Choose To Be with Choose Recovery Services; Betrayal Trauma Healing

Join Amie who is with therapist Kimberly Day as Kim announces the launch of her new website SAFE SPACE for those who are experiencing destructive elements in their relationships.  It can be overwhelming to start learning about what's actually been going on in your relationship and when it's been destructive and down right abusive there can also be a lot of shame, which can keep many form getting help and talking about it. 

Kim Day has created a SAFE SPACE for women to come and explore the different dynamics they are experiencing in the relationship. Worksheets, videos, community, podcast, free office  and opportunities to get regular help are all available and so much more!

Even if you don't think you are experiencing this in your relationship this is a great episode to share because someone you know is nad most liely feels alone and doesn't know where to go to receive accurate information safely. 

Check out onesafespace.com today and remember OCTOBER 24th is the official lunch day

Ongoing Courses:

Am I In An Abusive Relationship? - Free, self-paced workshop to help you identify key red flags that might be showing up in your relationship.

Road To Recovery - Join Luke and Alana Gordon, Founders of Choose Recovery Services and Program Directors for the Men of Moroni and The Worth Group for a free monthly couples webinar. Navigating the relational aspects on the road to recovery can be complex and confusing.

Choose 180 Male Support Group - Led by Luke Gordon

In 180 we help men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with other men, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deep self respect.

Did you miss the FREE BODY LOVE class? no worries you can get the recording HERE

Upcoming Events:

Believing In You- Group Coaching Program - GET YOUR SPOT FOR NEXT ROUND IN JANUARY!!

Take your healing to the NEXT LEVEL in Amie's group coaching program where you will gain more awareness that will help you heal in ways you didn't even know you needed. For more information on what this class entails click the link to find out more.

Should I Stay or Should I Go - Held on the FIRST THURSDAY of every month. Come join this FREE group coaching with Amie for those who are feeling stuck in making a decision around their marriage. Come and get coached in a safe space to help you shift through not so helpful thoughts that are keeping you stuck

**Follow Amie and Alana on social media for daily content and messages of healing and recovery.

Last week Amie and Alana talked about empathy and different aspects of it with yourself as well as how to manage being empathic. Today they discuss how men in recovery can gain empathy and what that looks like, and what it doesn't look like. 

Men, this is a great episode to listen to and get curious about for yourself and where you might be in your journey to recovery as gaining healthy empathy is critical to not only recovery but a healthy relationship. 

Ongoing Courses:

Am I In An Abusive Relationship? - Free, self-paced workshop to help you identify key red flags that might be showing up in your relationship.

Road To Recovery - Join Luke and Alana Gordon, Founders of Choose Recovery Services and Program Directors for the Men of Moroni and The Worth Group for a free monthly couples webinar. Navigating the relational aspects on the road to recovery can be complex and confusing.

Choose 180 Male Support Group - Led by Luke Gordon

In 180 we help men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with other men, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deep self respect.

Upcoming Events:

Believing In You- Group Coaching Program - GET YOUR SPOT FOR NEXT ROUND IN JANUARY!!

Take your healing to the NEXT LEVEL in Amie's group coaching program where you will gain more awareness that will help you heal in ways you didn't even know you needed. For more information on what this class entails click the link to find out more.

Should I Stay or Should I Go - Held on the FIRST THURSDAY of every month. Come join this FREE group coaching with Amie for those who are feeling stuck in making a decision around their marriage. Come and get coached in a safe space to help you shift through not so helpful thoughts that are keeping you stuck

**Follow Amie and Alana on social media for daily content and messages of healing and recovery.

This topic came up in a group when someone asked us, “What if I have too much empathy – what if my empathy is coming back to bite me on the butt?”

Empathy is so complex when we're talking to women in betrayal trauma. And even within this specific container, there are so many nuances: having too much empathy, having too little empathy, how betrayal trauma affects your capacity for empathy with your children.

As we hone in on one area for the sake of starting somewhere, we encourage you to discern for yourself how you’re doing in these different areas. Ultimately, we hope to guide you towards embracing empathy in a way that’s healthy for you.

Ongoing Courses:

Am I In An Abusive Relationship? - Free, self-paced workshop to help you identify key red flags that might be showing up in your relationship.

Road To Recovery - Join Luke and Alana Gordon, Founders of Choose Recovery Services and Program Directors for the Men of Moroni and The Worth Group for a free monthly couples webinar. Navigating the relational aspects on the road to recovery can be complex and confusing.

Choose 180 Male Support Group - Led by Luke Gordon

In 180 we help men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with other men, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deep self respect.

Upcoming Events:

Should I Stay or Should I Go - Held on the FIRST THURSDAY of every month. Come join this FREE group coaching with Amie for those who are feeling stuck in making a decision around their marriage. Come and get coached in a safe space to help you shift through not so helpful thoughts that are keeping you stuck

Believing In You- Group Coaching Program - GET YOUR SPOT FOR NEXT ROUND IN JANUARY!!

