Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

Mark and Steve get VERY raw and real about the struggles during their deep addiction years. Knowing what they know now—if they could go back in time, WHAT would they do different? 

• Be open, honest and seek help WAY sooner vs. staying stuck in shame and secrecy!
• Face the PAIN and REAL underlying issues vs. believing it was all about the porn!
• Be open about the real possibility of being able to break free vs. buying into the lie that "I'll never actually be totally free from this!"
• Be willing to DO the DAILY WORK of recovery vs. being lazy, making excuses and thinking recovery is an EVENT when it's really a GREAT way to live life!

Visit the PBSE website at:  pbsepodcast.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering IF you have an actual "porn addiction"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/are-you-addicted-to-porn

Ever wonder WHY LDS men suffer so much shame from porn use?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/lds-porn-addiction-help

In this episode, Mark and Steve walk you through three REAL LIFE examples of HOW to use the "Surrender Tool" in times of overwhelming emotions like fear, lust, anger, resentment, betrayal and more.

Learn how to go from "Me" to "We" and WIN through Surrender! 

Visit the PBSE website at:  pbsepodcast.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

To learn more about HOW to use Surrender and other tools to Overcome Porn Addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/how-can-i-stop-watching-porn

If you're a spouse struggling with NOT being consumed by your husband's porn addiction, this might help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

A big part of Surrender in Marriage is letting go of Secrets!—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage

Our natural tendency in addiction, betrayal trauma and current scary world events is to attempt to INCREASE the CONTROL we have over our lives! This is exactly the OPPOSITE of what we truly need in recovery and in life.

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about exactly HOW to "SURRENDER" trying to control things when you feel the most out-of-control!

Although it sounds like a total contradiction of oxymoron—the BEST way for you and those you love to succeed, connect and WIN in these crazy, uncertain times is to PRACTICE THE ART OF SURRENDER!

Visit the PBSE website at:  pbsepodcast.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

To learn more about HOW to use Surrender and other tools to Overcome Porn Addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/how-can-i-stop-watching-porn

If you're a spouse struggling with NOT being consumed by your husband's porn addiction, this might help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

A big part of Surrender in Marriage is letting go of Secrets!—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage

Right now a lot of people across the world are feeling pretty "powerless"! But, those of us who have suffered from addiction, betrayal trauma and other significant trials—WE actually possess the raw experience, resilience, knowledge and tools to STEP UP and STEP INTO the role of "Servant Leaders." In this episode, you'll learn how to GET OUT of your "Coronavirus Brain" and TAKE CHARGE!   

• YOU are NOT your brain! Become a "Forceful Stage Director" and help others do the same. There are more important things than pallets of toilet paper! 
• "A Feeling is Just a Feeling"—You can remain calm in ANY circumstances and show others how to do the same. 
• The greatest protection you have against this virus is a STRONG IMMUNE SYSTEM! And a CRITICAL part of attaining this is your DAILY SELF-CARE ROUTINE!
• The opposite of worry and panic is CONNECTION! Let go of "ME" in this crisis and embrace "WE." Even with "social distancing" you can still CONNECT! 
• Out of the greatest struggle and adversity comes the greatest growth and development. Because of what you've already been through, you are UNIQUELY equipped to be a SERVANT-LEADER in these tough times! 

You KNOW more than you realize and you are more capable than you might think! If we are willing, God always turns everything for our good! Allow Him to use YOU in brining about that miracle!

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

During times of HIGH emotional stress, like the COVID 19 pandemic, "triggers" go up for the population as a whole, and especially for those dealing with addiction! The HIGH STRESS can impact us in many ways—

• Financial fear and instability
• Increased feelings of anxiety and depression--both individually and socially
• Feeling a lack of emotional safety and stabilitiy
• Increased strain on relationships; more time together (which can be good and bad); increased strain on parents
• Spiritual stress—is God there for me? Can I trust Him? Will He take care of us? Will we make it through this?
• Turning to outlets for self-soothing and coping like pornography, substances, gaming, social media, food, etc. 

How can you COPE? In this episode we talk about:

• Good "Self-Care"
• Safe activities; getting outside; mixing up your routine; keeping a solid, reliable structure in place
• Journaling and focusing on what you CAN control; living one day at a time
• You MUST stay CONNECTED to those around you—do "emotional check-ins" with spouse AND children; maintain social and recovery connections; give "safe service"
• Get OUTSIDE your own head!
• Seek a variety of ways to stay CONNECTED TO GOD
• Use the "First 3 Steps" as a guide

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

When it comes to sexual behaviors, we live in a world where there is a very broad spectrum about what people consider to be "healthy" and "not healthy." In this podcast, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about their personal experience with this and working with men across the globe. You'll learn

Can "sex" become an addiction? 

