Freedom from Attachment

It takes so little to trigger the feeling of abandonment; only the fear of him or her leaving, even if it is somewhere you believe to be reasonable. Many of us end up with people who aren’t sincerely on the same page with us and we may even emotionally beat ourselves up while we grip tightly because of it. We want out, but man oh man, we are ready to flip out if this person leaves us for any length of time. The funny part is, if you imagine you’re with him/her, and you feel like you want to go do your own thing, but he or she leaves at some point, you miss them… unreasonably so. It becomes intense. The intensity is related to our feelings of abandonment. No rational thinking takes away the anxious feeling of needing to hear from them, knowing they haven’t really left us. In reality they may just be at work.

I remember someone telling me she only missed her mate when he was at work. It is the thrill of the fear. In other words, the intense anxiety makes us feel more value for the relationship than is really there. It’s an illusion. It comes from the lack of value we have in ourselves, and needing validation from someone who doesn’t want to give it. And even if they do, it doesn’t matter because no one can fill the space inside.

The disconnection we feel when the person leaves, or we fear they will leave, can drive us to go against ourselves and make the most together person have a hard time hiding the “crazy” they feel. The pattern with insecure attachment relationships is the feeling of inconsistency. So much inconsistency keeps us going through abandonment every day! Learn how mindfulness and self-awareness can help you, along with settling your own reactions and feelings around abandonment, so you can live your life on your own emotional terms.

It takes so little to trigger the feeling of abandonment; only the fear of him or her leaving, even if it is somewhere you believe to be reasonable. Many of us end up with people who aren’t sincerely on the same page with us and we may even emotionally beat ourselves up while we grip tightly because of it. We want out, but man oh man, we are ready to flip out if this person leaves us for any length of time. The funny part is, if you imagine you’re with him/her, and you feel like you want to go do your own thing, but he or she leaves at some point, you miss them… unreasonably so. It becomes intense. The intensity is related to our feelings of abandonment. No rational thinking takes away the anxious feeling of needing to hear from them, knowing they haven’t really left us. In reality they may just be at work.

I remember someone telling me she only missed her mate when he was at work. It is the thrill of the fear. In other words, the intense anxiety makes us feel more value for the relationship than is really there. It’s an illusion. It comes from the lack of value we have in ourselves, and needing validation from someone who doesn’t want to give it. And even if they do, it doesn’t matter because no one can fill the space inside.

The disconnection we feel when the person leaves, or we fear they will leave, can drive us to go against ourselves and make the most together person have a hard time hiding the “crazy” they feel. The pattern with insecure attachment relationships is the feeling of inconsistency. So much inconsistency keeps us going through abandonment every day! Learn how mindfulness and self-awareness can help you, along with settling your own reactions and feelings around abandonment, so you can live your life on your own emotional terms.

It takes so little to trigger the feeling of abandonment; only the fear of him or her leaving, even if it is somewhere you believe to be reasonable. Many of us end up with people who aren’t sincerely on the same page with us and we may even emotionally beat ourselves up while we grip tightly because of it. We want out, but man oh man, we are ready to flip out if this person leaves us for any length of time. The funny part is, if you imagine you’re with him/her, and you feel like you want to go do your own thing, but he or she leaves at some point, you miss them… unreasonably so. It becomes intense. The intensity is related to our feelings of abandonment. No rational thinking takes away the anxious feeling of needing to hear from them, knowing they haven’t really left us. In reality they may just be at work.

I remember someone telling me she only missed her mate when he was at work. It is the thrill of the fear. In other words, the intense anxiety makes us feel more value for the relationship than is really there. It’s an illusion. It comes from the lack of value we have in ourselves, and needing validation from someone who doesn’t want to give it. And even if they do, it doesn’t matter because no one can fill the space inside.

The disconnection we feel when the person leaves, or we fear they will leave, can drive us to go against ourselves and make the most together person have a hard time hiding the “crazy” they feel. The pattern with insecure attachment relationships is the feeling of inconsistency. So much inconsistency keeps us going through abandonment every day! Learn how mindfulness and self-awareness can help you, along with settling your own reactions and feelings around abandonment, so you can live your life on your own emotional terms.

We all have baggage we bring into relationships. When we are emotionally triggered, we can either heal our pain or resist it and shove it back down. If you want to heal, these triggers are an opportunity to make a shift; to break patterns and do things differently. I’ve discovered a process I have personally used right in the middle of those highly-charged moments to detach from the old pain and see the situation for what it is. If you feel completely out of control when those old beliefs are triggered, unable to stop the emotional spew that follows, you’ll want to listen in.

