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What happens when you ask your partner for reassurance, comfort, or safety — and instead of bringing you closer, it pushes them away?

In this episode, I take you deeper into the classic question from Ep 130, “Is It Me or Them?”  We’ll explore why our nervous system reverts to child–parent dynamics in moments of fear, how to recognize when a younger wounded part is activated, and what it looks like to hold yourself instead of making your partner responsible for your sense of safety. Without abandoning your values or settling for crumbs.

You’ll walk away with practical insights for discerning between wounds and values, communicating from a mature place, and staying in the relational dojo long enough to turn conflict into intimacy.

Check out these related episodes:
Ep 130: Is It Me Or Them
Ep 187: Jealousy As Wisdom

Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships

Join me in Alchemy to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns (one year of live calls, lifetime access to practices, €550)

The Embodied Relationship Academy - the full journey into secure relating and leading from love (high-touch coaching and dojo from €370/month)

Let's grow into the relationship you always longed for, starting with falling in love with being YOU. 🚀🩷

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Have you felt frustrated that certain essential life skills—like feeling your emotions, regulating your nervous system and create connection—weren't taught to you as a child? I've heard this countless times from clients, and I've felt it myself. But what if this perspective is making things heavier than they have to be?

In this episode, I invite you into a revolutionary way of viewing your relational growth journey. The evolution of human consciousness isn't something that happened long ago—it's unfolding right now, with you at the cutting edge. 

There's no "behind" in this journey, only the perfect place you're meant to be right now.

Let's put down the heavy burden of feeling inadequate or thinking you should have mastered these skills already. Instead, see yourself as the pioneer in the dojo of life, practicing at the boundaries of what humans have previously known. 

Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships

Join me in Alchemy to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns (one year of live calls, lifetime access to practices, €550)

The Embodied Relationship Academy - the full journey into secure relating and leading from love (high-touch coaching and dojo from €370/month)

Let's grow into the relationship you always longed for, starting with falling in love with being YOU. 🚀🩷

Send us a text

What if you could transform jealousy from a shameful reaction into a powerful tool for relationship growth and self mastery?

This episode dives into a listener question about navigating jealousy after infidelity and feeling shame about emotional outbursts. Rather than viewing jealousy as problematic, we explore a revolutionary perspective: jealousy as a protective mechanism for your relationship's sacred agreements. Like a dashboard warning light, it signals when energy that belongs in your relationship container is leaking elsewhere.

When working with intense jealousy, it helps to separate it into two components. Your personal half involves tending to wounded parts carrying unprocessed emotions, often connecting to childhood experiences of feeling unchosen or unseen. The relationship half requires communicating your experience without blame, taking responsibility for your emotions while maintaining boundaries about what you need.

Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships

Join me in Alchemy to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns (one year of live calls, lifetime access to practices, €550)

The Embodied Relationship Academy - the full journey into secure relating and leading from love (high-touch coaching and dojo from €370/month)

Let's grow into the relationship you always longed for, starting with falling in love with being YOU. 🚀🩷

Send us a text

This episode guides you into a mindset shift that changes everything.

The journey toward secure relationships begins with us becoming loving with ourselves. When we operate from the belief that we're fundamentally broken and need fixing, we erode our self-esteem. Each setback becomes evidence of our failure rather than an opportunity for learning and growth.

 Imagine approaching your personal growth not as a desperate attempt to fix what's broken, but as tending to a beautiful inner garden. Gardens take time to flourish. Some areas bloom quickly while others need extra attention. The soil might require healing before new seeds can take root. This patient cultivation builds self-trust because you witness positive change gradually over time.

As your inner landscape becomes more fertile with self-compassion and patience, your connections with others naturally transform too. You're no longer approaching relationships from fear or lack, but from a centered sense of your own worth and genuine desire for connection.

Ready to cultivate your inner garden? Join my upcoming Relationship Revolution training in July or explore the Embodied Relationship Academy launching in August. Let's grow together.

Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships

Join me in Alchemy to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns (one year of live calls, lifetime access to practices, €550)

The Embodied Relationship Academy - the full journey into secure relating and leading from love (high-touch coaching and dojo from €370/month)

Let's grow into the relationship you always longed for, starting with falling in love with being YOU. 🚀🩷

Send us a text

This episode dives deep into transforming how we relate to ourselves and others by flipping destructive narratives that keep us trapped in cycles of self-improvement. True self-esteem doesn't come from eliminating uncomfortable feelings but from growing your capacity to be with them while believing you deserve happiness.

I share my journey meeting with two touchy experiences in my own relationship dojo: 

👉 Daring to express genuine feelings to someone I care about
👉 Tolerating separation without panic

Realizing that my nervous system capacity for those two was in all honesty quite crappy,  got me to meet with patterns that came from past trauma and unsafety. What once served as shields were now limiting authentic connection.

Listen to understand how you can move through similar friction points in your own dojo - whether you're dating, in a committed partnership or simply growing.

This isn't about waiting for someone else to change—it's about changing how you relate to what's happening inside you. Go first in love, starting with how you show up for yourself, and watch as that ripples outward into all your relationships. Are you ready to become the loving leader you were always meant to be?

Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships

Join me in Alchemy to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns (one year of live calls, lifetime access to practices, €550)

The Embodied Relationship Academy - the full journey into secure relating and leading from love (high-touch coaching and dojo from €370/month)

Let's grow into the relationship you always longed for, starting with falling in love with being YOU. 🚀🩷

Send us a text

We've all been there wondering: "Am I growing and healing, or just reinforcing old patterns?" Whether you're questioning if you should stay or leave, set boundaries or be understanding, there IS a compass to guide you. 

And I tell you all about it in this episode. So that you can practice what truly builds better relationships (to yourself and others).

The path to healthier relationships isn't about following all the social media relationship advice. It's about transforming how you view your challenges. Instead of seeing your attachment insecurities as evidence you've pulled the shortest straw in life, what if they're actually your training ground for becoming exceptional at relationships?

Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships

Join me in Alchemy to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns (one year of live calls, lifetime access to practices, €550)

The Embodied Relationship Academy - the full journey into secure relating and leading from love (high-touch coaching and dojo from €370/month)

Let's grow into the relationship you always longed for, starting with falling in love with being YOU. 🚀🩷

Send us a text

Ready to transform your relationship triggers into pathways for healing? Join me in this episode to discover how your "crazy" moments are your greatest teachers on the journey to secure connection.

Welcome to the Relationship Revolution, where we're flipping the script on emotional triggers in relationships. Your nervous system activation isn't a failure—it's a pathway leading to your core wounds and deepest desires when you learn to follow it down rather than manage it away.

In this episode, I walk you through my own triggering moment and how I transformed into gold. You get to meet my three parts:

• an anxious little girl needing reassurance
• a "go-getter" needing new leadership
• a sensual "lover" needing freedom of expression

By meeting these needs myself rather than demanding someone else fulfill them, I build self-esteem instead of diminishing it.

The difference between emotionally mature and immature relationships isn't the absence of conflict—it's how you move through it together. Conflict either becomes a doorway to deeper intimacy or a cycle of pain, depending on your capacity to hold yourself through it.

Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships

Join me in Alchemy to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns (one year of live calls, lifetime access to practices, €550)

The Embodied Relationship Academy - the full journey into secure relating and leading from love (high-touch coaching and dojo from €370/month)

Let's grow into the relationship you always longed for, starting with falling in love with being YOU. 🚀🩷

Send us a text

Ready to reimagine everything you thought you knew about relationships? Season 3 of the Uncover You podcast turns conventional self-development upside down.

For too long, you've told yourself that you need to "fix" yourself to deserve love. You've internalized the belief that success means you've "healed enough" to have a good relationship. This mindset creates endless cycles of shame and self-judgment when relationships don't go as planned.

What if your attachment wounds, your sensitivity, and your relationship challenges aren't obstacles to overcome but specialized training for deeper connection? What if people who have consciously worked through attachment trauma actually make better relationship leaders than naturally secure attachers who haven't developed these emotional muscles?

This season, I'm sharing my own messy, beautiful journey through relationships. I'm not speaking from some imaginary mountaintop of perfect healing—I'm right in the trenches with you, learning to love my nervous system responses, finding gold in my "crazy episodes," and showing you that relationship growth isn't about reaching some mythical destination of perfection.

The Relationship Revolution is about tending to three intertwined gardens: your inner landscape, your partner's inner world, and the relationship itself. It's about rejecting one-size-fits-all dating advice that creates more shame when it fails. It's about recognizing that your unique path to love might look nothing like someone else's—and that's exactly how it should be.

Are you ready to rebel against outdated relationship paradigms and discover the leader you're meant to be?

Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships

Join me in Alchemy to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns (one year of live calls, lifetime access to practices, €550)

The Embodied Relationship Academy - the full journey into secure relating and leading from love (high-touch coaching and dojo from €370/month)

Let's grow into the relationship you always longed for, starting with falling in love with being YOU. 🚀🩷

Send us a text

Have you ever experienced that you want to do things differently in relationships with yourself or others - but the old programming is strong? Stopping you from doing that new thing.

To break old patterns and start doing something new, you need a strong why, a motivation. “I should be doing that” just isn’t strong enough to overcome old survival strategies.

In this episode, I share how you can tap into rebellion against old conditioning. And stand for love for yourself and your relationships.

—

You find show notes in this post on my website

Check out these related episodes:
Ep168: From protection and hurt to leading from love in relationships
Ep166: Grow your capacity to have the relationship you want
Ep180: From anxious and obsessing to enjoying her relationship, with Kate

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Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships

Join me in Alchemy to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns (one year of live calls, lifetime access to practices, €550)

The Embodied Relationship Academy - the full journey into secure relating and leading from love (high-touch coaching and dojo from €370/month)

Let's grow into the relationship you always longed for, starting with falling in love with being YOU. 🚀🩷

Send us a text

Two years ago, after starting the most secure relationship Kate had ever had, she noticed anxiety about being enough or too much. Her system wasn’t used to consistency, kindness and support, and her body wasn’t sure it could trust it.

Kate was often worried Ben would leave for someone “more attractive”. And when her fear and hurt would show up, she feared she was ruining everything.

After doing Being Me a second time everything shifted. No more stuck in reactive loops, endless “solving” conversations, and bracing for being let down. Instead, she feels safe in herself, playful and fully enjoying her relationship.

In this episode, Kate shares how her relationship and life went from anxiety and obsessing to feeling safe and enjoying.

—

You find show notes in this post on my website

Check out these related episodes:
Ep97: Releasing shame - live coaching #3 with Kate
Ep178: The hidden piece under our reactions
Ep96: “I’ve done so much work, why am I not healed yet??”
Ep136: How to get to the bottom layer of our relationship reactions

Ready to revolutionize your relationship experience?

Register for my FREE training - From Reactive to Safe in Relationships

Join me in Alchemy to heal emotional wounds and shift reactive patterns (one year of live calls, lifetime access to practices, €550)

The Embodied Relationship Academy - the full journey into secure relating and leading from love (high-touch coaching and dojo from €370/month)

Let's grow into the relationship you always longed for, starting with falling in love with being YOU. 🚀🩷