer.

-  Looking at love vs. need and choosing vs. requiring as it applies to sex and physical touch in a relationship.

-  Compulsive behaviors, including porn addiction, rewire the brain, placing physical touch/sex on a PEDESTAL—not as an optional component of giving and expressing love but as THE way to connect.

-  Truly connected sexual intimacy is NOT manufactured but is the culmination and celebration of working to build ALL of the areas of holistic intimacy in a relationship.

-  A healthy guy will have an affinity for physical touch among many other forms of connection. It will NOT be the sole "need" but rather an "optional desire."

-  Be willing to explore ways in which sex may have become an unhealthy need or demand and HOW you can begin to move the needle toward it becoming a healthy desire and one piece of your overall holistic intimacy puzzle.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a question submitted by a PBSE listener:

My husband has been in active recovery since earlier this year. Your podcast has been instrumental in his recovery. My almost adult children are aware of the porn addiction and witnessed and were victims of his controlling, abusive and angry attitude during his active addiction. Do you have any advice to help him reconnect in a healthy way? Thank you.

You cannot move from addiction to reconciliation quickly or in a few steps. There is a very specific and important process needed in order to heal relationships and move back into real, intimacy CONNECTION.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

In this episode Mark and Steve use the analogy of a unique little bird known as the "Bower Bird." HOW can we guys who are in recovery from addiction do the "little" things each day that move us from merely surviving in marriage to thriving?!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

Your recovery and healing are always at risk of stagnation, burnout, boredom, overwhelm, relapse and other potential "disrupters."

In this episode Mark and Steve talk about how to regularly "shake up" your recovery and healing so they stay fresh, on-track and ever progressing toward greater peace, happiness, fulfillment and connection.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

Mark and Steve discuss why Self-Care is SO crucial to overcoming porn addiction, healing from betrayal trauma and mending your marriage. And why it is so often taken for granted or overlooked entirely.

Very importantly, Mark and Steve talk openly about their own struggles with self-care and the barriers that often get in the way of this essential element in healing and recovery.


Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

In Episode 66, Mark and Steve explored the walls an addict spouse often throws up in defense against his betrayal-trauma-suffering spouse beginning to "speak her truth."

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about the totally legitimate thoughts, feelings and emotions triggered by Betrayal Trauma that can create a huge barrier to connection and healing. What are the symptoms of Betrayal Trauma? How can these create walls that hinder or completely block out healing and connection? What are the initial steps to begin navigating through Betrayal Trauma on the path to a healthy life and relationships?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

A BIG part of beginning to heal a marriage marred by pornography addiction, is for the addict spouse to provide a SAFE space for the betrayed spouse to honestly and openly express her pain and speak her truth. But when she does, it's very common (for a host of reasons) for the addict spouse to immediately throw up a WALL of self-defense and resistance.

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about the walls they both piled up when their wives tried to be totally authentic and speak their truth. Mark and Steve talk about where these walls come from and why as addicts we tend to build them.

And, most importantly, how can we begin to tear down these walls so we can open the path to Real Healing and enjoy True Connection?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a recent email from a listener—

“I’d like to know how is it that your wives were willing and able to stay in your marriages through all the porn and affairs? My son-in-law is an addict and my daughter can’t see how she can stay married to him. She’s willing to be friends for the sake of the kids but she doesn’t know how she can stay. He is not yet admitting he’s an addict. She’s never felt loved in their young 5-year marriage.”

What is the answer to this dilemma? Listen in and find out!



Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn