Stonewalling can wreak havoc on a relationship. I have been on both ends of this, and know how hopeless it can feel. I want you to know there are simple steps you can take, whether you are the one stonewalling, or on the receiving end, that can begin to shift things.

In today’s episode, I will go over:

• What stonewalling is and why it happens. 
• The two types of stonewalling, and
• 3 Tips for solving this dynamic, even if you or your partner have been stuck in it for years. 

Come and join the conversation on this topic in our free FB Group (in depth trainings and live Q&A’s every Thursday) —> Heal Your Relationships

FREE tools:

• Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

• Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Are you a Hailstorm or a Turtle?

Hailstorm = one who brings up complaints; Turtle = the one who shuts down/gets defensive and/or walks on eggshells.

To the turtle, the hailstorm seems like someone who is needy, clingy, demanding, and critical. --> "I can never satisfy her, so why try?"

To the hailstorm, the turtle seems like he/she doesn't care, is defensive, is not a team player, and maybe even selfish. --> "I'm on my own."

When we don't understand what is happening in someone's inner world, we jump to making character judgments of them.

"She is too needy."

"He is selfish."

But that's a misunderstanding at best, and a hurtful belief at worst.

On today's episode, I will be revealing what is *actually* going on underneath for each of these attachment styles.

Including, their core fears, behaviors, needs, and desires...

--> so YOU can stop going in circles, and start connecting in a deep and fulfilling way with the people in your life.

This will change the way you operate in the world.

Next week, I will be doing a DEEP DIVE into this topic with examples, as well as answering your questions, in our free FB group 'Heal Your Relationships.'

If you are not in the FB group yet, come join the conversation here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/rm4wl 

FREE tools:

• Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

• Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Raise your hand if you sometimes want your spouse to stop giving you solutions and instead just listen?! 🤚

Ugh, so frustrating, right? 

Why does this happen? 

Because most of us are not taught about the 3 layers of Emotional Intimacy. We operate only on the INFORMATIONAL level - which is useful, but if that's your only level of relating to others, you end up feeling lonely and insecure. 

On this week's podcast, I share the 3 levels of emotional intimacy, and how to get to the deeper levels without compromising who you are. This will change the way you love, work, and parent. 

Enjoy!

P.S.: Want to join the conversation in our FREE FB group on how different attachment styles approach the 3 layers of intimacy? Click here to join the Heal Your Relationships FB group!

FREE tools:

• Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

• Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Emotional sobriety, a phrase frequently used in AA meetings, holds a special place in my heart. 

It's not just a phrase; it's a state of being – a state where clarity reigns, where nothing muddles your thoughts or numbs your senses.

In this state of clarity, you're fully present, unburdened by the weight of your fears or any substances that might dim your light. It's in this space that your relationships can truly flourish.

Whether wrestling with substance abuse or not, having an insecure emotional attachment style can be similar to an addiction. When triggered, your brain goes into a fog, much like when substances take hold.

In those triggered moments, one force in your subconscious steps into the limelight while the other is pushed into the shadows.

To fully express your unique, authentic self, you need both forces in harmony. 

And that's precisely what this episode is about – finding that balance so you can journey towards emotional sobriety and enjoy the full potential of your relationships.

What I mention in this episode:

• Why I like the phrase emotional sobriety
• The two forces present in our subconscious to become a balanced person
• The shadow side of the inner child and the inner parent

What you'll learn from it:

• Which internal force is more prevalent depending on your attachment style
• How to start dealing with these internal forces when triggered
• A proposal that can help you start changing your reactions

xo, Kavetha

PS- In our program, Heal Your Relationships, we first go deep into your attachment style to discover what your deep wounds are and how to dissolve them. 

You’ll stop walking around like a raw nerve. You’ll stop being triggered. 

If this is something you may be interested in, book your free discovery call here: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/    

Got some questions for the Podcast? Submit them here: https://forms.gle/JD3Yr4HZ3XCELDE58

Get access to my mini course 'Rapid Relationship Repair' just by leaving a review of my show: https://forms.gle/jGu8qmALSgRarPd8A

In This Episode:

00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Heal Your Relationships 

00:52 Why I like the phrase emotional sobriety        

02:32 The two forces present in our subconscious 

06:23 How to discover your attachment style    

07:16 Behaviors of anxiously preoccupied people

10:07 Behaviors of avoidant people

11:41 Behaviors of dismissal avoidant people 

12:39 Reactions that emerge when we are triggered

16:26 The first step to deal with your insecure style of attachment 

19:07 What we do in the program Heal Your Relationships 

FREE tools:

• Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

• Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Resources mentioned:

- Attachment FREE quiz - https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/compatibility-quiz/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/relationshipcoachmd/

Understanding your attachment style is like turning on the light in a dark room. It gives you the kind of clarity that also brings relief because you grasp your behaviors and your partner's behaviors more deeply.

Going through life in the dark about your attachment style is like taking a road trip with no GPS, no roadmap, and no clue about your destination. 

Trust me, I've spent three decades on that chaotic journey, replaying the same old mistakes repeatedly.

Attachment styles can broadly be categorized into two buckets: secure and insecure.

Now, if you fall into the secure attachment group, it's like winning the emotional mastery lottery. 

But here's the twist - even if you find yourself in the insecure attachment camp, there's no need to fret.

What I mention in this episode:

• Analyzing your attachment style to heal your relationships
• Behaviors determined by your attachment style
• How I switch from being fearful avoidant to having a secure attachment

What you'll learn from it:

• How to discover your type of attachment
• The characteristics of secure attachment
• The four components to move toward secure attachment
• Top fears for every insecure attachment style

With love, Kavetha

PS- If you take the quiz and discover that you have an insecure attachment style, the good news is that you don’t have to stay there forever. 

You can change (I have changed myself!), and my program is a good stepping stone. 

Book your free discovery call here: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/  

Got some questions for the Podcast? Submit them here: https://forms.gle/JD3Yr4HZ3XCELDE58

Get access to my mini course 'Rapid Relationship Repair' just by leaving a review of my show: https://forms.gle/jGu8qmALSgRarPd8A 

In This Episode:

00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Heal Your Relationships 

01:11 The importance of analyzing your attachment style       

02:13 Behaviors determined by your attachment style  

03:11 How to discover your type of attachment

04:41 Characteristics of secure attachment   

06:23 Characteristics of insecure attachment     

07:41 The four components to move toward secure attachment

10:50 Top fears of anxious preoccupied attachment

14:52 Top fears of dismissive avoidant attachment

19:29 Top fears of fearful avoidant attachment 

23:37 The backbone of Heal Your Relationships 10-week program

25:14 Rate and review the podcast 

FREE tools:

• Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

• Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Resources mentioned:

- Podcast episode about secure attachment in marriage - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/20-secure-attachment-in-marriage/id1622617195?i=1000571562466 

- Attachment FREE quiz - https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/compatibility-quiz/

I've been down that road before, dragging my ex-partners into couples therapy, hoping it would work like a magic fix. 

But honestly, it often felt like taking two steps forward and then three steps back. It was like slapping a band-aid on a deep wound.

Sure, the couples therapy sessions were helpful while we were in them. We'd talk, share, and sometimes even find moments of clarity.

Then, we'd return home, and like clockwork, we'd slip back into the same old cycles. The same arguments, just now, with an extra layer of resentment about therapy being yet another chore.

It's a paradox, isn't it? The number of couples therapists in the US keeps climbing, yet the divorce rate remains stubbornly high. Something just doesn't add up.

That's why we've crafted something different, something that breaks free from the traditional mold of couples therapy. It's a program that's not only unique but significantly more effective.

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain to reveal why and how this unconventional approach is changing the game when it comes to healing relationships. 

What I mention in this episode:

• Why has the name of the podcast changed?
• My personal experience with couples therapy
• Characteristics of our unique approach to healing relationships

What you'll learn from it:

• The problem with traditional couples therapy
• The reason why communication is not the problem in your relationship
• The actual issues you may experience in your social connections
• The difference between avoidant people and anxiously attached people

xo, Kavetha

PS- We can help you heal your relationships from the inside out, only working with you and not your partner. We do that in 10 weeks, and our success rate is 90 %.  

Thanks to our program, you will change. And by changing, the dance and the dynamic in your relationship will also change.  

Let’s start today: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/    

In This Episode:

00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Heal Your Relationships 

01:08 Why has the name of the podcast changed?      

02:57 How we heal your relationships in 10 weeks 

05:08 The problem with traditional couples therapy

07:20 Issues you may experience in your relationship   

09:33 The potential in relationship problems     

11:21 The specific things we teach you in our program

13:54 Summary of the episode 

FREE tools:

• Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

• Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Resources mentioned:

- Heal Your Relationships - https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/ 

- Rapid Relationship Repair FREE Mini-Course! - https://healyourrelationships.com/rapid-relationship-repair/

Unconditional love is only possible if you give your loved one unconditional freedom to be exactly who they are. 

If you constantly judge yourself, criticize how you act, and only see your limitations, then you're shooting yourself. 

And how you treat yourself often spills over into your interactions with the world. You may judge how others should act, what's right or wrong, and what they should or shouldn't be doing.

Judgment is a futile exercise. It's a quiet form of violence, a way we harm ourselves and others. 

But here's the truth: people will always march to their own beat, with or without our permission.

Embracing this reality and gifting others the boundless freedom to be exactly who they are is the alchemy of unconditional love.

No doubt, it's easier said than done. But here's the beauty of it – we're in this together. 

As we navigate the journey of releasing judgments and embracing the liberating power of unconditional love, the world transforms, one loving step at a time.

What I mention in this episode:

• The importance of unconditional freedom 
• People will react how they want to react (and not how you expect them to react)
• An experience with my spouse that made me realize the power of unconditional freedom  

What you'll learn from it:

• How unconditional love can show up in your life
• What you need to identify to develop unconditional freedom for your loved ones 
• The reason why judgment and unconditional love can’t exist together
• Questions you can ask yourself to reflect on this topic

Remember, it's all about letting go of judgment and giving each other the freedom to be ourselves.

Wishing you all the unconditional love and freedom, Kavetha

PS- If you want to learn how to heal your relationships from the inside out, even if your spouse is not on board, I have something for you. 

HYR is a program specifically designed for women. It includes evidence-based tools, training, and a community to learn how to choose your thoughts. 

In our 10-week program, you will get the complete HYR™ Framework and tools + weekly private calls with our world class coaches to customize the tools to YOUR unique situation + weekly small group calls where all your questions will get the answers you need….and so much more. You will never be alone. We will hold your hand and walk with you to the other side.

Book your free call here: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/    

In This Episode:

00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Heal Your Relationship

01:06 Fall is coming to Connecticut     

02:37 The role of unconditional freedom 

05:36 Humans react how they want to react 

07:21 How can unconditional love show up in your life?  

10:18 Questions for you to reflect upon   

12:30 How to heal your relationships 

FREE tools:

• Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

• Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Resources mentioned:

- Previous episode - https://podcasts.apple.com/il/podcast/3-sneaky-beliefs-that-hurt-relationships/id1622617195?i=1000626295173 

- Heal Your Relationships - https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/

Certain beliefs in relationships are like undercover agents, quietly wreaking havoc beneath the surface. They slip in, often unnoticed, yet their impact can be profound.

Have you ever noticed how convincing yourself about what your partner is thinking can be astonishingly deceptive? It's one of those sneaky things we do. 

The romanticization of relationships we're bombarded with through the media has convinced 

ourselves that mind-reading is not only desirable but possible.

But mind-reading isn't an option. It's more like a setup for disappointment and resentment. The mental gymnastics we perform to decipher the other person's thoughts is where the trouble brews.

It's not just about us, though. The narratives we weave around ourselves and our partners are equally potent. These thoughts can be a powerful catalyst for growth or a silent cause of suffering. 

So today, I'm shining a spotlight on three sneaky beliefs that quietly corrode relationships. And we're not stopping at just identifying them. We're exploring how to defy their corrosive impact.

What I mention in this episode:

• Why do relationships take place in our heads
• Why it’s impossible to read the other person’s mind
• Why do you create a bar of expectations that may hurt you  

What you'll learn from it:

• It’s normal to have mixed and complicated feelings about the people you love  
• How to choose thoughts that create less suffering for you 
• How to respond to a situation depending on the stories you made in your head  
• Exercises to start grasping these concepts

Ready to expose these beliefs? Join me as we unravel their grip and arm ourselves with tools to nurture healthier, happier relationships.

With love, Kavetha

PS- Changing sneaky thought patterns is possible. If you need help figuring out where to start, I can help you. 

HYR is a program specifically designed for women. It includes evidence-based tools, training, and a community to learn how to choose your thoughts. 

In this 10-week program, you will get the HYR™ Framework and Tools and weekly calls with certified coaches privately and in a group environment with other women. 

Book your free call here: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/    

In This Episode:

00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery

01:14 It’s a time of transition    

02:13 Questions I have been getting about sneaky beliefs 

03:18 Sneaky belief #1   

05:59 You have complicated feelings about the people in your life 

10:45 Sneaky belief #2  

12:27 Create the experiences you want in your head   

14:58 Sneaky belief #3 

18:40 Exercises for practicing these concepts  

19:07 Summary of the episode 

FREE tools:

• Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

• Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

For the longest time, I held onto the notion that genuine connections required a substantial amount of time. 

I convinced myself we needed to sit down for hours, sipping on a cup of coffee and simply being present for each other. 

And since I didn't have that time available, I inadvertently placed it on the back burner.

Back then, I crafted many excuses. "Once X, Y, and Z fall into place, I'll prioritize my romantic relationship." 

This mantra echoed endlessly, a clever trick to delay something crucial. The irony is that we often postpone the vital in the name of the urgent.

But connection can't wait for your life to settle down. Because it will never settle down. That's not the nature of life. 