It starts with learning your thoughts and feelings from the past have no relevance to the present. Nope, none. Reactions are totally based in the past. We bring them into the present because we’ve been conditioned to do so, but the awesome thing is that they aren’t inextricably tied together. You can CHOOSE to disconnect them from what’s currently going on. The danger of those feelings is they can drive us to recreate past drama even when the present situation doesn’t call for it. We end up in a loop based on our negative beliefs: old feelings—present situation—drama based on old conditioning. We are unconsciously stuck in a loop because we’re looking for evidence to support our belief, and we usually create a familiar outcome; one we’ve created over and over in our relationships. When our partner triggers us, we assign meaning which doesn’t truly exist. So without knowing what we want from him/her, we have unconscious expectations where all we know is the pain we feel. We often can’t tell if we’re reacting to the current situation or to the past. The pain is old and deep.

Have you experienced this in your relationships and want to stop feeling disconnected from what is happening? Maybe you feel “crazy” or tired of picking up the pieces from the damage of an emotional over-reaction when your partner does something to unintentionally set you off. Join me to learn the six key points meant to help you move from your belief to the underlying pain, as well as healing steps to take at any point in the emotional baggage loop. It’s uncomfortable because you have to deal with your beliefs and the old pain locked inside, but it’s how true change happens for those who are willing. Learn how to become emotionally present and have better control of your emotions, instead of being swept up in a time machine of pain long past.

We all have baggage we bring into relationships. When we are emotionally triggered, we can either heal our pain or resist it and shove it back down. If you want to heal, these triggers are an opportunity to make a shift; to break patterns and do things differently. I’ve discovered a process I have personally used right in the middle of those highly-charged moments to detach from the old pain and see the situation for what it is. If you feel completely out of control when those old beliefs are triggered, unable to stop the emotional spew that follows, you’ll want to listen in.

It starts with learning your thoughts and feelings from the past have no relevance to the present. Nope, none. Reactions are totally based in the past. We bring them into the present because we’ve been conditioned to do so, but the awesome thing is that they aren’t inextricably tied together. You can CHOOSE to disconnect them from what’s currently going on. The danger of those feelings is they can drive us to recreate past drama even when the present situation doesn’t call for it. We end up in a loop based on our negative beliefs: old feelings—present situation—drama based on old conditioning. We are unconsciously stuck in a loop because we’re looking for evidence to support our belief, and we usually create a familiar outcome; one we’ve created over and over in our relationships. When our partner triggers us, we assign meaning which doesn’t truly exist. So without knowing what we want from him/her, we have unconscious expectations where all we know is the pain we feel. We often can’t tell if we’re reacting to the current situation or to the past. The pain is old and deep.

Have you experienced this in your relationships and want to stop feeling disconnected from what is happening? Maybe you feel “crazy” or tired of picking up the pieces from the damage of an emotional over-reaction when your partner does something to unintentionally set you off. Join me to learn the six key points meant to help you move from your belief to the underlying pain, as well as healing steps to take at any point in the emotional baggage loop. It’s uncomfortable because you have to deal with your beliefs and the old pain locked inside, but it’s how true change happens for those who are willing. Learn how to become emotionally present and have better control of your emotions, instead of being swept up in a time machine of pain long past.

We all have baggage we bring into relationships. When we are emotionally triggered, we can either heal our pain or resist it and shove it back down. If you want to heal, these triggers are an opportunity to make a shift; to break patterns and do things differently. I’ve discovered a process I have personally used right in the middle of those highly-charged moments to detach from the old pain and see the situation for what it is. If you feel completely out of control when those old beliefs are triggered, unable to stop the emotional spew that follows, you’ll want to listen in.

It starts with learning your thoughts and feelings from the past have no relevance to the present. Nope, none. Reactions are totally based in the past. We bring them into the present because we’ve been conditioned to do so, but the awesome thing is that they aren’t inextricably tied together. You can CHOOSE to disconnect them from what’s currently going on. The danger of those feelings is they can drive us to recreate past drama even when the present situation doesn’t call for it. We end up in a loop based on our negative beliefs: old feelings—present situation—drama based on old conditioning. We are unconsciously stuck in a loop because we’re looking for evidence to support our belief, and we usually create a familiar outcome; one we’ve created over and over in our relationships. When our partner triggers us, we assign meaning which doesn’t truly exist. So without knowing what we want from him/her, we have unconscious expectations where all we know is the pain we feel. We often can’t tell if we’re reacting to the current situation or to the past. The pain is old and deep.

Have you experienced this in your relationships and want to stop feeling disconnected from what is happening? Maybe you feel “crazy” or tired of picking up the pieces from the damage of an emotional over-reaction when your partner does something to unintentionally set you off. Join me to learn the six key points meant to help you move from your belief to the underlying pain, as well as healing steps to take at any point in the emotional baggage loop. It’s uncomfortable because you have to deal with your beliefs and the old pain locked inside, but it’s how true change happens for those who are willing. Learn how to become emotionally present and have better control of your emotions, instead of being swept up in a time machine of pain long past.

