Choose To Be with Choose Recovery Services; Betrayal Trauma Healing

When you have your next out-of-body experience of watching yourself scream at your kids, instead of waiting until they’re asleep to cry or sneak in their bedroom to hug them and kiss them and feel so much guilt…

What if you gave yourself permission for mistakes and do-overs as a parent?

What if we could make a mess and have the privilege of cleaning up our mess?

Sometimes we show up in a way that we wish we could do over. It’s inevitable - we’re not perfect. Particularly as you progress through the stages of healing after infidelity, it can feel like every mistake is the end of the world.

But there are ways to have healthy do-overs with your children and even your partner - when you make the conscious decision to learn to show up differently. We’re joined in conversation today by Luke Gordon, whose story of recovery has been so powerful, and who has done the work to show up as a strong parent willing to heal the parent-child relationship.

The Power of Processing and How It Can Help You Move Through Betrayal Trauma

How do you know if you’re doing the work it takes to heal? One big aspect of doing the work and healing is learning to process what's happening and allowing yourself to feel all your feelings.

But there can be some confusion about what that actually looks like - especially when it comes to processing versus venting. We're going to cover the main differences between the two, and how knowing these differences will keep you out of unhealthy patterns and progressing toward healing from betrayal trauma.

We know how important it is as a parent to connect with your child in order to establish a healthy attachment, create safety, and encourage them to talk to you when they’re facing unhealthy issues or addictions.

So when it’s your partner that’s struggling with sexual addiction, it’s common to blame their parents or be frustrated with their parents, looking for justice or validation for the issues you’re now facing.

We’re taking this opportunity to talk about some of the common thoughts our brains offer when we’re feeling threatened, when we’re facing sexual addiction or progressing through the stages of healing after infidelity, and shed some light on new ways to interpret the impact of the relationship between us and our partner’s parents.

A question that comes up a lot in our women’s groups dealing with sexual addiction is, “Should I be talking to my kids about this?” And experts are divided on this question.

Which just goes to show - every situation is incredibly nuanced.

We're giving you some points to consider about sharing with your kids, but since every situation is different, there’s no universal checklist (we know - it sucks). And because we can’t speak to every possible situation in one conversation, we’re talking in broad, general terms. We highly recommend working with a therapist or coach to navigate your particular situation.

Remember to enter your topic idea for Amie and Alana's 100th episode! What would you love to hear them discuss? Email your suggestion, and if you want on-air credit for your topic being chosen, then please indicate with your submission! Okay - get thinking and send your topic to [email protected]

As much as we may want to, we can’t protect our kids from everything. They’re going to see porn, and their bodies are going to react, but they need to know it doesn’t mean they’re bad or wrong. Our job as parents is to bring these issues out into the open, talk about them, and not let them hide away to become a source of shame.

Talking to your kids about porn can be tough. But no matter how old your kids are, having conversations around sexuality is important. Just know: you don’t have to know everything and have all the answers immediately.

Today's conversation will show you how to communicate openly and effectively about healthy sexuality using the tools and resources from our conversation.

Want support navigating your own journey? Check out our coaches here at CHOOSE RECOVERY SERVICES

Up and coming courses:

Dating After Divorce- August 26th-28th

Young Single Adult Dating and Self Empowerment Course- September 11th

Believing In You Group Coaching Program - August 10th 

Resources we discussed in todays episode and for your consideration:

Good Pictures, Bad Pictures

Very Well Family

Defend Young Minds

Fight The New Drug

Jennifer Finlayson Fife

In this episode of Choose To Be, we’re walking you through some simple tools and how to respond when you discover your kids are looking at porn.

In this day and age, with the sexually saturated culture we have, our kids will be exposed to pornography.  So when that happens, how are we going to respond? What will that look like?

We are giving you the tools to handle this situation when it comes up, whether your child comes to you with questions or disclosures or you discover the behavior yourself.

Some topics we cover today:

If you are suffering from betrayal trauma and want to know what your next step is, book a free consultation with us to find what is best for you and your needs. Your path to healing awaits.