There is good news, though. Today, I'm strategies to help you fortify a sense of friendship in your romantic relationship. 

These strategies are designed to mend and fortify bonds, irrespective of how crammed your schedule may be.

What I mention in this episode:

• Why do we postpone essential things because of urgent things? 
• The three things you need to create friendships
• Parenting thoughts about what could be considered harmful for children

What you'll learn from it:

• The concept of “charging” your relationships  
• Getting to know the other person over and over again
• Showing that you like the other person 
• The role of trust in a relationship and how to exercise it

These strategies defy life's chaos and foster authentic bonds, even amidst the busiest lives. You got this. I believe in you. 

With all my trust, Kavetha

PS- Cultivating relationships can only happen in the midst of chaos. There is no other way because your life or the world won’t slow down, so you can care for your loved ones. 

This is why I created HYR.  

HYR is a program specifically designed for women. It includes evidence-based tools, training, and a community for learning how to create strong bonds. 

In this 8-week program, you will get the HYR™ Framework and Tools and weekly calls with certified coaches privately and in a group environment with other women. 

Let’s connect: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/   

In This Episode:

00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery

01:06 Today’s topic is fun    

03:36 Life will always be chaotic

06:37 How can you “charge” your relationships?   

09:22 What are the things you need to create friendships? 

13:44 The three elements required to develop friendships  

15:02 Getting to know the other person   

20:09 An exercise to get to know your partner again 

29:46 Showing that you like the other person  

34:58 An activity to show your partner that you like them 

38:27 The role of trust in a relationship   

42:50 An exercise to analyze trust

44:53  Answers to the audience

48:46  What is one area where you can let the other person show competence?  

56:23  Summary of the episode

FREE tools:

• Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

• Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun

Growing up, I got a firsthand taste of the two contrasting flavors of boundaries.

On one side, there were those who let boundaries be loosey-goosey, while on the flip side, I encountered folks who constructed walls so formidable it felt like you needed a passcode to get through.

As we journey into emotional adulthood, a pivotal step is realizing when it's time to embrace the art of healthy boundaries. 

Get this right, and those relationships that once hung by a thread can bloom into something spectacular.

But hey, shifting gears towards boundary-setting can feel like jumping into the deep end without knowing how to swim. I get it.

That's why I'm here to unveil that elusive middle step you need to consider on your boundary-establishing mission.

It's not just about slapping labels on your limits and throwing them into conversations like confetti. There's an intermediate phase, a point where you embrace these limits in your core.

What's more, I’ll guide you through the four pesky boundary myths that you absolutely need to debunk. Think of it as untangling the web of misconceptions, paving the way to healthier, more fulfilling connections.

What I mention in this episode:

• The reason why many parents have very strict boundaries
• The middle step when setting up a boundary 
• The “head, shoulders, knees, and toes” rule  

What you'll learn from it:

• The four myths that prevent you from setting up boundaries   
• How to establish boundaries at the right time
• How to discover if YOU are a boundary violator 
• How to be in charge of respecting your own boundaries

I hope this episode helps you identify if you’re indulging in one of these myths and how to apply the antidotes to each of them. 

Until next time, Kavetha

PS- Boundaries are not needs. If you still conflate both, I have a program that specifically teaches you how to identify boundaries and needs. 

HYR is a program specifically designed for women. It includes evidence-based tools, training, and a community for emotional mastery. 

In this 8-week program, you will get the HYR™ Framework and Tools and weekly calls with certified coaches privately and in a group environment with other women. 

Book a discovery meeting: https://healyourrelationships.com/heal-your-relationships/ 

In This Episode:

00:00 Welcome back to another episode of Emotional Mastery

01:06 I have struggled a lot with boundaries   

01:55 My experiences with boundaries growing up

03:19 What happens when you have “goosey-loosey” boundaries?  

03:55 What happens when you have rigid boundaries? 

05:00 How to act when realizing you need help with boundaries  

07:13 The four boundary myths  

08:12 Myth number one 

12:51 Myth number two  

18:46 Myth number three 

20:11 Difference between boundaries and needs 

22:47 More about myth number three

26:23  Myth number four 

29:15  Examples of boundaries with family  

35:31  Summary of the episode 

37:13 An exercise for you

40:15 Antidotes to each myth 

Resources mentioned:

- Join the free live challenge on boundaries - https://bit.ly/BoundariesChallenge

FREE tools:

Get FREE access to my ‘Conflict Cure’ mini-course, plus weekly relationship tools delivered straight to your inbox —> https://bit.ly/RelationalIQ-Newsletter

Need more customized support? Apply for a Relationship Breakthrough Call with Dr. Kavetha Sun —> https://go.oncehub.com/BreakthroughCallwithDrKavethaSun