Most of us fight like crazy to remain exactly where we are; it’s the way our subconscious tries to protect us. I watch it happen daily with clients, other people and even with myself. We want to stand still while life slowly adapts around us… yet we remain resistant to any change we can’t control. We force ourselves down one road while completely ignoring the other routes. Why? Because we weren’t taught to be open and believe in abundance. We completely missed that part of life’s journey because who knew it was even “part” of the journey?

People who seek out change (i.e. working with me) are in some sort of pain, usually stemming from dissatisfaction with their circumstances. They want relief, but don’t know how to get it. While doing this work, some experience small, mental shifts and believe they’re moving into new territory, but they are still fighting to remain in their comfort zone. True emotional change requires a lot of discomfort, and most people don’t want to go there. Why would you choose the painful route when you can take an easier one? Because the easy path leads you in a circle right back to where you are. We want to believe that if enough pixie dust is sprinkled, the road to joy and fulfillment will be pain free. Oh how I wish that were true. Nope, you have to get really uncomfortable and deal with eruptions of negative emotions to make change happen… otherwise you’re just redecorating your comfort zone.

Avoidants tend to keep emotional intimacy at bay because, well, they avoid it out of fear. Most don’t know what it feels like based on past experiences; all they know is that it’s something scary. In a romantic context this usually plays out in one of two ways: avoiding sex altogether or keeping it casual.

People who are Anxious, however, have a dilemma. They desire emotional closeness, but have trouble maintaining it in a relationship and hope that by using sex as a substitute, they’ll get what they desire. They are not interested in casual encounters, but may compromise their boundaries to please the other person. The Anxious person does this in an effort to “convince” their mate to commit to a relationship. Sex, they believe, is the lever. If the physical attraction is so amazing, the other person won’t want to leave. This strong desire for intimacy drives them toward behavior that feels completely outside their control. The desire is like a drug, leading to a decreased feeling of value and lowered self-esteem.

Whether you are Avoidant, Anxious or a combination of both, the lack of emotional intimacy on both ends keeps the insecurely attached relationship intact. This podcast will help you better understand your sex-intimacy connection, how you can change this dynamic to see why you choose the people you do and how to stop reinforcing your intimacy fears.

Avoidants tend to keep emotional intimacy at bay because, well, they avoid it out of fear. Most don’t know what it feels like based on past experiences; all they know is that it’s something scary. In a romantic context this usually plays out in one of two ways: avoiding sex altogether or keeping it casual.

People who are Anxious, however, have a dilemma. They desire emotional closeness, but have trouble maintaining it in a relationship and hope that by using sex as a substitute, they’ll get what they desire. They are not interested in casual encounters, but may compromise their boundaries to please the other person. The Anxious person does this in an effort to “convince” their mate to commit to a relationship. Sex, they believe, is the lever. If the physical attraction is so amazing, the other person won’t want to leave. This strong desire for intimacy drives them toward behavior that feels completely outside their control. The desire is like a drug, leading to a decreased feeling of value and lowered self-esteem.

Whether you are Avoidant, Anxious or a combination of both, the lack of emotional intimacy on both ends keeps the insecurely attached relationship intact. This podcast will help you better understand your sex-intimacy connection, how you can change this dynamic to see why you choose the people you do and how to stop reinforcing your intimacy fears.

Avoidants tend to keep emotional intimacy at bay because, well, they avoid it out of fear. Most don’t know what it feels like based on past experiences; all they know is that it’s something scary. In a romantic context this usually plays out in one of two ways: avoiding sex altogether or keeping it casual.

People who are Anxious, however, have a dilemma. They desire emotional closeness, but have trouble maintaining it in a relationship and hope that by using sex as a substitute, they’ll get what they desire. They are not interested in casual encounters, but may compromise their boundaries to please the other person. The Anxious person does this in an effort to “convince” their mate to commit to a relationship. Sex, they believe, is the lever. If the physical attraction is so amazing, the other person won’t want to leave. This strong desire for intimacy drives them toward behavior that feels completely outside their control. The desire is like a drug, leading to a decreased feeling of value and lowered self-esteem.

Whether you are Avoidant, Anxious or a combination of both, the lack of emotional intimacy on both ends keeps the insecurely attached relationship intact. This podcast will help you better understand your sex-intimacy connection, how you can change this dynamic to see why you choose the people you do and how to stop reinforcing your intimacy fears.

