Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

With so many dominant influences from Hollywood, the mainstream media, pornography and the role models we were raised with, there's a LOT of confusion about what it really means to "man-up." It's NOT the "macho/sexual-prowess" stereotype the culture often tends to promote.   

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk open and real about their own experiences as men and their work with men across the world.

A man's strength has NOTHING to do with being "weakness-free." It has EVERYTHING to do with being willing to VULNERABLY face weaknesses, OWN them and learn how to move THROUGH them to become stronger. It's all about steadily and progressively stepping to one's highest and best self as a man.

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

In this episode, Mark and Steve come from a very heart-felt place in speaking to the women who may find themselves "stuck in the pain of Betrayal Trauma." This is actually a very common struggle for many in early or even ongoing healing and recovery. Mark and Steve discuss—

-  How the "grieving process" is a necessary part of facing pain and beginning to heal.

-  Many women and men feel like they "don't have a voice," aren't being heard and often never really learned "how" to have a voice.

-  Mark tells his personal trauma story as a kid and never really being "heard" or acknowledged. How this created Betrayal Trauma AND addiction!

-  There are "communication realities or truths" that often do NOT adhere to our expectations or the "standard check-the-boxes."

-  Why trauma does NOT follow a standard timeline and there is no "manual" that declares what is "normal" when it comes to healing. It takes what it takes!

-  We CAN learn new communication skills, find our voice and learn to ADVOCATE for ourselves and others!

-  HOW to learn to "lean into the pain," find "shame resiliency" and help each other as spouses through the recovery and healing processes.


Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Here's why a husband's porn addiction is NOT his wife's fault!—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

Mark and Steve produced this episode in response to a PBSE listener's question—

Hi Guys!  Would it be possible to talk about entitlement in an episode? I feel like many men struggle with a sense of entitlement for sexual pleasure and/or being "serviced".  I know for my husband and many of his friends, the belief is that if they aren't getting it from their wives, they have the right to seek it elsewhere (porn, affairs etc).  How does someone work on changing their mindset of entitlement and seeing how it affects a relationship on so many levels?

-  How our "culture" over generations has created an "entitlement attitude."

-  How we can confuse "sex" and "love" in the marriage relationship.

-  "Needing" vs. "Choosing" when it comes to sexual intimacy.

-  How the answer to this dilemma can be found in BOUNDARIES.

-  As individuals and as a couple, we need to decide what "kind" of sex we desire in our marriage relationship.

-  What is "love" in your relationship? How do you define and specifically practice it?

-  Is it time to let go of certain "paradigms from the past"?   


Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services


Why FULL disclosure is CRITICAL to your Marriage Success:  https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage

Learn why his porn addiction and the Betrayal Trauma it brings is NOT YOUR FAULT—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

This episode starts with Mark and Steve getting super raw about how lying was a big part of their addiction years and early recovery.

-  There are MANY "layers of lies" that can be obvious or very subtle; active lies or passive ones.

-  Why do addicts tell lies? And why do spouses often have struggles being totally open and blunt about what they're feeling and thinking?

-  Why is dishonesty SO devastating to a marriage relationship?

-  HOW can we make the shift into total honesty, transparency and authenticity?


Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services


Why FULL disclosure is CRITICAL to your Marriage Success:  https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage

Learn why his porn addiction and the Betrayal Trauma it brings is NOT YOUR FAULT—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

Mark and Steve get personal and talk about how, for much of their lives, they lived in "victim mode" and ran around spouting off cliches like, "I'm a realist," and "It is what it is," and "Things never change, so why bother?!"

As CRAZY as it sounds, much of our TRUE POWER resides in this bold claim: "Acceptance is the answer to many of life's problems."

Listen in as Mark and Steve talk about HOW to:

- Embrace serenity in accepting the things you can't change;

- Muster the courage to change the things you can;

- Find the wisdom to know the difference!


Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services


Learn why his porn addiction and the Betrayal Trauma it brings is NOT YOUR FAULT—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

Find out HOW Porn use can easily turn into a "Drug Addiction?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-pornography-a-drug-addiction

Is there a difference between "true intimacy" and "sex"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about their personal "God journeys"—how God operated in their lives BEFORE recovery and healing (crazy dysfunctional!)—and how their God relationships evolved in ways that literally "saved" their lives and marriages.

Maybe in your individual and couple recovery and healing you could use a personal "God assessment."

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In many cases, "religiosity" which is often very different from "spirituality" can have a dramatic impact on keeping us stuck in addiction. Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/lds-porn-addiction-help

When an addict spouse is "gaslighting" you, it can be very difficult to trust in your own "spiritual insights and promptings." This article might help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-a-porn-addict-gaslighting-you

Porn and sexual addiction rob us of the deep spirituality that should exist in a healthy marriage relationship—even spirituality in the physical/sexual aspects of our relationship. This article may provide some valuable in sights—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

When things have been going well for awhile in addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing, there can be a temptation to relax the boundaries we've agreed to. This can also seem like a viable option when things are continuing to fall apart in the relationship. In either situation, experience tells us that the BEST chance your marriage has is within the safety and growth of BOUNDARIES.

In this episode, Mark and Steve get into some of the more subtle and advanced nuances of boundaries—

- Boundaries are often like “sand castles”--clear and strong at first, but then when the waves come crashing in they can quickly erode. 

- Beware the “subtle ruts” that can creep into your boundaries.

- Should boundaries “evolve”? And how is this different from them simply being worn down or decaying?

- Boundaries should be serving you—not you serving your boundaries!

- Why are even seemingly “small” boundary enforcements important to recovery, healing and your marriage relationship?

Assignment:  Do an honest, open “Boundary Assessment.”

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Learn why his porn addiction and the Betrayal Trauma it brings is NOT YOUR FAULT—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

Find out HOW Porn use can easily turn into a "Drug Addiction?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-pornography-a-drug-addiction

Is there a difference between "true intimacy" and "sex"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

We live in a culture that can easily tend to make physical/sexual attraction the "be all, end all," in marriage relationships. In this episode, Mark and Steve share their own raw and real marriage experiences in relation to this poignant and difficult topic:

• Sexual passion/attraction is a force that "acts upon us." On the other hand, "Love" is a force we "choose to act within." 

• What is "Attraction"? What is it based upon? Can it change?

• We each have an "Arousal Template" which is both physically and chemically driven. This template is largely programmed into us by our upbringing, media, culture, peers, porn, etc. BUT, we are NOT trapped in the same unchanging template--it CAN change, evolve and mature. 

• HOW can we begin to develop and enjoy a "holistic attraction and passion"--the kind that LASTS and DEEPENS with time?

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

Our most DIFFICULT conversations can also be the most CONNECTING!

In this episode, Mark and Steve get raw and real about WHY we avoid difficult and uncomfortable conversations and HOW we can turn these situations into TRUE CONNECTION!

If you're a couple where many or most of your hard conversations turn negative and divisive, this episode will help you understand "why" that happens and "how" to turn things around so you can stop fighting and start CONNECTING!


Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

Porn addiction, Betrayal Trauma and other challenges can plunge us hopelessly into a seemingly perpetual pattern of Negative Relationship Patterns! This constant negativity wears us down until we can't see EVER having a happy, connected, fulfilled relationship.

In this episode, Mark and Steve speak from personal marriage experience, as well as years of working with couples, about WHY we get trapped in our Negative Relationship Patterns and HOW to Break Free.

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage