Help Me Be Me

This is an episode for anyone who is spending a whole lot of time and energy fixated on the habits, thoughts, or faults of a person they have a relationship with. Maybe that is a partner, parent, friend or a sibling. Regardless, this relationship is lopsided: you do all the things and they do not. Let’s say you are a caregiver type: you know how to make others function better than they know how to function, solo. But that also means you end up annoyed and exhausted.

This is an episode tailored around stepping back from the energy and habit of being controlling – because despite how it feels, we really do have a choice. It’s hard to see that if you are in a relationship with someone who is using, depressed, or needy. But truly – when you step back, new opportunities open up. We can let go of all the struggle that we create for ourselves – and get such relief, instantly.

What we often forget is that to be overly fixated on the thoughts, feelings, faults or ways of another person really robs us of our own enjoyment of life. It also robs the other person of the dignity of making their own mistakes.

Caveat: this is not for you to listen to if you are a caregiver to a dependent, like a child.

For more of my work and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

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This is my interview with the amazing author/speaker, Byron Katie. I wanted to do this interview because I feel that her process is powerful but simple and it very much enables individuals to practice disengaging from thoughts that are not helpful and/or cause a lot of pain and perpetuate dysfunctional behavior.

We discuss her process for breaking free of thoughts that keep us trapped in loops of reaction. We also discuss how these thoughts are self-inflicted and the idea that pain is something that is predominantly created by ourselves, in our minds.

TRIGGER WARNING: we discuss topics such as being the victim of a physical violation, so please avoid if this is a topic too sensitive for you.

Byron Katie is the creator of “The Work” and practices “The 4 Questions of Inquiry” as well as “The Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet” which is found at the link below.

To check out Byron Katie’s app plus download her free worksheets, head to:

https://thework.com/

For more of my work, you can head to YayWithMe.com xo!

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Shame is one of the most damaging feelings because of how it defines us to us. This is a request and it’s for anyone who has shameful memories that cause them pain, a person who has changed their life and made amends but cannot seem to let go of the shame. I can relate! Know that it takes time, education, support, context, and also the light that comes from processing something. I think when we can own something and talk about it, it stops owning us and therefore it no longer defines us.

What I express in this episode is my personal path to letting go of shame. A lot of it still lingers around the most upsetting memories. I literally can’t even say what I’ve done on this show because that is how potent it is – I have tried and edited it out because I cannot bear for that to be circulating in the world. So that tells you something. Shame is SUPER INTENSE! I think of myself as having done a lot of work. So take heart and move through it at your own pace, don't be angry with yourself if it takes a bit longer on some things.

Warning: this is not for you if you have self-harmed in the last 3 months, if you are suffering from psychosis, or you are suicidal or homicidal.

For more of my work and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

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For anyone who is dealing with a friend or family member (or anyone, really) who feels you are critical, rude, insensitive or always in the wrong. And when this happens, you are baffled...

Projection is powerful. What we see we believe but most of it is created by our inner world. The reason I’m doing this episode is because projection is also a major factor in how someone charts their course in life. So if that person is self-loathing, unhappy, insecure and angry – they will be making decisions based on this set of feelings – including as it relates to their relationship with others. That person may choose to cut off contact with you, feel offended by you, or think of you as insulting them in the most average of situations. In other worlds, all they can see is how they feel inside. Regardless of how irrational, they see their reasoning as valid, and this is like a welcome escape from their inner world. Because it’s out there! Not me. It’s them.

This episode has tools for setting boundaries with a person like this – and also tools for orienting yourself in the face of this.

For more of my work and to make a donation, head to Yaywithme.com

The two articles I mention in this episode are here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/projection

https://www.britannica.com/science/projection-psychology

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This is for anyone who with a tendency toward a lack perspective – maybe you default to a survival mode of unconscious “doing” and because of that your life is somewhat based in “not enough” / a sense of being less-than. This is a recipe to help you transition out of that. The motivation for this episode is I have always had a fear/lack perspective and a desire for safety, which was underlying many of my decisions in adult life. I think this is also something interwoven into confidence/self-love issues. So take note if that seems true for you. It may show up as being risk-adverse. Or subtly resisting powerful roles in your life. Or perhaps in the way you date: choosing people who have serious issues.

This is all about getting into that state of inner “shine.” Feeling fully alive and present and living your life from this energy, as an intentional practice. Not just “checking the boxes, doing the things and keeping up” but shining from the inside out.

What does shine energy feel like? Bounty. Joy. Love and energy – like “I can run the whole way down the trail.” Like “I am a kid again and there is no such thing as gravity or fatigue.” But not just in a physical sense. In a view of the world, sense.

Here’s the book I am reading (and liking) that I mentioned called The Enlightenment Project:

https://amzn.to/3bsAP81

Here’s Martha Beck’s podcast “The Gathering Pod” that I mentioned:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-gathering-pod/id1544173982

To make a donation or see more of my work, head to YayWithMe.com ! xo

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This is for anyone considering attending couples counseling and you are unsure of what to look for or perhaps you are hesitant about going because you don’t know if it will be effective.