I used to spend my life looking for perfection; someone who checked all the boxes. As you can imagine, it never led to a fulfilling relationship. Fast forward to present day where I’m in a relationship with a man with whom no checklist was used. When I let go of the idea of a perfect person and got clear on what I truly wanted, the perfect person for ME showed up, meeting me right where I was. Is he perfect? Hell no. And neither am I. But together we work because we’re able to reveal our warts and share our fears with our feet firmly planted in reality.

Perfection matters to Avoidants (and Anxious Avoidants) because you think it’s all you can handle. I know because that was me. Anything less is messy and requires vulnerability. So you have to dig deeper and ask yourself what about imperfection is so scary. What imperfections in yourself do you not accept? Think about that. What is so horrible or flawed that you want to hide it from someone under the veil of perfection? It’s all an illusion, and you realize that when you’re emotionally triggered. That trigger shocks you into reality, threatening your safety bubble where nothing imperfect exists. You’re forced to either confront the emotions that surface, or avoid them and retreat back to your bubble where you can absolve yourself of responsibility, making it about the other person. From that safe and cozy place you may start building a case against your partner, “See, he/she leaves socks lying around. I can’t deal with a messy person!” And suddenly the focus is on their “imperfection” instead of your feelings.

Once you stop looking for evidence that your partner is imperfect and using it as an excuse to distance yourself, you’re able to let go of control and deal with the uncertainty of reality. Perfection is a fantasy, and it serves to keep you away from love. Isn’t it time you get out of your safety bubble, stop building a case against happiness and look for someone imperfect… just like you?

I used to spend my life looking for perfection; someone who checked all the boxes. As you can imagine, it never led to a fulfilling relationship. Fast forward to present day where I’m in a relationship with a man with whom no checklist was used. When I let go of the idea of a perfect person and got clear on what I truly wanted, the perfect person for ME showed up, meeting me right where I was. Is he perfect? Hell no. And neither am I. But together we work because we’re able to reveal our warts and share our fears with our feet firmly planted in reality.

Perfection matters to Avoidants (and Anxious Avoidants) because you think it’s all you can handle. I know because that was me. Anything less is messy and requires vulnerability. So you have to dig deeper and ask yourself what about imperfection is so scary. What imperfections in yourself do you not accept? Think about that. What is so horrible or flawed that you want to hide it from someone under the veil of perfection? It’s all an illusion, and you realize that when you’re emotionally triggered. That trigger shocks you into reality, threatening your safety bubble where nothing imperfect exists. You’re forced to either confront the emotions that surface, or avoid them and retreat back to your bubble where you can absolve yourself of responsibility, making it about the other person. From that safe and cozy place you may start building a case against your partner, “See, he/she leaves socks lying around. I can’t deal with a messy person!” And suddenly the focus is on their “imperfection” instead of your feelings.

Once you stop looking for evidence that your partner is imperfect and using it as an excuse to distance yourself, you’re able to let go of control and deal with the uncertainty of reality. Perfection is a fantasy, and it serves to keep you away from love. Isn’t it time you get out of your safety bubble, stop building a case against happiness and look for someone imperfect… just like you?

I used to spend my life looking for perfection; someone who checked all the boxes. As you can imagine, it never led to a fulfilling relationship. Fast forward to present day where I’m in a relationship with a man with whom no checklist was used. When I let go of the idea of a perfect person and got clear on what I truly wanted, the perfect person for ME showed up, meeting me right where I was. Is he perfect? Hell no. And neither am I. But together we work because we’re able to reveal our warts and share our fears with our feet firmly planted in reality.

Perfection matters to Avoidants (and Anxious Avoidants) because you think it’s all you can handle. I know because that was me. Anything less is messy and requires vulnerability. So you have to dig deeper and ask yourself what about imperfection is so scary. What imperfections in yourself do you not accept? Think about that. What is so horrible or flawed that you want to hide it from someone under the veil of perfection? It’s all an illusion, and you realize that when you’re emotionally triggered. That trigger shocks you into reality, threatening your safety bubble where nothing imperfect exists. You’re forced to either confront the emotions that surface, or avoid them and retreat back to your bubble where you can absolve yourself of responsibility, making it about the other person. From that safe and cozy place you may start building a case against your partner, “See, he/she leaves socks lying around. I can’t deal with a messy person!” And suddenly the focus is on their “imperfection” instead of your feelings.