When we are insecurely attached, we usually show up as the same person, expecting the same thing from an impossible situation. It’s like that expression: If you want your head to stop hurting, stop banging it against a wall. Somehow we think the headache will go away simply because we want it to (even though we keep pounding away). Why do we do this even though we know it’s illogical? Why are we vested in relationships that never meet our needs?

We repeat our past because it’s what we know. Our childhood reactions are carried through adulthood so we equate present situations with the past; the players may have changed, but the characters remain the same. Hence, we show up as we always have and respond the same. These patterns allow us to avoid intimacy because they’re based on an old perspective, one that has roots from years of conditioning. Changing our perception is difficult and scary. What if we have to deal with disappointment, imperfection, loss and other unknowns? Better to stay stuck in a loop of what we DO know, even if it keeps us miserable. Better to keep banging our head. Except it’s not better.

If you want to get yourself out of the “same thing, different day” routine, you have to stop hiding out. You have to get uncomfortably vulnerable and uncover your deeper truth, then take different actions. It’s time to put an end to the pain and try different. I’ll guide you.

When we are insecurely attached, we usually show up as the same person, expecting the same thing from an impossible situation. It’s like that expression: If you want your head to stop hurting, stop banging it against a wall. Somehow we think the headache will go away simply because we want it to (even though we keep pounding away). Why do we do this even though we know it’s illogical? Why are we vested in relationships that never meet our needs?

We repeat our past because it’s what we know. Our childhood reactions are carried through adulthood so we equate present situations with the past; the players may have changed, but the characters remain the same. Hence, we show up as we always have and respond the same. These patterns allow us to avoid intimacy because they’re based on an old perspective, one that has roots from years of conditioning. Changing our perception is difficult and scary. What if we have to deal with disappointment, imperfection, loss and other unknowns? Better to stay stuck in a loop of what we DO know, even if it keeps us miserable. Better to keep banging our head. Except it’s not better.

If you want to get yourself out of the “same thing, different day” routine, you have to stop hiding out. You have to get uncomfortably vulnerable and uncover your deeper truth, then take different actions. It’s time to put an end to the pain and try different. I’ll guide you.

When we are insecurely attached, we usually show up as the same person, expecting the same thing from an impossible situation. It’s like that expression: If you want your head to stop hurting, stop banging it against a wall. Somehow we think the headache will go away simply because we want it to (even though we keep pounding away). Why do we do this even though we know it’s illogical? Why are we vested in relationships that never meet our needs?

We repeat our past because it’s what we know. Our childhood reactions are carried through adulthood so we equate present situations with the past; the players may have changed, but the characters remain the same. Hence, we show up as we always have and respond the same. These patterns allow us to avoid intimacy because they’re based on an old perspective, one that has roots from years of conditioning. Changing our perception is difficult and scary. What if we have to deal with disappointment, imperfection, loss and other unknowns? Better to stay stuck in a loop of what we DO know, even if it keeps us miserable. Better to keep banging our head. Except it’s not better.

If you want to get yourself out of the “same thing, different day” routine, you have to stop hiding out. You have to get uncomfortably vulnerable and uncover your deeper truth, then take different actions. It’s time to put an end to the pain and try different. I’ll guide you.

Dating rules abound in books and online, telling us how to behave and how not to behave in order to meet The One. “Wear something sexy, but not too sexy,” “Never talk about your ex,” “Wait four days after a date to call or text.” What? Why? Fear and scarcity drive many to seek out just the right formula so they won’t screw it up, allowing their perfect mate to slip away. Unfortunately rules are not the answer to a fulfilling relationship because they are the opposite of authentic.

How can someone get to know you if you don’t reveal the real you? Of course you want to put your best foot forward on a first date, but it needs to be your own foot. When you’re so focused on the other person and their perception of you, you aren’t present to your own feelings. And I bet you aren’t enjoying yourself because you are so focused on performing in the hopes of landing a second date! When done right, dating is an opportunity to get to know the other person AND yourself. What do you respond to? What’s important to you? What can you learn?

Those who are seeking a healthy relationship respond more to authenticity and vulnerability than they do to perfection. When I first started dating my boyfriend, we were both open books. We shared all sorts of details, hiding nothing about who we were and our experiences. To both of us, that was sexy. When you aren’t you, you miss those points of connection. If you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, it’s time to throw out the dating rule book and get real. Be open, be honest, be vulnerable, be you. You’ll not only have more fun, you’ll start attracting more of what you truly want.