Take your healing to the NEXT LEVEL in Amie's group coaching program where you will gain more awareness that will help you heal in ways you didn't even know you needed. For more information on what this class entails click the link to find out more.

Follow Amie and Alana on social media for daily content and messages of healing and recovery.

Whether you're in a romantic relationship or not, learning to create psychological safety for yourself after trauma is a huge principle of healing.

When we talk about betrayal and all the loss that comes with betrayal trauma, we include the loss of your central nervous system to PTSD, the loss of trust, the loss of your self esteem, the loss of emotional regulation, and the loss of safety.

Many of us don’t even know that we’re in charge of our own safety, and since we didn’t have it in place before the betrayal happened, our next best option is to put it in place now.

In the recovery world, it’s often asserted that the partner who’s caused the betrayal needs to create safety. And that’s true… to an extent. But the second we rely on an external source to be the answer, we give away our power. The truth is, you don’t have to wait on your partner to take action to feel safe. You already have the power to start creating the safety you need.

Mentioned in the show:  Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts by Stefanie Carnes, PhD

Ongoing Courses:

Am I In An Abusive Relationship? - Free, self-paced workshop to help you identify key red flags that might be showing up in your relationship.

Road To Recovery - Join Luke and Alana Gordon, Founders of Choose Recovery Services and Program Directors for the Men of Moroni and The Worth Group for a free monthly couples webinar. Navigating the relational aspects on the road to recovery can be complex and confusing.

Choose 180 Male Support Group - Led by Luke Gordon

In 180 we help men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with other men, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deep self respect.

Upcoming Events:

Body Love Workshop- Monday October 3rd @ 6:00pm PT

Join this FREE upcoming workshop where Amie walks you through some basic steps to lean to love your body again after betrayal.

Believing In You- Group Coaching Program - GET YOUR SPOT FOR NEXT ROUND IN JANUARY!!

Take your healing to the NEXT LEVEL in Amie's group coaching program where you will gain more awareness that will help you heal in ways you didn't even know you needed. For more information on what this class entails click the link to find out more.

Follow Amie and Alana on social media for daily content and messages of healing and recovery.

If you’re new to the work of Tony Overbay, we’re so glad to be the ones to introduce you.

Tony is, among many things, a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of The Virtual Couch podcast. Today’s episode is a real treat, because it’s an interview with Luke and Alana on The Virtual Couch for a betrayal trauma podcast.

In conversation with Tony, Luke and Alana share vulnerable insights from behind-the-scenes in their marriage – including their history with betrayal trauma and their subsequent healing journey.

It was (and is) a long journey to navigate betrayal trauma and embark on a healing journey. Through PTSD, separation, no-contact periods, recommitting to the relationship, and raising five kids, Luke and Alana’s story is full of moments you can relate to no matter where you might be in your recovery journey.

Ongoing Courses:

Am I In An Abusive Relationship? - Free, self-paced workshop to help you identify key red flags that might be showing up in your relationship.

Road To Recovery - Join Luke and Alana Gordon, Founders of Choose Recovery Services and Program Directors for the Men of Moroni and The Worth Group for a free monthly couples webinar. Navigating the relational aspects on the road to recovery can be complex and confusing.

Choose 180 Male Support Group - Led by Luke Gordon

In 180 we help men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with other men, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deep self respect.

Upcoming Events:

Body Love Workshop- Monday October 3rd @ 6:00pm PT 

Join this FREE upcoming workshop where Amie walks you through some basic steps to lean to love your body again after betrayal. 

Believing In You- Group Coaching Program - GET YOUR SPOT FOR NEXT ROUND IN JANUARY!!

Take your healing to the NEXT LEVEL in Amie's group coaching program where you will gain more awareness that will help you heal in ways you didn't even know you needed. For more information on what this class entails click the link to find out more. 

Follow Amie and Alana on social media for daily content and messages of healing and recovery. 

When you experience trauma from betrayal, abuse and/or divorce, the first step is self care- caring for the self- your own wellbeing. Its more of our natural tendency to go the opposite- to take care of, to control, fix and look for al the things outside of us that we think are creating the inside chaos.

We often justify, rationalize, and minimize our need for wellbeing, for time, 10 minutes of time to just be silent, still, center, grounded, IN and with the self.

When we are in overdrive, we are now not living in the present, we are not in the moment we are not really living.

Today Amie shares what self care is NOT. Debunking myths about self care and offering you new ideas to consider. 

Some episode Highlights:

-Self care is NOT selfish

-Self Care is NOT for those who are weak

-Self care is NOT a one and done

-The term self care can be changed!