Please leave a review on APPLE PODCAST so we can reach more men and women who are looking for tools to choose recovery and choose healing

We referenced Matt Fradd today, you can check out his talk HERE

Fight The New Drug Resource 

Amie and Alana address the issue of when your spouse or ex is emotionally hurting your children or disappointing them over and over and over, and the impact that has on your children and on you.

A lot of big feelings come up when you see something affecting your children, and this can be a particularly difficult situation.  Addiction makes it really difficult to connect with other humans, including your kids.

You want to protect them, and you’re also trying to repair the relationship that could still be causing them pain.

When there is this level of conflict in a marriage, all kids are going to be impacted.  They’ve already been impacted.  They feel it.  Rather than trying to protect our kids from this (which probably isn’t even possible), we can offer them the space to feel the feelings that are showing up.

Some topics we cover today:

If you are suffering from betrayal trauma and want to know what your next step is, book a free consultation with us to find what is best for you and your needs. Your path to healing awaits.

Please leave a review on APPLE PODCAST so we can reach more men and women who are looking for tools to choose recovery and choose healing

Join Amie and Alana in today's conversation around how to navigate relationships with your adult children when they don't see your healing work the way you do. Healing from betrayal trauma can be complex, and this shows up often when it comes to navigating your trauma with your kids. Do you ever find yourself trying to explain to your children why you need healing or why you are trying to have healthy boundaries? Do you ever fall into the trap of trying to get them to see your side of things? When children don't see the changes, boundaries and healthy independence as a positive thing it can almost feel like another betrayal. We of course want our children to be happy for us, support us and totally understand why we are making the changes in our lives! Yet, not all children will. 

Some topics we cover today:

Most importantly, you doing your work truly will show them what healthy looks like and it's up to them if and when they choose to be healthy too. Keep choosing healing, recovery and of course, keep choosing YOU!

Check out Amie's TEEN and Young Single Adult programs so your child can learn some of the amazing tools you are learning as well, but applied to their own life and situations. 

Alana holds an amazing interactive in-person TEEN group- check that out HERE

Are you a man who wants to understand better his wife's trauma and wants to learn more empathy? Join Alana's Help Her Heal Group or Choose's Men's 180 Group

Need more support? Check out all our amazing resources and team at chooserecoveryservices.com including workshops, webinars, healing retreats, full disclosures, and more! 

Please leave a review on APPLE PODCAST so we can reach more men and women who are looking for tools to choose recovery and choose healing

Today Amie interviews a few women who were apart of the Young Single Adult Dating and Self Empowerment Course. The messages these women have for you today is inspiring to say the least. They have been through their own traumas and trials and have learned how to apply tools and concepts to help them heal, move forward in their journey and have a whole new outlook on life. Sound too good to be true? Listen for yourself. They are truly inspiring women. 

If you know someone who is between the age of 18-24 share this episode along with the previous episode titled Hope For The Future. The next YSA Dating and Self Empowerment Course will be starting September 11th. You can register for your spot HERE

If you are single and over the age of 24 and would like to learn these same tools and concepts Amie FINALLY has her date for the long anticipated Dating After Divorce Course August 26th-28th. No, you don't actually have to be ready to date in order to take this course! To register for that click HERE

For more groups and courses available to help you along your journey head over to chooserecoveryservices.com

Divorce or not, how we navigate through our pain and our children's pain can be tricky. Today Amie and Alana continue their conversation with Mckenna as she talks abut her experience with divorced parents. She offers thoughts to teenagers and what she wants them to know. She offers thoughts towards moms and dads and what she feels would be Important for them to know. 

Not everyone will choose to think about their parents struggle or divorce is a blessing right now, we acknowledge that many can travel down paths that can seem more destructive and yet, we believe that the power is still within you as a parent. As you do your own work and healing, as you focus on what is in your control and choose to simply love them where they are at, it leaves room for hope. 

Everyone ins on their own individual journey and there is no rush but it's always a choice to lean into healing, recovery and choosing YOU. 

Revive & Thrive Divorce Retreat October 20-13

Register Here https://choosedivorceretreat-9.youcanbook.me/