Once you stop looking for evidence that your partner is imperfect and using it as an excuse to distance yourself, you’re able to let go of control and deal with the uncertainty of reality. Perfection is a fantasy, and it serves to keep you away from love. Isn’t it time you get out of your safety bubble, stop building a case against happiness and look for someone imperfect… just like you?

We say we want commitment, but often our actions tell a different story. For the insecurely attached, we feel safer in relationships that have an escape hatch; a way out. This “protects” us from having to get too close. When I talk to clients who complain about the person they’re dating and his or her reluctance to commit, I always turn the question back on my client to ask where THEY are afraid to commit. Of course most of them don’t think they are; it is the other person who is solely responsible for the relationship not progressing. Sorry, folks, but not so. Even if they pledged their undying love for you, it wouldn’t matter because you’ve already got your bags packed.

Sometimes this shows up when we meet someone who is emotionally available. It’s terribly uncomfortable, so we freak out and look around for the trusty ol’ escape hatch that has served us so well in the past. Perhaps we’re afraid of this emotionally stable relationship being boring. How can we create drama and be the rescuer if he/she doesn’t need to be rescued? What if all we have to do is simply be ourselves? Scary. The escape hatch serves as an excuse to pin the commitment issues on the other person, allowing us to totally avoid our own fears and hide who we are. We put so much effort into these non-relationships, just to turn around and make sure we’re able to climb out of them. It requires a lot of energy, and it is the long, long path to a healthy, happy relationship. Learn more about how the subconscious works when it comes to commitment, and how it ALWAYS comes back to you.

We say we want commitment, but often our actions tell a different story. For the insecurely attached, we feel safer in relationships that have an escape hatch; a way out. This “protects” us from having to get too close. When I talk to clients who complain about the person they’re dating and his or her reluctance to commit, I always turn the question back on my client to ask where THEY are afraid to commit. Of course most of them don’t think they are; it is the other person who is solely responsible for the relationship not progressing. Sorry, folks, but not so. Even if they pledged their undying love for you, it wouldn’t matter because you’ve already got your bags packed.

Sometimes this shows up when we meet someone who is emotionally available. It’s terribly uncomfortable, so we freak out and look around for the trusty ol’ escape hatch that has served us so well in the past. Perhaps we’re afraid of this emotionally stable relationship being boring. How can we create drama and be the rescuer if he/she doesn’t need to be rescued? What if all we have to do is simply be ourselves? Scary. The escape hatch serves as an excuse to pin the commitment issues on the other person, allowing us to totally avoid our own fears and hide who we are. We put so much effort into these non-relationships, just to turn around and make sure we’re able to climb out of them. It requires a lot of energy, and it is the long, long path to a healthy, happy relationship. Learn more about how the subconscious works when it comes to commitment, and how it ALWAYS comes back to you.

We say we want commitment, but often our actions tell a different story. For the insecurely attached, we feel safer in relationships that have an escape hatch; a way out. This “protects” us from having to get too close. When I talk to clients who complain about the person they’re dating and his or her reluctance to commit, I always turn the question back on my client to ask where THEY are afraid to commit. Of course most of them don’t think they are; it is the other person who is solely responsible for the relationship not progressing. Sorry, folks, but not so. Even if they pledged their undying love for you, it wouldn’t matter because you’ve already got your bags packed.

Sometimes this shows up when we meet someone who is emotionally available. It’s terribly uncomfortable, so we freak out and look around for the trusty ol’ escape hatch that has served us so well in the past. Perhaps we’re afraid of this emotionally stable relationship being boring. How can we create drama and be the rescuer if he/she doesn’t need to be rescued? What if all we have to do is simply be ourselves? Scary. The escape hatch serves as an excuse to pin the commitment issues on the other person, allowing us to totally avoid our own fears and hide who we are. We put so much effort into these non-relationships, just to turn around and make sure we’re able to climb out of them. It requires a lot of energy, and it is the long, long path to a healthy, happy relationship. Learn more about how the subconscious works when it comes to commitment, and how it ALWAYS comes back to you.