-Emotional first aid kit and what that looks like for you

If you are struggling with step one in your healing journey you are not alone. thats why Amie creates a foundational healing group for these basic healing principles that often get overlooked or ignored. Dive deep into your foundational healing as the next group starts in September. contact [email protected] for more information. 

From the episode:

Andy Puddicombe TED Talk

Ongoing Courses:

Am I In An Abusive Relationship? - Free self paces workshop to help you identify key red flags that might be showing up in your relationship. 

Upcoming Events:

Body Love Workshop- Join this FREE upcoming workshop where Amie walks you through some basic steps to lean to love your body again after betrayal. to get on the interest list for that click the link!

Divorce Retreat October

Prepare to Thrive- early marriage course September

If you think this is just for you single ladies, think again! You will all love this episode. but, yes all you single ladies this is also to give you a little preview of what you will be getting at our next DIVORCE RETREAT in October!

Loni Harmon is amazing and so fun and will be one of our guest speakers at the retreat. Did I mention you don't want to miss this?! 

We’ve got an awesome bonus episode for you today, because we’re talking to THE dating expert, Loni Harmon. Loni is a licensed clinical social worker with over 10 years of experience helping singles create secure, lasting relationships. Loni is also a guest speaker for our upcoming divorce retreat in October.

Clearly we were meant to cross paths, because we share passions about very similar things. We love helping women and men who are trying to navigate dating and really date healthy. And when you’re setting your priorities in a healthy relationship, one of the first things you want to consider is what we’re discussing today: healthy attachment.

Attachment theory came about in the 1950s and essentially theorizes that early experiences with our primary caregivers set the tone for how we attach in other major relationships throughout our lives. And depending on how that caregiver showed up, that’s how we learned how to interact with the world.

But it’s important to note: you are not your attachment style, and it’s not set in stone. So you can absolutely go about healing your attachment style and cultivate healthy attachments in dating.

We cover three different attachment styles in this conversation, which include:

***In this episode you will get a basic idea of what attachment styles look like, and how you might identify with the different styles. If you want to learn more about his we recommend the book Attached, where you can also take the assessment to find out your style. 

****If you are divorced, it's time to treat yourself- click here for more information on the retreat coming up in October. 

*****If you are looking for resources for your young single adult , or know one who could use tools and concepts for healthy dating and self empowerment, (who doesn't?!) then share this link with a YSA you know. Next course starts September 11th!

*****Check out Loni Harmon on Instagram

Don't miss out! Follow Amie & Alana on Social Media

In this continuation of our discussion on trauma bonding from last week, we’re bringing a second topic into the mix: over-functioning.

Over-functioning in relationships is a pattern where one person tends to take on all the thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities for both people in the relationship. It’s a way of establishing a sense of control – a common result in cases of trauma bonding where the balance of control is disproportionate.

A lot of times we miss the signs of over-functioning, particularly within relationships in recovery, because we don’t really see that it’s not healthy. It can be tricky to identify if you’re a natural caregiver. We think that’s how we should be functioning, or we may use it as a way to manage (ie: avoid) our own feelings.

So how do you move forward once you recognize patterns of over-functioning in yourself?

We’re going to tackle a hard topic for our 100th episode today: trauma bonding. Many women don’t realize they’re either in trauma bonds themselves or they know someone who is. It’s a lot more prevalent than most of us expect. Let’s get some clarity around the term ‘trauma bonding’ and what it means, so we can better understand our relationships and experiences.

What is a trauma bond?

To quote Jourdan Travers, LCSW, “Trauma bonds are the attachments we have with our abusers. It's when we have fond feelings or miss individuals who have abused us because we've developed a connection to them. One minute things are good, and then the next, they're not.”

It's possible to become trauma bonded to a parent or any other person in your life. But our focus is on trauma bonding in romantic relationships.

There are so many nuances and complications around this topic. But we want this episode to serve as a starting point for you to get curious about your own experiences, and decide if and how you want to create different experiences moving forward.

So many of us, mostly women, have a really hard time with loving their bodies. The world tends to work against us as well- even if well intended, many messages are offering this idea that our bodies are not ok and they need to be different. Many feel they have the wrong body or something is wrong with their body. We are constantly judging our bodies against others’ and now days, against social media.

Today Amie shares 7 tools to help you lean into loving your body again, or perhaps for the first time!

~Getting To The Root

~Tapping Into Intuition- Trusting Your Gut

~Letting It Flow- Emotions

~Personal Empowerment- Ignite the Fire Within

~Expand The Heart- Choosing Love

~Having A Voice- Know Your Truth

~Connection- Access Your Higher Self

Connecting with your body is such beautiful work and I invite each of you to lean into this work, intentionally. To help you further your healing in this area, I will be hosting a live workshop for those who really want to dive deeper into this for themselves. Join the interest list by clicking the link below.

https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/body-love-class/

FREE YSA Webinar Registration- August 30th!!