This is also for if you are in fight loops and your conflicts are not being solved and things are being heightened. If you find that you are both throwing out intense ultimatums and yet both staying in the relationship, it’s definitely worth trying – and also shopping for the right person who brings out the deeper emotional truths in both of you. If you haven’t done it before – this is my opinion as a married person: Why you’re doing it as well as what happens while you’re there.

I also think a lot of people believe, “I’m doing everything right and my partner is doing everything wrong.” And they go to couples counseling not knowing what the goal is or expecting the counselor to tell their partner, “You are wrong and you should listen to everything your partner is saying.” And so I wanted to give you my two cents on how to approach couples counseling in the hopes that it will allow you to get something better out of it. So this may help you identify a goal for yourself in therapy – with your partner, so you can curate that result.

I think of a couples counselor as a translator in many ways. They are also containers for the deeper feelings to be revealed so that both can shift behavior toward love and or decisions that are loving. Take what helps and leave the rest! Sending love.

For more of my work you can head to YayWithMe.com xo!

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This is my (fan-girl) interview with Pam Grout – author, amazing human being & teacher of love and positivity. She has written 20 books including E-Squared, E-Cubed, Thank & Grow Rich and her latest, The Course in Miracles Experiment: A Starter Kit for Rewiring Your Mind. One of the topics we discuss is disengaging from expectations! A lot of people struggle with unconsciousness. By that I mean getting lost in thoughts. In busyness. In mental commentating. In future expectations. We don’t realize how powerful expectations are as well as judgment of neutral facts–in creating our reality. When we can be open to seeing the alternate version of that same reality everything changes. Including the future we create for ourselves.

If you want to find Pam definitely read her blog and subscribe to get them via email: 

https://pamgrout.com/

Here's her new book - The Course in Miracles Experiment:

https://amzn.to/3RGGQyp

And if you want to make a donation to the 222 Foundation, you can head here:

https://www.dccfoundation.org/fund/Taz-Grouts-222-Fund

If you want to check out more of my work or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com or Patreon.com/SarahMayB

Xo!

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A meditation on the feeling of non-stop seeking and grasping toward things that exist on the outside – versus asking from the inside, how can my life become more meaningful.

I think a lot of people look outward for a source of success and fulfillment: in what others say, in what we have, in all the proof points of “I am enough.” And that is reinforced by the systems in place: social media, devices, content, entertainment…

This is an episode that invites you to consider: Maybe there’s nothing to fix, but the problem lies in our grasping and avoiding of discomfort. This episode also invites you to scan back on your life and look at what truer values are for your happiness – the things you don’t necessarily see reflected back to you on a phone. What are the moments that only you appreciate and how can you bring out more of them in your life? It starts with becoming aware of this habit loop in the first place.

The book I mention in this episode is here:

https://amzn.to/3IluA22

For more of my work and to make a donation, you can head to Yaywithme.com xo!

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For anyone who perhaps is negotiating standing up for yourself and also accommodating your relationship to make it peaceful and loving, and unsure of how to balance those two things. You might find that your fight loops are repeating and you are unhappy because of that. You both are likely seeking love and closeness but also wanting change. This is targeted at those in relationships that are well established. For example, when the novelty has worn off and any imbalances have had time to set in. You might be asking - do I want to be with this person or is this relationship hopeless? What do I want? What’s happening in my relationship? Is this at all fixable? We both used to be happy but now I am flipping between love and hate, pretty often. OR you might be asking– why can’t my partner see me? Why can’t they meet my needs when they are so small? What the hell happened… things were great and as soon as I brought up my needs, this turned into something so much worse. Am I crazy?

This is a topic that obviously has a lot of variables – but this will at least give you something to reflect on if this sounds like your situation. And every solution will be different and based on you and your partner – so don’t force anything that doesn’t feel right for you.

There are 3 parts to this episode– the what, why, and how–the tools, and we will hear from our sponsors right before the tools section. For more of my work and to make a donation, you can head to YayWithMe.com ! xo

The book on love languages is this one:

https://amzn.to/3bdC7mW

And here is a love language quiz to take:

https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

If you don’t feel safe in your relationship, this is for you:

National Domestic Violence Hotline

https://www.thehotline.org/

800-799-7233

Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service 

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What does it take to own yourself? To be fully confident in your voice and unapologetically yourself in all situations. I think it takes being deeply rooted in our skin. I feel like a lot of us are robbed of parts of ourselves throughout our life – whether that’s during adolescence when you’re trying to fit in, or as an adult in a relationship where you are not confident in your beliefs and the other person talks you out of your feelings. As we grow up and grow stronger – we may reclaim parts of ourselves. Our values shift, and we may gather the pieces of past broken selves and put them back together – as a true part of us. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE this process. So this is an episode in service of that – being unapologetically yourself, fully embodied, and validated just by your own opinions.

As I mentioned if you are a person who is in a relationship where you don’t feel safe and you know you want to exit it, this is a resource to start with:

https://www.thehotline.org/

Internet usage can be monitored and is impossible to erase completely. If you’re concerned your internet usage might be monitored, call the domestic violence hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233).

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