What are the levels on the path to sex addiction—

-  Curiosity
-  Recreation
-  Self-soothing
-  Obsession
-  Compulsion
-  Addiction

There are MANY ways to "act out sexually"—we provide some examples.

How can you tell if your sexual behaviors are a significant PROBLEM—

-  You are sacrificing the people and things you care about
-  Self-medicating vs. facing your issues
-  Disconnecting from others vs. TRUE CONNECTION
-  Connecting vs. Fantasy vs. Reality
-  "What's in it for me" vs. REAL LOVE

Assignment:  Do a "pros and cons list" regarding your current sexual behaviors

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an infographic that can help you determine if you're addicted to porn—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/are-you-addicted-to-porn

Here's a cool article talking about how Pornography use can turn into a "Drug Addiction"—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-pornography-a-drug-addiction

Everyone who gets trapped in porn addiction struggles with the "big mystery"--why do I keep going back to this crap? Why can't I just say 'NO!' once and for all?" The reason is that pornography radically changes the brain. In this episode you'll learn:

• After viewing porn and reaching climax, the viewer often pounds his fist on the table and asks, "What was I thinking?!"  The answer—"You weren't AND you COULDN'T!"
• What is the "Addiction Cycle"?--Initiating Trigger; Preoccupation; Ritualizing; Acting Out; Pain/Remorse (blood oaths)
• You get pulled into the "Porn Funnel" through "BLHASTed" feelings; massive waves of powerful neurochemicals release; all logic, reasoning, caring and consequences are BLOCKED out; the bottom of the Funnel is the Dialogue from Hell--"What was I thinking?!!!"
• Half the battle of breaking free from porn is in becoming knowledgable, aware and MINDFUL of exactly HOW porn changes your brain and HOW you can interrupt that process!

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

For more on the Brain Science of Porn and Sex Addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

To view a cool video about "your brain on porn," visit this link—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/your-brain-on-porn

Trauma is ALWAYS part of a marriage relationship—either trauma we bring with us from childhood or trauma created while we're married. Either way, trauma can open a chasm of disconnection and conflict between us, or it can bring us close together than ever! It all depends on whether we battle each other or join forces and battle the trauma together.

In this podcast, you'll learn the 5 Steps to Connecting in Trauma and Conflict—

1. Sit in One Another's Emotions (fight through being "pain-averse")
2. Use Validation and Inquiry (as opposed to "deny and defend")
3. Be Accountable (vs rationalizing and justifying)
4. Show TRUE Empathy (instead of sympathy and going into "victim=mode")
5. Give Support (vs "shutting down")

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

When you battle trauma together, your marriage can survive porn addiction and even thrive!—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

Your marriage can even survive the trauma and devastation of infidelity!—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

Most of were raised to believe that "conflict is bad" and to be avoided at all costs! The truth is, in healthy relationships, conflict should be expected and even encouraged!  Conflict doesn't destroy a marriage—it's the way it's handled that does. In this podcast you'll learn:

• The differences between "conflict" and "contention." 
• How to engage in "Collaborative Conflict"
• Real connection in a relationship has very little to do with "agreement"
• Seeking to understand and to be understood is the key
• How "ego-defense-mechanisms" get in the way of real connection
• The role TRAUMA plays in conflict and contention  

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

A crucial part of fighting the real enemy is eliminating secrets in your marriage relationship—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage

Fighting together means seeking "true" intimacy vs. simply having sex—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

In order for a porn addict to move into "real" recovery, AND a spouse to begin healing her betrayal trauma, as a couple you MUST begin setting BOUNDARIES! Why? Because the MOST connected relationships are those with boundaries. 

• First, there must be boundaries that create "safety" in the relationship. Without safety, intimacy (into-me-you-see) is impossible. 
• Some of the most important boundaries creating safety are SEXUAL BOUNDARIES.
• Mark and Steve talk raw and real about HOW to set sexual boundaries--the do's and dont's; dealing with awkwardness, resistance and old sexual attitudes that no longer belong in your relationship. 
• A SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT that will help you talk openly about your sexual relationship and what you want it look and be like in your marriage.  

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

Part of setting sexual boundaries is knowing the differences between "True Intimacy" and "Sex" in the marriage relationship—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

A CRITICAL boundary in the marriage relationship is NO secrets and full disclosure porn addiction behaviors—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage